Episode 61 transcript: Surviving near-fatal accident to resilience, self-discovery & transformation

[00:00:00] Charis: Wow. I just about died. My family just about died. My father's heart literally stopped that night too at one point, and then it was like life is like in a heartbeat can just be, gone. So it was that clarity of why aren't people paying more attention and being safer.

[00:00:21] Aneta: We often hear people wishing us a long, happy, and healthy life, but what if the length isn't what matters most? What if instead, it's the breath depth and purpose of each day that matters most? Welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast. My name is Aneta Ardelian Kuzma and join me weekly as I interview guests who made changes in their own lives to live more fully with intention. Gratitude and joy. Be prepared to be inspired by their stories of how they shifted their mindset, took courageous action, and designed the life that they always wanted to live.

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It is going to be a 12-week program in which we have daily meditation, and weekly breath work, and twice a month we are going to have very specific content in a group coaching format. If you are ready to finally manifest the life of your dreams, to become a magnet for the blessings that you are seeking to reduce stress and burnout and create optimal health, to learn to stop listening to the limiting beliefs doubts, and fears that are holding you back and finally create The habits and routines that allow you to take daily aligned, inspired action towards the life of your dreams.

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This week's conversation. Was a really interesting conversation. My guest is Charis Santilli and Charis is a life balance and transition coach and host of the Charis your life podcast. When she was 19, a family hot air balloon ride changed her life forever. The crash landing left her dad with a broken neck, her with a broken heart, and her mom an alcoholic.

And she managed her internal crisis by staying impossibly busy, giving herself the illusion of safety and control. The accident became the catalyst that led to a journey of traumatic healing and her calling to become a Certified coach, she believes that through deep tragedy, there is a light waiting to break through and her core teachings fuse the principles and frameworks of fearless living and positive intelligence as she helps people go from busy to balanced and beyond our conversation.

 was really impactful for me, and I think it will be for you as well. Charis shares the accident that changed her life, but it's just part of her story. The part that was just so beautiful was how she turned all of this into a story of resilience, of surviving of being able to create a mission and a legacy for her own life, and helping other people through the tragedy that happened with her family.

And, I don't want to give too much away. I just think that it was 1 of those stories that will stay with me for a very long time. Charis’ spirit is just so light and bright, and she is doing amazing things in this world. She is sharing through her podcasts or her coaching and really has persevered through what happened when she was so young in those formative years, she talks a lot about her journey of healing the guides along the way and where she is today, which is really a beautiful place.

So I hope that you enjoy today's conversation. It really is an example of being able to take even the darkest moments in our lives and create light from them. Take a listen.

Podcast Interview:

[00:04:42] Aneta: Charis, I'm so excited to have you with me today. Thank you so much for joining me.

[00:04:47] Charis: I'm happy to be here. Thank you.

[00:04:50] Aneta: You're welcome. And for those that don't know you, what would you like to share about your life's journey and kind of how you got to where you are today?

[00:05:02] Charis: Well, yeah, I'll go ahead and share the big highlights and big part of my story. So let's back up to childhood as we often do. I grew up in an entrepreneurial household. And so I was really inspired by my parents and watching them build a business from scratch out of our kitchen. And they were definitely pursuing and ultimately living the American dream.

So that was my childhood growing up to see that evolution and to see all that intention and effort and quote unquote, hard work. All of that ultimately brought about this successful thriving business and all the wonderful things that happened along the way. And so then I modeled after their high-achieving ways and what I saw.

And I went for all the accolades I could in school and all of that, and it really was a lovely childhood and my memory of it for sure was quite a beautiful childhood. And the catalyst for what eventually led me here was soon into college.

So I was about to turn 19 and we were celebrating my dad's 50th birthday with a hot air balloon ride. And I'm from Southeastern Washington state, which is desert. Very hot. It is not like the Seattle area. There is a whole huge section of that state that is desert. So people are often surprised to hear that it was very hot, like 170 degrees that day. We almost didn't go up, but we did. And it was a beautiful yet hot ride.

And Something went terribly wrong, though, when we came to land and the pilot knew we were coming in too fast and told us to hold on tight, brace ourselves and we ended up hitting the ground really hard. The balloon basket got picked back up into the air because when I say pilot, it's like if you've never been in one or seen one really up close, it's not like it has a steering wheel and any controls truly. You're dealing with air and air flaps and currents and fire. And so it got lifted back up again, and he said again, okay, we're going to try again here. Everybody really hold on tight, brace yourselves.

And my dad directed each of us to corners where they have the poles. Like if you've seen the come out of a basket and there weren't enough corners, though, there weren't enough poles. So my dad is holding on to the side of the basket, reaching down. I remember him doing that.

