Episode 36 transcript: Choosing to be brave even when you think you’re not with Kristina Driscoll

Podcast Introduction:

[00:00:00] Kristina: So life was good. But when our son was five, my husband was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease. So that just really blindsided me, Aneta, and to be honest, I was a hundred percent completely terrified. And I didn't start out brave, but I had to slowly learn how to be brave because not only was I caregiving for my husband and it was a 12-year journey, but I was also raising my son. So I couldn't just fall apart

[00:00:33] Aneta: We often hear people wishing us a long, happy, and healthy life. But what if the length isn't what matters most? What if instead, it's the breath, depth, and purpose of each day that matters most? Welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast. My name is Aneta Ardelian Kuzma. And join me weekly as I interview guests who made changes in their own lives to live more fully with intention, gratitude, and joy. Be prepared to be inspired by their stories of how they shifted their mindset. Took courageous action and designed the life that they always wanted to live.

[00:01:08] Aneta: Thank you for joining us again today. Kristina Driscoll is my guest. She is the host of the podcast called She's Brave On Apple and Spotify. Kristina interviews women from all over the world who have overcome obstacles and finds out how they became brave, resilient, and authentic. She also helps other women become courageous, and resilient, and live authentic life on their own terms. Kristina's background was in finance where she trained for a career. Working over 10 years in pension consulting as a financial advisor, Kristina's husband was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's when their son was five. She was a caregiver to her husband and young son for 12 years and managed their investments throughout her husband's journey.

[00:01:51] Aneta: Kristina is on the board of directors for the Animal Rescue Group, sanctuary one. And 2015 she builds a cottage for F I V positive Cats and continues to fully fund the cottage each year. We spent a lot of time talking today about what it means to be brave and how to focus on our courage muscles daily. We talked about what and how to respond when life gives you curve balls that you weren't expecting. Why her upcoming book could be called The Unconventional Life, how she is Intentionally Designing this Chapter of Her Life. And how she wants to define her life's legacy and how it ties back to serving others. I loved talking to Kristina. She was so authentic and shared so much about her personal journey and how it has made her who she is today. I think you're really going to enjoy our discussion. Take a listen.

Podcast Interview part:

[00:02:50] Aneta: Hi Christina. Thank you so much for joining me today. It's so good to see you.

[00:02:57] Kristina: Hi, Aneta. I'm so happy and grateful to be here today and so excited to connect with you.

[00:03:04] Aneta: I am so excited. This is going to be a great conversation. Every time you and I get together, I always say, I wish we were hitting record right now.

[00:03:14] Kristina: I know. I feel the same way. I love what you said I wish we were hitting record right now and we've met in person and hopefully we'll get to connect again at another conference or something soon.

[00:03:25] Aneta: I would love it. So, Christina, for those that don't know you, I just want to share, I included in the intro, the details, but you are the host of the She's Brave with Kristina Driscoll podcast. But for those that haven't listened to your podcast or aren't familiar with you just take a couple of moments and just share what the audience, think is most interesting about your background.

[00:03:47] Kristina: Yeah. I have led a rather unconventional life and actually, I'm working on writing my book and the editor I'm working with has been saying the book needs to be titled Unconventional or Unconventional Choices. And that really started out with me marrying a man who was 25 years older than me. We met on a hike on Mount Rainier here in Washington, in the Seattle area, and our eyes met. The minute I got out of the car at the Trailhead and six months later we were married and he was 24 years older than me. So that was already the first unconventional decision.

[00:04:27] Kristina: But I think when you're really living, aware of your purpose and in alignment with God or source, or whatever you want to call it. I think you know when what things are meant for you. And so we both knew it and interestingly enough, I think our love was so great that nobody ever questioned. I never remember a time anyone ever said, wait a minute, he's a lot older than you. Or someone's saying, wait a minute, she's a lot younger than you. We just were so good together. So life was good. But when our son was five, my husband was diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer's disease. So that just really blindsided me, Aneta, and to be honest, I was a hundred percent completely terrified.

[00:05:17] Kristina: And I didn't start out brave, but I had to slowly learn how to be brave because not only was I caregiving for my husband and it was a 12-year journey, but I was also raising my son. So I couldn't just fall apart, so to speak. And another thing I like to share with my audience is that I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder. And so that's kind of a really powerful message I want to send people to is that, yes, even the person with the anxiety disorder can learn to be brave. It's a muscle that you learn to develop one baby step at a time.

