Episode 23 transcript: Overcoming anxiety and depression with Mister Fred Berlin
Podcast Intro
Mister Fred: I'm noticing that a lot of people feel that way that I'm feeling because I was connecting with other people and they were like, I'm so grateful that you talk about the things, but not like in this heavy way, but in some kind of uplifting way so that we can see that it's not so, I mean it's this sad because there's some sort of a heavy topic still, but-
Aneta: We often hear people wishing us a long, happy, and healthy life. But what if the length isn't what matters most? What if instead? It's the breath, depth, and purpose of each day that matters most.
Welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast. My name is Aneta Ardelian Kuzma, and join me weekly as I interview guests who made changes in their own lives to live more fully with intention, gratitude, and joy. Be prepared to be inspired by their stories of how they shifted their mindset. Took courageous action and designed the life that they always wanted to live.
Hey there, it's Aneta. Thanks for joining again for another episode of Live The Width Your Life podcast. I'm so excited about today's guest. His name is Mr. Fred Berlin he's a surface pattern designer, illustrator, and art director from Germany. I fell in love with his designs on Instagram and look forward to his motivating and inspiring designs every day.
In the course of our conversation, we talked about so many different things in this podcast, we talk a lot about mental health, stress, burnout, and what he experienced himself in terms of witnessing trauma and suffering in the world, and how Fred was able to then take that through a sense of responsibility to aid in the healing that is needed in order to offset the pain and grief that we see every day. He talks about things that he does in his routine every day, like morning pages and other things, that have allowed him to create what he calls mindful design in his business. You're not going to want to miss today's episode. Take a listen.
Guest Interview:
Aneta: Hi Fred. Thanks so much for joining me today. Welcome to the show.
Mister Fred: Hello. Thanks so much that I can be here. It's the first time for me in a podcast ever.
Aneta: I am so grateful then that you said yes when I reached out to you and asked you to be a guest, and I can't believe that this is your very first podcast.
Mister Fred: I thought it was just the right timing because I had it in mind for so long, and often people told me you should do a podcast, and I was yeah, I would love to, but I don't know what to talk about. But I was thinking and thinking, one day, your message popped up in my mailbox and this is the impulse, so thank you for giving me the opportunity to start this podcasting journey.
Aneta: Of course. And it's so interesting. I looked back through, all of our messages, and I remembered, when did I first notice you on Instagram? Because that's how we first sort of met each other on social media. I remember you were posting a lot of beautiful designs and I started reading all of your posts and some of your videos, and then I remember you started doing these daily affirmations that were so pretty and beautiful wonderful messages, and the perfect music. And I looked forward to getting them and to dragging the heart to cross and it just became such a part of my daily routine. And, I think I started sharing some of the things that you had posted and you said, thank you for sharing. And then one day I just got the courage because I was thinking, who can I have on my podcast and who would I love to get to know better and learn more about their story? So I sent you this message and you were so kind in your response back and we were able to make it happen. And here we are.
Mister Fred: Yeah. That's so nice, and I'm so grateful for what you just said, and I'm so happy that I can connect. If it's the story affirmations with which I'm so happy that the people like, yeah. Swiping the heart. It makes me so grateful to see that people enjoy reading my texts or my stories and they, have something from them for everyday life. And that's so nice. After the time that we're going already into deep talk, after my depression and burnout and everything I'm able to connect with people and, read their messages that, they're grateful that I'm posting my thoughts on this topic. And then I'm shining some light on this topic, every time when you're seeing something about depression or burnout or therapy in general on TV or, in my opinion, it's something very gray and sad and someone is like in bed and crying and it's always very heavy.
Mister Fred: And, some sort of a topic that you don't talk about, it's always hidden and, I realized that this is why it was so hard for me, in the beginning, to talk about it myself, especially as a man, when you say I have depression, it's hard in general. If you are a man, you have to always don't be perceived as weak, thing. Like you're sensitive and that you are getting emotional very easily. I'm noticing that a lot of people feel the way that I'm feeling. Because I was connecting with other people. I'm so grateful that you talk about things not heavy way, but in some kind of uplifting way so that we can see that it's not so sad. It's sort of a heavy topic still, but of course from a different point of view that it's not like my life is over. It's so terrible, it'll never get better. Because often I was focusing just on the negative side of everything. I'm wasting my life and it's never getting better. But to change the view and look at the other side of the topic. This is clearly not working. There are a lot of things that I need to or want to work on. But to see the side that the opportunity that you're having, to write a new chapter it is a massive opportunity, what you're having when you are like hitting rock bottom, then it's like, okay, this is the moment where I can change my life. And, like Mel Robbins, said we are just one decision away from a completely different life. And it is so true. And when you made the decision, like to change something, it's very hard, especially to stay on your path. But when you get the momentum, something changes. It's kind of surreal for me that other people are thanking me for giving them so good advice or, telling them what worked for me, and what didn't work for me, and to help them see life from a different perspective and that's so nice.
