Episode 30 transcript: How to Embrace Midlife and Age Gracefully with Jacqueline Perez

How to Embrace Midlife and Age Gracefully with Jacqueline Perez

[00:00:00] Jacqueline: You can make any lifestyle change that you desire till the cows come home. And if your body doesn't cooperate, if your physiology isn't cooperating, no amount of lifestyle changes are going to do the trick. You have to do it in combination. You can't ignore one over the other, and that's why I don't believe you can just take a pill and make everything go away. But I also sometimes believe that you can't ignore it. The reality of what is going on inside your body either. So you have to figure that out.

[00:00:32] Aneta: We often hear people wishing us a long, happy, and healthy life. But what if the length isn't what matters most? What if instead, it's the breadth, depth, and purpose of each day that matters most? Welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast. My name is Aneta Ardelian Kuzma. And join me weekly as I interview guests who made changes in their own lives to live more fully with intention, gratitude, and joy. Be prepared to be inspired by their stories of how they shifted their mindset. Took courageous action and designed the life that they always wanted to live.

Podcast Introduction

[00:01:04] Aneta: Thank you for joining me for another episode of Live The With of Your Life podcast. Today's guest is Jacqueline Perez. She is the founder of Kuel Life. She is a pro-aging champion and her mission is to normalize aging together. Jacqueline started Kuel Life about three years ago to normalize aging for women through meaningful curated content and women-driven brands. We had such a great time talking about her mission, and why she wanted to start Kuel Life the way that she is able and has built this amazing community of other women to share their gifts with the world. We talked about topics tied to menopause, aging in this country, and actually in the world as a woman. There are so many things that we covered. I think you're really going to enjoy today's episode. Take a listen.

Podcast Interview

[00:01:54] Aneta: Jacqueline Perez, I'm so excited to have you on my show today. Thanks for joining me.

[00:02:00] Jacqueline: I am thrilled to be here in Aneta. Thank you so much for inviting me.

[00:02:03] Aneta: You're welcome. And I know you prefer to go by Jack. I saw it on your website. Is it okay if I call you that during this episode?

[00:02:12] Jacqueline: Absolutely. Jacqueline and I think just takes too long for people. Jack is fine.

[00:02:18] Aneta: So Jack, I am so excited because I think that what you do and your passion and mission so align with my community. So do you mind taking a few moments and just sharing a little bit about your background and what your passion is in life, and how you've turned that into your business?

[00:02:34] Jacqueline: I'm happy to thank you for asking. So in a nutshell, I am set out on a mission to normalize aging, in particular for women. And I'm not suggesting that it doesn't need to be normalized across the genders, but I am a woman, and menopause in particular hit me in a very severe way. Which made me question so much about who I was becoming and what I wanted out of life. And, it sent me reeling to a point where I thought to myself, okay, I cannot be the only person who's been run over by this train, so to speak. So, I wanted to be part of the solution and part of the next wave and the big sea change of what aging is looking for us. For this generation of young baby boomers, the Gen Xers, and say the elder millennials. So I'm very excited to be part of the sea change.

[00:03:35] Aneta: I love that so much and what you said resonates with me because I feel we hear about menopause, but there's still a lot of questions as women as to when will this happen. And maybe we can gauge a range based on our parents or our mother or grandmother, but sometimes we can't. And then two, for me, I remember, noticing perimenopause started young and that's not something that I was prepared for as a woman. And the more I researched the more I just felt, I was heavily marketed to for things that I didn't necessarily want, so my desire and curiosity for information were suddenly turned into marketing tactics almost used against me at this age.

[00:04:20] Jacqueline: Absolutely. And it's funny because of that whole perimenopause thing. I started my family late in life. I didn't have my baby till I was 38. And now in hindsight, I can go back and. revisit symptoms that I had when I had a preschooler and some of the symptoms that I had, I now understand them to be perimenopausal symptoms, but at the time, I didn't even question it because why would I? I had a small child. I felt like I was still pretty young. I was still menstruating. No one, no doctor ever came to me and said, hey, listen, these things might start happening to you as early as 40, so just in case they do, this is what it's about. No one said that. As a matter of fact, no one said anything ever to me. I had to go looking and searching. No one offered any positive or proactive information on this next phase of life. And I don't want other women to be facing this phase, which by the way, I also happen to think it's the best phase yet. But I don't want them being facing it without information and without knowledge because knowledge is power as we all know.

