Episode 35 transcript: How to release trauma and promote healing and recovery with Charla Olson

Podcast Introduction:

[00:00:00] Charla: I wish I could explain the power. I mean, it is. So people are, okay, you're just breathing. Like you're just breathing. It's not just breathing. It literally is a full-body subconscious experience, and it sounds very, whatever you want to say, woo, woo, woo, whatever. But it is the body's natural way of calming down and going to certain places. And revisiting those things and being able to readjust how you interact with those situations.

[00:00:32] Aneta: We often hear people wishing us a long, happy, and healthy life. But what if the length isn't what matters most? What if instead, it's the breath, depth, and purpose of each day that matters most? Welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast. My name is Aneta Ardelian Kuzma. And join me weekly as I interview guests who made changes in their own lives to live more fully with intention, gratitude, and joy. Be prepared to be inspired by their stories of how they shifted their mindset. Took courageous action and designed the life that they always wanted to live.

[00:01:07] Aneta: Today's guest is Charla Olson. Charla is a double-accredited, certified trauma-informed traumatic coach and mindset coach. She works with women to help them recover from traumatic experiences and work through what those experiences created within their bodies and their minds so they can come back to understanding their value and worth and live their life with purpose. She's the host of the podcast from her to her. A show where stories from women and transformation professionals allow everyone to feel seen, inspired, and equipped for their transformations. Charla is a mom of two of fitness and nutrition enthusiast, A positive mindset ambassador, and a soul having a human experience who's always hoping to love and serve better.

[00:01:53] Aneta: We had such an amazing discussion. Charla was really open and vulnerable, which I really appreciated. We talked about redefining failure in relationships. We talked about how she helps people work through their own trauma, having gone through her own healing journey, and how she's able to take that to help others. We talked about breathwork and how that helped her to forgive those in her life and release old stories and patterns. Also how her faith has been a constant source of strength. And then finally, lessons that she's learned from her podcast talking to other women. I loved our discussion and I know that you will as well. I hope you enjoy it.

Interview part:

[00:02:39] Aneta: I'm so excited to have Charla Olson on today, the podcast. Thanks for joining.

[00:02:45] Charla: Oh, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be with you today.

[00:02:49] Aneta: I'm so excited. And, I love your podcast, first of all, from her to her, so definitely want to make sure we talk a little bit about that today. But I would love for you to just share a little bit about your background, about your story, about your journey to where you are today.

[00:03:06] Charla: Perfect. I can do that. So I am from North Dakota. I was born in Montana and moved to North Dakota when I was young. Grew up, graduated high school here, and then three days after I graduated high school, I moved to South Texas as far away as I could get thinking I'd never come back. I did come back when I moved to Texas, I moved with who was my first husband. We weren't married at the time but moved down there with him. We got married, had our daughter, and that's what brought us back up to North Dakota. It was kind of all of our family, he was from up here too, so it was like all of our family's up there, so it made sense to move back.

[00:03:50] Charla: We ended up getting a divorce and then a few years later I was remarried and had my son. And that marriage ended up ending as well. Which at the time it's, well, and I've had to work through that cause it's hard to say I've been married twice, I've been divorced twice. You kind of feel like daily, but, so that's, I've had to work through some of that. And now I'm back in my hometown. Both of my really great friends are my ex-husbands. We're all co-parenting very well, they'll both even pick up the others. My daughter's dad will pick up my son and vice versa. It's really great.

[00:04:28] Charla: My daughter is 19 now. She'll be 20 in a couple of months, and my son, he will be 13 this summer. So time is flying. I was in corporate America. I've done real estate, I've done customer service, and now I am working with people coaching through the nervous system, traumatic episode experiences, working through the nervous system, toxic relationships, and walking alongside people, that's where my heart is. It's really caring for people.

[00:05:04] Aneta: Wow. You just shared it so much and I want to ask you first why you think that we see the ending of relationships as a failure. I know you mentioned that it sometimes it's hard even though your kids are older and you have this great relationship with your ex-husbands and partners, but why, and do you feel like that's changing at all in our society? Like is there a way to reframe the ending of a relationship as not a failure?