Aneta: It's so beautiful. And, first of all, thank you for bringing to light something that is so relevant right now and is so common for so many people, which is burnout. And then of course, just mental health in general, panic, anxiety, just this feeling of cognitive overload and heaviness and depression. So walk us through what happened. So you were, we know you're an amazing designer and I love that.
Mister Fred: Thank you.
Aneta: You're using your story and your experiences to create more light. And so talk to us a little bit about your background of how you experienced burnout. And then as you started to allude, what changed? What are some of the routines or habits or things that you've started to implement that's really allowed you to be able to change some of those reactions that you have?
Mister Fred: Yeah. I actually can't say when it started, because I feel like it was a very slight, experience that came over time and, little bit burnout, a little bit, of burnout. But I didn't know that it could be burnout or depression and I didn't feel like a severe change because it came so slowly over time. But, at one moment, I was working at a company after I made my bachelor's degree in communication design, I think there already was some kind of burnout, but also like under so much stress that I didn't know the difference. I think I had all of my ideas so that I can come up with something new at that moment. I think that's just the way it is. I thought I'm just tired and I don't have any idea. But I already felt anxious and nervous, and kind of do the people like me, who always have this negative mindset of not being good enough. This tape was always playing in my mind.
Mister Fred: In the combination with being tired or having no new ideas, it was kind of familiar to me so I didn't think about it, I was just thinking that's the way I am. So maybe I'm anxious, maybe I'm always nervous. Maybe I'm some sort of melancholic person. So afterward I was working for a company that was so terrible and I think it was a very terrible situation to work there. But it was also the start of the change because, after the bachelor's degree, this company offered me a job. And I was, that's great. I don't have to write an application. I don't have to write a CV. And I think of myself. I am not so good. I'm so happy that someone wants me to work for them. And in that company, was the worst company I ever have worked with. The boss is here on top and everyone else is like. Yeah, it could have been like in a movie. It was really like the boss had a carpet of fur and everything was golden it was really glass workspace and really fancy stuff and decoration and expensive, pictures on the wall. And for the employees, there is your plastic chair and there is your desk. You work for me, but don't speak. And, the whole atmosphere was like, nobody wanted to talk. Everyone was silent. Everyone seemed a little bit broken, destroyed in their creativity, in their flow because when you're here every day, you are stupid and you should be happy because I gave you a job. Then Corona started. And, that was the day I think, I was really brave, which was very untypical for me because I always feel like I would be just running, not being brave, and speaking up in front of a boss. And within two weeks I had a new job, so by the way, the next job wasn't really better because then all of my panic attacks and anxiety really, hit hard, because there was a lot of chaos in the company. And, at the end alone, the email notification, like the ping was everything that my body needed to have a panic attack. I was always expecting something bad or that someone is screaming at me or telling me something bad. And one day I decided to make an appointment with my doctor and talk about it because. I could have lived with anxiety or being nervous and shy, but with all the panic attacks, like with just ping on my MacBook, it was way too much.
Mister Fred: And, then I went to my doctor with a panic attack because no, I have to tell her, how would she react? What if she says, come on, I was really happy that she didn't react the way that I thought she would. She was like really taking me seriously and, taking care of me. And then she gave me like a prescription for psychotherapy and she looked for an appointment for a psychiatrist, and then I had those two papers in my hand and I was like when I call a psychiatrist, then it's really severe then, I really have something. And it took me one or two weeks to call in.
Aneta: To schedule. Really?
Mister Fred: Yeah.
Aneta: Were you worried, like what was going through your mind?
Mister Fred: I had the anxiety to call someone. This was number one. I was always, what do I say? Who am I? What am I saying on the phone? And to the person. What if the person is weird or what if she doesn't like me when I call a psychiatrist, will they just give me meds, and then I'm numb because this is this was the only thing that I know from movies?
Mister Fred: I didn't have any experience with therapy or with psychiatry. So it was just like some of the exaggerated things that I know from a movie. But, also, the doctor was very kind and very calm. So, I went there and had two appointments, and I was talking about some things and, we started the therapy. But I also started to work on not just going to therapy because I really think that real therapy is what happens between your two appointments, like in the week, or not in therapy. I think if I would've gone to just therapy once a week for 45 minutes, not so much would've happened. Like to sit and wait and that after 45 minutes, my life would change. I think this is not possible. At that time I started to discover that I have, ADD so, which I didn't know before. And I am like really focused on psychology, like googling, researching, watching Ted Talks, reading books, listening to books on Audible, discovering Brene Brown, Mel Robbins, and all of the inspirational and motivational speakers. And I started to look for other things that can help me improve my life or to find the things that work for me. There are so many things that people do, but they don't really resonate with you.
