[00:00:00] Jill: it can be scary to feel your feelings. It can be hard to feel your feelings. Maybe people have gone through talk therapy and other kinds of therapy and not experienced the kind of relief that they're looking for. And so I think people get discouraged. But what I want to let people know is that this kind of work is different. This kind of work takes us into our bodies and into the trauma and the emotion that's stored in the body. And it helps release that from the nervous system so that people can finally experience what I would call safety in their own body.
[00:00:35] Aneta: We often hear people wishing us a long, happy, and healthy life, but what if the length isn't what matters most? What if instead, it's the breadth depth, and purpose of each day that matters most? Welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast. My name is Aneta Ardelian Kuzma and join me weekly as I interview guests who made changes in their own lives to live more fully with intention. Gratitude and joy. Be prepared to be inspired by their stories of how they shifted their mindset, took courageous action, and designed the life that they always wanted to live.
Welcome back to the Live The Width Of Your Life podcast. My guest this week is Jill Brandl, a holistic psychiatric nurse practitioner and high-performance coach. She supports mental health professional entrepreneurs along the journey of profound personal transformation. It's her mission to guide other mental health professionals with their transformative awakening journey where surviving turns into thriving.
We spent a lot of time on the podcast this week, really talking about Jill's personal experience. She was a nurse during the pandemic and found herself in the depths of burnout to the point where she had to take leave and ask herself what she needed to do to heal, which included stepping back from her career and now starting a new career.
We had such a great conversation understanding the challenges within the healthcare system, the impact on mental health professionals, and also just her journey to recovery and what she was able to do for herself. I think you'll learn a lot from her own experience and I hope you enjoyed the episode.
I'm so excited to welcome my friend Jill to the show. Jill, thank you for being here with me.
[00:02:20] Jill: Thank you so much for having me on that. I'm equally excited to be here.
[00:02:24] Aneta: I can't even imagine or remember not knowing you. I know we've only met half a year ago, maybe a little bit longer because we were in the same mastermind, but so grateful for our friendship because I have learned so much from you and I've experienced so much healing that we're going to get to it in a little bit.
From working with you, but for those that aren't as closely related to you, tell me a little bit maybe about your background, especially, since I know that you have a background as a psychiatric nurse practitioner, and you left that several years back. So tell me a little bit about maybe why you chose to do that and what the impact was.
Thanks.
[00:03:04] Jill: Yeah, so my story around that is I am a psychiatric nurse practitioner, which most people in that role, their primary job is medication management for mental health. And so I had done that for seven years. And then in 2021, I experienced the culmination of a severe episode of burnout. And I think it is something that had been building for many years, and I had been continuing to kind of ignore it to shove it down to push it away.
I didn't want to know it. I didn't want to know that the thing that I went to school for was the work that I thought was going to be my life's work. I didn't want to know that it wasn't in alignment with who I am and what I came to do in this lifetime. And so after just ignoring it and ignoring my body's signals of exhaustion, unhappiness, misery, and suffering for years and years.
In 2021, I finally experienced the biggest and most profound burnout of my life. And I quit my job with no backup plan and I just jumped. I leaped jumping and trusting in me to create my own business, my practice.
And two years later this week, because it was December 21st, 2021, that I left here I am. And I'm finding myself in a career where I feel so much joy and purpose and I never thought it would be possible for me.
[00:04:38] Aneta: Well, congratulations on your second anniversary. And I want to go back because you shared so much right now. So I think we should talk a little bit about burnout because it is such a slippery slope and I experienced it as well when I was in my corporate career. And so do you remember the early indications that you may have ignored? And also what did it feel like when it hit you so hard that you're like, I have no choice but to leave?
[00:05:08] Jill: Absolutely. This a great question, because as you said, this is so prevalent, and looking back, I think the early signs of burnout were just that I was in survival mode for so much of my career. It was kind of like I was living for the weekend.
