Episode 56 transcript: Getting off the Corporate Ladder and Building a Life on Her Terms

Podcast Introduction:

[00:00:00] Megan: I think that a lot of us start these businesses because we do want this time freedom. We want the flexibility to live life on our own terms. I really had to learn how to set boundaries to be able to make sure that I was creating a business around my life rather than creating my life around my business.

[00:00:18] Aneta: We often hear people wishing us a long, happy, and healthy life, but what if the length isn't what matters most? What if instead, it's the breadth depth, and purpose of each day that matters most? Welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast. My name is Aneta Ardelian Kuzma and join me weekly as I interview guests who made changes in their own lives to live more fully with intention. Gratitude and joy. Be prepared to be inspired by their stories of how they shifted their mindset, took courageous action, and designed the life that they always wanted to live.

 Welcome back to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast. Thank you so much for listening in. I really appreciate it. Today's guest is Megan Tobler and she's a trailblazer in the world of women entrepreneurship. After 10 years in the corporate world with a successful career in sales, she became passionate about creating a life that would allow her to have the financial success that she desired. As well as the freedom to express herself creatively while living life on her own terms.

As a host of the self-start HER podcast, Megan has created a platform for women entrepreneurs from all over the country. All walks of life to share their stories, their paths, their challenges, and their triumphs. It is her goal to inspire more women to follow their hearts, launch their own businesses, and start living on their own terms.

We had such an interesting conversation. I really wanted to understand why she chose to leave her career in the corporate world. Very successful career after 10 years and how she became passionate about creating a life that she loves, why she was so interested in learning about her financial success and freedom and being able to create that in her own terms, and just the idea of safety of what the fears are when you choose to make a decision to leave, quote-unquote, safe job in the corporate world and start out on your own.

So we talked a little bit about the hardest part, some fears that she may have had, and how she overcame those. And also just lessons she's learned from the countless guests and, their stories on her own podcast and just a beautiful community that she's created. I think you're really going to enjoy our discussion and hopefully, you're inspired to think about creating your own life that is very intentional. Take a listen.

Podcast Interview:

Aneta: Megan, thank you so much for joining me today. I'm so excited to meet you and I'm so excited to have you here as my guest.

[00:02:49] Megan: Well, thank you so much for having me on today, Aneta. This is my pleasure.

[00:02:54] Aneta: Great. I wanted us to just start off by sharing a little bit about your journey and also things that maybe people wouldn't necessarily be able to find about you on your website or online. I think those are sometimes the interesting things that really resonate with people.

[00:03:14] Megan: Definitely. I mean, As far as talking about things that you wouldn't be able to find out online, I actually grew up thinking that I wanted to be in the entertainment industry. I thought I was going to work on film and production sets, and that's where I really started my professional career.

And it was one of those things where I actually graduated college early to be able to work full time on a Nickelodeon TV show, and it was so much fun, but it was one of those things where I was in my early twenties, and I started to be able to understand.

I looked at the women at the very top, and I really realized what their life looked like and they were extremely successful. Don't get me wrong, but their life was completely consumed by their work. From an early age, I knew that one day I wanted to be a mom and I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to have that as well as the life that I wanted as a mom if I continued to go down that path.

So I had this almost early midlife crisis if you could call it that, and really questioned everything that I had really been preparing myself for. And I started to take a step back and really examine what it was that I liked about what I was doing and what it was that I wanted to change. And I really liked the human element.

I liked being able to connect with people and to help them. And so naturally I just transitioned into the sales world. So for the last 10 years, I actually spent my journey in the corporate sales world climbing the ladder, and don't get me wrong. It was great because it provided me with a lot of financial security.

I was able to have a wonderful life. I was able to buy a home and travel the world and really just not have to worry about how I was going to pay my bills. However, there was always something missing. There was something that was a little bit empty and I was seeking a little bit more creativity. I was seeking more time freedom just because being in sales is very commission-based. You are never on a break.

Even when you're traveling the world, you are around the clock working no matter what time or day you are closing those deals in order to really make your money. And I also wanted to be able to make an impact. So there was always that little bug deep down inside of me that wanted to be able to start something of my own.