[00:05:34] Aneta: I agree with you. It's so interesting because I'm curious as to why you think it's the best phase of life. I have some of my own thoughts on it, but it can be the best phase, I agree with you, but it also is confusing when things are happening to your body that you're not familiar with. And as you said, nobody is proactively sharing this information in Western medicine. So tell me why you think it can be the best stage of life.

[00:06:01] Jacqueline: So once you get it sorted out, right, once you get the misinformation or the lack of information, and once you figure out sort of your body can go through that transition and you can be a whole person on the other side of it. Why I believe this is the best phase of life because, for the first time in forever, I feel like my sense of obligation is minimal compared to the way it used to be. So my child has gone, and my pets are older. I'm not in corporate America anymore. I work for myself. I feel like this time can be set up in such a way to allow us to really pursue what makes us happy, what fulfills us, and we can stop doing so much for everybody else around us, which is what we've spent most of our young adult and adult life doing as women, right. And so that's why I think it's the best phase because once I sorted out the confusion, which I do not want to minimize, absolutely, it was some of the worst couples of years of my life because my life did turn upside down physiologically and it just did and anyone who tells you that hormones don't run the show is lying to you. Because you can make any lifestyle change that you desire till the cows come home. And if your body doesn't cooperate, if your physiology isn't cooperating, no amount of lifestyle changes are going to do the trick. You have to do it in combination. You can't ignore one over the other and that's why I don't believe you can just take a pill and make everything go away, but I also sometimes believe that you can't ignore the reality of what is going on inside your body either. So you have to figure that out. Did that answer your question?

[00:07:55] Aneta: Yes, I completely agree with you because I think that when I said the confusion, like the things that worked in the past from an exercise in food and even sleep perspective maybe don't work any longer in menopause. But I also experience what you talked about with just being in a different mindset. And for me personally, I remember when my kids went off to college and that's when I started my business, started asking myself those questions, like what I wanted to do when I grow up. And it is so liberating and there's a sense of freedom that I feel now that I didn't before. Just like you said the obligations and these multiple identities that we carry as women throughout our life, which are so amazing. But do you find that there are some women that you work with that still struggle with being able to answer what will make them happy, what they do want to do next?

[00:08:45] Jacqueline: Absolutely. And I think that that's pretty normal, right? I mean, I don't think we've ever done as humans. We're a work in process the entire time. And so I would be surprised if there's ever a time in anyone's life when they can look at somebody else and say, yeah, I'm cooked. I'm done. I'm good. I've got it all figured out. Don't have any more questions. Don't have any more misgivings. Everything's good. Because I think that part of the human condition is constantly sort of in search of and looking for, and I think that, that's part of it. What I love about this phase that we didn't have before is that this is the first time in the history of humankind, that we have this number of individuals alive and healthy on the planet all at the same time. So for whatever reason, in the early 1900s, the average lifespan of a white woman was 51. So sure, some women lived to be, in their eighties, nineties, over a hundred. Of course, they did. But on average, from a cohort perspective, we just didn't really exist in big numbers post-menopausal. So we didn't have to figure it out. We didn't have to figure out menopause, because a lot of us didn't even see it. But now the sheer number of us seeing menopause come and go in the rearview mirror, right? because menopause is that one day when you manage to get by without a period for 24 months or 12 months, right? 24 months? You could tell how far I'm into it now that I don't even remember. So nowadays, this is the beginning of an entire other lifespan and we, this cohort of women, you and me, and all of the other women that are around us, we by definition get to define what that life looks like. But we set up models for other women to follow. So the fact that some women are still struggling and confused and potentially in a lot of discomforts. I'm not surprised because we don't have a lot of history in the books or models to look at, to say, well this is how this generation did it because we are the generation doing it. And so there are pros and cons to that,

[00:11:06] Aneta: Yeah, absolutely. So when you were going through your own experience, how far down the road when you were in your own experience of menopause, did you decide, you know what, there's probably an opportunity here to serve more women because you said, I can't be the only one going through this experience. So what did that look like when you took it from a personal need and opportunity to then deciding that, wow, I could serve other women? In the process you started your company, is it pronounced Kuel Life?

