[00:00:00] David: So I feel like I'm on a mission to help 1 million fathers introduce their children to themselves. So they can look at their son and say, Hey buddy, let me introduce you to yourself. You're made of awesome. And whatever you're into, I'm into, I'm going to get behind you like a hurricane. And we're going to make sure that if you stumble and you will, I'm going to be there to help you. Whatever dream you've got, I'm going to help you get there.
[00:00:26] Aneta: We often hear people wishing us a long, happy, and healthy life, but what if the length isn't what matters most? What if instead, it's the breath depth and purpose of each day that matters most? Welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast. My name is Aneta Ardelian Kuzma and join me weekly as I interview guests who made changes in their own lives to live more fully with intention, gratitude, and joy. Be prepared to be inspired by their stories of how they shifted their mindset, took courageous action, and designed the life that they always wanted to live.
Welcome back to the Live The Width of Your Life podcast. My guest this week is David Ask, and he's an entrepreneur and he has a product in over 3, 700 retail stores, including Home Depot and Lowe's. And it's called The Stat Guard Plus. He also facilitates mastermind groups for the elite ISI Mastermind.
He also works closely with Dr. Andy Garrett as a head coach for his True North Resiliency Program. They focus on helping people bounce back quickly but do so with a unique lens that philosophy is understanding who you are as a precursor to understanding why you do what you do. And this shift is life-changing.
So David often says, never ask or start with why, but start with who. He's also writing a book called The Guardians Of Grit, which helps fathers raise uncrushable young people, but through the science-based approach of understanding the difference between grit and resilience and how this changes the core of you.
We had such a great conversation, really talking about why values are so important and what our lives be if we did some of this work when we were younger. He talks about his book, the Guardians Of Grit why he wrote it, and also what he's hoping that it does for fathers and their children.
We talk a lot about resilience and grit, how to do that with our kids, and also just about the personal strategies that we can each employ to maintain more resilience in our lives. Loved our conversation and I hope you do this too. Take a listen.
[00:02:26] Aneta: Welcome David Ask. David, thank you for joining me.
[00:02:30] David: It's a pleasure to be here. Thanks for having me.
[00:02:32] Aneta: Yeah. So excited for our conversation. And I just shared in your bio all the interesting things that you've done in your life, just being a successful, entrepreneur. But I know that you have some really specific things that you're passionate about in your life.
So do you mind just kind of sharing a little bit about your background, what's relevant, but also just like what lights you up right now? What are you super passionate about?
[00:02:54] David: I love that question. Yeah. So, who was she talking to today? So, a short backstory. So I grew up in Minnesota. I live in Nashville, Tennessee for the last 30 years. And I run my own company as I've been self-employed for the last seven years now. Along with my brother-in-law at the time developed an invention.
It's a thermostat guard. We all know the thermostat wars. Like everybody's messing around with it, whether that's in a restaurant or an office or your home for that matter.
[00:03:18] Aneta: Yeah.
[00:03:19] David: We invented a thermostat guard called the stat guard plus that has a combination lock as opposed to a key. So you don't have to worry about losing that tiny key. So we sell in. Home Depot and Lowe's and True Value and, we're growing that business and so on. My wife and I just celebrated our 25th anniversary and we did a cruise to Alaska which was neat. Thank you. Yeah. And my son just finished his first year in college at Tennessee Tech and my daughter is going into her senior year of high school.
[00:03:49] Aneta: This is an awesome time for you guys.
[00:03:51] David: It is. I'm pretty excited to kind of go through this transition. I feel like we're heading into this season of life strong. That kind of goes through the empty nest thing or they're anticipating it anyway. And there's a lot of anxiety. Like, who are we without the kids? That kind of thing.
And, Lisa and I, we feel missional about, of course, the things we work on together and we've kind of got our stuff that we're doing, and yeah, just excited to see what this next chapter looks like.
[00:04:16] Aneta: That's awesome. Did you always want to be an entrepreneur or was there a particular need that you're, Oh, I can serve this? How did you decide on your business around the product that you guys created?
[00:04:25] David: Growing up, I always kind of gravitated to people who were not just business owners, right? There are a lot of people who might say they're entrepreneurs, but they just created a job for themselves, which is fine. There's nothing wrong with that.