[00:06:01] Aneta: Yeah. I completely agree with you. I do think that courage and bravery is something that we can develop as a muscle. And I guess going back, why do you think that you weren't brave before? You said that you didn't start off brave, but you practiced it. Why do you feel you weren't brave before?

[00:06:19] Kristina: Because I was so terrified that after my husband's diagnosis, I couldn't sleep, I wasn't eating, and I just wasn't functioning very well, and when you're not sleeping, you're not thinking very clearly either, so all I knew was I think I'd better go to the emergency room, which I also like to share with people, it's totally okay. It's actually really brave to ask for help and so I went to the er, I had a friend whose husband was an ER doctor, and I was like, I hope he's not there. Of course, he was there, he saw me. He wasn't able to treat me because I'm a friend of his, but I was super embarrassed, but he came in at one point and just kind of put his hand on my shoulder and said, I'm so glad you're here because you have a five-year-old child and you have a lot on your plate. This is a big diagnosis, and if you need a little help, that's totally fine.

[00:07:19] Kristina: And so, I did, I went on medication and I'm a big believer in getting the help you need, and if it means medication for a while to help you sleep and or help with your anxiety. You know, I just had to take one baby step at a time to gain confidence and courage. And, for all those years, people throughout the 12-year caregiving journey, people would say to me, wow, I could never do what you're doing. You're so brave, you're so resilient. And, Aneta, I didn't start out that way. And that's my message. I just want everybody to be able to develop more courage in their life.

[00:08:07] Aneta: I'm going to challenge you, Kristina, because I wonder about you because that is a lot. You had a young child, you were married, you're happily married in love, and you have this diagnosis. Do you think that we have the courage within us? It's just that we don't, isn't always presented with opportunities to have to tap into it. Like, do you think it was there dormant?

[00:08:31] Kristina: 100%, okay. We all have courage within us, and that's really my message too with She's Brave, the podcast, which is that you may think that you don't have courage in you because you've been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder or whatever. Or you have this or you have that. Or you went through this thing or that thing, but that's a great way of describing it. Courage is always within us, sometimes dormant. And it comes out.

[00:09:02] Aneta: I love that. And so you started the podcast and you recently started the podcast, is that correct? Was it last year that you first started?

[00:09:13] Kristina: I launched my podcast on January 2nd of this year, 2023, which was my, wow. Late husband's birthday.

[00:09:24] Aneta: Oh, that's beautiful. Wow. I feel like it's longer because you've done so many episodes already. It seems like you drop new episodes all the time, which I love. So tell me, in terms of your podcast, why did you start your podcast, and then what are some of the lessons you've already learned from all the people that you've interviewed in the last five months?

[00:09:50] Kristina: Aneta, I love your questions. So, last summer my husband passed away two and a half years ago, and then I got remarried this last summer and my son graduated from high school. And so I was really in a new chapter, right? Like I had really grieved my husband and moved along with my life and my husband and I actually went to Peru for our honeymoon in August. And I really do believe that the universe where God sometimes forces us to slow down. So we both got a really bad case of Covid came, oh no, it's fine. We came home and we both literally had to rest for about a month. At that time, I think that was really good for me because I slowed down and I felt this kind of restlessness when you're just feeling really unsettled.

[00:10:47] Kristina: And that's how I was feeling and what I learned later, and one of the things I learned in podcasting is that when you feel unsettled, it's because you know that you're meant for more. But it can be scary to take any steps. So I didn't know what my next chapter was. I just knew that there was another big chapter in my life ahead, so I was feeling really unsettled. And I wanted to write a book, but I couldn't get myself to do it, which is kind of a whole nother episode, I actually just interviewed my editor and she's written books for Dr. Phil and all these people, and she has a writing course. That's amazing. That makes you feel really safe. And you just write and write, write. But then I heard about podcasting and someone said, podcasting is basically like writing, you're expressing yourself verbally.

[00:11:35] Kristina: So I signed up for a class and told myself, this is just a baby step I'm going to sign up for the class. And I was terrified. I was in this class, I didn't say boo. I showed up for the first class. I didn't ask questions, I said nothing. But then somebody got on, it was around mid-September, somebody went on in our private Facebook group live and she was like, I'm terrified, but I'm showing up today. And I was so impressed with her that I reached out to her, she actually lives in England, and I said, can we practice interviewing each other? So what I discovered along the whole journey was some of the things, if you had told me the day that I signed up for the podcast class, that I would be recording over 30 interviews by mid-May. I've climbed to the top two and a half percent globally. I wouldn't have believed it, but I think for me, I can just speak from my experience.