Mister Fred: Sometimes I feel that I needed to decide, this is something that this person does, but it's not really working for me, so should I really do that? Even though it feels wrong, or not. And also discovered speaking nicely to myself, or becoming my own best friend, instead of saying to myself, why are you so anxious? Why can't you just call someone? Why is it taking so long for you? And, I think it took like two years to develop, like self-compassion. And I still have those moments where I'm realizing, how good I am talking with myself or to myself, that much changed in the way I talk to myself or in my choice of words that I'm using, I'm not using negative words when I'm speaking about something I'm really choosing positive words almost automatically that I don't have to think about. If I choose this or that word, it really comes naturally to me. I remember so often that it came so easily that I'm just saying, I'm so stupid, automatic. And then I watched a series on YouTube by Mel Bobins, which is called Mindset Reset. And in one episode, she's talking about deliberate thinking, which led me to notice all the situations where I'm talking shit to myself, I can never do things right, and every time when I noticed that, I was like, no. Like really talking loud to myself.
Mister Fred: No, I'm not stupid, I just did a mistake, and, realizing this how often I had to redirect my thoughts. Thinking and making it really, obvious for me to realize what I'm talking to myself and what I was actually just doing. I didn't think that I was noticing how much it would improve my life at that moment, but like in review over those like two years, I'm really doing this a lot with also, like writing my morning pages. And I heard in your first episode that you are also writing your morning pages.
Aneta: Yes. I love that book, Julia Cameron and I love morning pages. It's been so helpful for me. And do you write them in a notebook, longhand? Do you type them? How do you like to do it?
Mister Fred: I'm writing it with a pen in my book because I don't feel it when I'm writing on my computer. I'm also, designing my own morning pages. So, I'm taking the time to design my morning pages with an affirmation and, yeah, then it became like my ritual when I wake up in the morning, which is at 5:37. I dunno why it's 5:37, one time I was just putting an alarm and it was like 5:37 because I didn't want to go another round on my alarm and okay, then it's just 5:37, whatever. And I'm getting up at 5:37. I'm brushing my teeth, then I'm meditating for 15 to 20 minutes. Which has become a non-negotiable ritual in the morning. It's the first thing I do every day. Because of all the talks I heard, and all of the science behind them. I realized how good it is.
Mister Fred: And, that you can't meditate wrong. So it was like, okay, I would just give it a go. And, I think it's not because I have a timer on my meditation app, which says I'm meditating for 600, I don’t know, 17 days in a row, every day in the morning. And, this helped me so much in being calm, quieting my mind, or realizing how many thoughts are going on in my head or which thoughts just randomly are in my head, which I'm not actually thinking. My psychiatrist always says this is propaganda. This is like all the things that are just like,
Aneta: Yes, we're bombarded all the time. Yeah.
Mister Fred: Yeah. Then I'm making breakfast after meditation, and while I'm making breakfast, I'm listening to my Abraham Hicks playlist on YouTube. I'm starting with a morning rampage every day. I think I can speak every word, it's like, doing like lip sync, but I'm talking like the whole rampage and I feel all of the rampages of a mix or the teachings of a mix helped me so much of being positive or like redirecting all of my thinking.
Mister Fred: And after breakfast, I'm writing my morning pages, so then I'm lighting my candles, I put on some aroma therapy candles and, then I'm sitting on my desk and write my three pages while listening like to classic piano music on 432 hertz. After that, I'm starting my day, starting to work, or so
Aneta: I love it. I am obsessed with my morning routine too. And I also was burned out in my life and I found that I created things that worked for me. And many of the things you do is what I do too. I wake up a little bit earlier because I teach meditation and yoga earlier. But, I wake up at 4:30.
Aneta: And I also love to do my morning pages and then I will do some readings that are inspirational or something that's positive and then I meditate and I do the yogic breath and depending on what I need, more energy, more rest, etcetera. And, I just find that time in the morning for myself is so important. And like you, meditation is non-negotiable. Not only do I see the benefit when I meditate, but everybody around me benefits as well because I'm a different person, I respond differently. And the other thing I wanted to talk about that you said that I completely agree, with is sometimes over time our negative thoughts are so automatic. And we've conditioned ourselves to respond like, I'm so clumsy, or I'm always late, or I don't have good ideas.
Mister Fred: Why is this always happening to me?
Aneta: Right, why is it happening to me? But, it really does begin with us, as you said, recognizing that we can choose differently. We don't have to say those thoughts to ourselves. We can choose different ones. And then over time, it's not so hard. At first, you might have to talk to yourself. I always program myself with my own self-affirmations, but over time it does become more automatic that you self-correct and that you have different things that you say and then you start to believe it, right? Once you do it over time, It feels different too.