But for me, there were a few people in my life who stood out and had their hands and a few different things. And it was fascinating to see kind of how they operated, granted they were working a lot. It's one of those things when you become your boss, you can be your worst taskmaster as it were but I was, yeah, I just was so drawn to that type of a personality.
What kind of a person would have three businesses own some real estate and, do some coaching or various things? And so the answer is yes. I felt like I was always kind of attracted to that lifestyle, but I had no idea what my particular niche was.
And, about 10 years ago, it kind of presented itself as we came up with this stat guard. I was working for a large telecom chain doing facilities management for about 17 years. It was a great job, a great career. I was there for a long time. And of course, in our stores and call centers and things like that, we would use thermostat guards everywhere cause nobody could keep their hands off the thermostat. So when we came up with this, I knew that we had something because nobody could keep track of that tiny key. . I mean, it was a fascinating thing to have had that experience and then see this and experientially know we've got something.
So Lisa and I sunk our life savings into it and may have the molds made, for plastics, injection, molding, and prototyping and ordered a bunch of units and did everything wrong. And had to figure it out. The ship after that, because of course, we made that mistake of if you build it, they will come.
And of course that's not true. And, just had to learn everything. What does it look like to manage your own time, to run a business, cashflow P and L's, and supply chain management? All that stuff. I'll be honest. It's been hard. I think from the outside people here.
You've got a product and 3, 700 retail stores. Nope. I mean, it sounds great and yes, I'm so grateful, but it's been 10 years of blood, sweat, and tears. And I don't think any of us escapes a lot of challenges in life and that's okay. That's what makes it a great story.
[00:06:36] Aneta: Yeah. How long after you started your business and started working on the product, did you quit your job?
[00:06:43] David: Let's see. I think it was four years. So we found some traction online and even Home Depot. com and so on. It was more of a hobby, at the outset, and then kind of leaped after about four years.
[00:06:56] Aneta: Okay. Do you feel starting your business and your entrepreneurship journey then allowed you to continue on this evolution? Because you're writing a book now and you've got some other things that you're doing in addition to this product that you have created.
[00:07:12] David: Yeah. It's a fascinating thing, people often have misconceptions about money. And I think we all do in some ways, but I heard somebody say one time, I think it was Dave Ramsey. He said, money is like air, try living without it. And so what's fascinating is, if you're thinking about paying your bills, paycheck to paycheck, and you're worried, I can't put gas in the car Friday because I don't get paid till next Friday, and that shuts down everything else in life.
You're not thinking about dreams and your why and helping other people and you're in survival mode at that point. So I felt like when we crossed a little bit of a hurdle where was able to have a bit more margin to kind of let the dust settle a little bit and you start asking some deeper questions as to what am I here for?
If I could wave the magic wand, what is it that feels significant to me in my purpose? I believe that purpose is everything. And for those of us who have struggled with kind of finding that niche it's debilitating. And I think most people, that don't have a really clear sense of who they are and what their purpose is to suffer with a lot of anxiety and depression and so on because you're just feeling like, what the heck am I even getting up for? It's just this big, hard slog of survival, as opposed to, I want to see my dent in the universe.
[00:08:34] Aneta: I agree. And I know sometimes people find purpose overwhelming. And so I talk about having, it could be purpose with a small P and you can start like just dipping your toes and experimenting with what feels good, what feels aligned, can I get excited and passionate about, and then over time I feel like more doors open and there's more that's revealed and you can sort of step into something bigger.
And when we hear stories of successful people, it could feel like overnight for us, but then you hear their story and you see that it wasn't a straight line. It kind of went in all kinds of directions or things you couldn't explain. So did you find, like when you talk about purpose for you, were there a lot of purposes with little P's? Or did you have like a big purpose right away where you're like, okay, this is really what my soul's here to do?
[00:09:22] David: Yeah. So, I'll be a bit vulnerable here. I struggled early on in life with some misconceptions about all of that. Whether it's, what, why, how, who, identity, authenticity, all this kind of stuff. So for me, my journey was, that I need to have accomplishments to be somebody, or at least not be a nobody.