I was living for the evening or getting some time off and just over time, I found that I would go to work. I would do my job and I would have energy for my job. But then when I got home at the end of the day, I just would kind of crash. I would just sit in front of the TV eating unhealthy foods.
I can see that I was numbing. I was comforting myself with things like TV and frozen pizzas and nachos and all of these things of just thinking, and it was kind of this constant feeling of, okay, I think this is going to pass maybe next week, it'll be better, maybe next month, it'll be better.
Maybe I'm just going through a hard time right now. There was not anything specifically that I could pinpoint that was bothering me, but I just had this sense of unhappiness, this sense of dissatisfaction with my life. I was just, again, in survival mode. And so that's how it started.
[00:06:28] Aneta: I remember feeling the same way. And for me, it was too much wine in the evening. And then eating, as you said, salty stuff, like my adrenals, I think we're craving salt because they were exhausted and I just remember Friday nights by seven o'clock, I was so exhausted. I would pass out.
We can never have plans on Friday night because I had nothing left to give. And it is so hard because you are in survival mode like you said. So how is this impacting? Because you said this happened during COVID as well. You left in 2021, but what was the impact of COVID especially also on how you were feeling during that time?
[00:07:08] Jill: Yeah. I mean, I think I had the experience, that feeling of fear, that collective fear of what's going to happen. Could my family members be harmed? Could I be harmed? Not only that, I was working in kind of what would be almost like a community mental health center kind of setting where we were seeing just members of the community who were struggling with their mental health.
And so, because of the impact of the covid pandemic collectively so many people's mental health became much worse, and so we in our clinic, we're trying to meet the needs of the community. And so our schedules were getting packed. We were squeezing people in over our lunch break. We were just trying to help people meet the needs of the community and their mental health.
So not only were we seeing more patients but the acuity level was so much greater. And so it's like, everybody was just feeling worse. Everybody's mental health was worse. And so it was a double whammy of more people. And almost everyone we saw was doing far worse than, you know, say they had been before. So it was just so stressful.
[00:08:21] Aneta: I can't imagine. And so after you left, was it the single moment that sort of made you want to leave? Or was it just the accumulation?
[00:08:31] Jill: Yeah. So I'll tell you there was a moment. What I had done first was I went on, I think it was maybe seven or eight weeks of leave.
I took short-term disability for anxiety. I mean, for burnout or anxiety, if you will. And I think a lot of healthcare workers at that time were going on leave for, their mental health and for their burnout. And so I thought, okay, I'll take a little bit of time off here and just regroup and rest and then come back.
And when I came back, I had decided I was going to go from 40 hours a week to 30 hours a week. Well then after two days of that, I told my boss, no, I've got to go down to 20 hours a week. And then a couple of days after that, this is the moment when you say, was there a moment? This was the moment I had driven home on my lunch break.
And then I drove back to the hospital and I was sitting in my car in the parking lot, getting ready to go back inside and start seeing patients for the rest of the afternoon. It was like 1 PM and I just broke down. I was crying. I was like I can't do this anymore. I just can't do this anymore.
And so I managed to kind of pull it together and go inside and see the rest of the afternoon of the patients who were scheduled. But that day I put in my resignation, whatever it was, I told my boss that I was leaving and that was it.
[00:09:53] Aneta: It's so sad that so many people like you have to reach a point where survival means leaving. There is no more surviving where they're at. Do you feel our hospital systems and the medical system, in general, are equipped to deal with the burnout and also just the level of stress and anxiety that medical professionals are dealing with even still today?
[00:10:15] Jill: Not. I think what's going on is that there is a crisis in our health care system in the way that we are not able to work sustainably and the people who are working in the system, the health care workers, the stress is just insurmountable. The risk of mental health issues, including suicide.
Is far higher among healthcare workers, including nurses and physicians than it is among the general public. And there is an escalating epidemic of violence against healthcare workers from patients to visitors. And so there are so many elements of toxicity and lack of safety in that system that I believe so many healthcare workers are probably in fight or flight mode or survival mode most of the time when they're at work.