Mister Fred: Yeah. I agree 100%. It was in the beginning. Or, one strong sentence, from Abraham Hick, belief is only a thought. You keep thinking. So I thought, okay if that is true, I can change my beliefs by just thinking something else, even though I won't believe it. When I'm thinking about it for the first time because one of my negative beliefs was that I'm not a good person. And I started to write in my morning pages, I'm a good person, or I've decided that I'm a good person and that good things are going to happen. And, I was writing it over and over again, and I'm still writing it every day in my journal that, I'm a good person and that good things are going to happen to me, and that everything is always working out for me. And, over time I believed it, and every time when I wrote it, I felt empowered to myself because I was cheering myself on and I was like, yeah I can do this. And, everything is always working out for me. And like over time and this also comes not from one day to the other. You are not like, yes. And today I'm believing it. At one point you notice that something has changed and I'm more confident. Or, look how amazing I managed this situation in comparison to two, or three years ago, or how I would've wrecked it earlier. And I think this writing really helps to notice the little changes, right? You remember something the day before or so, and I often compare it like with a mathematical, I don't know the word, like
Aneta: Formula
Mister Fred: Yeah. That. You're trying to solve a mathematical problem. Like with my morning pages, I'm writing down a problem and then I'm like, no that was not the problem. Maybe it was this and maybe it was this. And then I'm slowly coming to the core and realizing it was not that the one person just said this looks ugly, or so that, then I'm realizing, ah, okay. It had actually something to do with myself or so. And yeah, I'm always coming back to the morning pages, they help me so much, about realizing changes or something, that is not working or that I want to work, on. And, I also remember a time when I stopped writing my morning pages and I really noticed that I had so much more negative thoughts in my head because I couldn't write them, write them away. And, I felt like then the inner critic came back like, it's so helpful, just to quiet the thoughts. When I feel like my brain sees, I'm writing down the thought, my brain says, okay, then I don't have to remember it. So it's like quiet. And this is really great practice and I often say to someone who's asking me, what kind of tips could you give me? I always start journaling, doesn't matter if it's five minutes or 10 minutes or
Mister Fred: whatever. Start journaling. I think there's also a study that says, that people who are journaling are more resilient in their lives because they're processing their thoughts and their problems in a different way and just more helpful, and I really like writing is such a good practice.
Aneta: I love the morning pages and if I find myself having a bad day or with a worry or concern, I love to go back and find instances where I may have had a fear or was worried about something and then see the follow-up to it and just seeing how I was supported or how blessings came out of it, or how I was able to work through it. And it just gives me the encouragement that things are going to be okay and I've worked through it. And then it's interesting to see seasonally actually, I've been able to go back and look, why am I feeling so tired in September? Or I feel I don't want to see anyone, and I felt the exact same way last September. And then, for me it's able to say, well, maybe I went too hard. I pushed myself too hard. We did too much. And it's a natural response to want to rest, to mimic nature. And so there's just so much that I gain at the moment, but then also in reflection and having, being able to go back and to see how far you've come along too. I don't know if you ever go back and read some of your stuff.
Mister Fred: Uh, no. I'm not. But sometimes I'm just like, let's see what I wrote three years ago and, or, the one time I was, looking at my first-morning pages book and, I don't know if you also, notice it yourself, that when you started writing your morning pages I was, what should I write? I didn't want to see my own thoughts like that. I was a bit scared to write them down or to be like really honest with me that I'm like, I don't know if I want to know that. I was thinking that even though I knew that it was, but then it became so real that,
Aneta: It's on paper, yeah. I think it's amazing. And that's why the book has been around for so long and it's such a great tool for creatives. I know that the author wrote it specifically thinking about people who are creative, who are artists, who are writers etcetera. So how have you been able to take all that you have gone through to your experiences, all the new rituals and habits that you've created into what you call mindful design? So can you share how you've been able to take that to now create things that are so beautiful and uplifting in the world? Because your style is just so unique. So do you mind sharing some of that?
Mister Fred: Sure. Well first. I mean mindfulness, came like into my private life because I was working like on my mental health. And, I noticed that in my creative job, everyone was always stressed and everything had to be like yesterday, or, you have three hours and this is the briefing, and, hurry up because we don't have time. And, I noticed that in general. Here's the briefing, go, but go fast, and, don't ask questions and that creatives or designers are often the people who are the last people enrolled that get any information, but then they have to run and do everything, but the other persons didn't in like over three months or so. But the designers have to do it like in three hours. And I, realize, that mindfulness doesn't work for me if I only just do it like at home when it's 5:30 in the first two hours, and then I go to work. And then it's like stress. And then I'm coming home and then I'm taking a deep breath. I realize that I can't work in this, nine to five anymore, that this is not working for me in a company that is not really mindful that it's just like you have to work, work, work, work, work.