[00:11:40] Jacqueline: It is. It's pronounced Kuel Life because my contention is that there's a huge chasm between mini skirts and dependent adult diapers. And it's in that space that we can live our big, bright, cool life no matter how we want to live it. Right? And so that's my contention, which is why I called it Kuel Life. Absolutely. I'd like to say that I knew immediately as soon as it was happening to me. But the reality is I didn't because I was in that funk, because I was suffering from symptoms that made it difficult for me to think clearly. I had horrible brain fog. I had terrible anxiety for the first time in my life, and so it wasn't until I was sort of coming out of the throes of it, meaning I had, I tried everything. You name it, I tried from regular supplements to dieting, no dieting, intermittent fasting. I mean, you name it, I tried it. Finally, I had to go the hormone replacement therapy route, and so I actually use bioidentical hormone replacement therapy, which for me, in my personal experience works perfectly and has changed the trajectory of my life personally. Now, I'm not recommending it or advocating it for everybody or saying it's the panacea that's like solves everybody's issues. I'm just letting everyone know that that's what solved it for me once I was on that path, my mind started clearing up and I was able to look at this as an opportunity rather than, this horrible thing that happened to me that I had to survive. I actually looked at it as, okay, listen, I tried almost everything there was to try. Nothing worked. I finally ended up here, but why wouldn't my flounderings? Why wouldn't my failings potentially help other women who find themselves going through a similar path? And that's when it hit me that there were so many other challenges and opportunities that happened during this phase of life that the physiological change is only one of a gazillion other things that happened during this stage of life. You live long enough, your children are going to leave the nest.

[00:13:56] Jacqueline: You live long enough, you probably will have to take care of ailing parents while your teenager is stealing your car if you live long enough. You might end up in, what's called a gray divorce because most divorces are initiated by women after 50. If you live long enough, you're probably going to leave corporate America and decide that you want to start your own thing. Because guess what? Most entrepreneurs are women over 50. We are a multifaceted, incredibly interesting group of individuals that are alive today and living in this space, which I then again, contend is the best phase of life, cause we get to define it. We get to do it the way we want to do it, and I don't know that we've ever been gifted that before.

[00:14:44] Aneta: Yeah. No, it's so interesting. I love that you share those stats because I think either we don't know it, or maybe we're not always aware of it, but women over 50 do make up a large percentage, as you said, of entrepreneurs. We also have spending power and are typically the CFOs of the household as well. But yeah, you also talked about, I remember reading, in my research of you, you talked about a personal story of how you felt like you were starting to disappear, that when you were out in public, that suddenly maybe people weren't noticing you in the way that they were before. So talk a little bit about what that experience is like.

[00:15:19] Jacqueline: Yeah. That's brutal. I mean, and I know this is not my story alone. I've heard it way too often, told but yeah, right around in my early fifties, I started looking in the mirror, and this is sort of a round robin it's like, which comes first, the chicken or the egg? Right? I started looking in the mirror and I did not like what I was seeing reflected back to me. Now I had gained 30 pounds. By definition, once you start getting into your fifties, the skin isn't as elastic. The lines are more creased, all of it. And what ended up happening though, because I was hormonally challenged and my brain wasn't working the way it was supposed to work. And then add to that, these real distinctive changes that are happening to us, whether we like it or not, that combination put me in a really bad personal space. I was very unhappy. I was somewhat depressed and anxious. And what happened was I kept shrinking away even further. So it wasn't just society, it wasn't just our Western culture of youth is key. Everything's marketed to people in their thirties. That doesn't help. Yes. I'm not telling you that our culture isn't geared to be very youth-centric. But you add to that when you start to play small when you start to allow yourself to shrink and hide, then it's a losing proposition. And that's what I realized I was doing and I was doing it because I wasn't right with myself now, once I figured that out, and that took a lot of souls searching, it took some therapy, it took some medical intervention, and it took some time for me to kind of have a sit down with myself and bootstrap myself back into the living. But guess who's not disappearing anymore? We don't have to disappear.

[00:17:11] Aneta: That's so true. It's interesting. And I do think that's the question, right? Which comes first? Do we start to feel a little unsure in our own skin and then we project that out into the world? Or is it, at the same time that's also being reflected back to us, which is just interesting? So you started Kuel Life with this mission, and I'm assuming that it started with just you, but now, it's expanded. So talk a little bit about what that looked like, that trajectory from starting as a solopreneur and then expanding into the business as it is today.