But I was letting the big picture hold me back. I was suffering from thinking everything had to be perfect and that I had to know what the end result looked like. But in reality, it was, I just needed to start. After multiple layoffs within the corporate world, the last one being in March of this last year, while I was actually pregnant, It was one of those things where I just decided that enough is enough. I needed to take control of my life rather than letting life take control of me.

And since then I have gone all in on creating my own business, which is Self Start Her, which I'm sure we'll dive into a little bit more today. And really the idea behind it is to really just inspire other women to understand what's possible if they just take a bet on themselves and take the first step towards the life they'd always imagined.

[00:06:21] Aneta: I love it. It's interesting. So how old were you when you first had that first nagging thought? Were you already working at Nickelodeon and you're like maybe this isn't for me long term.

[00:06:35] Megan: A first nagging thought about being a mom and wanting more for my life.

[00:06:40] Aneta: Yeah. Noticing that maybe the career path, the job that you thought was amazing. And you were so excited. Wasn't necessarily going to fulfill you in a way that maybe you thought it would.

[00:06:50] Megan: Yeah. That was definitely within the entertainment and early entertainment days at Nickelodeon. I absolutely love that job. It was probably my favorite job to date. However, I just knew that it wasn't going to give me the well-roundedness that I was really craving. But I'd always been very entrepreneurial-minded growing up. I was always having these ideas, but I never knew how to take action.

I think my brain was just going in all these different directions, and it was unclear where to go from there. And especially when everyone in kind of the traditional world goes down the traditional career paths. You don't even know what's available to you until you get out and you're experiencing things for yourself. But yes, to answer your question, it was during Nickelodeon.

[00:07:34] Aneta: It's so interesting. And then you made the shift in the pivot. You sort of have this conversation. It sounds where you're like, okay, well, I know I want to have a family at some point. So maybe choosing a career that would allow for this more integrated life.

And you said something that I wanted your thoughts on, which was, you said you were climbing the ladder. And we talk about this often, especially if we're in the corporate world. I spent 25 years in the corporate world myself. And so where did you think the ladder was taking you? Where was this ladder going?

[00:08:07] Megan: It's so interesting that you bring that up because I think that when I talk about climbing the ladder, I had this definition of success. And success to me meant titles and money at the time. And then that's really what I was chasing. I mean, I started off at a very entry-level sales position and I was able to work myself up into more senior roles.

And eventually, I was thinking I was going to be a VP of the company or potentially one day even be the CEO of the company myself. But there was always something in the back of my mind that told me I was kind of faking it. I didn't really want to be there. I didn't, I really want that next promotion. I mean, the money was great again, don't get me wrong because it provided me with a wonderful lifestyle. But I didn't really want that position and I knew that there was something off.

[00:08:58] Aneta: Yeah, I'm so glad you clarified that because I think that sometimes when we do start off at the bottom, maybe, and it's the first rung and you're thinking, I'm going to climb this and I see how many steps there are to get to where I want to get to, but I don't know how often people actually say, but what's at the top?

What is it really? What am I actually signing up for? And the other thing you said is that you wanted to make a greater impact. You felt like there was something that was off. You felt a little empty. So describe that feeling for me. Like how far into your corporate career did you start to say, wow, maybe I'm not quite as satisfied as I thought I'm achieving external success, but, and maybe some validation, but there's still something that doesn't quite feel like I thought it would feel.

[00:09:42] Megan: I think anytime I was within the corporate world, I was trying to tie myself to someone else's mission and to someone else's idea of what they thought this greater impact was. And personally being in sales, I could never sell something that I didn't believe in myself. That's just not who I am as a human being.

I did have to believe in it. However, it wasn't. Something that I personally was passionate about was that I created myself. So when I talk about making an impact, I want to be able to impact, like, I wanted to be able to change at least one person's life. So I actually started the Self Start Her podcast.

And the idea behind it was if I can just touch one person, then I feel like I've made a difference in the world. If I can just change one life, if I can inspire one person through a certain message, then that to me is making an impact. I mean, it would be wonderful to be able to solve world hunger, but to me, it's one of those things that sometimes it's just realizing what you have to bring to the table and to be able to really touch someone's life in a way that you never really dreamt that could be possible.

[00:10:48] Aneta: And so did you have the idea to start the podcast even while you were in your sales job or did These ideas sort of happen after you left the corporate world? I think you said it was earlier this year when you decided, okay, this is it, I'm probably out for good. And you decided to start your podcast and your community Self Start Her.