[00:12:36] Kristina: I always have to do things one step at a time and not worry about the big vision way ahead of me, because I think we can really get caught living in the future or the past, but we really have to live, in the present, which always for me was like, well, what's the next little brave step that I can take? And once you practice an interview or once you record a trailer, I literally took the class where we had to record our trailer on the spot. They were like, we're on a Zoom call. Okay, guys, I want you to pick up your phone and do it now. And that's the kind of thing that I need, I think sometimes by taking action, it actually gives us more courage. It's a muscle and it just keeps growing and getting bigger.

[00:13:20] Aneta: I completely agree. And I always say, small imperfect action every day is better than a whole day's worth of thinking. and then the other thing I was going to ask you, it's interesting to me because you had an opportunity to be very courageous for a very long period of time for your family and what you needed to do to survive and take care of your son and your husband. And isn't it interesting that then somehow a small thing like recording a trailer for a podcast, which when you think of the magnitude of what you went through, and really all of us, what we go through in life when it's something so small where we feel maybe that someone could judge us or we feel a little exposed or vulnerable, that could require a lot of courage too? But intellectually, we just would say, well, this is, not quite as, extreme as the other things that you've gone through, but did you find that there was like a fear of judging or was it a fear of just the unknowing, because you've never done the podcast before, like could you pinpoint what specifically made you feel most uncomfortable before you started.

[00:14:31] Kristina: I think that with podcasting, it's somewhat public, right? You're recording your trailer. Okay. You're doing it alone, but potentially they want you to share it with other people to have them give feedback. So there's a lot of fear of judgment and podcasting is a public thing, so you can make some very public mistakes. And so it's a whole different kind of courage really than the courage that I lived for 12 years of caregiving. It's a different kind of fear.

[00:15:01] Aneta: Yeah. And so tell me, you've interviewed over 30 people like you've had over 30.

[00:15:08] Kristina: Over 70 actually.

[00:15:10] Aneta: Over 70. Okay, so over 70, which is amazing. Tell me what you have learned about yourself and just in general from other stories around courage or maybe just life in general.

[00:15:25] Kristina: Yeah, I think, one of my favorite parts of this whole journey has been how terrified I was, obviously to practice, to reach out to this gal and do a practice interview. And once we did that, it's just so funny how you just do it and then it's not so daunting. And so then, I started reaching out to several other people and I could tell that everybody was terrified. People would kind of come up with excuses. So, I would kind of trick people. I can't believe I'm confessing this, but I would say to people in my class, oh, let's just practice. And then we'd jump on Zoom and then I'd say, well, let's just hit record. What the heck just do it. And some of those episodes. I mean, some of those recordings actually became episodes and what was cool was that some of those people had never, well, Christina Flores is a great example because she just aired a couple of weeks ago. That was a practice interview. Like back many months ago. Now I did have to edit it quite a lot. But who cares? As you edit it, you do stuff. And then what was cool was I saw a lot of these people really blossom because they got over that hump of being afraid of practicing an interview.

[00:16:39] Kristina: And then I'd be like, oh look, it's done. And look, we can actually publish this. Like, and they'd be all excited and then they'd reach out to somebody. Yeah. And then pretty soon everybody's got their podcast going. And I think one of the things that makes us the happiest is when we help other people. And that's the thing I love about podcasting maybe more than anything, is that I heard someone say that it's the most helpful isn't quite, isn't the real fancy word, but it's the most helpful industry where people in podcasting really help each other and they do it because everybody benefits. Every time you reach out to somebody to have them on your podcast or they reach out to you. You're both helping each other. And I love that about this culture is that it's just all about us all helping each other.

[00:17:30] Aneta: I find that too. And I have found people to be very generous within the podcast space and are coming on my show and maybe coming on their show. It's just wonderful to be able to share stories and create this beautiful sort of intimate container for these real-life conversations to happen, which are not scripted. All the best ones are not scripted. And just allow room for magic to come in. So I want to go back to this notion of unconventional. So you talked about it and I definitely think that we are manifesting this book into existence because I can't wait to read more of your story.

[00:18:06] Kristina: Yeah.

[00:18:08] Aneta: And it's going to be on this podcast, so now, hopefully, that will accelerate your progress. So tell me, you also have a background in finance. So before you started doing the podcast and before you know other things happened in your life, tell me why you chose finance and how did you find your way out of the finance world?