Mister Fred: And what I am saying. I made the decision that I won't work in a company for 40 hours a week anymore, and I started to go my own way as a freelancer. I was too scared before to do this because my family always said, you have to have a secure job and don't try things, freelancing. It's very dangerous because what, if you don't have a client? How do you pay your bills? And, so I started still having this in mind of that I didn't work 40 hours for the company, but like 25 hours. I was doing a part-time job and started to focus on freelancing and finding out how this is going because I didn't know anyone who was freelancing. I was scared to do it. I thought that this is a good opportunity to work. Have this kind of security in some way, but also start something new and figure out how this could go. And, then I started like to create the Fred way. So, the Fred way is the way, where I thought about how I want to work. So it doesn't matter that other people are doing things in three hours or that they are always stressed because the client is never giving them the information that they need. And it's always the client, who picks the second draft, but I wanted to work on the first draft and no, I don't like it anymore. And, there is often so negative communication between designers and clients. And I always say why?
Mister Fred: Why does it always have to be like this? I didn't want to do that anymore. So if someone wants something done in two hours, then I don't want to do this anymore because I hurried through life for over 30 years. And, then I started to build the courage to don't take on every project just because someone say, hey Fred, I need to postcard but, in one hour or so, and in the beginning I was like, someone wants a project with me. Of course, I will do it. You don't pay anything. Great. I will do it for free, you need it in the next hour, of course, I will work myself to death just because I want a project. And, then yeah, building like this, a business where I'm not taking on projects that where I don't have time to think of an idea or-
Mister Fred: where someone doesn't want to pay anything because designs have to be cheap or so, so. I'm also talking with my clients about, what's their goal or what they want to achieve, not just, I need a postcard and I'm not asking questions because you just have to design a postcard for me and do whatever I want. I wanted to break up with business. I am the client, so I am here on top and you are the designer and you have to do whatever I say. And sometimes I still see those unhealthy relationships between clients and the designer as well.
Mister Fred: And, yeah, this is why I slowed down all of the processes that I'm working on. I mean, I can, but it's not working 100% of the time. Sometimes it's still stressful or sometimes I'm still taking on too many, projects at the same time. And, sometimes I think I prepared it so well. Like, this is perfect timing. And at some point, the projects are, colliding. And then it's so stressful. But alone, the fact that I have this positive mindset and talking to myself, I can do it. Everything is always working out for me. I can do this or, I don't have to be scared to tell a client, I noticed something or something happened. Is it possible to postpone our call to next week or, would you mind changing something a bit here because I just noticed it, or, do you want to try something different? Because I just had that idea and, thus, all in all, changed so much about not stressing through all of the projects. And in the end, I'm just happy that the project is done because I didn't want to do that anymore. That I'm working on a project and in the end, I'm so resentful about everything that I didn't want to see it again. And, this is so sad. When you're like working on something in the beginning, you are energized and with every email or with every review of the client, you're getting angrier and you don't want to work with them anymore. And, any changes, then you're just like, okay, I will change it. I don't care how it looks, or I don't care if it's working, so I just want to get it done. And, it took a lot of time to like implement it really in the workflow that I'm just doing what the client says because, I realize at some point, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I am the designer or I am the expert in my field. And the client usually is someone who's not coming from a design background. So I have to guide them through how things are working. And just because the client, wants a campaign or a poster or whatever in three hours. It's good that the client wants that in three hours, but then, realize that my job is to guide them to the way that things are really working with building a house, you can't build a house in one and a half hours, even though you want to have it built in one and a half hours, it's not working that way. And, teaching also my clients how to give feedback was a really big improvement in being more mindful in all of the communication. And so I decided at some point, It's easier to make a video presentation where I take the time for myself to walk them through all of my ideas to prepare a presentation, and talk about everything that I want to, talk about without being interrupted.
Mister Fred: This is also very important for me. And then I can send them all of the files that I want them to have with the video that I want them to watch. Think about what you saw and then when you saw everything, we will schedule a meeting and then we can talk about everything that we want to discuss. Because then you have time to think about everything without being hurried or feeling that you have to decide now when I'm in a live meeting. And, this helped a lot, I think on both ends to make better decisions because no one is feeling pressured to have to decide something now because they can think about it. They can watch the presentation, they can watch it twice, they can watch it three times. And when they feel ready, we are meeting again then we can take on the next steps. This is really helpful and I would really recommend it to other designers too,
Aneta: I love that idea. And I think I've shared with you my daughter, my oldest daughter, Isabella. She's a designer and it's so interesting the things you've shared because I've observed them. She works, but she also freelances. But I've noticed how it is hard as a designer because I feel like a designer, and maybe I'm generally stereotyping, but you tend to appreciate nature and you have this appreciation for beauty and you're highly sensitive, right? Because you're able to use all of that to design and create. But with that comes this constant critique or criticism of work that's so personal. So even if you're creating it for someone else, it's in the essence of you. And then the natural response back is to tell you people want to change it. And as you said, sometimes they know why, sometimes they just don't like it, and that's not usually useful. So I love this tip of you recording the video, giving people time to process it, but also helping to create questions in a way that allows for responses that you can actually do something with. So amazing. Congratulations, that you've been able to do something like that. I think this tip will be used by others. So you're unique. Your style is so unique. It's so beautiful. When I look at it, I see what you post, and I know you're obviously doing additional work that I don't have exposure to, but I love this, the color and the designs and I think you even call it quirkiness. It makes me so happy. I really do have a joyful response to it and it's vibrant and it's lively. So, tell me how you, did it naturally evolve to the work that this is what you like creating?