[00:17:46] Jacqueline: I'd love to. So the reality is I didn't start it completely by myself. I started it with a very good friend. Because she was feeling a lot of the same symptoms and having a lot of the same issues that I was having. Sadly though, shortly after launch, she got diagnosed with stage four colon cancer and didn't make it. And so I had, so I did have to take over as a solopreneur. Which as anyone here knows, any of your listeners, know anyone who started a business. We both started it together. So we were both working, seven days a week. 10, 12, 15, 16 hour days. And when she disappeared, which she did way before she passed away because she had to fight for her life. I, for whatever reason, thought, well, I'll just double down. You can't double down forever though, because it's just not possible. After a few months, I realized, I could not do this on my own. Not to mention I am not an expert on all of the subjects that are important to women at this stage of life.

[00:18:54] Jacqueline: I went out and started to look for them because I knew they were out there because I was finding their information, I was reading their articles, I was gaining their wisdom, and I thought to myself, well, why not build a platform where I could bring in all of these women, or as many women as want to be part of it, that want to share their wisdom, their expertise in these quote-unquote lanes I call the roster my thought leaders, and so each one of 'em has a lane, like, someone is dealing with an empty nest, someone is dealing with menopause, someone is dealing with vagina issues because we all have vaginas and they don't necessarily stay completely normal and healthy the way they were when they were in their thirties or forties once we get to a certain age. So all of the intricacies and the wonders that happened during this stage, I have been lucky enough. To encounter women who are out there right now helping women deal with these challenges and opportunities, and I wanted to bring a place where women could go and feel safe knowing that the content in there is directed at them, for them, with them in mind, dealing with the tough issues, but also doing it in an empowering and kind way where we can take action and potentially help ourselves. And so that's what I did. And now I have over 60 women globally. They are on the thought leader roster and month after month, those women show up with their expertise and their advice, and tips, and we are a better community for it. So yeah.

[00:20:34] Aneta: I love it. I was out there today and I was just looking, I mean everything from wellness. To home, to the topics, you talked about in terms of empty nesting. I mean, across the board you have so many relevant topics. It's easy to get lost in there and to spend time, which is free, which is content that I was able to access publicly from the website, but you also have a shop and a membership center. So tell us a little bit more, like if people join the membership, what does that look like and what do you get as a member?

[00:21:04] Jacqueline: A membership gets you some content that isn't open to the public. So I do have some member exclusive content. It also allows you, if you are a woman of business or you wrote a book, or you have a podcast, it allows you to be in the business directory, which the website gets a fair amount of traffic. So what it does is it allows for more visibility so that you can get your voice heard and you can reach the audience that you're looking to reach. But more importantly than anything else, you're contributing to the movement to normalize aging. A very inexpensive membership because honestly, it is more about contributing and being part of the sea change to normalize aging for women than it is about anything else.

[00:21:50] Aneta: No, I love it. Definitely, as you said, is affordable and I was curious about the additional content that folks can get, but just being able to have a directory of female-owned businesses and to be able to support them, I know that community is so important to many of us. And so what are some of the things that the folks in the directory, like what are some of the types of businesses that people are showcasing within there?

[00:22:13] Jacqueline: Wow, so many. I mean, we have people who are stylists, so if you're looking to upgrade your wardrobe or whatnot, there are stylists out there. There are graphic designers, so women who work are independent graphic designers. There are women who own companies like Whistleblowing companies, for companies to be able to have anonymous reporting, if someone needs to report something within their company, the women in there are just vast and amazing and accomplished.

[00:22:44] So there are women in there from all over the world with all types of different businesses and pursuits, which are focused on women, which is great. So it's for women by women. It's a perfect place to go look for a product or a service if you want to use another woman, and you want to know that that's sort of been vetted out for you through me and through my process. So, everyone, there is a vetted resource.

[00:23:11] Aneta: And that's amazing. What do you do for vetting? What are you able to share in terms of if someone was interested and wanted to submit for membership, what would that look like?

[00:23:20] Jacqueline: Oh, you mean to become a member? Anyone can become a member. What I do is I just make sure they have a real business. I check their referrals. I just make sure that it's not just a random individual putting up a bogus business. So all the businesses are verified before they go up there.

[00:23:38] Aneta: Oh, that's wonderful. And so you've talked about normalizing menopause and normalizing midlife. What does that word mean to you? To normalize, what does that look like in your ideal world? What would it look like for society if mid-age was not only just normalized, but maybe revered or appreciated or respected?

