[00:00:00] Terri: The catalyst was I was so stuck that I could not even find joy in life anymore. I couldn't find things to be grateful for. I couldn't get myself out of a funk, which had never happened to me before.
I was always the overachiever. The plan was set. I was going to get there. But all of a sudden I realized that I'd gotten to all the plans that I had ever set out to do. And yet something wasn't right. I wasn't right. And when I quit my job to follow my heart, that's when I learned I was a highly sensitive person.
[00:00:29] Aneta: We often hear people wishing us a long, happy and healthy life, but what if the length isn't what matters most? What if instead, it's the breath depth and purpose of each day that matters most? Welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast. My name is Aneta Ardelian Kuzma and join me weekly as I interview guests who made changes in their own lives to live more fully with intention, gratitude, and joy. Be prepared to be inspired by their stories of how they shifted their mindset, took courageous action, and designed the life that they always wanted to live.
Welcome back to Live the With of Your Life podcast. My guest this week is Terri Spaulding and she's a yoga and movement instructor, Reiki master, and the author of the book, Soulistic Sisters: You've Got The Power and when it became clear at age 50 that she was living her life as someone she was not, she did a deep dive into reconnecting with her authentic self.
She hit emotional rock bottom, and that helped her to really come back to identifying the many roles and rules that she had been taught to play. And as a recovering control freak, perfectionist, and people pleaser, she now lives a life that she does not need a vacation from. And her mission is to share her wisdom and empower others to shine and reclaim the power that is always within them. I loved our conversation and really enjoyed her book. Take a Listen.
Terry, welcome to the Live The Width Of Your Life podcast.
[00:01:54] Terri: Thank you for having me.
[00:01:56] Aneta: I'm so excited for our conversation and I'm so grateful to George for introducing us our common editor. So how did you meet George?
[00:02:07] Terri: Through a friend who also wrote a book that George edited for her.
[00:02:11] Aneta: Isn't it amazing? Like when we open ourselves up to meeting people and just how big our community becomes.
[00:02:18] Terri: Yes, indeed, and he's edited all kinds of books, but it's interesting how we find our way to the people that, maybe whose energy matches with our own.
[00:02:28] Aneta: His profile totally jumped out at me when I was on Upworks trying to find an editor. And when I talked to him, it was like, it's interesting that he edits a lot of books in the spiritual world. And so I was like, okay. He's the guy for sure.
[00:02:41] Terri: Yep, he's the guy. He was great when I first got introduced to him too, because he's I love your book. You don't need that much editing. It's pretty much it's unique. It's ready to go. And I was very excited to hear that.
[00:02:54] Aneta: So tell me a little bit about your book.
[00:02:56] Terri: Soulistic Sisters: You've Got The Power, and it's not your traditional book. I guess I've always wanted to write a book, but when I sat down to write my story, it seemed like so many people had already written the same story.
I learned from their books and I felt like, that's a me too situation. So this book, I say wrote me during my meditation time and in the mornings I would sit down and I would come up with an affirmation that spoke to me and the words just flowed right out of me.
So the book that came out of it is really more like, an oracle deck. It's designed not to be read from cover to cover, but rather you turn to a page and you get the message that you need in that moment. So in a sense, the book is timeless because at different times in your life, you're going through different things and the messages that I put there, they're supposed to be little nuggets of information that you can just get a new perspective from.
And it's written in the way that we are all in the same boat. And yet, you have the power by using this affirmation to change your thoughts in this moment and move from ahead from there. Basically get yourself unstuck.
[00:04:09] Aneta: I love that. So it sounds like you started with an intention for what you wanted or how you wanted people to receive your book and how you wanted them to use it.
[00:04:18] Terri: You would think that. However, since I said it kind of wrote me, what happened is I was also pursuing creative things just to boost my creativity. And I found myself drawing the illustrations that are in the of women. And In each woman that I would meet, I would see such potential and such beauty.
And so I just made very simple strokes and designed this series of girls. And all of a sudden someone said to me, or I started posting them on social media, along with the affirmation and the words that were coming to me each day. And they're like, you're, this is a book. And I was like, I don't think anyone would have read, how would this be a book?