[00:11:11] Megan: I started the podcast in October of 2022. So that podcast was actually created prior to me leaving the corporate world. And I actually started my first recording. I didn't publish it, but I started in June 2022. And I was getting frustrated with the corporate world. I knew that eventually, I wanted out, but I, saw, that I couldn't get past the big picture of what I wanted to create. How can I get out of this? So again just like I did when I was in the entertainment world, I took a step back and really examined my skill sets and what I really enjoyed about it. what I was doing.

And it's connecting with people. It's helping people. It's hearing about their stories. So I figured, you know what? I am pretty much-interviewing someone every single day in my sales job. Why not take those same skills and apply them to myself and actually interview women who have done what I want to do and have taken the leap out of corporate to start something of their own?

So there was a little bit of a selfish component to it because I wanted to learn from them, but really where the impact comes into play is that I was then able to take all the information I learned and share it with other women out there to be able to allow them to understand what's possible as well.

So that started in October of 2022. As I mentioned in January of this year, I actually hired a business coach. And the idea behind that was, you know what I am onto something here. I am completely fulfilled. I'm more fulfilled than I've ever been in my entire life. And I wasn't making a single dime on what I was doing.

And I made the intention. I set the intention that I was going to be out of corporate within six months. Well, then I found out I was pregnant and we were planning this. I just didn't expect it to happen so quickly, which was a complete blessing. But then I kind of retracted a little bit and I said, you know what? I got scared.

Maybe I just stick with this a little bit longer to collect the maternity leave to make sure I still have great benefits. And apparently, the universe didn't get my recall here because in March, as I said, I was laid off and I spent the next two weeks on interviews. I actually interviewed 40 different companies in the span of two weeks.

As soon as I was laid off, didn't even give myself any time to process it because I went into panic mode, and through those interviews, I realized that I was not connected to any of these companies. My heart was not there. I already knew what I wanted to do. And I was being told by a greater power, whatever you want to believe in that this was my time.

So I decided I am not going to interview with any of these companies anymore. And instead, I'm going to bet on myself. I'm going to go all in because if I don't do it now, I may never do it. So that's really when I would say like the birth of my entrepreneurial journey kind of like really kicked off was when I was forced to.

[00:14:01] Aneta: Isn't it incredible sometimes that we, people talk about manifestation and when we set intentions, like you set an intention, in six months, but it came even sooner, faster. And so explain what it felt like when you had that contraction, you said it was like suddenly all these fears came through because you had your vision.

You started the podcast, you hired your coach, so you were committed to your vision, but it happens faster than you anticipated. The fears are showing up. So what were some of those fears? Because I think that people can absolutely relate to this.

[00:14:37] Megan: There were so many different fears. I think the first one an identity shift was because I have been associated with my title for so long that I.

I really tied my worth to my profession, and now that I was no longer making any money, that was a huge kind of identity crisis. And honestly, that's something that I'm still working through today, because when someone asks me what I do, I still have to think about how to explain what I do just because it's not as normal as saying, I'm in sales, people get that.

So definitely it was the identity shift. It was the loss of income. Like I said, we were making a comfortable living. My husband makes a comfortable living as well. So we had to go from being on two incomes and immediately overnight cutting it down completely in half, which really impacted our ability to save and to plan for the future.

And then I was afraid of losing all of the kind of the perks that came with corporate, which was like the 401k and the benefits and things like that. But when I really took a step back and thought about, okay, I broke down the finances. And really get clear about what we need to be able to pay for our basic necessities?

And then how much extra do we really want to be putting away every time? We realized that, okay, we can do this. Then I realized, okay, I don't have my benefits anymore, but my husband has a benefits plan and it's actually better. And it's actually better if I don't go back to the corporate world because I can then qualify for his benefits.

It actually worked out really well. So I think sometimes we make things out to be bigger in our heads than they actually really need to be. But when we take a step back and really examine everything a little bit more closely, we realize that it's really not as scary as it really appears to be.

[00:16:26] Aneta: Yeah, I love that you did that exercise. I do that often with my clients. I really ask them to get super clear about their finances, especially if they are in a double-income household. And sometimes there's so much disposable income, you're not quite sure how much you need and where the money's going. And when you do that exercise, most people will find that they actually need less than they think that they do.