[00:05:31] Charla: I think the reason that we see it as a failure is because in modern-day society, which started, I don't know when it started, but there was this belief that as soon as you're a certain age, you need to get married. And marriage is for life, which I do agree with. Marriage is for life. There are certain circumstances like abuse and things that were fully justified to end the marriage, adultery, and things like that. But I think on a whole, my opinion, I do think it's happening more with the ending of marriages I think we feel like it's a failure because it's ingrained that it's supposed to be for life once you get married. It's supposed to be for life. If you don't make it, especially when children are involved, it's like, now you have failed your children. Now you're setting an example.

[00:06:24] Charla: Now your children are going to follow in your footsteps. There are all of those layers, but I think where we're missing the boat is before the whole dating and marriage happen anyway, where we should be teaching people that dating and marriage shouldn't be what it is because I think a lot of people walk into dating and marriage as a selfish thing. Like, this person is going to provide my happiness. This person is going to be what I picture for myself, and we put a lot of selfish responsibility forward, and selfish expectation like this feels good, therefore it should be this. It's all very selfish when I think we should be setting up our children.

[00:07:07] Charla: Discover who you are. Discover the things that make you happy. Relate to human beings as human beings, as your brothers and sisters and friends, not as you're supposed to fill this responsibility in my life. Therefore I need to date you to find out if I want to be with you. Discover who you are, and discover what is commitment. What does that look like? And then once you know what that is, I think that there's a better success rate, but I think we just kind of go into it blindly. I mean, look at how old we are too. When we're getting married. When we're dating and getting married. Like what do we really know anymore? Life is so different.

[00:07:44] Charla: So kind of a lot to answer that question, but I just think it's a great question and I think if we approach it even sooner than actual dating, we can figure out how to keep more marriages together, and then to answer, is it a failure are we seeing, I think it isn't a failure. There's this concept of, if you fail, that's where you stop in life. And no, I mean, we fail forward. There's something to learn from those decisions and I think a lot of people too, depending on how young they are. As you grow, some people truly grow apart and one person can become what holds another person back. And there's strain and kids aren't dumb either. When kids are involved, they can see the dynamics they know.

[00:08:35] Aneta: Right. Well, it's interesting nowadays, I think that the younger generations are getting married later, or they're choosing not to get married. And so perhaps they have observed what is happening around them, and maybe they're choosing a little bit differently. But I also feel like this generation. They are working on themselves at a much younger age and asking themselves some of those questions that maybe we weren't when we were younger. But I love that you said we need to do the work on ourselves and not put so much responsibility on the other person to fulfill us or to make us happy. And that's definitely not something that is presented or shared or even taught necessarily for when we're younger around any sort of a relationship, whether it's a marriage relationship or just any sort of partnership.

[00:09:28] Charla: I look at it as if it's hard enough. I know as much as there can possibly be to know about myself. I have all of the history and the evidence and everything. And even to keep myself happy 100% of the time. It's a job, it's work. Right. So for me to ask another human being who hasn't been with me my entire life doesn't know all of the inner workings of me and all of the things to ask that human being, to know how to make me happy all the time is an unrealistic and selfish ask. And it's setting the relationship and it's setting it all up for failure, is how I see it.

[00:10:09] Aneta: It's so true. It wouldn't be interesting if before we got married we took all of our assessments and then we shared the results with everybody, with our partner and we were able to talk through some of those things. Like even the five love languages, like a lot of these books came out after the fact and people are taking these assessments even when they've been married for a long time and going, wow. This explains why there's a mismatch in communication or the way we express love or the way we want to receive love. So I don't know if you've ever done that book or that assessment, but it was such an eye-opener. My husband and I did it and I was like, this is actually a really good tool.

[00:10:46] Charla: I have, and it is a great tool. And I don't mean when it comes to happiness, I don't mean like you don't invest in your partner and you don't figure out their love languages and things like that because obviously there's like a baseline that each individual is responsible for themselves basically. And then when you come together, then you do take on some of that relational responsibility for each other and understanding. What does and doesn't make somebody feel good, what does and doesn't make them feel loved? And that is the responsibility of a partner in a relationship, the baseline. I don't want that to be misconstrued. It isn't that cause there is responsibility for each partner. Tools like that, love languages. Those are phenomenal tools to have.