[00:11:16] Aneta: And then think about the implications to the patients that they're seeing.
[00:11:20] Jill: Absolutely. Right. Absolutely.
[00:11:22] Aneta: It's just this trickle-down effect. So what was your recovery like? So you took the time off, what did you do and how long did it take? Because to have reached that point, you probably were at a very low point. So what did that look like for you?
[00:11:37] Jill: Yeah, that's a fantastic question. It did not look like I thought it would or hoped it would. The first thing that happened was I kind of got through Christmas. Had Christmas with my family and whatnot, and then I got so sick. I was sick for two months and I had tested negative for COVID, but in retrospect, it's like, maybe that was what it was.
I don't know. It was like respiratory. And I know the lungs are grief. I think I was grieving the loss of this career that I thought I had or was going to have. I was just so incredibly sick for months and months. And then, I thought, okay, I had always thought one day I'm going to start this private practice like I have now and do all of this holistic healing and stuff.
I thought, well, let me just take a minute to recover here, and then I'll get to that. Well. Aneta, burnout takes an average of three years to recover from.
[00:12:37] Aneta: I didn't know that.
[00:12:38] Jill: I'm two years in now. And when we are burned out, we do not have access to our creativity. It takes a lot of creativity to launch a business, to start a business, to go inward and know what we want to do and how we want to serve the world.
And I just didn't have access to that. So it was a very long recovery for me. I will tell you what I did the first year that I left, so I left in December, I spent March through the whole growing season working in my yard, working in my flower garden. And that was how I healed.
[00:13:16] Aneta: Grounding, healing, connecting to the earth. So important. How do you feel now?
[00:13:22] Jill: I feel really good now I have learned so much through this experience and I now very carefully honor my time, my obligations, my body's health. I'm very careful now with what I choose to say yes to and what I choose to take on. It's different.
[00:13:42] Aneta: It is different, isn't it? When we have that perspective, for me, I just kept going, there's no way I'm ever going back. So this is going to have to work. I like the motivation, it's so strong. So, you're in this place now, and tell us a little bit more about your private practice and the business that you're running. Because I know you have a mission to bring more peace joy and purpose into people's lives and to provide some healing through different modalities.
Maybe share just a little bit about how you see clients who you typically work with. And I know that I've had the pleasure of benefiting from a couple of sessions with you and they've been amazing.
[00:14:19] Jill: Absolutely. So. really when I was in my burnout and my healing, I started searching for modalities that would help me heal. It's like that wounded healer thing. And so I started learning things like hypnotherapy. I got trained in something called accelerated resolution therapy, which is amazing.
Yoga, breath work, all of these things that I was leaning on and leaning into to help heal me are the same things that I now offer to clients. And so the people that I work with, I would say are people who are really on a journey of wanting to live an authentic life. a joyful life. They know they're meant for more than just survival mode. Like I had been like you had been. And they want to live to their greatest capacity.
[00:15:15] Aneta: It's so true. And I experienced with you hypnotherapy for the first time and then the air which I've never experienced before. And both times we went back in time. We had a lot of early childhood memories and because you created such a safe space I felt safe and I trusted you so much and just your gentle approach I had such release from both of those sessions and I never experienced anything like that before.
I'd never seen someone for it. So I just want to say personally, that I'm just so grateful that you shared your gifts with me because it made such a big impact. But what would you tell someone that maybe who's never experienced these modalities before? Where would you tell them to start? Is there a place to begin or does it just depend on the person what they're looking to accomplish?
[00:16:06] Jill: Yeah, I think. the biggest thing to start is that people just have to be in a place where they decide that they're ready to take a step and show up for themselves. And it's not that, if I was talking to somebody who was considering doing this work, I would tell them, hey, it can be scary to feel your feelings.