We came in for another landing. I'm like holding on to the corner pole as are my brother, sister-in-law, my mom, and the pilot in the center. My dad ended up rolling out this time that we hit really hard and his foot got caught on a cord. And he was out of the basket, he got drug about the length of a football field through farm fields and lifted up in the air, hanging upside down for a while as well, about 15 feet up.

And I remember looking over the edge of the basket and seeing him there dangling and it was absolutely terrifying. I was shrieking, screaming completely out of control. I do not remember how we got down. I just know that the third time we did land and got ourselves out and the basket stayed down, we ran over to him and he was facedown and not moving but when they rolled him over he was conscious.

So that was a huge relief, but I was completely hysterical and he saw me. In that complete loss of control. I mean, just shrieking and crying. And he looked at me and he said, you should see the other guy. So he was able to crack, a joke and try to try to use his little girl.

So my dad was physically paralyzed. He had a broken neck and yet then my mom and I had basically when I look back, I can now look back and realize and explain that we suffered from emotional paralysis of various kinds and her coping mechanism was turning to alcohol, which eventually after a few decades ended up frying her liver and then she moved on out of this realm.

Recently I realized I'm tired of saying the phrase I lost her. So I'm trying on the phrase of moving that she moved on or some people I know say transitioned too, but I kind of, for right now it's kind of moved on, but I feel like I can still connect with her.

My coping mechanism was busy become a busy bee. Amp up the ambition and my own form of addiction became a workaholic and that worked for me in some ways for a few decades until it didn't. And finally, physical and emotional things caught up with me, such as mental health, and physical health. It just took its toll and I realized I needed to make some serious changes and that's when I happened to meet a life coach. And there is a whole nother little story there. That's kind of an interesting one of what somebody said to me. I'll end by sharing that real quick cause it is a really poignant part.

So fast forward nearly 20 years post-accident, which is about 11 years ago. And I was at a business conference and schmoozing and talking to strangers as you do at conferences and networking, talking to a gentleman out on the landing outside the foyer outside. And just got to chit-chatting and suddenly I told him the story of my family and it came out differently than normal somehow, just, there was a vibe to it I think.

He looked at me and said, basically, like I get your dad's paralyzed, but Charis, why are you paralyzed? And that was the beginning of this, what I now, can look back and say, yeah, I was emotionally paralyzed cause I'd never put that together until that moment. Happened to be the next day I met a life coach who happened to be the keynote the next morning at the conference I was at.

And I actually missed her presentation, but I met her later that day and she became my coach while I was also doing therapy and I saw the value of coaching in addition to therapy. And eventually decided to become a coach myself and here I am.

[00:11:46] Aneta: Thank you for sharing your story and I'm sure that it really doesn't matter how many years or days pass. Like it's still, this was such a significant moment in time in your life.

So if you don't mind, if we just kind of rewind a little bit? And so the accident, obviously very traumatic and so what happened after the accident? So I know you fast-forwarded and kind of talked about maybe your mom coped with alcoholism and you kept yourself busy which is of course a distraction that we all have coping skills.

But what happened to your family? Did your dad come home and did you guys get any help at the moment? I'm trying to think back that many years ago, what kind of support there was for something that I don't know if this has happened to any other families, but I've never heard of such a story before. So I'm just wondering, like, what support did you have?

[00:12:43] Charis: No, I'm glad you've asked. You're the first one to ask this. It's a great area to go into. So let's place it. It was 1994 to kind of help put a frame on the framework and a time for this. Literally, I was one of the first people to have cell phones a year or two prior, and my dad, a few years before that had the big car phone that was like a mammoth.

I was one of the first to have a personal computer at home and they were not regular for our households and our typing class still was basically typewriters, in school, they didn't have computers for typewriting class just to kind of put a frame of reference mid-nineties.

So what happened was my dad was he was flown the next morning to Harborview Medical Center, which is in Seattle, Washington, and we were in the Southeast part of the state. So there was someone local with a private plane that offered and somehow got connected or somebody called him somebody who knew my dad and he flew my mom and I and her family that drove down from nearby, they drove down and then this guy flew us up there. So we could get there quickly.

And then he was there for about three months. This was late July, so I was going back to college for my sophomore year of college that next month, which happened to be 20 to 30 minutes away from this hospital. So it was really convenient that I was going to school so I could go visit them and not feel so disconnected. And whether or not I was going back to school was not a question. My dad, when I think somebody asked that in front of him and me once, and he was like, I don't remember his exact words, but the vibe certainly was of course, she's going back to school. And I feel like he looked at me too, like, yes, of course, they're going back to school.