And that suddenly shifts. Some of the fear, like you're okay, I can figure this out. I know what to do. So I love that you did that. So you went all in. So now tell me a little bit about what you've learned from the women in your community and those that have come on the podcast, because that was one of the things you said that was sort of the motivator and the drive is to learn from others who are doing the same thing or have done it before you.

[00:17:15] Megan: There are so many learnings and I've been able to interview, I will just say the most incredible women. I mentioned earlier that starting the podcast has been the most fulfilling thing that I've ever done in my entire life because it's connected me to so many women who are like-minded, who want to continue to grow and develop, and are just complete inspirations.

And really, I look up to them. And I don't even know. I'm just glowing talking about it because I just get so excited. But the biggest thing that I can say is that one community, you've mentioned the word community a few times, entrepreneurship can be extremely lonely.

However, it doesn't have to be. I've actually found that I am less lonely in my entrepreneurial journey than I was in corporate because I found a group of people that I really connect with where we all are striving towards something bigger, something bigger than ourselves. And we've found these through different community groups.

So whether that's different courses that you're taking. We're connecting that way. Whether you join Facebook groups, or whether you're paying for a community there are so many different options out there that you can join. But it's really just being able to tap into these networks and form these authentic relationships because they truly are relationships and really make sure that it's a collaborative experience rather than a competitive experience.

Because that's something that I'm all about. I think that I'm a huge proponent of linking arms with women rather than competing against them. I think there's plenty of abundance to go around for everyone. So that's what I really, where I found the most success is being able to find these women that I just really look up to and I resonate with and form these relationships with them.

So that's kind of number one. Number two is to invest in yourself. So coaching is something that I had mentioned that I invested in early on. And I know that that's something that you do as well. You can do things on your own, but it's going to be a lot more difficult and it's likely going to take you longer, but if you're able to seek out external help from someone that's been there and done that.

And can really guide you along the journey that is going to be instrumental in everything that you do. And it's going to accelerate your journey and your earnings, making you a lot more successful earlier on and likely in my case, not have to go back to corporate. So I would say that that's lesson number two.

And then I would say that those are probably the two biggest ones. But then the third one, I'm going to have to take a step from my own kind of talks here. It's like, it's just getting started being scrappy, doing it messy, not being tied to perfectionism because perfectionism, doesn't exist. And if you are constantly striving for perfection, it's going to hold you back from something that's really beautiful.

Because the fact is how you start your business today is likely going to be very different than how it is a year from now, five years from now, 10 years from now. So really just getting started because it's the biggest part because your business will evolve and you may pivot your business and that's okay. That means you're growing. That means your business is growing. And it's beautiful.

[00:20:26] Aneta: Yes. It's so interesting. I just have this thought. I almost feel like it. When I was in corporate, there were such high expectations for things to be perfect. Like you said the PowerPoints had to be perfect. You had to have this professional presence all the time. You had to be careful what you said and who you said it to. There was just a lot of control and self-control. And it's almost like being a younger kid in school, there were just, the rules were so defined. You knew what you needed to do.

There really wasn't a lot of autonomy and becoming an entrepreneur. Part of the challenge, as you said. For me, when I did it was the calendar was clear. There's nothing on the calendar. You decide how you're spending your time, and where you're investing your money. Who you choose to align with, et cetera, which can be completely exhilarating.

It's a sense of freedom. Like I've never felt before. And it also can be so uncomfortable because you can just take action. You can do it messy. You are going to fumble your way through. because you've never done some of these things before. So it's interesting. Where did you? Get this idea that it was okay to just start taking action and to do it messy. And that if you make a mistake, the world's not going to come crumbling down.

[00:21:45] Megan: It honestly was just a decision that I had overnight. I just realized what was holding me back. And that was fear that I had to have everything perfect. And I knew that if I continued down that path, nothing was going to change.

And I just needed to get started. So it was one of those, a light bulb switch went off. I wish it could be this beautiful moment, but I can't say was, but were when you were talking, I actually had this kind of memory from back when I was in the corporate days and I had this one boss who was extremely micromanaging and I would send out an email and let's say that I potentially misspelled one word and I sent it to a client.