[00:23:59] Jacqueline: Revered. Wouldn't that be great? I think people are missing out on all the wisdom that we're walking around with, but yeah, for me the concept of normalizing it is that it's no longer a discussion as to whether or not you color your hair or you don't color your hair, or it's not a discussion as to whether or not you are grieving because your children have left the nest, or you have a passport in hand and are traveling all over the world. That all of these reactions are normal and accepted, and part of this phase of life, and the reason I believe that it's not normal now is that there's just not enough data. We haven't had enough people doing it. So like I said earlier, the modeling isn't there. So when someone does something, Sometimes it feels jarring to us because we haven't seen, hundreds and thousands of people do it before them or around them. And I know in part that's what we're going through. These are the growing pains [00:25:00] of being this age at this stage of life. When we're sort of leading the pack on this new dynamic and this new cohort of individuals. So that's what I mean by normalizing it. It doesn't become a point of discussion anymore.

[00:25:14] Aneta: Right. And in your research, or just having so many international members as well, are there countries who are doing a better job than the states perhaps in terms of appreciating women, revealing them, respecting them, as we become wiser and more mature?

[00:25:34] Jacqueline: I sadly cannot report any particular, because most of the countries that, utilize the site are English-speaking countries. And so I think that those English-speaking countries as more Western countries, I think we all sort of suffer from the same youth-centric phenomenon. And so I wish I could report that there's a country to watch where we should emulate. But I don't really have anything like that to say, unfortunately.

[00:26:07] Aneta: So only upwards, right? We have more, upside potential to go when it comes to this.

[00:26:13] Jacqueline: Oh, absolutely. As I said earlier, it's ours to write, it's ours to set up. And I think that we're doing it, I mean, you're doing it in your podcast and in your work with women. I'm doing it through Kuel Life and my work with women from all over the world. Our voices together are what's making the difference and will be making the difference.

[00:26:34] Aneta: Yeah. Is there any advice that you tell young women today based on your experiences or maybe something you wish that you'd told yourself when you were younger?

[00:26:45] Jacqueline: I wish that I had known how good it was going to get as I got older. I wish I had known that, but the reality is, I didn't give a lot of mind space to aging when I was younger. I don't know why. It just wasn't something talked about. I mean, this is how youth-centric of a world I grew up in, that I and I could not visualize myself aging. I don't know what I was thinking was going to happen. I have no idea. I mean, if I really question myself, I'm like, what was I thinking? I wasn't thinking about it. And I believe that it has changed a lot, very dramatically. And one of the reasons I believe this is even just the data within my own company, half of our readers are below 45. And so what that tells me is that women are curious about what's coming. They know they're going to age, they're embracing it, or at least looking at it head-on rather than pretending it's not going to happen, which maybe is where I was. I don't even know. Yeah. I mean, do you remember what you thought of when you were in your thirties or about aging? Did you think of yourself as someone in their fifties or sixties? I did not.

[00:27:59] Aneta: I looked at my mom, and my aunt like role models and examples, and I remember noticing slight changes in them and changes in their body and changes, I think, some of the symptoms and I think I was convinced that there was going to be a way for me to avoid some of that. Like you, I didn't see myself going through it. I just thought. And to be honest, take a look at what we see on the screens and in movies and TV shows. I mean, women are not encouraged to age gracefully. They are encouraged to try to maintain youthful standards through all mains, and so we didn't necessarily, unless you look at normal people, every day, people in your life, We're not necessarily reminded of that, and I don't think we really talked about it. I don't remember talking to any older women in my family about menopause. They would just say, just you wait, it was sort of like, yeah, you'll go through it, you'll understand. But there weren't a lot of conversations. So, yeah, I think, I didn't necessarily picture it. Have a plan on how to approach it, and then you just start noticing things. I think perimenopause for me was really where I was, what is happening? Like, this is confusing. And like you, one year I gained like 20 pounds. I didn't recognize myself. Everything was different. My medical doctor didn't have answers, I think, so I went to a holistic medicine doctor but you have to pay out of pocket. The answers that you want to find sometimes in the alternative medicine space and the holistic space, you have to pay out of pocket. Most health insurance companies are not paying for it. So that also I think is a so socioeconomic, issue as well, who is able to afford to do things.