[00:11:28] Aneta: Absolutely. So I want to ask, how did you go from corporate to coaching and everything else that you're doing in your business today? What did that look like? Your journey? Was it slow? Was it sudden? Were you planning it for some time?

[00:11:46] Charla: It's been both slow and fast, so, growing up was a bit tumultuous. I grew up with abuse and then throughout my teens, went through some pretty traumatic experiences too, and then grew up quickly. I grew up very quickly and through a lot of traumatic things. And through my first marriage, we were young. There were things at the beginning that weren't good for me like a mental health level and a self-worth level and things like that. And not bad guys, just some of the things that young guys do.

[00:12:26] Charla: And then after the breakdown of my second marriage, I found myself in a relationship with somebody who, it's a word that gets thrown around a lot these days, but he was a true narcissist and I didn't know what that was. I had no idea what that was. All I thought was, there were a few things I thought if I just love him more and better than anybody ever has, that's all he needs. And meanwhile, everything in my life is falling apart. I was doing real estate at the time and I wasn't doing my job well, my funds were flying out the window. I wasn't showing up as a good mom. It was just like, my whole everything just like keep him happy kind of thing. And there was a lot of drinking involved in that relationship too. My broker at the time actually came to me one day. It was after I got pulled over for a DUI and she's like, you either need to go to rehab or I'm sending your real estate license into the state.

[00:13:28] Charla: And me knowing myself well enough and all through my life, God has been a part of my life. And in that moment it was like this is my opportunity to get away from him and to figure out what in the world is going on. I need it. My kids need it. I took the opportunity. I was like, I'll go. And so it was about a week later, I was on a plane and she took me to the airport and I remember saying to her, alcohol's not my problem. He's my problem. My insides would just shake the entire time I was with him or not with him, or it was just my head, I couldn't think straight. It was just, it was incredible. And when I said that, she's like, I think you're probably right. And I was like, I'm not trying to get out of this going to rehab.

[00:14:19] Charla: So I got down there and they do this three, four-hour interview session to put you in a certain house, whether it's like an eating disorder house, narcotics house, booze, whatever. So after my assessment was done, the next day they're taking me to the house that I'm going to be in with this group of people that deal with the same issues. And we pull up to this house and I'm like, so what is my house? Where am I? And the gal was like, this is the sex and love addict house. And I was like, no, no, no. And because of course, what do you think when you first hear that, right?

[00:15:03] Aneta: We have a preconceived notion, of what that means.

[00:15:06] Charla: Yeah. And I'm like, no, that's, no, no, no, no, no. We are at the wrong house. So, but as the process went on, and I was reading, there was this book where you take this quiz and there's nine columns and if you score above a certain thing in any of those columns, it's an indication of some type of trauma bonding mechanism that you have. Well, I scored over that score in seven out of the nine. Wow. And that was my eye-opener moment, and it was like the box opened and I was shocked at everything I was learning from that day on. I started to understand the things that made me the way I had become. I had dissociated, there were so many parts of my life I just don't even remember. Some of them slowly come back now as I clear things and I make room and mature and grow and make room to deal with other things. So that basically led me to, there are a lot of people like me out there. And that's really where I was like, I want to help people.

[00:16:11] Charla: Now, that was in 2015? No, 2018. And then from 2018. For a few years, I worked in corporate America and always had this, there's got to be more. So I started working with a coach and I started just taking in as much education as I could about all of these types of things. And it's like, it's time. Life is not getting any shorter. I'm not getting any younger and we are coming into a time because of the timeframe of life in 2020 and what that's done for mental health. people need people that can help. So that's what's led me and even after 2018, I took steps backward. And some of those things are hard to unlearn and you go back to similar relationships. The same behaviors creep back. And so I did, I had to go through a couple of things where it's like, okay, now get myself back in check.

[00:17:08] Charla: And it's like, this is what I want to help people do. People need people that'll come alongside them and go, it's okay to fall down again. Now let's get back up and here's how we do it. And so That's what's led me to today.