And they're like, this is a book. And that set the tone for, this is a book. How can I make this a book? And that's what came out of it.
[00:05:07] Aneta: I love that. And you said that these images or the little ideas came to you during meditation. Is that one of the ways, like one of the practices that you do to connect and to get into flow?
[00:05:20] Terri: Yes. A little bit of background on me. I'm getting close to retirement. I'm going to be 62 this year. So everything that I do is in hopes that I can enjoy each moment of every day and not have to feel like I did for years where I was getting through the day versus enjoying the day. So 10, 11 years ago, I quit my almost 30 year career.
And I just set off to follow my heart with no plan for once in my life and no place to go other than I was going to feel my way to the next right move. Teaching yoga had been one of the things I was doing because yoga was a huge impact on my life back 15 years earlier. So I was doing that, through parks and rec at night, just for fun, for something different to do.
And all of a sudden that fell into my lap as my next move. Teaching all over town, teaching privately, working for parks and rec in my city. So from there it catapulted me to learning all kinds of things. Anything that I could to connect, reconnect with myself, I guess you'd say.
So I went on a journey, open to anything, ready to learn. And the universe, basically, once I dropped all those doors and shields and all of that stuff that kept me safe and stuck, it just, the world opened up for me.
[00:06:47] Aneta: I love that you just said it kept you safe and stuck. Because those are two different things, but I've also found in my experience that the things that we do to protect ourselves from maybe a situation we're in, a relationship we're in, a work environment, whatever it is, we think it's going to keep us safe, but it does keep us stuck.
And it's when you're finally able to take off that armor. And breathe and think and decide like that all of these other doors open. So what was the catalyst? What was the thing that prompted you to go on this soul searching mission?
[00:07:24] Terri: That's a real good question. When I was 45, my oldest son was about ready to [00:07:30] graduate. from high school. And then two years later, my youngest son was about to graduate. And I knew that life as I knew it was going to change because I had done pretty much the planned thing that I was taught to keep me safe from a young age, where you graduate from high school, you go to college, you decide on a career, you get married, you have a house, you have children.
You keep working, you prepare for the future. All of that was done. And now I knew that everything was going to change because the roles that I played and the way that I, played them was going to be different. I was going to have this time. And as I started taking a hard look at myself.
Because I love those personality tests that you take and all of those. I started reading books and I realized there was a huge disconnect between who I was when I was in work mode and who I was when I was in home mode. I didn't see myself the way the world saw me. And it just it bothered me for a little bit that I was like so off and the catalyst I think was changing a job late in my career to one that was super high stress, one that I wasn't good at, one that moved me out of my comfort zone, but not in a good way.
And I only lasted a year at that job. The rest of my life felt like I was falling apart when I hit my rock bottom. The catalyst was I was so stuck that I could not even find joy in life anymore. I couldn't find things to be grateful for. I couldn't get myself out of a funk, which had never happened to me before.
I was always the overachiever. The plan was set. I was going to get there. But all of a sudden I realized that I'd gotten to all the plans that I had ever set out to do. And yet something wasn't right. I wasn't right. And when I quit my job to follow my heart, that's when I learned I was a highly sensitive person.
By reading Elaine Aron's book, I don't know if you're familiar with it, but that was life changing for me to understand how I could be overwhelmed when no one else around me was, how it just introduced me to energy and then to Reiki and then to spiritual things that I had lost long ago because I'm from a very religious town and none of them, none of those planned, organized religious paths. Brought me to the same connection that I got as a kid when I sat outside in the woods under a tree.
[00:10:00] Aneta: Yeah. There's so much to unpack there. First of all what you just shared. I've heard the story. I've heard myself say something very similar to what you just said, like all of it, because I experienced it as well and I've heard other women come onto my podcast and even men say the same thing wait, I've done all the things what's going on here?
Like, why is this not satisfying? What is happening? And the energy that it takes to keep going on that path one day is just too much. You just realize no, this isn't it. There has to be something different, but you said something that I want you to expand on. If you don't mind was you said that it hurt you to see that the world saw you in a way you didn't see yourself.