So they got an apartment for my mom and then my brother and his wife would stay there too. And then my brother would drive back and forth to tend to some things at work, as he was on the road a lot to my memory and my mom stayed there most of the time in this apartment and then would be at the hospital and I would drive on the weekends to go visit.

So that was the first 3 months and then after that he came home, they added a I think these things were, I don't know, I don't recall the details of that, but like put in a little thing that can carry him upstairs a seat that can like electronic, connected to the stair side of the stairs so they could move him into that and get him upstairs. And just did therapy for a while. And then ultimately was going back to work.

He did his best, but without him, on the road, he was the one going to meet with the sales rep groups around the country that would represent and sell the pasta to the gourmet food stores, and things without him being able to do that having focused, diverted, and all the challenges that came with this complete upheaval of life.

Ultimately, one thing led to another, and my parents ended up losing everything, their home, and the business in a matter, of a handful of years, really. And so it was definitely a hugely challenging time. But that just kind of paints the picture a little bit more of literally like what happened after.

[00:16:15] Aneta: Yeah. Wow. And you were at school watching this? So you were back at school and how were you able to continue being there, focus on studies, try to live as normal, air quotes of a life as possible while you knew what was happening back home?

[00:16:35] Charis: Well, I remember I laugh because I'm just like thinking back I kind of feel bad for the people who saw me the first few days and because for anybody who's been to college or if you haven't seen people for a long time and you go back to someplace. So I'm walking across what we called the quad, between like the food area and I think my dorm rooms and some of the other buildings.

I remember I could not put on a face. I could not lie. So the common question was, hey, how was your summer? And I could not do the fake thing. I could not come up with a fake response. It just could not do it. So I literally said something to the effect of it was horrible. It was the worst summer of my life.

We were in a hot air balloon accident. My father was paralyzed, literally just like, dumped all this out in just a couple of sentences. And I remember some of the people, I mean, the looks you can imagine just completely shocking and taken it back. And then what the heck are they supposed to do with that?

I mean, because the vibe is kind of exciting. And people are happy to see each other. That's the general vibe. And then I'm just an instant buzz kill. And what do you, how do you even hold space for me? God bless them seriously because it could not have been easy to be on the other side of that information.

Just spewing at you, especially at a young age. And so that was challenging for people. I was so different because I was literally having a trauma response for sure.

And I remember going to some of the fraternities or different places and seeing people standing up on the couches and things and if they were near a window and they had the window open, it would make me nervous. I was not the same.

And it was in that short term where there truly was trauma response and reactions and my nervous system was definitely out of whack and I was trying to find a new grounding. So that was a while. And so some friendships kind of shifted because I was different. And again some people could move with me in that. And for some people, it didn't work.

And because I needed something different and it wasn't their fault. They couldn't give that to me. It was just things changed. So I became close with a person who was a housemaid of mine. And she was lovely because she was what I needed at the time. There was a guy who I knew from freshman year who that summer I reached out to who lives nearby and was able to take me like to the space needle and the rides there and kind of just, he was a real goofy, lighthearted guy.

So he was like perfect. So I kind of knew what I needed and found it. And I reached out to the right people and I kind of let some of the relationships move and transition and just organically it shifted a bit. And then ultimately a few of the friends that were kind of becoming stronger friendships, right then they were happened to be in the same sorority and we have a delayed rush system.

So it's not until the end of that first quarter semester, and they were already in it had been in it for the prior half year. And then they said, hey, what if you went through rush? And I had no intention. It just wasn't quite my thing, but I decided to because I agreed with them. I kind of needed a community. I needed more than I needed before.

And so I went through rush and joined their sorority and that was a beautiful, magical experience. It wasn't that lasted about six months for me. I met my husband through that experience.

And then I found I was kind of, I'd done so much in my high school years that were connected with what a lot of people do in their sorority years, and I don't mean like not necessarily there is never a big party or and stuff I mean like the activities and the fundraising and the things and I did so much in high school that I think I was like, I don't want to do anything. I don't want to do structured stuff like this. I don't want to put in that effort. And I just, I'm trying to just relax a little bit more and not be so strict about even my grades. I mean, my parents were like, can you please get some bees and just like to have some fun and just chill out a little in college?

So I met my husband, and I had fun with him and the guys at his fraternity, I felt very safe there. They were gentlemen, really a wonderful group. I ended up deactivating the sorority because it really wasn't working for me. And then I just kept evolving. I just kept finding, what do I need?

And just letting it sink in, find me. So I met my husband and started dating him within a year of the accident. And here we are, we've been married for over 25 years now and together for 28. So he was with me and met me soon after. But yeah, I basically just, I guess it was my own version of my capacity for trust at the time and trusting what I needed, finding it, leaving things, finding new things, just like figuring out what would help me feel safer.