[00:17:20] Aneta: Wow. Thank you for sharing that. Thank you for naming all of those things because it's not easy to talk about our stories and to talk about the parts that we've overcome and what we're working through, but sometimes that's exactly what someone else needs to hear. So I think it's going to help other people who are listening. How long was that first rehab, that program that you were in, how long did that last?

[00:17:43] Charla: So the rehab facility was 28 days, and then at that point I had the choice to either come back home or go find a halfway house place to go and I knew, one, I wasn't ready to go back. And that I needed to know more. And I needed to spend more time with just myself. So I went for two more months to a halfway house over in halfway house situation over in California and spent those two months just deep diving.

[00:18:15] Aneta: Yeah. It can be frightening. As you said, sometimes there are memories that our bodies, our mind, just naturally protects us from. And then when we start to do the work, I know through breathwork, both you and I do somatic breath work. It's amazing how you start remembering things I also have memories of stuff I just had forgotten from childhood. So what was your experience like when you first started working with breath work? Like how did that come into what you're doing?

[00:18:44] Charla: So I first got introduced to breath work through one of the real estate agents. And my broker at the time, they both knew his name is Christian De Lata. He was in Florida at the time. They had gone to one of his retreats and then the real estate agent that I worked with, she worked under him to begin. Also doing breath work with people. And so my first experience was I went to one of his weekend events, and I wish I could explain the power. I mean, it is. So people are like, okay, you're just breathing.

[00:19:22] Charla: Like you're just breathing. It's not just breathing. It literally is like a full body. Subconscious experience, and it sounds very, whatever you want to say, woo, woo, woo, whatever. But it is the body's natural way of calming down and going to certain places. And revisiting those things and being able to readjust how you interact with those situations.

[00:19:46] Charla: That was my experience. There were three instances that I was able to go back to and almost kind of reframe how they happened. I was able to, in my mind, part of how I remember some of them, it was almost like the visual aspect of it and what I felt inside was so real. It felt real, like being able to hug a certain person and say, I'm not mad at you. I understand where you were in this moment in time and I have forgiveness for you. And it just changed the whole thing. You know, the next day I go to think about those things and there's not this internal negativity and sadness or anger, bitterness, nothing held anymore. And I was just, I was sold from that moment on.

[00:20:34] Aneta: It's so amazing and you did a beautiful job explaining it because I also struggle with explaining my first breath experience and the next morning after I had that experience, I signed up for the facilitation program because I was like, I need to be able to teach other people this and your breath it's the drug that, it's the thing that is taking care of your nervous system.

[00:21:01] Aneta: It allows it to rest to reset, as you said, reframe things that have happened. It's so powerful and it is amazing that it's something we take for granted. Like we all breathe. If we're healthy, we don't think about it. And yet you can control it in a way to allow it to be so healing and therapeutic. Which is beautiful. So tell us a little bit about what it means to be the trauma-informed piece of the somatic breath work that you do.

[00:21:30] Charla: Well, a lot of what happens is, and I think people, one, like listeners, if they're at work right now and it's a high-stress environment, if they stop like right now and realize they're not even really taking deep breaths. Like where are your shoulders? What are you feeling in your jaw, and how deeply are you actually breathing? Especially in stress, we get very shallow breath and we're usually in a more emotional part of our brain too. So this breathing there are various techniques, some of the most simple ones you can do sitting at a desk or if you're at a restaurant and something's triggering you, you can go into the restroom quickly.

[00:22:11] Charla: It's moving your hands up and down and taking deep breaths as you do it. and what it allows the body to do, you come out of your emotional brain, you get the oxygen flowing, you take deep breaths, you calm down, and it's like you're able to come back from your emotional self where you've like disappeared to an emotional self where your body because it's remembering certain things, is just triggered and responding. And you're able to bring yourself back into more of a logical. State of being and breathe again.

[00:22:44] Aneta: How do you incorporate the breath work with your coaching? Like what does that look like?