But I was looking for other people's I guess applause or validation, or at least not shame. I don't want to walk into a room and stand next to another group of men and just feel like a total loser. And so what's interesting though, and again, not that we don't need the applause, as it were the love of others, we desperately do.
That's the entire point of life relationships and that beautiful give and take. So that's kind of neat. So about, I guess seven years ago, almost, I met a guy in California. He's a clinical psychologist, Dr. Andy Garrett, and he and I are now working closely together. And I think there are a lot of misconceptions around purpose and, identity and those types of things. And what's fascinating is, if you are asked the right questions. You can drill down on who you are and what your purpose is rather quickly. Again, some of that stuff and how it plays out as far as career choice and so on, might take a bit more work, but we aren't what we do for a living. If I'm a welder, if I'm a doctor, that's not who I am. It's a context, for expanding and displaying, as it were, being who I am. We often think that we're defined by the career and all that kind of thing.
And, so what's fascinating is, when I started to understand, okay, basic bedrock level, what is a who,? What does authenticity mean? And, we get the word authenticity from the word author. I didn't make me. And this is a bit, I think some people are kind of offended by this.
I'll kind of pop some bubbles here, but we think in the land of the free and the home of the brave, that we are completely autonomous creatures and that we get to, I'm going to Captain of my ship or whatever, and I get to do anything that I want. Well, some of that's kind of true, but here's the funny thing. I didn't choose my eye color. I didn't choose my taste buds. I didn't choose the color of my skin. I didn't choose my DNA. I didn't choose my personality.
And how do we know that that is true, like gravity? Well, I don't know if you have any children or whatnot, but okay, so those of us who have kids or siblings for that matter, they come out of the gate hardwired,
[00:11:51] Aneta: For sure. Completely different, my two.
[00:11:53] David: yeah, and it's just wonderful. I and Parker, my firstborn, he was just that little rascal that wanted to tear things up and run everywhere and go on. And Kate is, I mean, literally within just a matter of weeks, you can tell that their little spirit is so different. And as they get into that one and two years old. Everything from taste buds, to what makes them cry, to little aggressive behaviors, or what makes them giggle and laugh, it's so beautifully different. And children are not thinking like we are,, I need to find identity and be authentic. They're just doing their deal until they get hurt, right?
Until they get bullied or somebody says something mean or whatever that is, life happens. Life slaps them in the face. And then they start to question everything. Am I good enough? All those deep questions, which even as I say that, it's kind of heartbreaking.
But what's fascinating is, when you identify, the word identity, when you identify, what God authored in you, meaning, okay, so what is authenticity? Well, it's comprised of your values. What are your core values? And I like to say, what does your core happen to value as a hierarchy of core values because if you and I did a core values assessment, they would be different if we prioritize those things.
[00:13:12] Aneta: Sure.
[00:13:13] David: And what are your convictions? That means what is right and wrong. A value and a conviction are different. What's a virtue though? It's different from the other two. Virtue is what is outward-focused, right? What is kind of that dent, that's unique to me that I want to have on people? And then I like to say, what is it that gives you goosebumps goosebumps? I got that from a Nissan commercial, I think. But really what is it, you use that phrase, what is it that lights you up?
Well, what is it that breaks your heart? What is it that makes you furious? What is it that you're willing to live for, die for? The goosebump thing, I just love that because quite often, what gives someone else goosebumps is not what gives you goosebumps. And Dr. Andy says, follow the clues. There are a lot of clues to follow, to galvanize those things that you would answer if someone asked you the right questions.
So this idea of authenticity and identity and who we are, it's rather easy to discover. You can be asked the right questions, and write these things down. But here's the wonderful thing that I get such a kick out of is kind of back to what I said earlier, we're made for friendship. We're made for a relationship.
We're made to be loved. But what is that? What does that look like? Is it telling your kids, Hey, Parker, nice shoes, or what would it look like, I mentioned earlier, that I'm passionate about dads, what would it look for me look like for me to raise my son in such a way? And I've done this, is to from an early age, Hey Parker, I saw yesterday, when you had some conflict with your friend or whatever it was, how you handled that.
You started to ask questions and you took a humble position. Humility is a chosen place from a position of strength. And I've often validated his character and said, I love what you said there. I love how you showed up. I love how you handled that. I could tell that came from a deep place in you. And, it's that type of galvanization or expression or whatever it is, that is really how to love somebody.