[00:18:32] Kristina: I'm loving these questions. So when I was a child, my father. Was a chemical engineer, but he loved investing. So back then I grew up in Canada and it was Canadian mutual fund companies, but we would get all this mail and I remember getting curious about it when I was maybe 12 and I said, Dad, what are, what is a mutual fund? Like how does that work? And because I could hear him talking to my mother and they'd be excited about the growth and all this and that. I mean, that was great, it was just literally an example in my house of kind of the magic of compounding, of being in the stock market and mutual funds. And so I knew I wanted to study that in college because to me it was exciting. so, I did, and I also feel that as women, it's important for us to know at least a baseline about finance.

[00:19:26] Kristina: I think some of us just say, well I'm going to let my husband handle it, I'm going to let somebody else handle that. But I think we all should have some awareness of that. But my late husband was also a financial advisor with Merrill Lynch, and I just wanted to share this sweet little story because this is also how I feel about finance when he'd have a new client, he worked in a highrise, in a suburb of Seattle and if they'd walk in and he'd be looking out the window and this suburb was growing really rapidly and high rises were going up in Bellevue and all this construction. And he'd look out the window and he'd say, look, look at all that. Look at all those people working and look at all the things they're making and how the world is getting to a better place.

[00:20:11] Kristina: He said, I own it and you can too. Wow. And it's like when you own a mutual fund, you're owning like a tiny fraction of maybe a thousand companies or something, and you're helping them because you're providing them money so that they can continue to grow and do research, whether it be like a drug company or a lumber or whatever company it is. It's just to me, finance has always been a really beautiful thing.

[00:20:38] Aneta: How long did you spend working in finance?

[00:20:42] Kristina: So 10 years. And the reason why I stopped was we got married and wanted to have a family and it took us four years of infertility before our son was born. And by the time he was born, I just wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. I wanted to soak it all up. And you know what? I loved it. I loved being a mom and I loved all of that, and I don't feel like I missed out on any of it. And finance was always there waiting for me if I wanted to go back to it. But as I said, this last summer when I kind of had a reset, it just didn't feel right to go back into finance. So I listened to that voice inside me.

[00:21:22] Aneta: That's a theme. I want to actually pull on that thread a little bit because it sounds like you said earlier that you just knew and you trusted, that internal voice, that your husband was the right one for you. And now it sounds like you went internally again to sort of say, what feels right in this moment? What do I choose to do next? And I see so many people struggle with that. So where does that certainty and that inner knowing come from, from you?

[00:21:50] Kristina: Great question. for me, it was developed, and that's part of the backstory I think that people don't hear a lot, is that I had actually had a very brief marriage. My college sweetheart and I got married. He was very controlling and so it was a very short marriage because I was so unhappy. And that was my first experience with therapy because I really wanted to know, why did I pick this person who was not a good match for me? And so that led me down a journey because I didn't want to make that mistake again, you know? And people's stems get stuck in a pattern.

[00:22:27] Kristina: So I wanted to make a good choice in getting married again, which I did. My marriage to Bill was, we were, soulmates really. So it got me on a self-development path, which is really what happened. And I started reading a lot of books, whether it be psychology like I devoured anything and everything. Even when I was working in finance, that was really my hobby, and back in the day, there were people like Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay. Anybody and everybody, Tony Robbins and I started realizing that I think I had more control over my life than I realized. And I was also introduced to meditation and started realizing that there was a real connection between slowing down, getting quiet, and then being able to hear my intuitive voice a lot louder and learning how to trust it.

[00:23:24] Kristina: And so that was just setting me up to meet my husband, Bill who has since passed away. But I had this deep, intuitive feeling, and I have literally said to people, Aneta, had I not done all of that work, that personal work on myself, I don't think that we would've connected because he was a person who was so kind and so generous and so, he had done the work as well and so I think that had I not done it, we wouldn't have resonated and clicked and known and been together. So I think it all starts with you have to just be willing. The number one priority in your life is to work on yourself.

[00:24:08] Aneta: And I love that you said that you might not have been ready or maybe you wouldn't have lined your energies, because I do believe that our energies recognize the same in somebody else.

[00:24:20] And so what you were seeing in him, and he was seeing in you was two people that were on that same path and journey, which is so beautiful and I think that's when people say the timing wasn't right. Maybe it was the right person. I do think that some of that plays into it. Do you agree? That is like energy.

[00:24:37] Kristina: Totally agree. Yeah.