[00:22:50] Charla: So that is interesting, some people are actually a little like breathwork. Like that's what we're going to do. A lot of it really. So we don't just jump into it. In my coaching, what we do is really examine what got people to where they are, and a lot of it comes down to understanding attachment styles. So basically what happened at the beginning of your life with the people that first teach us? About safe and unsafe attachment and then how we respond in those situations. So we really go back that far so we can understand a person's attachment style because then when they're in a situation, then we go through, now let's look at situations that reinforced that attachment style.

[00:23:46] Charla: Because when I look back over my life I could see, okay. That was my attachment style. This is how I related to people and I would keep going into situations because they're familiar. I already know how this is going to feel, whether it's good or not. I already understand this. So you keep going back into these situations that keep reinforcing it. So we go through, let's look at those situations, and then now let's recognize as you're going through day-to-day life. Now let's start incorporating ways to bring you from the triggered state of being into the present reality using breathwork. That, and guided meditation because through guided meditation, it's a way of being present and also forward-thinking, and that's part of that rewiring.

[00:24:38] Aneta: That sounds so amazing. So, in terms of clients? Who do you typically work with? Do you work with males and females?

[00:24:46] Charla: Right now I've been working with females. I'm not opposed to working with whichever. But right now it's been mainly females and I think we'll see a shift in that. More men are coming forward with the things that they're dealing with. But right now it's primarily women and it's primarily women that are in their early to mid-thirties, into their fifties is what I'm seeing the most right now.

[00:25:13] Aneta: I feel like people are talking about trauma much more than ever before and are willing to do the work. And so I applaud you for being able to help people who are on their journey, who are seeking to help to build those new neural pathways to choose differently, to release the attachments. So tell me about the evolution of sharing some of these stories on your podcast. Like how did that happen?

[00:25:39] Charla: This podcast. You know, podcasts are so interesting. That idea came to be back at the end of 2020. A girlfriend and I were sitting at my kitchen table and we were talking about how you reach this point in life, midlife, hopefully, it's midlife, hopefully, you have just as many years left as you've already lived, and it's midlife. But right around that 40-year-old range, and living in the town we grew up in. So we've got this percentage of people that know certain things about us and if they don't know who we're transforming into they run with the same stories. And how unfortunate it is that there are a lot of human beings and we were talking specifically about women who stay stuck in these versions of themselves and other people are telling their stories and it's like, but that's not my story anymore.

[00:26:26] Charla: That was part of who I was and I hope I wouldn't change it, but it's not who I am today. And so it was like man, I just would love to have a platform where I can have guests on that have these stories and they've transformed and other women can hear and feel heard. They can feel they're not crazy and they can hear stories of success and transformation. And also be equipped with tools to work through their transformation. So it was like the end of 2020. I woke up in the middle of the night and I'm like a podcast and this is the name of it, and I could see the imagery of it. And so it took me a little bit, it just started in January of this last year. So it took me a couple of years to get it up and going, but it's been interesting. It's not as easy as some people think. But man, the women that I'm meeting are so incredible.

[00:27:22] Aneta: I love listening to your podcast and I love hearing people's stories and I love that you said we're Our journey is our journey, and we're not stagnant like we are not even the same person today as we were yesterday. Energetically we're not, we are turning over. Hopefully, we have different experiences that help shape us, but also people are doing a lot of work, really good work on themselves and so I love that you're showcasing and highlighting it and empowering people. To tell their own stories, because that is huge for people to say, no, this is who I am today. This is my story, and I'm not done yet. I'm not who I was and I'm not who I'm going to be going forward. So besides meeting these amazing women, what are some of the other lessons you've learned from being a podcast host?

[00:28:12] Charla: If you want other people to be vulnerable, you have to be willing to be vulnerable. I think that's been one of my biggest ones. And one of the things it did too, was it forced me to really look at myself in the mirror too. And go, you have a certain vision of who you want to be doing this, and you have a certain vision of wanting to empower people and it really made me look in the mirror.

[00:28:35] Charla: And examine my own life. And go, where do I need to do some cleaning up? Where do I need to take some responsibility? Because all of a sudden you're out there, whether you're small, you're out, my podcast is a baby. It's not very big, but it's still out there. And how do I want to feel aligned with what I'm doing? That is one thing that doing my podcast did, it really catapulted me into looking in the mirror and taking responsibility and some hard choices had to be made. And, the other thing that podcasting has taught me too is just because something looks easy doesn't mean it is.