Mister Fred: I think it also came with my self-healing journey.
Mister Fred: And, being playful with my inner child. Because at the beginning of my career, I tried a lot of things. I was like, what's trendy? How do other people design? What are they using for colors? And, there was this content comparison with other designers. Or when I saw a portfolio of someone else, I was, I could never do something like this. They're so much better. And I tried to just do things that other people did.
Mister Fred: And so at the beginning of my career, I had so many different styles, or I had so many different approaches. I was doing something with pen and paper and I thought, I just want to make textures that I still like, but it is just an illustration or just something that I did because I think you have to do it this way. And I always loved illustrations in a very simplistic style that were colorful and simple and just playful and not so serious. Or like, just not realistic, coming from like really fantasy illustrations And, I never felt, or I never had the courage to do it this way because I remember times when I colorful things or when I did play for things or simplistic things. I remember in university a graphic design teacher was like, you should stop doing so childish, illustrations because you are a grown-up, you are an adult. And I thought, okay. So, a lot of times then I will say, ah, okay, I actually wanted to do it, but, obviously, I shouldn't. So I was listening to a lot of different people who were like, you shouldn't do this, you shouldn't do that. Focus on three colors or, tips of other people are giving. It would be set in stone that doesn't use more than three colors, don't do this. I followed them because I thought, they must know. And, well, in the end, I felt like it was just not working out. And, as I told you before, I stopped illustrating for almost two years.
Mister Fred: That's because I felt well, obviously when everyone is criticizing my illustrations, obviously I'm just not good enough. And, there are so many different illustrators. Like who was waiting for me? If there are so many different illustrators, why should I also illustrate? I was still working in design, like in an agency or for a company, but I didn't have my own style. I was working in Photoshop, I was working in, Adobe Illustrator, but I was just doing work, I could have also just like folded, specs or, so I was just doing a job but, I didn't have any creative spirit in that way and when I came to my own healing journey and focusing on what feels good to me or when I discovered the affirmations or the quotes, that really helped me improve my life.
Mister Fred: Like having those guideposts and seeing, those sentences in front of me. I actually started it not because I wanted to show it to other people. I was starting it for myself. I had this import of writing some letters and then because I always loved flowers and then I thought, I'm a man and I shouldn't draw flowers and I shouldn't do it like colorful, and I was like, wait you stupid brain, I will show you, I will draw flowers and I will do them colorful and I will just do it cause then I want to see what you think. Like my critic. And, by the way, do you have a name for your critic? I name mine. Karen
Aneta: No, because I don't want to be that polite to my inner critic. I just say stop it. That's great though because naming it Karen is so funny. I love it.
Mister Fred: And it, helps me to separate myself from this negative sector.
Mister Fred: And so I started to make these illustrations out of like, I will show you, Karen, that I can do it even though you say it's bad. And then I started rediscovering my love for colors and that I'm allowed to use as many colors as I want. And, that it's about me finding joy in the illustration and that it's not about how many people will like it, how many, don’t know how many people will share it. It doesn't matter if, in the end, I would like it, but it was, at the beginning that I'm just doing it for myself for appreciating the affirmations or my own process in like, processing situations or starting illustrating again. And, at some point when I realized, or when I discovered that especially other creative people, made similar, experiences or also, are critical of themselves or also, having like this inner perfectionist in some way or thinking about it's not good enough or, like a lot of creatives have some kind of a similar mindset that they always want to be improving. And, after realizing this at some point I started uploading something on Instagram again. And, I think for like almost one year nothing really happened on Instagram. And I was like, maybe it's really bad. I was still thinking about it, of course.
Mister Fred: Because I mean, on the one side I knew that it's not about the likes, and I really told it to myself, it's not about the likes. But you see when it's just like 12 people liking or so, right? So, it's still there.
Mister Fred: And, I went through it and I thought no, this is the challenge that you are like working on here, that it's about yourself and that you are uploading it for yourself. And it was some kind of selfish behavior actually because I was doing it for myself and not for others to read my-
Mister Fred: copies or, so it was for myself to process my own feelings or my emotions or situations. But of course, I wished for other people to react to it or comment on it, which didn't happen in the beginning. And then kind of happened overnight really, that at some point people started reacting to my illustrations or to comments. And then I got messages, and then I got, offerings for a project. And then I also found my agency, they saw the illustrations and they wanted to ask me if I ever thought about working with an agent.