[00:24:40] Aneta: And so the other thing that I really love that you've shared, and I want to recognize you for this, is your willingness to ask for help. And so you mentioned that you knew something was wrong and you needed help, and so you went to the hospital. And then you also reached out to a therapist because. You felt like you wanted to seek some external help. So let's talk about that inner knowing because you're doing the work to do the inner knowing, but then you're also recognizing where you need some additional help. How does that sort of play in your life when you make a decision, when you're going to go external to get help, and when you're able to just dive inward?

[00:25:23] Kristina: I think. If you're starting from zero, you start by working on your own internal self and reading the books, the self-help books. And I know it sounds corny, but I swear it's, there's so much to it and. I think what happens sometimes is no matter how perfect we think we are, you got to let go of that perfectionism and know that there is a part of us that will always need help from others because we're humans and we're meant for connectedness and that we rise together. So I think that people's fear, and pride come into play. And then we don't, like, it would've been easier for me to just say, well, I'm not going to go to the er. I'm just going to muscle through this. And then I wouldn't have been a very good mom and a very good caregiver to my husband. And I think I have always perceived the fact that getting help is a win-win for everybody.

[00:26:25] Kristina: It really is, and it's okay to ask for help. That's been part of my journey in podcasting too, is exercising that muscle to say, I don't know. Can you help me reach out to people when I need help and not try to control it all and not try to keep it all, do it all myself, but ask for help? So I think the thing is to always ask yourself when you're really struggling with something. Ask yourself, do I need help? And you know what? I think for the most part, the answer is pretty much always yes. And you're just scared and you're fearful of what is everybody going to think of me? And really, that doesn't matter. You know what somebody else thinks of me is none of my business.

[00:27:10] Kristina: And in my case, maybe it was a bit of a stumble and an accident that all I knew was I needed help because I wanted to be a better mom. Like, do whatever it takes to be a better mom, to be a better caregiver. And in that case, at that time, it meant, I need help right now and I'm going to overcome my pride and I'm just going to ask for help because I want to do it for my husband and my son. That's really what it was more than anything.

[00:27:35] Aneta: That's so true. And sometimes life things happen that we don't expect and we most definitely would never wish for, but there are some blessings that come out of it. What would you say are some of the biggest life lessons that you've learned just from all the things that you've experienced in life and how has it shaped you positively?

[00:27:57] Kristina: Well, for one thing, we're stronger than we think we are, for sure. Asking for help will definitely get us to where we need to go. Persistence is definitely worth it. There are so many people that you hear of whom Ed Sheeran wrote hundreds of songs before. He became popular. So those early songs were not that good. And you could say that for everything. Like my early podcasts, and my practice interviews, most of them weren't that good.

[00:28:34] Kristina: That's okay. It's better to be imperfect and just kind of keep going. So I'm really over being a perfectionist. I kind of just say, let's just do it, and let's have fun in the process. I did also learn in my journey with my husband, I stumbled on Oprah's Book Club with Eckhart Tole, A New Earth coming into your life purpose. And it was online and every week you'd read one chapter and then they would discuss it. I didn't understand Ahart at all. I didn't, but after doing the book club with Oprah and you could ask questions and all this. I really understood the power of now and living in the present, not in the past, not in the future.

[00:29:17] Kristina: That was a very, very important lesson that I learned throughout the journey even when things are tough, there are things to be grateful for. Always have your gratitude. I mean, I have a morning gratitude practice now, and I just never miss it, even if it's only one thing, even if it's only just writing down gratitudes. But like I do gratitude, I do meditation, I do a little bit of stretching, yoga, and sometimes maybe only one of those things gets done. It's not like it's every day. And I even learned that about writing that write seven minutes a day and some days it's going to be crap and that's fine.

[00:29:55] Kristina: So it's not like you sit down and you write a novel and it's just this fantastic big symphony of like masterpiece basically, probably, only 20% of what you write is actually going to make it in the book. So you could say that about podcasting. Just barrel in there. Jump in there, and interview people. My attitude is always, Hey, this podcast interview might turn out great. Or it might not. What's the worst thing that happens? It doesn't get aired. That's okay. It's not the end of the world.

[00:30:26] Aneta: Yeah, I love that perspective because so often we negotiate with ourselves or we stop ourselves because we go into the what-ifs that are negative. But what if it's amazing? What if it's better than you ever imagined? Like, Why wait, take your chance on that.