[00:29:14] Aneta: That's true.

[00:29:17] Charla: It takes a willingness to actually really be interested in the stories that people have. This isn't just for entertainment for me, this truly is wanting to understand. People where they've been, where they are, and where they want to go, and share that story and hope to help other people. My prayer at the beginning of this year actually was like, God, help me to love people better.

[00:29:41] Charla: I don't know if I've done a good job of that. That was an area I was feeling like a failure. I'm like, I keep failing at this, taught me to love people better and I really feel like this is one of the avenues that he is used because I've been able to just sit with these really incredible people and genuinely want to know their story and share it.

[00:30:01] Charla: And when I go back and I get to listen while I'm editing, it's like listening to it as I'd never heard it again. And that's one thing that podcasting has also done. it's brought out that human side of me that this isn't just for entertainment, this really is about the people that I'm talking with.

[00:30:19] Aneta: And that comes through for sure. And I feel like you said that when you go back and you edit and you listen to it and you get something else from it or it is different because even though you're fully present in the conversation, there is some magic that sometimes we just miss. And when you are a listener and not necessarily helping to facilitate the conversation it's different. And those are the best episodes where you go back and go, I don't remember that they shared that. Like, that's so great. Amazing.

[00:30:54] Charla: My favorite too is like when you think, I don't know if that one, oh, I'm not quite sure. And then you go back and list and it's like, This is great.

[00:31:02] Aneta: And I agree with you. I always say that podcast episodes, they're so intimate because you're genuinely having this one-on-one interaction and trying to engage at that human level, as you said, with the other person you're talking to, but you still know in the back of your mind that this is not a private conversation. This is something that is going to be shared with others, and so there's always this sort of wanting to be so present and be so in the conversation and be vulnerable, but also being so respectful to make sure that it's not somehow sensationalized or you're not asking people things that they're not comfortable sharing. It's like a really interesting fine line that I'm still trying to figure out.

[00:31:51] Charla: Yeah, it's interesting because I think a lot of times I'll tell guests if I ask a question that doesn't require you to answer. And I will fully respect if your answer to me back is, that's not a question I really want to answer. Because they have that right. Just cause they've agreed to be on the show doesn't mean that they've agreed and are ready yet to share everything. So my interest is what is it you do want to share at this time? And I think the other thing I'd like for my guest to know too is we are all human and just like I haven't lived perfectly, I'm human too.

[00:32:34] Charla: I have chacha through life. It's a couple of steps forward, a couple of steps back. That's what we do. And then we learn and we grow so I always like to remind my guests, our voices aren't going out to anybody who's perfect. And anybody who wants to stand with judgment, that's not the audience then. this will resonate with the people who understand this is another human being talking about her things and they will applaud vulnerability and honesty And will be inspired. And that is the goal.

[00:33:04] Aneta: I think I'm going to steal that from you. Borrow it. Sure, use it. I love just reminding people that they're in control and whatever they choose to share they get to share. And if they don't, they don't want to. I always tell people, even after the fact, if you're like I really wish I didn't go there, we can edit it out. That's the beauty of being able to do podcasts as well. So I want to go back to you, you've mentioned your faith, and I know that your faith is very important to you. So how has your faith carried you? How has it been a mainstay in your life, as you mentioned earlier?

[00:33:40] Charla: Oh, my faith. So I grew up going to bible camp. I don't know when it happened, but at some point in my life, and I think it was when I was very young, there was always a sense of I'm not alone. I'm just not alone. Even though I spent much of my time as a child alone, it was much more comfortable and safer for me to be alone, just out on my own. And so I always kind of knew and going to Bible camp is where I felt safe. It's where I felt a different kind of power. There's just a different kind of energy.