[00:21:53] Aneta: Do you feel like maybe the accident and everything that came afterward, do you feel like that just it almost like it put a new lens on everyday activities in which you just said, yeah, this isn't necessarily working for me with the sorority. So I don't have to stay, like I can make this choice or these relationships aren't necessarily ones that I think are going to last.

And that's okay. Do you feel that that just put, I don't know if it's like an extra focus or if it just gave you a sense of clarity? That maybe it's hard for many of us to have unless there is such a life-defining moment.

[00:22:33] Charis: Yes. It's interesting because I feel like there is a paradox. It brought immense clarity as well as immense confusion.

[00:22:43] Aneta: What were you confused about?

[00:22:45] Charis: I remember standing at the kitchen sink of our home where I lived with three other girls, during my sophomore year. And I just remember just practically throwing the dishes in the sink. I don't know if I said it out loud or if I thought it, but I was just in tears. Just thinking about it. I was just in tears and I think I said out loud. But I felt like screaming it. I want my life back.

So there was a definite feeling of topsy turvy and complete unknown because everything that I'd known to be true felt like, one of my therapists along the way did one of the more recent therapies I did EMDR, and she helped me with something that came up in one of our sessions.

It was like you're in a nest of sorts in your childhood and then you leave and like go off to college or wherever you go. But typically it's like the nest is still there and you're kind of still coming back to it. You're not complete. So it's not like just like boom, you're out of the nest. For most people, it's not safe,

[00:23:54] Aneta: It's comfort. Yeah. It's memory. So it's all of those things.

[00:23:57] Charis: There is a connection and still kind of a home base nest to come home to. She explained from a psychological standpoint, that this happened to me during my very formative years, when there was a lot developmentally happening in my brain and in my whole system to learn how to navigate and turn into an adult. And it's like there was no nest. It exploded, it fell from the tree, and it was gone. And sooner than ideal for being able to kind of have the preferred safe kind of leaving and transition from childhood to adulthood.

And so that really did rattle my world. And it was also just like you said clarity. The clarity was definitely, wow. I just about died. My family just about died. My father's heart literally stopped that night too at one point, and then it was like life is like in a heartbeat can just be, gone.

So it was that clarity of why aren't people paying more attention and being safer. This is very dangerous where they are right now, just a little hyper-vigilant for a while. So I just really saw how fragile life is. So that was a real like, whoa, because often I think when we're young, we kind of feel like we're going to live forever. And so that was a reality check and a clarity. Interestingly enough, though, with what I talked about the fear of watching people and things that following summer. So a year later, on one of my dates with my now husband, I jumped out of an airplane.

[00:25:43] Aneta: Oh, your choice, your idea. Tell me why you did that.

[00:25:48] Charis: So first of all, to explain this, I did a whole podcast episode where I actually have a journal entry. So I read it for the first time. And the whatever, 20-something years. And it was interesting to recount the story and what I wrote within days of doing this. So basically I went with my husband and some of his friends and I was going just to take photos. I was in a photography class at the time, black and white film, old style camera. And I was like, I'll just go and take pictures of you. This will be fun. Well, they made me is very serious operation.

They made me sign a waiver and pay to be there as if I were one of the people going. And I was like, well, here I am. Okay. Why not? So I did that, but my intention was, I didn't agree to go. And they said, you don't have to go, but if you're going to hang out with us all day, you need to do this properly.

So that was just logistics. Then I go through this whole training that was like multiple hours, jumping off of a thing and learning how to roll properly so that you don't break your leg when you land all of these things, these drills, and it was all fun for me, I was like, I'll join you and do these drills and things. This is kind of cool.

And then it came time for the jump. And I looked at Don, my now husband, I said I want to do it. And he looked at me, he composed a very straight face and he said to me, I don't want you to, and I said, well, I am. And then he kind of cracked a smile and he just really wanted to do the poker face thing and make sure it was my choice and I felt absolutely no pressure. And it was very sweet of him and he was serious and I didn't, and I wanted to go. And what we remember is. Oddly enough, I was the most calm I think I have ever been in my life.

[00:27:41] Aneta: Do you think it's because you went through all those drills and you saw all the preparation, like, did it take some of your fear away going through all of those things?

[00:27:50] Charis: I think so. I think that calmed the fear part of my brain. I think because if I'd just gone there and gone, there would have been too much of the analytical, logical, and fear stuff being like, this is crazy. What the heck are you doing girl?

But I think you're right. I hadn't thought about it that way. And I really feel that something deeper in me. I'm going to refer to it as my intuition, my soul, my spirit, however, whatever you all want to think of it as and what you're comfortable with. But my higher self knew that this was going to help me and that I was going to be totally fine and I needed to do this.