[00:30:43] Kristina: Just give yourself permission to make mistakes. I think that's why the podcast has done so well I've given myself permission to be really crappy. When I started, I had the lowest internet speed you could possibly have, because I live in the country and I couldn't even buy high-speed internet. I got on the wait list for Starlink. That was last September. I just got Starlink, just got it a few days ago. So in between, I've been dealing with literally huddling up in my bonus room, which is kind of my son's room, and having like a T-mobile tower and muddling around and having some really low-quality sound interviews. But you know what? I didn't let it stop me. I don't care if people listen to the podcast, they say, wow, that's really low quality.

[00:31:36] Kristina: It was the best I could do at the time. And that's how it is. And that's okay. So take it or leave it. It's just, I'm having fun. I love what I'm doing. The happiest people on the planet are people who just want to help other people. And that's all I'm trying to do is get my message out that you are capable of so much more than you even realize. And when you take that first brave step. You'll be like, I just did that. And then it'll lead to another little teeny step, and that one will lead to the next one. And six months later you could literally find yourself in another country, right? Like that whole analogy with the ship. The ship you adjust the course by one degree and it ends up going to a whole different country with that one degree. So it's just one little degree at a time.

[00:32:26] Aneta: It's so true. James Clear says that in Atomic Habits if you just aim to be 1% better every day through the compound effect, like you mentioned in finance over the course of the year, you'll be in a different place, a considerably different place at the end of the year, but it's just choosing to take that tiny little step every single day and consistency too, right? Is helpful.

[00:32:51] Kristina: Yeah. I have been remarkable. Consistent, and I think that part of the key was a mindset shift. I can't hammer this home enough, but, okay. So I'm going to sit down and I'm going to write for seven minutes every day I'm going to sit down and I'm going to schedule an interview or have an interview every day. I have no attachment to the outcome. It could be good, it could be bad. I'm still doing it. Does that make sense to you?

[00:33:17] Aneta: Yes, well of course non-attachment is huge, and I think when we are not attached to it, we are much more present because it's not about the outcome. So then that whole sense of judgment and calculation, it just doesn't exist. So then when you're present, It's just such a more authentic conversation, and I think that maybe that's one of the things that's resonating with people because it does feel very authentic and genuine.

[00:33:47] Kristina: Yeah, and just to think about, there's a link between unattachment and consistency because in podcasting 90% or whatever of the people drop out after seven interviews. And a lot of that has to do with them having a huge problem being consistent. Why do they have trouble being consistent? I think there's a perfectionist tendency, there's a lot of attachment to, I'm doing an interview, it better be perfect. Or, I'm writing the book, I'm writing a page today. It better be perfect. Well, guess what? It might actually end up in the garbage, but at least it was consistent. So you're doing it every day. And so if you don't have any attachment to how things come out, you're so consistent. I'm so consistent. I'm a hundred percent consistent because I don't care. It might be a bad day. It's okay.

[00:34:39] Aneta: Right. And so is it true that you don't care or is there another way to say that?

[00:34:47] Kristina: I know that sounds a little blase. I don't care.

[00:34:50] Aneta: No, I just want to clarify because I think you do care. I don't want to put words in your mouth. Like I think you care that people are helped because you've talked about you're doing this because you're helping people, but it sounds like the non-attachment is maybe tied to whether everything is perfect, which it never is.

[00:35:08] Kristina: Yeah, so instead of saying, I don't care, what I say is, so for example, even our interview today if I were feeling a little nervous, I would say, okay, what's the worst thing that could happen? Aneta might decide not to air it because it's just not that high-quality material, and I'm okay with that. I'm at peace with that, that not everything that I do is going to be perfect. And so, yeah, it's not that I don't care. I think I live with the knowledge that I am imperfect and that some days all the things that I do are not ever going to see the light of day.

[00:35:47] Kristina: They're not going to be aired an interview that I did yesterday might not get aired because I didn't have a good day. I'm a human, so some days, not every interview, not everything that I write every day is. And really Michelle Bender, who is this editor who is on my podcast later in May, she really taught me that, like, Hey, most of what you write it's not going to end up in the book, but it's okay.

[00:36:17] Kristina: You just do your work and you pick out the best pieces that then become your masterpieces, and so then you're a lot more relaxed. You're not attached to whether it's high or low quality. So today it's your choice, right? Like I am here to try to give my love and my wisdom or whatever I have.

[00:36:39] Kristina: I'm very imperfect. That's really my biggest message. I'm a flawed hot mess, but hey I'm here. I'm showing up every day, and I want you to, I want every one of your listeners out there today to be listening to me and saying, I can do this too. I'm going to take a baby step. I'm going to sign up for a class for something I want to do, or I'm going to go walk for 10 minutes because I'm trying to get an exercise routine. Why do we always start out saying, okay, I'm going to go to the gym and work out hard for an hour? Why don't you just start with 10 minutes of walking around the block? That's how I do everything in life now. I just ease into it, I just do a little bit and see how it goes.