[00:34:22] Charla: And then I was in a traveling choir. There were some of the churches around the area that got together and all of us junior high school-aged kids would travel around when we were singing choir. And then when I was in Texas at one point, my husband and I at the time, we started going again. And so that was kind of the first reintroduction back into church after we left, after high school. We weren't for a while going and then when we did, it was like, why do I ever stop? And it's not just about going to church, it's about the community of people. And what they stand for and things like that. But as it is, as life is, I have chacha throughout my relationship with God and Jesus and I had a hard time understanding the love of Jesus, to be quite honest. I don't get it. I always felt like, I'm doing things wrong again, which means he doesn't love, me because my understanding of love is I had to work for it to have it.

[00:35:16] Charla: And if I'm messing up, that means I just don't have it. So that's how I relate it. So I never really understood it. And so during rehab was when I really reinstated, however, you want to say, it got back to my relationship and that's when I discovered Grace. That's when I grasped the concept of grace and that is when it was really like the truth I say, but I say leading up to it, I had an understanding that there was always something there and that there it was powerful and energetic. But it was like a religion, checking off boxes. Do this, you can't do this. 2018 was when it switched for me and it was like, this is about having a relationship and this is about being obedient and disciplined and living my life a certain way, not checking off boxes, but because I understand what has what he did for me.

[00:36:13] Charla: And so that's when it started. 2020 came around and isolation wasn't good for me. That was another slide backward, and I lost that closeness, that relationship with him. So then the end of 2020, beginning of 2021, I was really starting to reestablish that, and it's taken me a long time to get back there, but, At the end of last year, I really started getting it back again. And what it is, for me, it's constant everyday communication because that's really what he wants, it's like, yes, he knows everything about our lives. Yes, he knows what we're going to do, he knows what we've done, what we're going to do. He knows it all. But what he really wants is for us to participate in his knowledge and what he wants to do with it.

[00:36:59] Charla: It's a relationship, and so for me it's I have to start my day with him. It's like I get up and it's, I'm reading in my Bible and I'm praying and I'm meditating. And we've talked before about, praying is where we're doing the talking. And then meditating is where I shut up and I listen. Yes. And so I do that and then I have other books that I'm reading that help me understand. It's hard, there are some parts of the Bible that are hard to read, so then there are other books that I'm reading that help me understand that. But long answer to your question, but.

[00:37:30] Charla: That is what I lean into. I think it is why I'm where I'm at right now with what I'm doing too. I truly believe that this is what he wants me to do and come along with other side people and help them. And really the goal is to help people come back to the understanding of the intentionality of their existence. And they're worth it, and they're here because it's intentional. They were put here on purpose and everybody has a purpose. And coming back to understanding that and then living out designing the rest of their life, knowing that, yeah.

[00:38:08] Aneta: that's so beautiful. And I feel your story, many people can resonate with it because I know even in my own life, just my connection to God and to faith and spirituality has just continued to evolve. And when you are talking about doing the work and showing up every day, it's, do you find that gives you the alignment? Like where you are just so centered, just completely connected and tethered to spirit, to God, to whatever you want.

[00:38:37] Charla: It makes decisions that are hard, not so hard, and it's because I truly have hope in his transformational power. I have hope in his power and faith that if I stay aligned with what he wants, what is best for my life, is what's going to work out. And I believe that for everybody else too, to make hard decisions that you know are aligned with what he wants. They'll still be difficult. You'll still go through the emotions of all of that, but you can have that certainty this is the right decision, even if it's hard.

[00:39:10] Charla: It's just you feel held through the decision making and the process of it, and alignment like choosing business names or choosing who to interact with for, business meetings or even, people that you have on your podcast, various things. It's running all of it by him, and he wants us to be successful, is the thing. He doesn't promise it's going to be easy. He wants things to be successful. And ultimately for his glory.

[00:39:37] Aneta: I love that. And I love the concept of grace. I just think that all of us need a little bit of self-kindness and compassion and grace and extend it to ourselves and also to just receive it. Sometimes I think the grace is there, but we don't open ourselves to receive it because we don't feel like we're worthy. We feel like we have to work for it. And the concept of unconditional love is, You don't have to do anything. It's already been done.

[00:40:01] Charla: Yeah. I joke because Grace is my middle name.

[00:40:05] Aneta: It's my daughter's middle name too.