It can be hard to feel your feelings. Maybe people have gone through talk therapy and other kinds of therapy and not experienced the kind of relief that they're looking for. And so I think people get discouraged. But what I want to let people know is that this kind of work is different.
This kind of work takes us into our bodies and into the trauma and the emotion that's stored in the body. And it helps release that from the nervous system so that people can feel they can finally experience what I would call safety in their own body. I think so many people myself included for years and years, I don't think I had a sense of safety in my own body. I certainly didn't love myself.
[00:17:13] Aneta: No, it's so true. And also there's no safety, so then we feel disembodied, right? We spend so much time in our thinking mind, which is very deceptive often. And so how did you find breathwork? Like how did that come to you?
[00:17:30] Jill: How did I find breathwork? Well, it was through, I think initially through my yoga teacher training. The pranayama and the moving the breath and then when I found this life mastermind that I'm in right now, I'm in this amazing container to help me learn and grow my business. And that was something that expanded my knowledge of breathwork even more.
So I touched on it in my yoga teacher training. I touched on it in my hypnotherapy training. And then I touched on it again in this life mastermind. And so it's coming from all these different directions. But I will tell you, it's not until this year that I've embodied the practice myself and it's made all the difference.
[00:18:18] Aneta: It does. I mean, I love the path and the journey. We all find our ways to do these things through something different. Of course, my entry point probably into the spiritual space was also through yoga. But it's so amazing because I feel like maybe just because we're in our circles, more people are talking about breathwork, but here where I am, there aren't that many breathwork facilitators. So do you find that you're one of the few in your area or are there a lot more people who are practicing right now?
[00:18:49] Jill: I think I'm one of the few in my area. If there are other people in my area doing it. I don't know them if anybody hears of this and lives near me and you're doing it, hey, give me a shout-out.
But yeah, I have found that it's been a little bit slow to kind of get it up and going. And I would just really love to, I'm teaching classes locally and at one of the yoga studios here and I would just love to bring more people in to experience this modality because once they do, then they know.
[00:19:22] Aneta: Yeah, and let everyone know where you are.
[00:19:25] Jill: I'm in Lincoln, Nebraska,
[00:19:27] Aneta: And so you're doing these in person. Do you combine modalities? If someone were working with you, are you putting together packages that include all the different modalities or what does that typically look like if someone wanted to work with you?
[00:19:41] Jill: Yeah. So if people want to work with me one-on-one, I can combine modalities. I'm loving the accelerated resolution therapy right now, which is something that I can do only in the states where I'm licensed, which are Nebraska, and Iowa. Kansas and Colorado. So for anybody who lives in those states, we can do it virtually on telehealth or in person here in Lincoln.
Or for people who don't live in those states and if they want to work with me, we can do things like breath work, and hypnotherapy. I'm also a coach so I can do the life coaching with them. And I meet people where they're at and go from there. I explain the benefits and the pros and cons of the different modalities. And we put together a plan that's customized just for their journey.
[00:20:31] Aneta: Right. I love it so much. And I think that's why people like you and me, we're seekers. And so constantly looking for new things that are interesting to us that work for us and then bringing it to our clients as well.
So do you typically work one-on-one with clients then, or do you do any memberships or any group programs right now?
[00:20:51] Jill: So right now I'm just working one-to-one with people. And then also I have the local group classes like the breath work and the yoga studio and that sort of thing. But I don't have any online group containers yet.
That is something that's on the list for 2024 to begin to open and explore that because I think one of the benefits of the group container is, we can heal when we allow ourselves to be seen in a safe and sacred space with like-minded individuals and it allows more people to receive the healing and the benefits of the modalities that I offer if we're doing it in a group setting.
[00:21:35] Aneta: So I love your website. I was just looking out there today. And the photos that you have are this like goddess. I mean, it is just stunning. So how did you decide that you were going to wear that in the photos? How did that photo shoot come to be and what did it feel like to empower, and be so embodied in those images?