She had me completely reply saying that I made a mistake in the email and fix that word all because there was one spelling mistake. And it's like one of those things where sometimes if people are more forgiving, people likely aren't going to notice those little things until you point them out. So if you just continue to show up unapologetically as yourself, I mean, you're human mistakes are expected. We're not perfect. And I think that actually is more relatable than if you are trying to be someone that really just doesn't exist.

[00:22:54] Aneta: Yeah. So true. And how have you grown in other ways this year? So you've taken the initiative. You've obviously stood up to some of the fears that you had, but what other type of growth have you noticed this year as you started on your own venture?

[00:23:11] Megan: I think I've become a lot more confident in who I am. And I think that confidence comes with taking action. I think that confidence is a practice. Personally, like I mentioned when I started the podcast, I was someone that I recognized my skillset, but the more and more that I continued to show up and really hone in on the skill set, the more confident that I got in what I was doing, and the more clear I was in the fact that I made the right decision to go all in on myself rather than go back to where. I thought was a little bit more safe because the reality was I wasn't safe.

That was my second layout in three years. And so I think just betting on myself, it gave me the confidence that like, you know what, I can do this. This isn't that scary. And then also. I've grown because I've set boundaries and you mentioned that sometimes like when you start as an entrepreneur, you have all this time freedom and you have the ability to shape your calendar, but you can either control your calendar or your calendar can control you.

And I think that a lot of us start these businesses because we do want this time freedom. We want the flexibility to live life on our own terms. I really had to learn how to set boundaries to be able to make sure that I was creating a business around my life rather than creating my life around my business.

[00:24:37] Aneta: How do you think this is going to impact the way you mother because so many of us grew up in this society? Defined by what success looks like expectations from the time we were young with school, with jobs, with you said, identity, money, title, all those things. How do you feel maybe some of the lessons over the last few years are impacting the way you're going to mother your child or children?

[00:25:02] Megan: That's a great question. And to be honest with you, I haven't actually thought about it, but the first thing that came to mind is that I really just want, I mean, I'm having a son. So I really want him to understand that he is free to be whoever he wants to be. I want him to be able to show up unapologetically as himself and to experience new experiences.

I would like to think that I am not going to, I mean, I'm sure I'll have an influence on some directions that he takes, but I really want him to be able to choose his path for himself, rather than thinking that he has to go down kind of that quote-unquote, like safe path, just because that's what other people are doing.

I really want him to be able to look at me and to understand that sometimes a risk is worth it for the greater reward. And to be able to really understand what hard work and passion can do for your life. If you kind of just take those steps. 

[00:25:56] Aneta: I love that. And of course, it's going to make an impact because you're going through this yourself so you're able to impart that on him. So what are some other big dreams or goals that you have for your business that in the podcast that maybe you can share with the audience? What's next?

[00:26:12] Megan: So because I am having a child, I really had to examine what I want my business to look like. And I'm recognizing what season of life I'm in and really understanding what time I have and potentially what time I don't have. And so as I've been creating this business, I've really realized that yes coaching is very appealing. However, it is exchanging time for money. As I'm entering into this new season of motherhood, I have no idea what this is going to look like for me.

So I knew early on that I didn't want to create a coaching business quite yet. So what I did realize is that I have created this natural community of all of these incredible women that are wanting to connect with each other.

So right now I'm actually in the middle of building out a formal community to be able to make sure that I can really provide these women with networking opportunities with resources and training and opportunities to be able to collaborate with other entrepreneurial women who have taken that step and really just took a bet on themselves.

So I'm building that out. And then I'm also building out a series of courses a couple of them designed to be able to help you get started in your business. And then, because I also do come from a sales background I have recognized throughout my conversations that women have all of these wonderful ideas, but unless you come from the sales world, a lot of people aren't taught how to sell. So I'm also building out courses to be able to help women package their material and sell it in a way that isn't salesy.

Because I think a lot of women specifically get held back thinking that sales is slimy kind of like that used car salesman, and it prevents them from making money in their business. And I really want to be able to empower women to be able to take these brilliant ideas that they have and really monetize them.

[00:28:05] Aneta: I think that's going to be huge. And there's such an opportunity there. I think people struggle with talking about the value of their services and like you said, they hear the word sales and there's a visceral reaction to it energetically maybe from past experiences.

You said something earlier and I kind of wanted to go back to it. You said that even today, sometimes people will ask you, well, what do you do? And because in the past that was so tied to your identity or the company you worked for, or your title or all those things, I've started asking people instead what do you do? I've started asking them, what are you passionate about?