Mister Fred: And this all happened after I started to let my inner child be playful. Instead of thinking about what other people say and what their processes are, how they approach things, or how they work on their projects. Because in the end, I realized it doesn't matter how other people work on their projects or how other people are doing the illustrations, or how many colors they are using. It's about how I want to work or how I want to live or how many colors I want to use. And it doesn't matter if no one else does it before because it's enough when I'm doing it that way.
Mister Fred: And there is enough space for everyone who wants to approach their things in the way they want to approach their life. But it took a lot of time for me to realize that I don't have to do things the way others already do them because you don't have to do things in that way because someone has already done it. And, yeah, it came just that I'm doing all the colors and all like these crooked lines, because I always thought, why can't I draw a straight line? Why is it not possible for my hand to draw a straight line? And I was like, I have to draw a straight line. I made exercises of drawing lines that were straight, I realized maybe it's my style just to draw crooked lines. So, then I didn't resist it anymore why is it always trying to be unnatural to my hand like to draw something straight when it's really when I'm not made for doing things straight? So, I was embracing the fact that I'm drawing crooked lines and that I'm making it colorful and I don't listen to it anymore when someone is saying, this is too childish, or this is too playful, or this is too simple. Because, how can something be too playful or how can something be too cute? It's not possible that something is too cute. It's like, it's just not possible. And, embracing my own style and my own colorful way and playing with my inner child, what he wants to do or what he doesn't want to do, led to the style that I have right now. And this really comes from my heart. And, this is like really the way that Fred wants to draw. And when I started to draw the way that Fred wants to draw, all of the other good things really started to happen because I feel like people noticed that natural Fred way in the illustration and this is why maybe the things before didn't work out because it was not like the essence of the illustrations that Fred wants to draw.
Aneta: You're authentically yourself. And the other thing that came to mind as we were talking, because you brought up Abraham Hicks, as you know, there's the emotional chart if you've seen it ever, but the high emotions and then sort of,
Mister Fred: At the guidance scale. Yeah, sure,
Aneta: Yeah, the guidance scale. And so the feelings that your designs evoke in me are all the ones up on top, right? The joy, the playfulness, the curiosity, the wonder, the hope, the gratitude, all that beautiful stuff. The love, the compassion. And so, because you feel that way when you're designing because you've removed your resistance to what your inner child is saying. I think that those are the emotions that then through the design that other people experience. I love that connection. And so when you said initially that it was because of your healing journey. That your design has also evolved. I mean, you could just see now going backward, maybe that it's all really connected. So it's beautiful and I'm so grateful, and I'm sure others are as well, all of your clients and everyone that gets to benefit from it that you are listening to your inner child and not Karen and, so I ask everyone on the show, the title of the podcast is Live the Width of Your Life. What does it mean to you to live the width of your life?
Mister Fred: I think putting myself first, like, realizing that first of all, I have to feel good, like when I think of being on a plane and like they always say in case of an emergency put the oxygen mask down for yourself first and then help others. And, all the years before I focused on other people and that other people like me so that I can feel good or that I can feel worthy because other people like me so that I can have some worth in my life. And, after realizing, also through the therapy, that there is nothing wrong with me or that I'm not broken or that I don't need to be fixed, that I'm already whole. And, that, only if I am feeling good, I can help other people feel good. So in order for myself to feel better because in the end I was just exhausted or that I felt like, okay, I'm doing all the things for other people, but who is doing something for myself or for me? So, living really satisfying life was really exploring for me that I have to come first. And it doesn't matter if other people maybe don't agree with how I want to live my life it doesn't matter because it's my life. And, I want to live my life the way that I want to live my life. And, also starting to be okay with it to lose some people on the way if they feel like, okay this is not working anymore. And to not feel lonely that you're feeling unworthy because someone said, what kind of life do you live? To be completely at peace for yourself and to tune in with yourself about what you want, and how you want to live your life. Just to know what you want to do, or to know what you don't want to do. This is also very important to know.