So I was able to just have her rise to the occasion and take the front, take the driver's seat, and let any of the fears and the sabotaging stuff, just like get really quiet. And she was in control. Don even remembers I went before him and his buddies and he remembers I was like kind of scary, calm, way too relaxed because it's so was a static line.

So as you're going by yourself. There is not like tandem is when you're like, you see somebody attached to somebody else. I was by myself. And there was a line, a static line connected to me, to the plane, when I would reach a certain distance, it would disconnect. Basically, I go out on the side of the airplane that I can't remember what it's called, but on the side of one of the things, and you grab on and you're like arch and you're literally in just holding on by your hands, but there is a cord connected to me at this point.

And I'm supposed to get in the right position, very arched body legs are flailing behind me. And then I'm supposed to say arched. And that's my Q to go and that I'm ready and then as soon as they say, then I let go and I start counting and a certain count. I don't remember what it was. I think it was five or something.

Then if my shoot hadn't been pulled the line would automatically pull my shoot. And then I'm separate. The line has pulled my shoot. Well, it hadn't pulled my shoot by that count, then I'm supposed to pull my reserve myself.

And so we trained on all of that. Everything went fine. The main shoot went up, I was starting to coast and then there is someone talking in my ear on the ground, guiding me to, you could kind of guide yourself like right and left and toward the landing zone area.

So they kind of guided me, but it was so peaceful and so calming for me just to be floating up there by myself. And it just was magical. So yeah, that was one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

[00:30:43] Aneta: Amazing that you did that. And do you feel like that was a pivotal moment for you in terms of your healing journey?

[00:30:51] Charis: Absolutely. Because I remember some of my high school friends hearing that I did this and reaching out to me like, I'm so glad you did that. I was really worried about you. I mean, just in general, just hearing that I did that, they're like, she's going to be fine. This is not something that changes who Charis is in a way that cuts me off from the fullness of life. Not that you have to jump out of an airplane to have the fullness of life. But for me, it was part of it. I even think I might have a desire to do it again someday. We'll see.

[00:31:20] Aneta: Yeah. Amazing. And I appreciate you sharing this part of your life and part of your journey because it is such a huge part of it. But what if I asked you to tell me about your life? Without including that, where would you pick it up? What's the evolution in the journey from surviving the accident? And then continuing in this place where you have a podcast where you are a coach and you're helping other people. Let's talk about how that propelled you forward into what you're doing today.

[00:31:55] Charis: Well, so there was the little bit of the story about meeting that person that really, and said, You know, why are you paralyzed? And asked me that question and that cracked me open for sure. That was like cracking the egg open. And then I was like, okay.

[00:32:08] Aneta: Remind me how many years after the accident.

[00:32:10] Charis: That was nearly 20 years. And it was about 11 years ago. And next year will be the 30th anniversary of the accident. Yeah. Go ahead.

[00:32:17] Aneta: I was just going to say, so you got married and so were you getting any help, any healing work and in therapy or anything else that from the time of the accident to this person that you just met, I'm assuming at a networking event, to notice there was something that you were sharing that still indicated to this individual that there might be an opportunity for you to still do some more work.

[00:32:43] Charis: If we back up a little bit I mentioned my husband and that was really a definite shining light moment and connecting with him that soon after, well, we ended up moving to San Francisco where he went to dental school.

And then we ended up getting engaged about that time and got married while he was in dental school. While I was there, I looked in the good old fashioned, if anybody's my age or older, yellow pages, looked in the yellow pages. Had this urge to go to a self-defense class because I wouldn't have been in a city. I'm a small-town girl. It was a big change for me, literally living in the city and taking bus transportation to and from work sometimes, during the darkness, depending on the time of year and, some unsavory characters around at times and things.

So I looked up and found the self-defense class and it was taught by this couple, Helen and Patrick, and they were fabulous. And it was really intense and really great. Its own sort of therapy for me because. It was the type of class where at many points, Patrick dressed up in the whole thing, and we were beating the crap out of him.

And it did a doozy on his body but I'm very grateful for the opportunity because it really empowered me. In all of our different traumas, big and small, that came and found them to feel safer. As a human, as a woman for most of us at that time it was amazing what it did emotionally too, for confidence.

And it turned out one day she was asking me. It was the end of class, must've been just her and I was just grabbing my things about to leave. And she could sense something was up with me. So Helen asked me one day, she just knew intuitively to ask me about my family and I just shared the story and what's going on and all these things.

And it turns out she's a therapist. So she says, I think you should maybe you want to come talk to me. So then I saw her every week for six months. And then kept talking to her and seeing her after that, when we moved away for my husband's masters, where we moved out of state and then got all of our travels and things we're still close to this day, but I did start getting that help quickly. That was like 97, so about three years after the accident.