[00:29:44] Jacqueline: It's a huge problem. You're absolutely right. Because my bioidentical hormone replacement therapy gets paid out of pocket. Yeah. I have to write, I have to write a check for that every quarter. I know not a lot of people can't afford that. It's not an inexpensive solution. The thing that kills me is the misogyny behind it all because if I had erectile dysfunction, that would be covered. Now to my knowledge, erectile dysfunction doesn't cause brain fog or anxiety, or, well, it might cause anxiety. Nevermind. I could see how someone could be anxious. Do you know what I mean? It's not life-threatening. They're not gaining tons of weight and having all sorts of anxiety issues or not being able to perform at work because their brain fog is causing problems. The symptoms I had were real medical symptoms that made my life very difficult to live. It made it very difficult for me to be a functioning member of society, but insurance doesn't want to cover that.

[00:30:51] Aneta: Yeah, it's interesting and I think sleep, right? I don't know if your sleep is impacted, but I know that sleep is definitely when the hormones change and progesterone levels drop as well. It is very difficult to sleep and one-third of Americans are not sleeping properly, and sleep is such a critical issue. It's like the pillar and the foundation of our health. And as you said earlier, we have to tackle all of it. You tackle one piece of it. And if you're not sleeping properly, which many times perimenopausal, menopause caused sleep disturbances and issues you're not going to feel good. You're going to have brain fog, and you're going to have more issues with cortisol. It's just this vicious loop that is really hard to unravel.

[00:31:32] Jacqueline: I feel like once the sperm hit the egg. I never slept again.

[00:31:40] Aneta: So you've just been, you've been tired for the last few decades?

[00:31:45] Jacqueline: Pretty much so, yeah. On occasion, I mean, I do things to help. The sleep situation is because you're absolutely right. Sleep deprivation is one of the leading issues we have as we age, and it's also really hard on our brain health. Yeah. In order to maintain a healthy brain, we need to be able to have good sleeping behaviors and good sleeping patterns, and it's very difficult to do when your hormones are not playing by the rules that you would like them to play by. Right. So yeah, figuring that out is key. And there can be a whole lot of issues with sleeping as well, like partners at snore and there's a lot of emotional baggage sometimes around where do you sleep and how do you sleep and it's like, you just need to sleep. Nobody questions When you drink a glass of water, for goodness gracious sake.

[00:32:39] Aneta: Yeah. No, that's so true. So I'm going to ask you about other things that you're doing, and as you said before, we're really just, I want to understand what's working for you. So, we talked about the bioidentical hormones, but I know that you're a very active person, so talk a little bit about what you're able to do, maybe mentally and physically as well to help support, aging with optimal health, mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally.

[00:33:07] Jacqueline: And it's all combined. Honestly for sure, one cannot forget the physical part of it. Absolutely. Yeah. And this just really hit me. I just came back from five weeks abroad and I was in Vietnam. I was in Hanoi for a month. Okay. I was part of this program called remote year, which is if you're a digital nomad you can work from anywhere there are organizations now that allow you to sort of sign up with them and they give you the infrastructure. They kind of make it easy for you, which is wonderful. And I tried one of their programs in Vietnam. I was by far one of the eldest people there, and we're not talking by a few years, we're talking decades in many of the scenarios. Yet I was not the last one up the mountain. Yet, I was not the one huffing and puffing. Here's the deal. I really do believe that being physically fit while it used to be a huge vanity thing for me when I was younger, is not a vanity play. It is literally the only way to be able to really enjoy this phase of life. You want the freedom that comes from having your kids out of the nest. You want the freedom that you have from not having to report to corporate America, eight to seven every day, but you need the machine to work. If the machine doesn't work then none of the other stuff matters.

[00:34:35] Jacqueline: And I am a huge believer in that the way we used to exercise before menopause, and I did this all the time. I was a hardcore martial artist. I trained 15, 20, and 25 hours a week. I ran, I also biked, I swam all of that heavy-duty cardio, not good for me anymore. It puts way too much stress on my joints. It puts way too much stress on my cortisol levels. It wreaks havoc with my hormone imbalance. So I have learned that for me now that I'm almost, God, I'll be 59 in July. Now I've realized that for me what keeps my machine healthy is more heavy lifting and whatever that means. You don't have to go and start bench pressing 200 pounds. Heavy is a relative term, but it is heavier than you would normally lift something because you want to build the muscle and you want to create strain on the bones so that they maintain their strength as well. Because honestly, a year and a half ago, or two years ago, almost two years ago, I had a terrible skydiving accident and I got three compressed vertebrae broken. I had three compressed fractures in my back. They wanted to do all sorts of crazy surgery and pins. I walked out of that emergency room on my own, and the reason I walked out is that my core was so strong that it was able to support the chassis, and that's what I'm talking about. You could say to yourself, well, I'm never going to jump out of an airplane, so I'm not at risk.