Mister Fred: What you don't want to do? And in order to know what you want to do. I think this is really important for me to live the width of my life. And also, Yeah, like I said before, to be my own best friend. To be there for me to cheer myself on my journey and, especially on the days that are not so good or where those contrasting experiences are happening, you had to be the person that I needed, in my life, but there wasn't someone who was, giving me like the comfort or the safe space to feel the way that, that I'm feeling. And, yeah. When I started to be self-compassion or, patient with myself and, not, do things perfectly or always like throughout my life. Instead, to slow down or take my time to process some feelings or process thoughts that are confusing or so, or to just accept I'm doing things. Like I'm doing things like, earlier I was like, why does it take so long for me to write an email? It doesn't matter why. It just does take longer for me to do some things and just to be okay with it and not being like beating myself up for other things that, well others do differently and this, this is such an improvement to my life to be like, okay, today I will do things like this or also to accept to I expect it a little bit differently, but it is the way it is. And so I'm taking it on from here and I'm going my journey from here. And I love to think of my life with I just had that one day, in meditation that I was always thinking about, climbing mountains. And, since then I'm comparing my life or my journey with hiking and mountain climbing and it's like I'm just going my way, and on my way, there will be hills, small hills, there will be big mountains. And, I'm just going my way and I don't know what will happen on my journey. And, I don't know if the weather will be nice. I don't know if it will be stormy or if it's snowing or if it's windy. And I don't know how long it will take me to climb that mountain, but I will just go my way and I will enjoy the journey and I will do it the best I can. And I will not climb the mountain just to be on top of the mountain, but because I want to hike and explore the world. And I would want to enjoy the view and, I will, experience life to the fullest that I can. And I just trust that I will go with my brand, I will experience all the things that are meant for me. And, yeah, this analogy really helps me a lot to feel nothing in my life is working out. Because I know I'm climbing the mountain. And this mountain maybe is really, really, really, difficult to climb.
Mister Fred: But I would go over it and then there will be a beautiful valley or there will be central and palms or I don't know. And being yeah. So good with where I am, even though there is no manifestation of it yet, just to believe that it's already my like Abraham always says, or that I am where I am and I'm doing pretty good at where I am. I'm pleased with how far I've come and I'm doing better it's getting clearer and I know more today than I did yesterday. And, yeah this is like living the width, like being okay with where I am right now.
Mister Fred: Even though something didn't happen yet. It's just I'm so okay with where I am and I'm so satisfied with where I am and I'm happy about going everywhere that I want to go. I think this is already so satisfying to be satisfied with where you are instead of comparing, I need to go there to be happy. I need to be this for being happy. So expecting like something to happen in order to be happy also. So, yeah, this mindset shift helped me a lot to find things that are already good or, to find things how I want to feel or that I want to have. And, then everything always works out for me. I have creation box. Like a little creation box where I wrote on it here creation box and then I am writing down on some colorful post-it, what I think of and what makes me feel good. And then I'm writing it down, read it out loud, and then I'm putting it in my creation box, and then I'm thinking of the things that always make me feel good. And, then I feel like I'm manifesting it, or I'm like raising my vibration. In order to feel even more satisfied with, where I am right now.
Aneta: I love that. I love that so much. And I love the way that you framed it. It's taking care of yourself. Focusing on what you need to do, so you can then share that with the world, which ultimately helps other people. But I love this idea of knowing that you are exactly where you're supposed to be, as you said. And there might be peaks and valleys and mountains and hills, but in the end, it's all there and you're exactly where you're supposed to be. It's just so beautiful. So beautiful. So, I want to thank you for being such an amazing person in this world. I'm so grateful that the universe brought us together. And, I want for you to share with anyone who's listening, how we can best support you, where we can find you, or how they can support your work.
Mister Fred: The first thing, thank you so much for your loved words that you just had I'm so happy that you felt this way. And of course, you can find me on Instagram, @misterfredberlin, or you can also go on mrfred.org. If you want to see my website and there you can find all the links that will lead you to like Instagram and don’t know Spotify if you want to listen to some playlists that I made. And, I'm also working on my own online job because I founded, my first business. There will be, a Mister Fred store soon. And I want to publish affirmation cards, and, post-it and just Mister. Fred's happy products. And, I'd be happy if you would visit me there if you feel like it.
Aneta: I will make sure that I include all of those links in the show notes and I'm going to be like your first client. Somehow we have to make that happen because I was already thinking I want a morning-page journal. I want all these things that I would hope you would design. Hopefully, you'll have them in your store. They're really beautiful and I encourage everyone to absolutely start to follow you out. I just think it's a daily jolt of inspiration. And it feels so good to see what you're putting out into the world. And, so grateful for our time together. And if you're listening to today's show and you like it, please share it with as many people as possible. Follow Fred and, visit his store, and of course, subscribe so you're notified anytime there's a new episode. And Fred, I wish you continued success in all areas of life and I will love to have you back at some point. And I think we'll continue to have great discussions.
Mister Fred: Thank you so much. I'd love to visit you again. It was so nice. And thank you so much for my first podcast.
Aneta: Yay. We did it.
Mister Fred: It was so great. Thank you so much.
Aneta: You're welcome.
Podcast Outro
Aneta: If you enjoyed this episode and want a personalized guide to living the width of your life, I've just released a bestselling book Live the Width of Your Life, 365 Daily meditations on living with passion, purpose, and peace. Each daily meditation provides you with a journal prompt or a challenge so you can begin taking daily imperfect action toward the life of your dreams. You can get your copy today on Amazon. The link is in the show notes, and I will see you next time.