[00:37:23] Aneta: Well, and I think that's why you are doing such great work and you're doing so many things and so I want to ask you about this idea of legacy and because I know that you've entered a new chapter and you launched your podcast and you are a very creative person and you've talked about service and helping others. So do you think about your life as like leaving a legacy? Like is that something that resonates with you?

[00:37:53] Kristina: I don't know how I figured this out, but I'm not a super wealthy person, but money doesn't matter to me. I live in a regular-sized house. I love to travel so I do make that a high priority, but I have learned that things, possessions, cars, houses, jewelry, all that stuff is. It doesn't make you happy.

[00:38:13] Kristina: They've done the studies where they literally ask people, okay, go ahead, what do you really want? I want a Lamborghini. What do you want? A hundred thousand dollars. Okay, so then they give it to them and they come back a month later and their happiness level, hasn't it gone up temporarily and now it's back down to normal. Then they go to a second group and they say, oh, well, I want you to just serve other people for a whole month. Pick a service organization. They come back a month later, and their happiness level has risen, has it's risen. So obviously happiness is not from things that we acquire, it's about serving.

[00:38:48] Kristina: And so I have always had a huge passion for animals. I know not everybody loves animals. Not everybody gets it, but in 2014, I decided to partner with a farm rescue called Sanctuary One. And if you go to their website, they're in southern Oregon, near Jacksonville, and you dig deep into the articles, you'll see that I built a cat cottage for FIV-positive cats. Now there's a whole story behind it, which we're not going to get into today. As to how I got interested in FIV cats other than I had kind of rescued an FIV cat and I couldn't keep it because my cats are not FIV positive and all the shelters were saying no that we're going to put the cat down.

[00:39:36] Kristina: And my vet said this cat can live a long, healthy life. If it doesn't need to be around other cats. So I saw a need to build, or a refuge, a shelter for FIV cats. I did it, the Western regional director of the Humane Society in America came to the ribbon-cutting ceremony on this little tiny farm. And I told my story. And afterward, he came up and he shook my hand and he said, I just learned a lot about FIV cats and I'm going to change the policy. So today, at least up and down the West Coast, like here in Seattle, you can. The FIV cats are not going to be put down, they're going to be rehomed, they're going to be put in the shelter and then they're going to be rehomed.

[00:40:22] Kristina: So I made a ripple effect. And why I did that in Aneta is I didn't want to wait till after I died. I could have just put in my will that I wanted some money to go to build a shelter. But I wanted, I think that get so much out of seeing the results of our actions. And that's why also like it. You could give a thousand dollars to a big organization and then it just kind of disappears, right? You don't know where it went. You don't know what happened to it. But I think when you actually get your hands dirty and you get into the whole process and you actually see the results, it's the best feeling in the whole world, it is. And so I feel like I'm living my legacy now, and I do it in other ways too.

[00:41:08] Kristina: Another way I did it is I went to Asia for the very first time in my life, and this was a couple of months ago. And I had this intuitive feeling, I have some lovely rings, and I will admit I had a little bit of, I was a bit of a shopper and it was a quick fix for me when I was caring for my husband. I had these beautiful rings I had and I had too many, I had so much jewelry. What am I going to do with all this jewelry? I took a bunch of, not a bunch, some of my jewelry with me knowing that there were safes everywhere we went, and these are safe countries. I was in Cambodia, one of the poorest countries in the world, and yet one of the happiest countries in the world, and I was on a crew on a very small cruise.

[00:41:49] Kristina: These people work morning to evening. I got to know them the whole week. I got to know their lives, their stories. One of them, her son is five and she works on the boat and her mom takes care of her and she works. She serves dinner. She serves all the meals, but her English is excellent. I found out how much it cost to go to a tourism school. I gave her one of my rings that will cover the cost of her going to tourism school. There was another gentleman on the boat who on the last day we were in. Penn and he got off the boat really early. I didn't see him, but another guest saw him, saw him come back on the boat, and said hey, why did you get off the boat and come back on?

[00:42:28] Kristina: He said, oh my wife just had a baby. The baby's in the ICU and I needed to go see him. I'm not going to get to see them for another two weeks. I also found out that the medical system in Cambodia is really, It's really unfair. So if you have a ton of money, you get really good care. And then pretty much everybody else, which is pretty much everybody in the country, has very subpar medical care. I gave him an $8,000 ring. I know that sounds like a lot. It is a lot for me too. But you know, I had a feeling I needed to bring there. I gave it to him and I said, use this to take care of your baby. So I did that for I think six or seven people. Did I make a difference? You know, a huge difference in the country of Cambodia.