[00:36:12] Jacqueline: You could fall walking the family dog off the curve on your sidewalk and break something right? That we don't need to fall out of an airplane to break something. And so the better off you are physically, the more physically fit you keep your body, the higher likelihood you have to withstand a mistake, an oops like that, and keep going. Rather than slipping and breaking something, you would slip and catch yourself or slip and roll or whatever, because you're more attuned to your physical presence on the earth. And I think that is something that as we age, we can forget to keep doing. And it no longer is a vanity play, ladies, it's not about having a six-pack ab. It's about having your machine function at a level that you can get to do all the wonderful things that you want to do with these 20, 30, 40 years, whatever we have left.

[00:37:09] Aneta: Thank you for sharing your own personal experience and what you do. It reminds me of the studies with the Blue Zones and you look at the places and the world that have the highest longevity, people living over the age of 100, and these are not individuals who are going to the gym every day. They are however extremely active throughout the day. They are shepherds walking up mountains. They are folks who are walking a lot, do their own household chores, engaging maybe in activities like Tai Chi in Okinawa. And so it's really interesting to say what serves me now. Because what serves me now is not what served me before.

[00:37:47] Aneta: I know I used to run and I used to do races, but that doesn't serve me anymore. I don't like it on my joints. And it also really did cause my cortisol levels to be very high. It was very stressful. And so I, as you have really appreciated do yoga. I love walking. I also love strength training and just doing some hip workouts, things that are still good for the body and maybe surprising and causing a little bit of that strength and that pressure, but not sustained, 45-minute cardio workout or long runs for a few hours that doesn't serve me any longer either. So I love that, like checking in and saying what worked.

[00:38:22] Jacqueline: I forgot about my hip. I love hip workouts and I meant to mention them, but those are really good. Getting yourself in an anaerobic state for a short period of time. Yep. That's good for you. Putting yourself in a stress level for minutes and minutes on end is not so good.

[00:38:39] Aneta: So let's talk about nutrition a little bit. So what are some of the things that you've discovered that we should all be aware of in terms of nutrition? Are there foods that we should be eating more of? I know I've heard yams are really healthy and good, hormonally for women in midlife. I love them, by the way, which makes it good for me. But what else should we be considering when looking at the way we arrange our plates?

[00:39:00] Jacqueline: So for me, what I have discovered now that my age is that I do better if I eat intuitively. literally, I have to listen to my body. I have to stop and say, okay, what am I hungry for? Am I craving protein? Am I craving something dark and green? What am I craving? When I listen to that it works. I sleep better. My gut biome is better. All of it. My energy levels are better when I stopped eating just because I felt like I needed to be where it was on some lists. And started eating by paying attention to what my body was actually asking for. And so that is what works for me. On some days I'll be like, okay, I just need to go eat two hard-boiled eggs, because that's what I really want right now. Yeah. And then I might need a handful of cashews because I'm craving, and I know I'm craving it because I can tell when I'm thinking about it like that's what I want in my mouth.

[00:40:02]  Jacqueline: I want the cashews, I want that feeling, I want that fat. For the most part. I stay away from things that are not whole foods. Yeah. Basically. I mean if it's real food, and I want it, I'll eat it without even thinking about it. I don't question and I think I'm lucky in the sense that I don't have much of a sweet tooth, so I don't have the battle, the sugar battle that a lot of women face. I like ice cream, which is a relatively new thing. I never liked ice cream in my entire life. And now over the last nine months, I've found that I like ice cream. Just two flavors. That's it. No other flavors in these two, so I just get the best ice cream that I possibly can with the best ingredients because the ingredients in the ice cream are whole food ingredients. It's not bad for you. So, yeah.

[00:40:48] Aneta: It's amazing. I think intuitive eating is so important and critical, but too many people don't even understand the concept because we are running so quickly not used to being quiet and reflective and asking the questions like, what would taste good right now? Or What does my body really need? And so, is there a way that you practice, like being in tune with yourself? So that you could identify intuitively what you need.

