Episode 1: My transformation journey to living the width of my life
Thank you for joining me today for my first Live the Width of Your Life podcast. My name is Aneta Ardelian Kuzma, and I am so grateful you are here with me.
I wanted to come on solo for this first episode to share a little more about me and why I started this podcast. And those that know me to know that I am obsessed with podcasts, books, and other people's stories, anything tied to growth and development. The podcast's title came from a Diane Akerman quote; if you've never heard it before, I wanted to share it with you. She said I don't want to get to the end of my life. And find that I lived just the length of it.
I want to have lived the width of it as well, and once I read that quote, I couldn't stop thinking about it. What did it mean to live the width of your life and not just the length? So then I started asking myself if I was living the width. Of my life, or was I sitting around in my comfort zones?
So we're going to explore together each week. What it means for each guest I bring on and how they're living the width of their life now, I am naturally curious and inspired. And motivated when I see people living boldly, passionately, and with purpose; I want to know what they're up to and how they got there.
I want to know their story, especially when I hear or see stories of people who made significant changes in their lives to design the life they wanted to live. I didn't live that way in my own life for many years, so I think it's essential to go back and explain a little bit more about me in case we've never met.
I emigrated to the states as a young child with my parents right before Kindergarten, one of my life's defining moments. It was the day my mom and my grandmother dropped me off at Kindergarten. Now I didn't speak a word of English because we had come just a few months earlier, and that day my teacher looked at my name on the paper given to her, and she said two words I'd never heard before. I didn't know what she meant, so she said Anita Ardelian again, and I probably looked at her confused. So she pointed at me, and then I realized that she was calling me that name. That was when I would start being called Anita at school and Aneta at home and in my community. At that moment, I would begin my quest to figure out how best to assimilate how to blend in. I just wanted to be like everyone else. I wanted to wear the right clothes, I wanted to have an American name, and I tried to speak without an accent.
I didn't want to be different, and I didn't want to be weird or stand out. So for most of my life, I became a rule follower and someone who worked hard to assimilate to fit in to study the rules to figure out what it would take to be successfully up to be successful. And for a long time, this worked out until it didn't any longer; let me know if this story sounds familiar to you. I did what I was supposed to do. I studied hard. I went to a good school. I got a job at a great company. I married the most amazing man. I had two smart, talented, beautiful daughters. I continued my education. I worked hard at work to be promoted. I did all the things that I thought I was supposed to do. I was a good wife and mother and friend, and daughter. And while I was so grateful for all my blessings, I also found myself exhausted, burned out, and flat, and I remember thinking, is this it like it?
I became the worst version of myself. I didn't like who I was, and I wasn't sure what I would do with the period between now and when it was time to retire. My kids were heading off to college. They most definitely didn't need me like they did when they were younger. And I felt like I'd lost my identity along the way and had run out of dreams and goals, or maybe I just put them aside because I told myself that I didn't have the energy or the time to do them. But to be honest, I was scared even to try. I didn't know how to. And, the idea of doing more of the same for the next fifteen to twenty years was not going to work, so I reached out to my friend.
She's an executive coach, and she and I talked over the years, and she'd always told me when I was ready to reach out to her. So I reached out and told her that it was time to figure out what I wanted to do when I grew up now. I started coaching with her for six months, and we created a vision board, and a vision statement the exercises themselves were amazing. It was also very scary. The images and the words that made their way creatively onto my vision board were beautiful. Then I had to write the vision statement, which was so much harder to articulate exactly what I wanted and the life I was living when I was done. The life I wanted to live was just worlds apart, and while I loved the exercise and it challenged me so profoundly, I was terrified because I had no idea how I would make these things happen in my life and with.
My coach encouraged me to take tiny baby steps towards the life I wanted, so we created some six to twelve-month goals, eighteen-month goals, and 3 - 5 year goals, and as I started to take action, I gained more confidence and energy. And more joy and opportunities just started to present themselves even before I was ready. They presented themselves as opportunities. So from the time, I started my journey and the moment that I finally decided to leave my corporate career was about two years.
In total, I spent 25 years in corporate, 22 years at my last company, and then two days after my last day at work, I started my coaching and consulting business, and that's been none now for almost four years. I can honestly say that I finally understand the Diane Akerman quote because I believe I'm living the width of my life. I am a certified life coach, health and wellness coach, executive coach, wellness consultant, and yoga and meditation teacher.
I get to work with the most amazing people, love my clients, and wake up every morning excited to start my day and go to bed with a heart full of gratitude. I am kinder, likable, and a better wife, mom, friend, daughter, and sister than I've ever been before, and I've learned a few lessons during my journey that I thought I wanted to share with you today. I think it might be helpful.