It's not telling them you've got nice hair or something. I mean that's fine, and those are good things. If you like somebody's hair, compliments are wonderful, but boy, I tell you what, if you want to love somebody, you start to just galvanize and say something about their character and how they show up and the impact that they have when they say or do, or how about this? I'm a musician as well. When they say or do or sing or play
or paint or write, if you see something, say something about that deeper kind of under-the-hood type thing.
And it's amazing how fast you can identify who you are, what your purpose is, and especially when you surround yourself with people who understand that same paradigm.
[00:15:57] Aneta: Yeah. It's so interesting because unfortunately, I feel like too often in school and even at home as parents, we're, if the time for pressed for time, we notice behaviors that we don't approve of, or we notice behaviors that we want to correct. And, it takes effort and it takes awareness and it takes being present to acknowledge and to seek and to identify with your children, but also with friends, with family, with your partner to say, Hey, I see you.
And when you did this, this was. Amazing. Or, I love this about your character, and I see this when you do this. It makes such a huge difference. And when people can do that, someone did that to me recently. I just started crying because it was
[00:16:43] David: Oh, It's Intimate.
[00:16:45] Aneta: It's so intimate and it feels so amazing. So is that the story behind the Guardians of Grit? Tell me more about your book and what the principles are that you're trying to teach or share in that book.
[00:17:00] David: Yeah. Do you mind if I back up one second? I want to comment on something you said about like when you're raising kids and correcting them, like when they're just acting like little twits. So here's something that I found that's helpful I'll say it this way.
I just think everything is identity. So how do you not only lift someone, right? Inspire means to breathe life into how do you do that? But how as a parent or a coach or a mentor or whatever, how do you correct somebody in a values-based way?
So what I think is wonderful is especially when I walk dads through the guardian's blueprint, they get to in a moment of maybe some stress with their son or daughter or whatever, they get to say, Hey, I noticed that, this afternoon when you were talking to your sister or whatever it was that you were harsh and You said some things that were pretty unkind or, Parker, I don't think that's you. That's not who you are. Is there something else going on?
You bring it back to what they have identified as who the best version of themselves is. Are they telling you, here is my true north, here's the plumb line at which I base every other decision, right? CS Lewis says if someone calls anything crooked, there has to be a straight edge somewhere. Otherwise, there's no such thing as crooked or straight.
Well, in our own lives, this idea of plumb line, and a lot of people say, well, my internal compass tells me this. Well, I get it. But a compass is reading the magnetic field around it. This idea of, I'm going to get close, but it's not a hundred percent true north. It's not a fixed point that you have identified and written down, this is who I am what lights me up the type of person I want to be the type of impact I want to have what gives me goosebumps and all that stuff. And what I think is wonderful is yes, you can encourage someone based on that plumb line that they've identified, but then you can also correct them even a friend.
If your friend is, even as an adult just shows up in a way that is just like holy smokes, dude What's up? Sit down with your friend and say, Man last night when we were all hanging outside you were saying and doing some things that just didn't seem to resonate with who I know who you are.
The person that I know is X, Y, and Z, there must be something else going on where you feel kind of chaotic inside. Tell me about that. I mean, talk about a wonderful way to disarm, to engage, to say, I'm not going anywhere.
So to answer your question about the guardians of grit, this is exactly what we do. I'm doing a soft launch here soon. We just help dads and anybody for that matter, galvanize who are you. What are your convictions? What are your values? What are your virtues? And Dr. Andy, of course, I use his curriculum. It's a masterclass in identity and authenticity, and it removes all of that noise and all the shoulds. And it ushers in with a sense of curiosity, the clouds and just disarms just all the bull crap that we've been around this area.
And then, so of course, once you've identified those things for yourself you start to understand that. Well, then it makes total sense to talk to your kids in such a way that's on that level, very practically not nonsense, it's, Hey, dude that was not kind, like, even at the moment, and then smile and say, that's just not who you are, what's up? There's something else going on here. Let's you and I go take a walk. And you usher them back to themselves and not some arbitrary stamp on the wall that you want everybody to subscribe to, like an office credo or something.