[00:22:00] Jill: Yeah. So I decided this year I had a most amazing Vedic astrology reading. And I discovered that in Vedic astrology, I'm a Leo and I have a lot of strong leadership qualities. And so I've been working on really embodying that. And not in an ego way, but in a way that when I love myself and I fully embrace the gifts that I have to bring, and I know the value that I have to offer to people there's just such an expansion.
And in the power that I like to bring and what I understand is that by me standing in my power and loving myself so fully that helps other people do the same. It's like we can see that in each other. We can reflect that to each other, our divinity, our power, our beauty, those wonderful gifts that we have to share with the world.
And I want to be somebody who elevates other people, who lifts other people by helping them see their power. And just wearing that crown felt like an embodiment of that. And it just felt so beautifully feminine and earthy. I was barefoot when I was having the photos taken, I was outdoors and it was just such a wonderful experience.
[00:23:27] Aneta: Could you have imagined three years ago that you'd be barefoot in the grass and this beautiful crown jewelry, on your hands and fingers taking these photos for a business that you started from scratch?
[00:23:41] Jill: No freaking way. Because three years ago, I would have been sitting in an office at a desk wearing a white lab coat. And, eating lunch in the doctor's lounge and fully immersed in the medical model.
[00:23:57] Aneta: Yeah. I just wanted to point that out because there are probably other people who are listening. And who also may be finding themselves crying in their car, barely surviving, or at least being, if not burned out, maybe highly stressed or just questioning whether or not they can leap.
So what would you say you learned about yourself in your decision, as you called it to leap and to finally say, you know what, I can't do this anymore. I'm going to figure this out and have that belief in yourself. What did you learn throughout this process?
[00:24:30] Jill: What I learned, was that when I go after what brings me joy, that is going to be so much more powerful and so much more potent to put out into the world than me just doing something that doesn't bring me joy.
That just is me sort of getting by and so I find that the more I follow what excites me and lights me up and brings me joy and pleasure in my life. That's the path for me to figure out what I want to offer to other people in the world. So for those who are in that same boat, that's the challenge.
That's the call to action starting to go within yourself and figure out what gives your body a sense of joy and excitement and pleasure. Is it dancing? Is it music? Is it nature? Is it traveling? Whatever it is see if you can find a way to bring those things to your own life and then into the lives of those people that you work with.
[00:25:34] Aneta: Absolutely. So what are some of the things that were challenges that you can look back on and you could say, you know what, I'm proud that I overcame those, or they've built some resilience in you.
[00:25:48] Jill: Yes. I mean, I think one thing I learned was that when I started my business and if I could give any advice to anybody else who's on this path, initially I was like, okay, what does the world want from me?
What is the need that is out there that I can fill that other people want from me? So when I started my business, I was continuing to do medication management along with some of these therapies that I do, but I was offering and providing things that yes, I could perhaps make an income doing this because it was something the world needed, but it wasn't something I wanted to provide. It wasn't something that lit me up.
And so one of the biggest lessons I learned was to only do things that fully light me up in my business, not do things just because I can, or just because I think other people want them from me. That was a huge lesson.
[00:26:51] Aneta: It's such a hard lesson because when you leave an environment that you were a part of, and then you move into these uncharted waters, it's unfamiliar. And so we do cling on to things that might be familiar. And I found myself doing the same thing, but it's so beautiful when you can find a space where you're like, I don't care to do this any longer. I could, and I could make money from it, but it doesn't feel like that's why I left. I have a greater and deeper purpose and a mission. And so what was your process and identifying then what your mission was?
[00:27:29] Jill: Yeah, so I started to pay closer attention to what was bringing me joy and the types of people that I wanted to work with. So one of the exercises that we did was to think about the different aspects of the work that I was doing.