[00:40:07] Charla: I joke. It's like my parents knew I was going to need a lot. That middle name is my grandmother's name, but yeah, about that.

[00:40:19] Aneta: Charla, tell me, I want you to think back on your journey and tell me a couple of things that you're most proud of.

[00:40:26] Charla: I am most proud of two of them are my kids. That's another area that I want to help people work through. There are a lot of moms out there. There are difficulties sometimes for women to connect to the fact that they're moms. I did struggle with that, but I'm so proud of my kids. They're great kids, and me being their mom, I'm really proud of the connection that we've been able to have and the honesty that we've been able to have because they are very understanding of people as people.

[00:41:01] Charla: And not expecting perfection and understanding things happen. Even with the best of intentions, things happen. So I'm really proud of that. I'm really proud of not having anger. I don't have any negative emotions in me for anything from day one of my life to this very second. Everything has led me to this moment, and I really love who I am and who I'm becoming.

[00:41:31] Charla: And I'm proud of awareness breeds responsibility. And in between the two is where you decide if you have the willingness or not to jump into responsibility. And I'm really glad that, although it hasn't been pretty, I decided that I need to pay attention to things that I'm becoming aware of and do something about them. So those are some things I'm really proud of, and I'm really proud of taking the leap and becoming visible and vulnerable. because you know that the end goal is to help others,

[00:42:09] Aneta: Absolutely. I don't believe in living with regrets. But I do have a question, is there anything that you would tell your younger self, anything, looking back now from this moment that if you could send a little message to yourself?

[00:42:27] Charla: I think, I wouldn't want to change anything. I really wouldn't. So I think if I wanted to change anything, I think the one thing I would tell her is really love who you are. Look up what boundaries mean and live by them. But, that would've changed everything. So really what I would do is tell her, really watch who truly loves you. Spend time with, who truly loves you, and know that it will all work out. It will all be for a purpose. Ride the waves, and stay strong. You'll make it. It'll be fine.

[00:43:07] Aneta: I love that. And I ask all my guests a question which is, what does it mean to you to live the width of your life?

[00:43:15] Charla: To me, it means being willing to do the scary things, to see a dream and go, and especially if a dream keeps reappearing and keeps reappearing, it's like, I don't know. It's those to take a leap of faith into those things. And try them. If we're trying, we're doing more than if we just sit still and let life passes by. So for me, it means taking chances, trying new things, failing if we need to, and learning from it. Reading different types of books.

[00:43:52] Charla: To me, it also means taking on another person's belief system for a little bit to try to understand a different perspective. To challenge your own thoughts and your own beliefs and what has been instilled in us? Just, to live the width of my life means to be forever evolving and transforming, and curious.

[00:44:12] Aneta: That's great. Such a great definition. And how can we best support you? How can we find you?

[00:44:21] Charla: I'm mostly on Instagram, and it is under-equipped life. It's equipped_life on Instagram, or you can just email me directly, at charlaolson@gmail.com. Those are the two best ways to connect with me at this point.

[00:44:37] Aneta: Okay. And your podcast?

[00:44:39] Charla: Oh yes, my podcast. We've talked about it. It's called From Her to HER. It is on all platforms, and if they prefer to watch, it's on YouTube as well.

[00:44:49] Aneta: Wonderful. I really enjoyed our conversation. I am so grateful that you came on, and I'm so grateful that you shared so much of your story because I know that it'll resonate with a lot of people and it's going to inspire them and show them that our story, the story that we have from the past, or how people think of us. It's not our story. We're the ones that get to tell it. And if you want to hear more of those, I think people should absolutely check out your podcast. So thank you Charla so much.

[00:45:17] Charla: Thank you so much for your time. I appreciate this was, I always enjoy my time with you.

[00:45:23] Aneta: I know. I feel the same way. Have the most amazing day.

[00:45:27] Charla: Thank you, you too.

[00:45:28] Aneta: Thank you for listening to today's episode. If today's conversation inspired you to dream again, break out of your comfort zones, or reflect on what it means to you to live more fully, then please follow this podcast because every week you'll hear more stories from people just like you, who took imperfect action towards their goals, creating more joy, and are living the life that they always dreamt of living.

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