[00:20:32] Aneta: How do they know though? How do you know that that's not who they are? How do you have the conversations with the kids? And at what age are you having these conversations as parents to say, what are your values or what does it sound like? Because I do that through coaching, of course, with adults. And sometimes they even struggle as adults identify, because they've never done this exercise. So you can imagine if you haven't done it and then you're parenting how do you have the conversation with your kids?
[00:20:58] David: Well, I mean, the truth of the matter is right, you cannot give away something you don't have. So you have to establish these things for yourself. And our kids, of course, they just see right through us. They don't care what we say. They are watching everything that we do.
[00:21:12] Aneta: That's right.
[00:21:13] David: And so how do you do that? Well, here's what's fascinating is, of course, the maturity level is, as a nine-year-old, there could be a spectrum of, some are a bit more, especially girls, they mature faster intellectually, that kind of thing. So I do believe though, and even it was funny, Dr. Andy's got two little kids. And I remember I think it was Avery, his daughter, he started doing a values vision board with her early. I'm talking like, It's seven, eight years old. And again, in the English language, there are maybe 80 or something like that possible core values with some overlap. It depends really, it depends on what language you're in.
And so when you start distilling those things down and you just ask the kids and again, it's on their level, which one of these resonates with you? Well, again, that will morph some over time but when you hit that, probably 12, or 13 years old, there is a lot that might never change.
I mean, it's amazing how early in life people establish their sense of what they believe is right and wrong and good and just and honest and kind and so on. And one thing I love about his assessment, for instance, is you get to choose your particular value. You get to define that value and then you get to say, this is why it's important to me. So no one else, some talking head somewhere is not telling you what you should think or believe. There's absolute freedom to say, this resonates with me. And again, this idea of following the clues, how do you know you've landed on that for yourself?
Well, I like to say it this way, how do you know you haven't, and what's interesting is, when people don't know. And again, especially teenagers like 15, 16, and up, if you don't know who you are and you've not established those six or seven kinds of core beliefs around authenticity, you're going to feel imposter syndrome. You're going to be comparing yourself to other people. You're going to feel way more anxiety about life. Probably social anxiety especially.
Fatigue, just general fatigue. Avoidance. You're going to be avoiding certain people, certain situations. Because you just don't think you have what it takes. And it's just a vague understanding of, well, I guess I have to be nice and I shouldn't be a jerk. Just a lame way to view life. You're going to feel stuck, depressed, overwhelmed, all that kind of stuff. Well, how do you know you found it?
And this is what I think is neat because there's freedom by the way, maybe once or twice, every other year you might want to go back and just assess those things. But what you know, is you found them for you because you feel genuine. You feel natural. You feel normal. You feel resilient. Courageous. Free. You feel like your best self is emerging. And you're not looking to accomplishments and to other people, solely, to define you. And the alternative is exhausting.
[00:24:07] Aneta: It is exhausting. And I was just thinking as you were talking about this, is if we were to do this work, if everyone did this work early on part of school or at home and identified what are the values and what does it look like for me to live? In integrity to my values. One, I think people would be making different decisions on where to go to school, what they're studying, what they're doing.
Instead, we're focusing on, well, society says this is what success looks like, or someone told me this is what I should do. And then they find themselves out of balance. They find themselves frustrated and burned out because they're not in alignment. And when I do the work, a lot of times with my clients, we say, what are your values? And are you living this way every day? Are your daily choices aligning with your values? And if they're not, that's when they have an epiphany and say, Oh, this is why I feel the way I do.
Think about what would it look like if everyone did this work when they were younger, and were able to actually figure out, this is what it means for me to live in integrity and live within my value system. It could change everything.
[00:25:13] David: There are so many studies done on this. For instance, I think it was Stanford. Dr. Garrett was telling me about a study that he references in his curriculum that I just can't remember who it was offhand, but they referenced a study where they went into a high school and they did a core values assessment with them. It's a Stanford study. I think it's called the 10-minute exercise. So this was an inner city where the graduation rate was 30%.
I know. I mean, it's like you just get chills even thinking only 30 percent of the people graduated. Well, here's what's fascinating. In one year, based upon the 10-minute exercise, after identifying their values, they would spend just 10 minutes every morning writing about one of their values. Guess what? In one year, they tipped it on its head and they went to 70 percent graduation.