Can you share a little bit more about that? Because I think as women and sometimes the roles and the identities that we play, we find ourselves there
[00:10:47] Terri: Yes. So when I took the personality tests online, I was organized. I was a hostess. What did it say? I saw a potential in people and I could put people into the tasks that they were good at. And at the time I wasn't a manager or anything that was using those skills, but I guess I managed my life and my family and career in that way.
But the real me was much more of a free spirit. I just it didn't show up in anything, anywhere. The creativity that I expressed during that time was always for a purpose, like, creating handmade Christmas cards to send out at Christmas. It wasn't for the joy of just putting pen to paper or paint to a pad, it was all about a purpose.
There was never any relaxation or me time that felt like I was able to give the best version of myself afterwards to the, to my family or my friends. And that's where that disconnect just got to me. Because I was like, I am not this person. I don't like this person that is being described by all of these personality things that I was doing.
I want to be the person I felt like I was when I was a little kid sitting under that tree, reading a book talking to the forest picking up rocks, that's where my true self was. And it took me dropping all of the acts, dropping all of the people pleasing, dropping all of the fear that I was going to do something wrong to just be able to go back out into the woods, sit with my journal, and right. And that's how my healing process started, is just going back to my roots.
[00:12:29] Aneta: And going inward, instead of the external validation, you're grounding, you're connecting, you're going inward. And how difficult or easy was it for you to let go of some of the people pleasing and the perfectionism that you talked about?
[00:12:44] Terri: I'm not sure. I've totally let go of it all. That's why I call myself a recovering perfectionist and people pleaser. But I have learned to be so in touch with my body that when something doesn't feel right to me, when I say yes to something. When I really mean no, my gut tells me immediately. For so long, I was so wrapped up in people pleasing and all of that, that I didn't know what my body was telling me.
I couldn't feel my own intuition and reaction to things. And now, because I spend a lot of time on my yoga mat, teaching virtually, teaching people, doing meditation for people I now know when my body says do you really mean that? Hold on, take a step back, and I let my body and help me decide the next direction to go.
[00:13:38] Aneta: How long did it take for you to leave whatever role you were in once you had that nudge that something was off?
[00:13:48] Terri: At 45, I started delving in. At 50, I went to follow my heart. And I would say somewhere between 50 and 55, after all of the journey inward and the time spent without having to report to a normal, I guess for lack of a better word, a normal job where I had to go to the office and be surrounded by energy of other people and things from eight in the morning till, five at night.
Somewhere in there, I started to connect with my body. I started to connect with my guides. I learned about energy and energy management. I became a Reiki master. All of those things. It seems to me like it happened in about a three year span. But then I've just been adding onto that COVID hit that changed the world for people.
It changed the world for me in such a good way because I didn't have to go out in the world anymore. I got to stay at my cottage surrounded by my trees and I kept my energy so clean and pure that I got really in touch with myself during that time. right after that came the book.
[00:14:52] Aneta: The book came as a result of doing the work, as you said, going inward. So what have been some of the biggest lessons learned during this [00:15:00] process for you?
[00:15:01] Terri: So many. First of all, I think somewhere along the line I dropped the idea that I was in competition with anybody else. And in doing that, even with myself, I dropped the judgment that I had been raised with to look at things from the outside and started to tune into how things felt from the inside.
And what that gave me was a new perspective on, specifically women, but other people around me who were following their bliss, who were, following their heart, who were doing things they loved and being successful at it. So I think I learned along the way. To first of all, keep my perspective positive when something challenging comes up, I would go to the worst case scenario in my mind.
And that's been years and years of that. So I had to switch it around and take it to a new perspective. How can I see this in a positive light? What lesson am I learning? And how can I go forward with this, seeing it from a brighter, more positive perspective and allowing the universe to bring to me something positive.
So I think I was inspired By other people's bravery, just, it gave me a little more, a sense of, being brave and courageous on my own to just follow my own heart and be okay with it, whatever happened. I think other things I learned is that you're never too old to keep learning something new about yourself, about the world, about other people.