[00:43:07] Kristina: No, but I made a difference in six people's lives. Six people. That's right. And I think that's right. Ask yourself that the next time you go, if you are, what can you do to help someone? What can I do? Sometimes it's a weird, random thing like giving them some jewelry that they can sell in Saigon, because it's, Saigon, even though it's a communist country, it's very capitalist. That's a whole other story. But, they're going up and down and I told them, to get three appraisals and then sell the rings. So these six people were just crying and waving as we went ashore. And I think that's part of why we don't give to organizations is we don't see the results. Right. But if we do it individually, if we help one per imagine, if every person on the planet helped one person, the world would be a better place, right?

[00:43:57] Aneta: Absolutely. And help can come in so many different ways. You were able to identify a need, but you identified the need with these folks because you developed a relationship with them, you understood what they needed and you felt like you were in a position where you could do something about it.

[00:44:15] Kristina: They didn't know this either. I was just being nice and friendly and chatting because that's what I do too, is that I love meeting people even though I'm an introvert, but like I love people's stories. I love to hear what makes them, them, and what they've been through. So the whole week I was just getting to know people and I didn't even know I was going to do this until the last day. I just was like, this is what I need to do. Now it doesn't have to be things like giving away jewelry or giving away large sums of money. I think sometimes it could also just be being present with people, listening to them. Listening to their stories. That's such a gift. So when you ask me how am I leaving my legacy? Aneta, I'm living my legacy, I live it every day. This is the way to live, right? I love it.

[00:45:04] Aneta: I love it and I want to applaud you for just being so in touch with that, with the humanity and that piece of you that aligns to what people need and, and, and to be able to serve in all those moments. So the question I ask everyone, and I think it's probably tied into the legacy question, is what does it mean to you to live the width of your life and how do you do that?

[00:45:30] Kristina: Yeah. I think, it goes back to the message of my podcast, which is to feel the fear and do it anyway. Because I think there's a big myth out there that, okay, I need to feel courageous before I take action.

[00:45:44] Kristina: It's actually the polar opposite. You feel the fear and you take action anyway. That's living the width of your life. And I really started really learning that at the conference we met at last fall because Andy Grammar or various people said, when I wake up in the morning, I don't just feel fearless, I feel like a little bit of fear when I get up in the morning, but I say, great, and then I literally do this now too.

[00:46:12] Kristina: I wake up a little edgy sometimes and I'm like, thanks for sharing. So I'm feeling a little fearful today. No problem. Yeah, that doesn't prevent me from getting things done. I'm still going to get out there and do it. And so, if you wait until you're confident, you're never going to take risks. So, That's really how I live the width of my life.

[00:46:34] Aneta: That's beautiful. And watching you and seeing you just brings me such joy because I do see that in action. And so how can this audience best support you and where can we find you?

[00:46:46] Kristina: Yeah, so probably I would love it if you listen to my podcast. So I'm on Apple and Spotify. iHeartRadio and I think pretty much anywhere you look you can find my podcast and it's, she's Brave with Kristina Driscoll.

[00:47:01] Kristina: And then I also have a Facebook group if you just look up. She's Brave Podcast. I have a group. I haven't done much with it yet, but this is me too. I barrel forward. Haven't done anything with the group yet, but that's in the works, some classes and some interactions and things, and I'm also newly on Instagram at She's Brave podcast.

[00:47:26] Aneta: Wonderful. I will include all of the details in the show notes and I just want to recognize you and just applaud you for all the great work that you're doing. I want to congratulate you on the success of the podcast, I mean, the top two and a half percent global podcast and you just launched in January. It is possible. And just thank you for your time today. It was just such a pleasure to have you on.

[00:47:52] Kristina: Thank you so much, Aneta.

[00:47:55] Aneta: Yes, you're welcome. Have an amazing day.

[00:47:58] Kristina: You too.

[00:47:59] Aneta: Thank you for listening to today's episode. If you have lost your zest for life and wondering if there's more to life than this, I want you to know that there is. If you're tired of being burned out and overworked, I was there, and now I want to help you. Download my free, easy-to-implement Daily Routines checklist to empower you to take control of your personal health and well-being and start to feel good again. Head out to my website for your copy, and I will see you next week.

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