[00:26:01] Aneta: Wow.
[00:26:02] David: Some psychologists would say, we are our core values. That's kind of an interesting, again, probably a bit of an overstatement, but at the same time, it would cause you to pause and to be like, wait a second.
I talked to a guy the other day, by the way, he owns a company and they hired, some company to come in and get everybody's values-based, so the whole company is operating in their core values. I think it's an eight-week, type of course and thousands and thousands of dollars.
So they go through this whole exercise and I asked him, well, fascinating that's a heck of a deep dive. I said, what are your core values? Well, he could only name three out of the top five. And I said, well, when's the last time you looked at him and, starts looking around at his desk and he starts rifling through the file cabinet. And of course, he pulls out this folder that he hadn't looked at in two years.
So what I think is interesting is, we have to understand our human condition at the same time. If I sleep, I forget and every single day I forget which stoic it was, Seneca or somebody said, we should live every day as if it's its own life.
It's a fascinating concept because I don't remember what I was thinking three days ago. And for me to try to think I need to have this particular headspace a month from now. I mean, it's just completely irrelevant.
[00:27:23] Aneta: Right. It is.
[00:27:25] David: So one of the reasons that I'm kind of excited even more recently about the Guardians of Grit thing is that we're creating an online community. Because change and I mean, everything from alcoholics, anonymous to you name it, change happens in the community. Period. You were never designed to live in a silo and live by yourself. We are to love and to be loved. And again, that's on different levels and looks different, depending on your situation.
But what's neat is, how do we know community is everything? Well, again, go back to parenting. Parents are so afraid that their kids are going to get caught up in the wrong crowd. And I'm talking an early age. We will go to absurd lengths to make sure that our kids get into the right schools. They don't hang out with the kids that look like they're troublemakers. All that kind of thing.
We would so much and so quickly, you get it as a mama bear, right? We're going to protect our kids, period. And I don't care, ultimately what's going on over there. Like my kid is the most precious thing to me. And I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that they're safe and they have, junk in junk out.
I want them to be surrounded by young people who are, values-based and good and kind and lifting each other up, which is really hard to find by the way. And so here's the weird thing though. We don't intuit that for ourselves, we kind of slide into life and the survival mode kind of a deal.
And I guess I'm going to work hard, during the week and play hard on the weekends. And we start hanging out with people that are just drinking a lot of beer and their chief end in life is to have fun.
[00:29:05] Aneta: Or to, numb, forget, distract.
[00:29:08] David: Yeah. They're the most miserable people you will ever find. Dr. Andy calls them authentic exemplars. There are some people who, when they walk into the room, they're different. We've all had people like that in our lives. The room gets wiser, safer, stronger, and better, and everybody just kind of their spine straightens up.
They're like men in a royalty just walked into the room and it might be your grandmother, by the way, who knows, right? But there's something so generous about those souls. They're other-centered. Why? Because they're full. The good king made them in a good way. And when they identify that stuff and remove that question mark, they get to splash everywhere.
And it's wonderful just to be around people like that. But here's the funny thing. We become like those we spend the most time with. Period. And again, back to the parenting. We don't want our kids in with the wrong crowd, but we don't think about that for ourselves. We choose companies and social situations and friends, I mean, for who knows what reason. And it's really important to have that will radical clarity on who we are and who we are in the life that we want to build and to start hanging out with people that are on that level, because you will drift. That's all there is to it.
[00:30:27] Aneta: Yeah. What is your hope with this book?
[00:30:30] David: Yeah, so, I'm hoping to give a bunch of them away. I'm probably going to release an ebook here in the next, I don't know, 60 days or so. And then maybe by the end of the year, we'll finish the large one. I've never written a book on this level. I had a children's book published a few years ago
and working on another one of those just because I get a total kick out of that. My buddy, Blake Brewer, actually has a mission for fathers as well called the Legacy Letter. Where dads write, a legacy letter to their kids and present that to them. And I did that for my kids a couple of years ago and I even had my dad make a keepsake box for it and present it to them on Christmas morning. But he has a phrase and he says, I'm on a mission to help 1 million dads write 1 million letters to their kids. And first time I heard him say that I got goosebumps, I mean, talk about the best thing in life.