So say I was doing med management. I was working with a certain type of individual with a certain need. And when it comes to med management, it was like, all right, let's rate this from zero to ten with ten being, I love it. It brings me so much joy and pleasure. I'm so lit up and fired up for it. And zero meaning I hate doing this.
And I was like, med management is probably like a one for me. It's like I can do it, but I don't enjoy doing it. It doesn't bring me any fulfillment or pleasure. And so it was a process of looking at every offer that I was putting out into the world and in my business and noticing the somatic feeling in my body of how I felt when I thought about doing that task and it was life-changing.
[00:28:40] Aneta: It is. And of course, you have to have that connection to your body. And to be able to feel it and to recognize it and to understand it. So what's next for you? Do you have any higher aspirations or dreams in terms of your business or just your life in general that you're willing to share?
[00:28:58] Jill: Absolutely. So, one of the things that's next on my list is I'm planning to become trained so that I can begin teaching accelerated resolution therapy to other therapists and mental health professionals. Because right now I'm doing therapy with my clients and I'll continue to do that. But in February I'll be getting trained to do that.
And so then I can start offering the training, which will be wonderful. I can do them locally. I can do them all over the US. I'm looking forward to being able to do a little bit more traveling with that. And then in terms of travel, the other thing I'm excited to start doing is offering adventure retreats and healing retreats for women.
Not only locally, but all over the world in the most beautiful location so that people can step outside of their comfort zone and outside of their day-to-day lives and experience the power of these healing modalities, the power of nature, and the power of community. And I'm just really so excited to see where that goes for 2024.
[00:30:05] Aneta: And I can attest that your face lights up way differently when you talk about those things than when you're talking about pain management and medicine management.
[00:30:14] Jill: Yes, it's a 10. It's a 10, baby.
[00:30:19] Aneta: I have the coolest friends. I need to be on some of these retreats. Jill, you were just So amazing. I am just so proud of you and of all the work that you are doing.
And I'm just so grateful that you are in my community and someone who has helped me with my healing. So where can people find you? Like where should we tell them to find you if they're interested in learning more, connecting with you, scheduling a call, or maybe scheduling a session with you?
[00:30:46] Jill: Yeah. So my website is jillbrandl. com. That's J I L L B R A N D L. com. From there, there are links to sign up for a free 30-minute discovery call. I love connecting with people. If you're listening to this, don't be scared. I promise it'll be a wonderful conversation. And we can talk on the phone or Zoom or they can find me on social media.
I have an Instagram page. That's Jill Brandl, APRN. And I have a Facebook page, Jill Brandl, Holistic Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner. And I want to invite people to just follow along on my socials because I do offer some live free breathwork and hypnotherapy, and I'll be doing some other offerings maybe past life regression and things like that.
I'm expanding into more of my spiritual work too, as I'm following my joy. So I'd love to connect with anybody who's listening, who feels that call.
[00:31:46] Aneta: I love it. And I also really enjoy your YouTube channel, your videos, your meditations, and the things that you're offering out there as well. And so one of the questions Jill, I ask everyone on the podcast, and I think they've covered a lot of it, but in your own words, how would you describe living the width of your life?
[00:32:04] Jill: I would describe it as following your joy, following your passion, and whenever the fears pop up, because they do for all of us, not being afraid to seek support in healing those and overcoming those and just really going for it. Believing in yourself, loving yourself. Figuring out what lights you up and makes you feel so good. That's what it means to me.
[00:32:35] Aneta: And I can see that that is exactly how you live your life, Jill. Thank you so much for our conversation today and everyone check her out. I'm telling you it was such an amazing experience working with her. So thank you, Jill.
[00:32:49] Jill: Thank you, aneta. What a joy.
[00:32:51] Aneta: Thank you for listening to today's episode. If today's conversation inspired you to dream again, break out of your comfort zones, or reflect on what it means to you to live more fully, then please follow this podcast because every week you'll hear more stories from people just like you who took imperfect action towards their goals, created more joy and are living the life that they always dreamt of living.