#1. It is never too late to be the person you might have been; it is a George Elliot quote, and you guys will realize I love quotes. It's never too late if you have breath in your lungs; you woke up today. You've got a sound mind and an able body. You can do something different that will make your life better.
#2. Getting clear on what you want. I think part of the challenge for me for so many years, and I see with my clients. It is that we're not clear on what we want, and that's usually because we're running so hard. We're accomplishing. We're achieving. We're doing so much if you spend a little bit more time sitting and quieting yourself. You can get clear on what you want.
#3 Deciding to leap is the hardest part. I spent years talking about what I wanted to do, journaling about it, and just lamenting why I couldn't, and it was so amazing when I finally decided to make the change. Everything else was easier after the fact. We know how to get things done. We know how to do something; we've been doing it our entire life. Sometimes it's just deciding in our heart and then taking action to do it—to take action. Then everything after that just kind of figures itself out.
#4 You have to face your fears. And change your mindset to get unstuck. Our thoughts I see this with clients, and I know with myself with my journey. Fears will keep us stuck on the things that we believe; the fifty to eighty thousand thoughts a day, many of which are negative that we continue to replay in our mind over and over again, keep us stuck and by focusing on changing our mindset. We're able to see a little bit more clearly slowly, and this is where things like meditation and yoga, and mindfulness is so critical and has been such a huge part of my journey.
#5 Routines and self-care create freedom, not the other way around. I'm obsessed with my routines. I started a morning routine, and I started practices throughout the day and evening. I try to balance doing things that are important to me mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. It means waking up early and writing, doing my morning pages, meditating, doing yoga, and writing; those things are really important for me sitting alone with my thoughts. Spend some time in gratitude, and then throughout the day, it's making time for mindful moments throughout the day giving myself time to take little breaks to refresh, go for a walk to take a nap if I need to; all of these things are essential, and then finally in the evening to sleep. It is so important, and many of us are not getting enough sleep. We need seven to nine hours to function optimally. So if that's not something in your practice today or your routine, It's essential to work on that.
#6 Aligning your life values to your daily choices creates balance, clarity, and peace. I realized that I felt so out of balance because the things I said were most important to me and were not reflected in my daily choices. So if you say that family is essential but spend most of your time at work or traveling, you don't get to see your family. You will feel out of balance if you say that your health is essential, but you're not making time to move your body, drink water, or sleep. Take a break when you need to; you will feel out of balance, and so one of the none steps that was so critical for me is to list out what my life values are and then make sure that I review those often and say gosh, if I feel a little stressed or out of balance—what's going on here and i. Then, when I reflect on those life values, I can see where I may have slipped up.
#7 Learn to listen to and trust your inner voice and redefine success. When we're young, we often figure out society's definition of Success, and we start working towards those things. Sometimes we're climbing that mountain. We're running hard, and it's not until we pause and ask ourselves if these things we're doing bring us joy or make us happy. It brings us a sense of fulfillment, and if the answer is no, redefine what Success looks like for you. For example, what does it mean to have healthy relationships? What does it mean to be optimally healthy? What does it mean? To have a career and a life that feels purposeful. How do you create more peace in your life? All these questions help you define what Success looks like for you going forward.
#8 Dream BIG! Remember, you are the hero of your own story. I love Donald Miller; he's a fantastic author. He has a lot of business books before that he wrote, um, sort of autobiographical books, and he wrote one that stood out to me, and it was a million miles in 1000 years, and he talked about how he was on this quest to live. Ah, better. I lived life for myself and think that that was probably the start of my journey in questioning what it means to be the protagonist of my own story. So definitely check out that book or anything that Donald Miller has done. He does a lot of this and talks in his business books. But really, it's. Who do you want to be? Who are you? What does your life look like if you want to live and don't edit, audit, or censor yourself? Just don't negotiate with your dreams. Super big.
#9 Turn what you have into enough. Spending time and gratitude and having a regular gratitude practice are crucial to me when we focus on gratitude. There are so many benefits to us mentally, spiritually physically. Emotionally we elevate to a higher level of energy. We are much better to be around. We feel better when we see ourselves swimming in gratitude and abundance. You see more and more opportunities around you, and things start to happen. It's magical.
#10 Growth is a lifelong journey. Celebrate your successes along the way. Not every day will be fantastic, but it can be. We're constantly growing. There is no end. There's no evolved state. Um, maybe enlightenment if we get there. That's fantastic, but it's incredible to think that every day is an opportunity to continue to grow. And to the person you want to be, be surprised and delighted with miracles, opportunities, and serendipity. Those are the top ten things that I've learned along the way. I cannot wait to interview all of my guests. Starting with our guests next week, learn more about what they're doing and how they're living the width of their life. If you like today's podcast, please subscribe, write a review, and share it with others. And also tune in every Tuesday as I have honest conversations with my guests on how they're living the width of their lives.