So I continually took classes and still take classes or teach classes because every time I do a workshop, I'm not sure about you, but. I learned something new about myself especially with a small group of women who share their brave. I just come away with some important things that helped me on my journey.
And I think maybe the biggest thing, and you say it in the name of your podcast and the name of your book is it wasn't about getting to a destination. It never was. It was about living it in the moment and being joyful and grateful and having a good time doing what you love. Not what others, people tell you should be doing, but doing what you love.
I don't know. Did I answer your question there enough?
[00:17:08] Aneta: Oh yeah. It's not linear, right? This growth, this journey and it's just allowing ourselves to be where we are, learning, growing, being curious, all of it. And I also love trees and plants and all things, nature. There's something super magical about it. Are you an earth sign? You said that you always knew that you were just very grounded and connected.
[00:17:34] Terri: That is what when my energy went askew and I brought down the world around me, essentially with my negativity I had lost my touch with the earth and grounding. All the things I've learned. It never sticks with me. I'm a Libra if that means anything, but I don't know what all the signs are.
But I am definitely when I walk outside, I'm connected to the earth. The ground. I look down. I don't look up like some people do. I'm always looking down and I grew up going to a cabin on a river, the river, the trees, that was my sanctuary. And now I have a place up here on my own. It's on a lake, not a river, but it is also my sanctuary.
[00:18:14] Aneta: Where's your cabin?
[00:18:15] Terri: My cabin was in Baldwin and my cottage is also in Baldwin on big star lake.
[00:18:20] Aneta: I've not been there. I've explored a little bit of Michigan and it is magical. I'm from Ohio, but I will say Michigan is beautiful and magical and your lakes are just stunning.
[00:18:31] Terri: I'm very fortunate to live here. I'm very fortunate to be able to teach my classes from my garage up here. So once school is out, my granddaughter is done with, coming off the bus, I'm here for six months at a time. It's awesome. I think that all of the work that I went through has led me to a place where I say it slightly differently than you do, but I live a life that I don't need a vacation from because I remember for so many years, I would just be waiting for vacation and it was always spent up here.
And I just couldn't wait for that one week, but it never seemed like enough. By the end of the week, I was just starting to get connected to the earth and just starting to relax and laying in the sun is like my rejuvenation time since I'm in Michigan and I have winters that are long, the summer sun is like the thing for me and this is the life I've always wanted to live. Just simple, free spirited as much as I can be when I'm on a schedule for teaching yoga. But there's still a ton of free time and a ton of creative time where I get to do what I love.
[00:19:36] Aneta: Yeah, I don't know why so many of us for too long thought that we had to wait to be happy and to experience joy. It's like, yeah, weekends, vacation, retirement, whatever those rules are. But I do feel like the pandemic really did shake people up. And really a lot of folks were like, wait a second, what am I doing? It was enough of a pause where people could stand and sit still and ask themselves some of those questions.
[00:20:09] Terri: Yes, I know that a lot of people suffered throughout the pandemic. I was not one of those people. It was, one of the greatest things that's ever happened to me. One thing that happened is connecting with people from all around the world on Zoom, taking classes from different people who I admired. They started putting all of their classes instead of in person, which I'm not a traveler.
I'm very much a homebody. I could take their class from my home and meet people that I still am connected to all over the world and the United States. And I just found more people who are like me and their beliefs and their abilities, and it's just been really awesome.
[00:20:46] Aneta: What does it feel like to be so connected to your authentic self now?
[00:20:51] Terri: I was thinking about this earlier today. The best way I can describe it is that everything is easy. And when it's not, then I know that it's something that I shouldn't be doing. I know that sounds very simple, but ease and peace within you and around you isn't easy. It isn't easy to get there, and once you find it, you realize it's been there all along.
You just made it so hard for yourself that you didn't allow it to be the way that you moved through the world, and now that I have it, I never want to let that go.