So therapy came into my life within a couple of years. And this was a time just to remind everyone. It was not like it is now where people are talking about mental health and like mental health at that time was like you were cuckoo mental.

If mental health was discussed, it was not a gymnast who has it all together. Who's saying I need to take care of some things going on with me? We didn't hear that was not happening then. So therapy, I'm going to generalize and say a little bit more of a something that was not highly regarded by most of society.

[00:35:45] Aneta: Or it was hidden. Maybe the people who were seeking therapy were hiding it, or if there was someone in their family who was experiencing it. And I think now the beauty is that people are sharing. And so you remove the stigma from the experience. So that's wonderful. That you were able in this serendipitous moment to find somebody that you trusted that, Oh, by the way, happened to be a therapist and was available to work with you.

[00:36:11] Charis: Yeah. So she's been remarkable through my journey. And I kept with therapy when I was doing coaching. I'm a big advocate for both and they address things in different ways. And so the therapy was huge. My husband was always a big support and I just navigated one thing after another. And then eventually added in the coaching and I met my coach it was about six months before my mom had a suicide attempt while she was very drunk one day.

And so I had a therapist and a coach to anchor me, support me through that because that was really. Yeah. Another earth-shattering moment. And then my mom passed away the following year and we're coming up on, it'll be 10 years this coming, Thanksgiving when she passed away.

[00:37:12] Aneta: I'm so sorry. Were your parents still together?

[00:37:16] Charis: Yes. Yeah. Yes.

[00:37:18] Aneta: You hadn't mentioned your dad and sort of his experience since the accident.

[00:37:24] Charis: So he is still with us here and I visit him a few times a year. We talk frequently. He's loving watching my journey with all of this. He listens to every podcast. Watch every interview, watch every email. He's loving this. He was the beginning for me when I talked about, the really beautiful childhood that I had, he was very much into Dale Carnegie. If you're familiar with that and very much into the back eighties, it was kind of the beginning of,

[00:37:58] Aneta: self-help. Improvement.

[00:38:00] Charis: Yeah, it really was the beginning. So he was into it at the early stages. And so he had a library where he literally in our den, I remember had a piece of paper and would check out books to employees or friends or tapes, cassette tapes too. And he would have post-its everywhere, right on the mirror.

He was very much into that time and what we're doing in a sense, that time, that version, that one of our, founding fathers, I guess in that. He was part of that generation that really was exposing this as a thing and reading the books and relaying the information from the books and then living it and doing their best so I really am grateful for his involvement because it planted some really good seeds in there for sure.

Absolutely. And how do you think that he studying Dale Carnegie and others, or he was probably reading a lot of the other sort of early folks in that space? How did that impact his ability to continue to live so many years after the accident and even his response when he first landed, of course, right? Trying to make a joke for you because he was so self-aware of what you must have been feeling at that moment.

He has his moments and he won't let himself dwell. So he is just really resilient. Has amazing resilience and fortitude and he has a really hard time staying in any kind of victim mentality. I mean, it doesn't mean he's not upset this happened and all of those things, but he's not a big fan of anybody trying to use excuses, he won't let himself. And so that all definitely helped him very much.

Because a lot of people, I mean, a lot of people don't make it this many years with that kind of condition especially to have like, he's completely mentally there. And physically he's had limited challenges over. I mean, there is the paralysis.

I don't mind. That's very challenging. I mean, there are typically other challenges that come with being in a wheelchair like that for so long. And some of those more common things that happen to most people in that position didn't happen to him for a really long time. And I really think a lot can be attributed to his mental place, how he would really work on controlling his attitude.

[00:40:41] Aneta: Yeah, that's amazing. What the mind is able to do. And so you've used all of us, everything in order to build this business in which you serve, you give back, you add value to others. Tell me a little bit about your passion for being a coach and maybe even why you decided to start your podcast.

[00:41:01] Charis: So I started using coaching skills before I became a coach because I was going to a lot of my coaches, training. I was working with her personally as a private client, but also going to group programs and trainings and different things. Even some of the things that were precursors to becoming certified through her organization. And I would use those skills because I saw, these are truly great communication skills.

Like I'd be a better boss. I'd be a better spouse. I'd be a better daughter, and human out in the world if I learned some of these skills. So I took advantage of a lot of those things and then started implementing them. And then at some point, I had the urge to enroll in her program and become a coach.

But I had an excuse because I couldn't admit that I actually wanted to do this. I said it was just because it would further help me as an employer and move my relationship to all these things. But the truth was there was a little thing inside me that knew that was just a facade. I really wanted to do this.