And networking events or the first time I meet someone and it catches people a little off guard, but I just find that the richness of the conversation is just so much deeper than reciting what I could see on their LinkedIn profile. So if I were to ask you instead, what are you passionate about, Megan?

[00:29:06] Megan: That's such a good question. And I love that you've turned it from asking about how I think, especially in America, we tie so much of our self-worth to our identity and our job title. So I love that you're kind of doing this pattern disruptor, catching people off guard and really going deep with that conversation.

I think that's beautiful right there. But as far as passion, I am passionate about elevating other women to be able to dream bigger and to be able to create a life of abundance whatever their definition of success is, because I realized that success means something completely different to everyone.

And so it's really being able to support people in their own journey towards success. And I am also passionate about my growing family. I am super family-oriented. And I just love being able to spend quality time with them. 

So I'm entering into motherhood in just a few weeks here. So I really am passionate about just being able to make sure that I am able to provide him with just the best life that I can give him and be present for my entire family at the same time.

[00:30:13] Aneta: I love that so much. And so if you would share with us, what is your definition of success then?

[00:30:21] Megan: It's the ability like, I was mentioning earlier to be able to make an impact by helping at least one person in this world.

It's the ability to be able to be present for my family. I mean, we have years to go for this, but I want to be able to have the flexibility to show up to all of the school performances to show up to whatever sporting event he chooses to go to or where music if he's involved in the music world or the art world, whatever he chooses to do, I want to be present.

I want to be able to just have a rich life that is beyond the monetary gain. I mean, clearly, the money is important because it fuels our lifestyle here, but I really want a rich life full of love and experiences.

[00:31:06] Aneta: So beautiful. I love it. And it sounds like you're already doing that, which is amazing. So if people wanted to work with you or they want to find you, what are the best places that they can go to or how could they learn more about you and all of your services?

[00:31:23] Megan: Well, you're welcome to go to my website. That's www.selfstarther.com and it's spelled S T A R T H E R, bringing in a little bit more of that female element into it.

I'm extremely active on LinkedIn just because of my corporate background, so you can find me there. Please send me a DM. I respond to everyone individually. And then also Instagram Self Start Her and then my podcast. It's just the SelfstartHER podcast. If you want to be able to hear other women talk about their journeys and get inspired along the way, then it's a really great listen. I do very little talking. It's mostly just highlighting other women every single day, and you'll get a little dose of all the different journeys along the way.

[00:32:05] Aneta: Yeah, I've actually listened to a couple of episodes. I love it. And I love the different backgrounds of people. I think it's so cool to be able to hear from people in different industries and different backgrounds and their experiences.

So I ask all of my guests a question at the end, it's tied to the title of the podcast. What does it mean to you to live the width of your life, Megan?

[00:32:26] Megan: That's so good. I would say that I have in the past been the person who always did things because I thought it was something that I should do. Because I thought that that was a societal norm, maybe because I thought that I would be judged, and I was just in fear that maybe I wouldn't be liked. But now I finally decided that this is my life, and as far as we know, we really only have one life to live.

Like I said, as far as we know. So I've started to live life how I want to live. I'm doing things now that fulfill me, that light me up, and that allow me to have the quality of life that I want for myself as well as my family. So it's really living life on my terms and not someone else's.

[00:33:13] Aneta: So good. Megan, thank you so much for joining me today. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and your experience. I think that your story is going to inspire a lot of other people who may have found themselves in the same situation as you and trying to decide what to do next, or maybe they've had that nudge themselves and maybe ignored it for too long. And so I will include all of those details in the show notes and so grateful for you and your continued success with all of your endeavors.

[00:33:43] Megan: Well, thank you. I'm really grateful for the opportunity to be able to be on your podcast today and just to be able to be in your community now. So thank you so much for having me.

[00:33:52] Aneta: You're welcome. And good luck with the baby.

[00:33:55] Megan: Thank you.

[00:33:56] Aneta: Thank you for listening to today's episode. If today's conversation inspired you to dream again, break out of your comfort zones, or reflect on what it means to you to live more fully, then please follow this podcast because every week you'll hear more stories from people just like you who took imperfect action towards their goals, created more joy and are living