[00:21:28] Aneta: Yeah. And I don't know if you agree, but I think it's because of a misalignment. Like when it's so hard and we're working so hard to try to make something work that doesn't naturally want to work or that doesn't feel right, it doesn't feel good. That's just hard. I always think, There's a misalignment here because when there is alignment. Things are just so much easier. Is that what you discovered as well?
[00:21:55] Terri: Yeah, I would say that, and I would say that my misalignment was thinking I had control over things I had no business, thinking I had control over, or trying to take control over. Yeah. That was my misalignment.
[00:22:07] Aneta: It's so true. We spend so much energy and things actually we can't control, but we sometimes are fearful of focusing on the things that actually are within our control, taking action, making a bold step. Did you have any fears? Like when you, we're like, okay, I know that this is not where I need to be long term, but it seems a little hard or [00:22:30] difficult or scary to, create something new. Did you have fears?
[00:22:33] Terri: Yes, of course I did. I was filled with fear. I was so filled with fear that I was afraid to make a move. And that's how I was stuck. And I think you asked me that question earlier and I never really got around to answering how stuck I was. I read books like feel the fear and do it anyway.
And things like that told me really got down to the heart of the matter for me was that I thought that I would lose control of myself if certain things happened, like I thought I would never recover and once those things started happening, everything that I was fearful of, that I worried about, I drew to myself and they happened and I survived until I realized, wait, there's got to be a better way.
I don't want all of these things to come at me and show me that I can survive this. What if I just say, I'm done with this. I'm going to change my perspective. I'm going to change my attitude. I'm going to change my energy. I'm going to focus on moving one step at a time out of this hole I've dug myself into to get back into the light. And that's what I did. So I was afraid of everything to answer your question. I was afraid I wouldn't financially recover. Who doesn't think that when you're raised in the era that I was, my parents came off, their parents who were in the depression, and you got to save, you got to worry about money, you got to be frugal, you got to worry about money.
You read all the books that say abundance is all around us. Be thankful when you can pay a bill. And that's so hard to do when you're stuck in the fear that you don't have enough. But once you shift your mindset to, I have enough, I'll always have enough. It's like a magic checkbook.
[00:24:13] Aneta: Tell me more about that. What was your experience? Like how were you able to work through some of those money stories?
[00:24:21] Terri: It helped that I had a husband who was fully supportive of that job that I said, I only lasted a year at, and when I hit rock bottom, he said, just quit. We'll figure it out. Just quit. And so I was fortunate that he had a job and I had worked all of my years. I never took a break when I had kids, just the amount they give you.
I didn't take time off. And I was like, really, I can do this. Of course, there's a little voice in your head, the mean voice. That's you've got to make money or you're not worth anything. You got to contribute or you're of no value. And I had to fight that voice for one whole summer and then longer than that too. But specifically that one summer where it was like your job is to help people move forward. That's the message.
I just kept hearing and so I was like, okay, what does that mean? What does that mean? And it just meant that I needed to be myself and show them what I learned through yoga or meditation or my writing and my blogging whatever it was and help people back into their own light And that's what I did.
The money thing just came from there. As soon as I let go, okay, I have to make money because those were all showing me. Those were dead ends. Those were not the way I was supposed to go. I was not supposed to jump right back into working for someone.
Once I realized how bold the signs were in front of me that I wasn't reading. I was like, okay, work for yourself. What can you do? What do you have to offer? And things just fell into place for me. Using my own natural talents. It felt so good.
[00:25:50] Aneta: It's incredible what happens when you're able to do the things that you love and that you know that you're good at, and especially when it's from a place of love and service. The rest just follows.
[00:26:00] Terri: Yes, exactly. And I mentioned to you earlier that I'm getting close to retirement. My husband's hopefully going to retire soon. So I'm not setting out to create a whole new business or be a best selling author. I just simply in all of my day to day interactions with people. I just want to put my best foot forward.
I always say I want to shine my brightest light and help others out of their own darkness. I want to remind people that they have the power within them to do whatever it is they want to do to make change, to be happier, to create a new career, or you don't have to stay stuck to what you were doing just because you're afraid of worrying about the money.