So I let myself have an excuse because sometimes you have to get in through a side door and that's fine. So that's okay. But soon I realized once I was into it, wow, this is lighting me up and this feels good. And you can have a connect the dot moment if I go back in my life to really connect other dots that we haven't even covered today that connect with, of course, this would be what I would be doing.

So I eventually found my way to make this a full-time commitment when I found that what I was doing was not lighting me up and if anything, I was facing some multitude of physical and mental stuff that just kind of kept piling on, which I look at my body's way, my spirit's way of like, okay, well, apparently you need some more to show you that you need to make some changes. So here you go.

So, the little whispers, you're not really listening to these nudges. So we're going to make it a little more obvious. Let's throw on one more symptom. Let's throw on one more thing. So then I was like, okay, I got to make some changes. And I did.

And then I decided to really go all in with this. And the podcast pulled me. It was like one of those concepts of I must do this. It just was like a magnetic pull. It was different than a lot of prior things I chased in my life.

[00:43:26] Aneta: So how was it different?

[00:43:28] Charis: Yep. It's totally different. Because I didn't have an end thing in mind that I was trying. It was just like. I don't know. I feel like I should do this. I'm not quite sure what this means. I don't quite know what it's going to look like. but It literally was like this pull versus myself, like pushing myself. Like a forced got to run after something.

There was some sort of energy or something that was helping me move toward it versus having to exert all of the effort to go chase something. So I just trusted in that and did things kind of out of order some people would wait to do a podcast until a certain time of their business and all these things.

And I did things a little unconventionally but it worked for me. And so that was really fun. And my business name and the name of the podcast is a play on words with my name, Charis Your Life. And that came to me one morning just because so many people have played around with my name and made jokes about playing on words like with the song cherish your love and things like that.

So that came about and just one piece fell into place another. And then I just went for whatever the next thing was that presented itself to me, that felt like the rest, the right thing to do.

[00:44:51] Aneta: Did it feel like when you started, you decided to pursue coaching and then the podcast and all these things did it feel like you knew you were taking aligned action that this was somehow all connected to what you should be doing in life. Did it feel like there was a strong sense of purpose that all of these things were lining up in a certain way?

[00:45:15] Charis: Yeah, it did. When I got into this for sure, it felt that way. And it was a big practice of trust to see each thing line up or the person present themselves or to hear about something or to learn about a consultant who could help me with a podcast or learn about this or it was just like an album. And then the more that happened, the more I could trust in myself and in the universe and everybody to kind of show up as I needed many doubts along the way still because I'm still doing the work myself.

I practice what I preach and I'm not able to always quiet the analytical, hyper-vigilant, hyper-achieving noisy, and fearful stuff going on in there. But now I understand what's going on because I've learned more about the brain and I understand the roots of my own coach training, which is very much based in neuroscience.

I've come to learn more about the roots of why I learned to coach the way I did, which is understanding more about what Rhonda learned to develop these exercises and things. I'm a certified fearless living coach a certified fearless trainer and a positive intelligence trainer.

And all of those, the people who created these foundation programs, fearless living, and positive intelligence are the two key ones that I've kind of weaved together. They're very much based on neuroscience. So I've come to learn more about that in recent years. And so now I can really understand and be able to deal with my overly analytical self at times and figure out what's going on and how I navigate that.

[00:46:46] Aneta: I recognize the saboteur terms that you are taking. I went through that class as well in the positive intelligence and I'm like, yeah, hyper-vigilant. For sure. And it is amazing. I love using that assessment with clients to hold up a mirror and for people to create a sense of self-awareness.

And I haven't had any clients that have taken that assessment on their saboteurs that says, yeah, this isn't me. Everyone just usually has to chuckle and say this is totally me, but it's helpful to understand why we develop these coping skills so early in life. And then once you have that language and the awareness, you can do something when you recognize that maybe they're those little gremlins are popping up a little bit.

So do you want to talk a little bit about that positive intelligence for those who aren't familiar and the saboteur assessment?

[00:47:35] Charis: Yeah. So it's a really cool assessment. I'm happy to hear you use it too. Basically, the premise is that you've got 10 saboteurs that are literally think of them as a sabotaging voice in your head. I mean, they may not show up as voices for everyone, but that's kind of a generalized thing that I think most people can kind of relate to.

And they're not bad character traits actually some of our superpowers and some of what makes us so fantastic. It's just that they have gone to the extreme end of the spectrum in order to try to protect us when we might be in an unsafe zone of something that can trigger us. And it's different for each person.