[00:41:20] Jacqueline: Part of it was, in all honesty, slowing down. for a moment and getting off of the idea that other people knew better than I know what I want or need. For most of my adult life and even my young life, I was on every bandwagon, like, oh, the grapefruit diet. The Atkins diet. The Mediterranean diet? And finally, I said, okay, I am an individual, why don't I just pay attention to what the Jack Diet should be? Because what I noticed was I live with someone who does much better with more animal protein and fewer vegetables. He just does better. And I don't necessarily do better with more animal protein and fewer vegetables. So that made me realize that just because it's said somewhere that these are the food groups and this is the percentage you're supposed to have the two individuals eating the same exact diet. One of them isn't doing as well as the other. So why is that? and we're still talking organic food. We're still talking whole food, but just the type of food. My body craves something different, and I finally am old enough now that I don't care what anybody else says, and I don't care if I look ridiculous because I'm eating whatever this is, and it may not look like it's a complete meal to you. Fine. The proof is in the pudding. My blood work keeps coming back great. My weight is great. My brain fog is not there. My sleeping is great, so I'm going to be paying attention to the machine over what anybody else might have to say.

[00:42:56] Aneta: So Jack, tell me if people are listening and they're interested in learning more about Kuel Life, or they want to get more involved, how can we best support you? Where can folks find you?

[00:43:09] Jacqueline: Well, just like you did, you could go to the website and it is spelled with a K, so it's Kuel Life, but it's K U E L Life. And there you can peruse. You could go to the about page and check out the roster of thought leaders. There are some really heavy-hitting women on that thought leader roster and their wisdom and expertise are all there for the taking. And know that if you are a woman in midlife or beyond chances are we're going to be speaking to you. Chances are that content is incredibly relevant to you in your phase of life currently. And if you're not there, but you're curious, by all means, come feed your curiosity, because I want you to be prepared. I don't want any woman to be hit the way that I was hit with those changes that were so dramatic and so unpleasant. And I felt alone. It took me a long time and a lot of research and a lot of digging, and a lot of being told no by a bunch of different professionals that didn't get it to find the resources that did get it, which put me in this place where I can now help other people. So come to the site and you can reach me on all the social media platforms.

[00:44:23]  Jacqueline: I'm on all of them. Follow us, it's Kuel Life, K-u-e-l l-i-f-e, and reach out to me if any of your listeners is a woman in an area that is relevant to women in midlife and beyond, and you want your voice out there. You want to share your wisdom and your expertise. There's always room at my table for another thought leader because of Kuel Life. I started it, but it's not mine. It belongs to all of us.

[00:44:47] Aneta: Oh, it's amazing. We'll include all those links in the show notes. I just want to thank you, Jack, for doing the most amazing work in this world. Your voice is needed. It is so important and relevant for the generation of women who are in midlife, but also for the younger generations who want to be better prepared and to know what to expect and to make the transition as smooth as possible. So I have a final question for you. What is the definition for you of living the width of your life?

[00:45:19] Jacqueline: So I have to tell you I love that and I'm going to borrow it a little bit because I write a weekly essay called Jack Smack. Yeah. And I totally want to write about living the width of my life and not the length of it. Yes. Because I've been talking about that with a friend since, since looking into your podcast. And I just think that is so clever and so amazing and so for me, I love the idea of living the width, of expanding, of making, of being big, of being intentional, of being loud, of taking up space, and not worried so much about how long I'm going to be here because yeah, who cares?

[00:45:57]  Jacqueline: As I would much rather live, I feel like, Just even going to Vietnam for five weeks. I feel like I lived more in those five weeks than a lot of people live in, 10 years. And so for me, living the width of it is just being integrity and saying yes to those things and bringing me joy and knowing when to say no, so that there is room for me to be able to do the things that I want to do that brings me joy and filling up my width with that. Rather than pushing it off thinking I'm going to have a longer life and I'll get to it. Living my width means I do it now. There's room now, not later on down the path, because who knows what that path looks like. But now, and that's what I love it. I absolutely love that.

[00:46:43] Aneta: What a beautiful, beautiful answer. I can't wait to read what you write about it, and I'm glad that it sparked a little inspiration for you. Thank you so much. I appreciate you, and I'm so grateful that you took the time to be on the show and share your message with my audience. Thank you, Jack.

[00:47:00] Jacqueline: Thank you Aneta so much for your time

[00:47:02] Aneta: Of course.

[00:47:03] Aneta: Thank you for listening to today's episode. If today's conversation inspired you to dream again, break out of your comfort zones, or reflect on what it means to you to live more fully, then please follow this podcast because every week you'll hear more stories from people just like you, who took imperfect action towards their goals, creating more joy, and are living the life that they always dreamt of living.

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