So I feel like I'm on a mission to help 1 million fathers introduce their children to themselves. So they can look at their son and say, Hey buddy, let me introduce you to yourself. You're made of awesome. And whatever you're into, I'm into, I'm going to get behind you like a hurricane. And we're going to make sure that if you stumble and you will, I'm going to be there to help you. Whatever dream you've got, I'm going to help you get there. And it's because Dad has done that work for himself and he knows how to do it. Yeah.
[00:31:53] Aneta: I love that. That is so good. I wish you continued success and I hope that everybody gets a chance to get that book. You also do some work with masterminds. So tell me a little bit more about your view from the top.
[00:32:07] David: So I joined ISI. Iron Sharpens Iron Mastermind. It's not mine. Aaron Walker started ISI about 10 years ago. I joined the group and it's just been life-changing. I'm hanging out with entrepreneurs who don't think bigger. They think better and there's a huge difference there. So, the decisions that we help one another make in the council of many, there's wisdom. So we sit at the nights at the round table as it were. We bounce everything from marriage to parenting, to cash flow, to marketing. I had a call with a guy who's got connections in retail that I'm going to meet with for my thermostat guard. And I've got a call tomorrow morning with a guy who's having marriage problems and our group, and we're going to help him solve that and become a better husband, a better leader. So I facilitate two of those groups. So each group has 10 no more than 10 men in it. And I think ISI has got about 150 men from, I think it's six different countries. And it's been life-changing, we can go from hero to zero, real quick. We can be a bunch of ding dongs and goofing around and at the same time, we can help each other cross the finish line in some areas that I could have never, ever done on my own.
[00:33:17] Aneta: Community is so important and I'm part of a mastermind and I love it. I love being part of it. And it's a different level of relationship when you're connected with people who are intentionally choosing to be in the same space. And it's it doesn't happen by accident, there's something magical and different about it.
And I'm with you. I tell people community is so important. We're not meant to be doing this life alone. And I think that's the beauty of finding your people, finding your tribe, and connecting with those. So if people are interested in learning more working with you or getting a copy of the book, David, what is the best way for them to find you?
[00:33:53] David: Yeah. So I would say go to guardiansofgrit.com or my, personal website is David. My last name is spelled A. S. K. like, ask a question. It's pronounced ask. You can go to, yeah, davidask.com
[00:34:05] Aneta: Awesome. Thank you so much. And I ask everyone on the podcast, a final question, which is what does it mean to you to live the width of your life?
[00:34:15] David: So I'll be honest, I reached out to you because of the name of your podcast. So I'm going to get deep here for just a second. I was talking to a friend of mine who was I'll just keep it kind of whatever G rated here was abused growing up and she said that she went to a counselor one time and the counselor noticed that, she was just kind of hunched down or her shoulders were forward. And it's like she was physically apologizing for just being there.
Her counselor said it's like you're apologizing for breathing. And she said, do me a favor. She said, lay on the floor and put yourself in a position of how you feel right now. And it was the fetal position like, don't hurt me.
And then she said, and this is where your podcast hit me. She said, now take up as much room as you can. And she lay there and spread out her arms just as wide as she could. And then she said, take up even more room and she said, then it was like the fingers are expanding and her lungs were expanding and she sat there and just wept and wept and wept because we are mind, body, and spirit and you cannot separate the one without the other on a very practical, maybe visceral level.
If you walk into a room just straighten up your spine and put your shoulders back a little bit. Okay. It informs your thinking. And so I think it's really important to take up as much space as you can and don't apologize, for the way that you've been created in such a beautiful, powerful way.
It's my mission, if I'm going to get kind of little touchy-feely here, it's my mission. Yes. I want dads to introduce their children to themselves, but what's the undergirding there really? Right. It's love. It's I want you to know that I love you, unconditionally. Like a scary love. And I want you to love yourself, and pass that around, pass God around. That's the whole point here. There's nothing else that matters. The rest of it is a context to experience that.
[00:36:24] Aneta: Yeah. Oh, it's such a beautiful answer. Thank you so much, David Ask, for joining me today, and can't wait for the book to come out.
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