And then they like to get a little carried away. And so it's a matter of learning how to quiet them. I visualize it as if I want to move them from being right here, right up near my face and loud and just controlling and in the driver's seat to like, put them in a far back, you know, when someone goes, you move away from something and they're like people talking or screaming in a far back room, but the door's shut and it's far away, it's faint. I'm trying to move them back there cause they're not going to completely go away. My brain does not work that way. It's literally just a whole lot of the left side of our brain working together and spinning out of control at times a little bit to go to extremes.

And so what we're trying to do is access. If I just say this in simple terms, the right side of our brain, which is in positive intelligence, we refer to as the sage and that is the expansive part of us, the thing that's not trying to overanalyze things, the part of us that can be creative and can see outside the box, can see outside the lines, not try to have things make sense, understand that it can be a paradox and all as well.

And if you're religious or spiritual that's the side of you too can connect with all that. It's the side that can be peaceful and calm and can help ground you. And so we are trying to bring that to be in the driver's seat and then have the saboteurs just have those voices and that part of us get to the truly just helpful, non-triggered zone where they can surely help us look at possible scenarios and be vigilant to some degree and be achieving things to some degree and doing these things. But when they go into hyper zone when they start hurting us and preventing us from living the life we really want to live, that is what we want to change.

And so in positive intelligence, the basic concept and foundation is doing PQ reps, which is essentially mini meditation, mini focus, as short as 20 seconds of focusing on one sense at a time, whether it's sight, touch, hearing, or taste, smell, and it's being super focused on one of your physical senses.

So that these things can quiet and then that is bringing into their sage and essentially making you more present in the moment. And if you're truly present in the moment, then you're not looking at the past. And regretting and you're not looking at the future and fretting and worrying and anxious. And then you can be more grounded and then you can be like, okay, what do I need to do right now? What do I need right now? What do I want to do right now? So that is how I would summarize it.

[00:51:07] Aneta: Yeah, I love it. And I do think that that's such a great reminder that in order to be more mindful and present you don't have to spend, I mean, I'm a huge meditator, but it's helpful just to take 20 seconds, 30 seconds, a couple minutes if you have them and really just bring yourself back to the present moment. So with that Charis, I could talk to you forever, but would love for you to share maybe how people can find you if they'd like to work with you or learn more about you and your services.

[00:51:35] Charis: Yeah. So my name is the easy way to spell and pronounce it. I mean, you've said it wonderful, but to help the audiences.

Think of the city, Paris, but with a CH Charis and my website and my social media handles is all Charis your life. So charisyourlife.Com. And then if you want to get a taste of my coaching and we didn't really go into some of the background, but I refer to myself, I'll summarize it. I'm a life balance and transition coach.

 And balance for me is not about this fantasy of having an equation of how many hours you do and how many things you do a week and all this stuff. It's about managing how you feel more than managing your time.

And so I work with people primarily wanting to delve in and figure out how to feel more internally balanced. And then sometimes that means the external circumstances will change their life. Sometimes it won't. And also transitions like that, they want to just make this transition inside themselves. Sometimes it's the transition of life. Sometimes it's transitioning out of their business I mean, all these different transitional moments. So that's kind of my niche area.

I have a program called Busy to Balanced and if you want to check out a little bit of my training and also get to see what is included in that program. And also right now I do have an exclusive opportunity to join that program inside of free training.

I've got that at charisyourlife.Com forward slash video. And then of course I have my podcast. Charis your life. Most of my episodes are solo episodes, 10 to 20 minutes weekly. And then I periodically have guests for longer, guest interviews, and those are some of the key ways to reach me. So you can check those out.

[00:53:20] Aneta: Wonderful. We'll include all of those in the show notes. And I have a final question for you, Charis, which is, what does it mean to you to live the width of your life?

[00:53:30] Charis: I think it comes down to trust. Really learning how to trust and tap into that capacity of that, because when you can really trust yourself and trust in whatever you want to call it, I like to say universe when you can really tap in and trust yourself and trust in the universe, then everything just broadens and widens and the possibilities are truly limitless and that has been a key lesson for me.

[00:54:04] Aneta: Thank you so much for joining me. Thank you for the gift that you are to the world, and the great work that you are doing. And I appreciate the time that we spent together today.

[00:54:14] Charis: Thank you. You had some amazing and unique different questions and avenues. We took a different from many other interviews. And I'm grateful to have spent this time with you. So thank you so much.

[00:54:26] Aneta: Thank you. Charis. Have an amazing day.

[00:54:29] Charis: You too.

[00:54:29] Aneta: Thank you for listening to today's episode. If today's conversation inspired you to dream again, break out of your comfort zones, or reflect on what it means to you to live more fully, then please follow this podcast because every week you'll hear more stories from people just like you who took imperfect action towards their goals, created more joy and are living.