This door will open up for you and you'll be able to find your way. I feel like that's my mission is just to empower people.
[00:26:48] Aneta: And what are the ways that you work with folks to do that?
[00:26:51] Terri: Right now I teach online virtual yoga. Sometimes I do meditation if I'm hired by corporation to do it, but I do it all online and that's my preference at this point. I don't want to travel around. So mine slowly scaling back, but I do one on one consultations. I do a little bit of coaching, even though I. hesitate to call it coaching. I would prefer to say I do an energy read on someone and that information that I do for them gives them the next step to help them get unstuck.
[00:27:21] Aneta: That's wonderful. And what is the best way that people can find you as at your website or one of the social channels?
[00:27:27] Terri: Yeah terrispaulding.com and then on Facebook, I am wellnesswithterri. Those are the two best places to reach me.
[00:27:35] Aneta: Do you have the writing bug? Do you think that you'll write some more?
[00:27:39] Terri: That is a really good question too. Yes, I do. But the question is always, for me, what to write about. I don't feel like my story is so different than anyone else's so I don't know. I've thought about some of the very inspiring women that I meet day to day, I've thought about maybe doing a collaboration kind of book, from different perspectives. we'll see. Then there's days where I also feel like I've already said what I needed to say, and I'm just going to enjoy some time and see what happens. I'm letting the universe guide me at this point, which is totally different than the overly controlled perfectionistic person. I used to be.
[00:28:20] Aneta: Yeah. And I was going to say for me, I find that the internal voice I hear is loudest when I'm connected and at peace and in alignment and doing all the devotional work that just is when you get these drop ins or the little quiet voice that says, Hey, maybe you could write about this.
[00:28:40] Terri: Think the loud voice in my head has always been my mean voice, not my cheerleader, but my mean voice. And when it's clear that I'm in a peaceful state, whether that's at the beginning of the overclass, at the end of the overclass, sitting out in the woods, sitting in the sun. It's the quiet voice inside that always gives me the best direction.
And it doesn't usually stop either. It's interesting, part of, when you're on the journey to find your authentic self, you try anything, or at least I did. I tried everything. One of the things that set me off on a new course a vision board. It was magnificent for me. I pulled out some inner stuff that I had no idea was there.
And that was back in 2011. But doing the journaling, writing things out, whether you ever read them again or not, it's just a way to let some stuff go that's been built up around your heart or built into your energy system for years. And the one thing that I encourage everyone to do, if you do keep a journal, is not to do what I did.
And that is write in the woods under the trees for years and never go back and look at what you wrote. Because my guides have been giving me messages. Over and over again. And it wasn't until I went back years later and said, I [00:30:00] thought I was rereading the same journal that I had written because it was there and pen on paper over and over again, I had written it when I was in that moment of connection, like you just said, the quiet still moment and the voice would come out of me, the words would come out of me and then I wouldn't look at it again because I felt like I was done.
I released something. I'm on my way. And it was telling me over and over again some important things I needed to know. Read your writings, people!
[00:30:26] Aneta: If you're in the place to receive it, I think sometimes, those messages could have come through every single day. And if you're not in a position to receive it or to recognize it for what it is, we don't. And then we come back to it and we say, Oh, okay. So you've got the discernment later. Terri, I ask everyone a final question, which is, what does it mean to you to live the width of your life?
[00:30:52] Terri: For me, based on my background and experience, it is to stay present, to enjoy the moment right in front of me as best I can, and to spend it surrounded by the things and the people and the place that I love.
[00:31:10] Aneta: So good. So good. And I can see that you're doing that, Terri, thank you so much. I am so grateful to George for introducing me to another amazing woman. And I just wish you continued success in your journey.
[00:31:24] Terri: Thank you, and same to you.
[00:31:26] Aneta: Thank you for listening to today's episode. If today's conversation inspired you to dream again, break out of your comfort zones or reflect on what it means to you to live more fully, then please follow this podcast because every week you'll hear more stories from people just like you who took imperfect action towards their goals, created more joy and are living the life that they always dreamt of living.