[00:00:00] Monica: I want to be very clear with the listeners, just because you say you want to build from abundance does not mean that every day feels abundant. It does not.
[00:00:08] Aneta: We often hear people wishing us a long, happy, and healthy life, but what if the length isn't what matters most? What if instead, it's the breath depth and purpose of each day that matters most? Welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast. My name is Aneta Ardelian Kuzma and join me weekly as I interview guests who made changes in their own lives to live more fully with intention. Gratitude and joy. Be prepared to be inspired by their stories of how they shifted their mindset, took courageous action, and designed the life that they always wanted to live.
Welcome back to the Live The Width of Your Life podcast. Thank you so much for joining me again this week. There are so many podcasts out there, excellent podcasts, and it means the world to me that you tune into this one. And I'm so excited about today's conversation. Today, my guest is Monica Baker and she's the founder and CEO of Unleashed, a spiritual development company whose purpose is to combine somatic healing with practices that connect us to the divine throughout her career, her unique gifts always involved opening hearts and minds to what's possible. Through her company Unleashed, Monica helps people break out of the boxes that they've been living in.
We had such a great conversation. It's always so interesting to hear about people's backgrounds and where they started. We talk a little bit about Monica's background in the church and church planting zher evolution into working in the real estate space and really what it was like to be a woman in a very hustle culture.
And her decision to start her own company Unleashed. And we talked a little bit about when you start a new company, especially as a spiritual entrepreneur really working to connect to your mission. Her mission is to empower individuals to embrace abundance and leave behind the constraints of scarcity. She very honestly shared her own experience with that and some of the toughest lessons that she and her husband had to go through this year. And how in the end she recognizes that everything works for us. She is amazing. She's doing such great things in this world. I really loved our conversation and I think you're going to enjoy it too. Take a listen.
[00:02:26] Aneta: Monica, thank you so much for joining me today. I'm so excited to have you on the show.
[00:02:31] Monica: Thank you so much for having me. This is so fun.
[00:02:35] Aneta: It is so fun because you and I are part of the same mastermind. So this beautiful collective sisterhood, and I am so excited that you decided to be on the show.
[00:02:48] Monica: Yeah. Thanks again for having me.
[00:02:49] Aneta: So for those that aren't as familiar with you, Monica, I would love to just ask you to share a little bit more about your journey.
[00:02:58] Monica: Yeah, absolutely. So where to start with that? Really I would say, and I think this is true for a lot of people. My journey really started in my twenties. And I know we go back when we do inner child healing, we often go back to our childhood, to our teenage years.
And of course, a lot of people have a lot of capital T trauma that happened during those years that really defined them. But that wasn't so much the case for me. My childhood was normal. I have normal childhood wounds, not great trauma.
And so really, this is something I've actually talked about in the past sometimes when we do inner child work, we really have to look at those wounds that we created for ourselves in our twenties, in those years where we're really making adult decisions, but we're not quite the person that we want to be just yet.
So I was married early in my twenties. When I was 22, I had babies pretty quickly. I had one when I was 23 and then two when I was 25. So I had twins and during that time, I was in an Evangelical Christian environment.
My now ex-husband and I, spoiler alert, the marriage did not last. But we were on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ. We were helping plant churches. We were also what are now called elder millennials going through the recession, going through raising young children before we had any financial foundation.
Plus during a time when most people's financial foundation was destroyed anyway. So fast forward a few years and I began to really, well, I mean, honest, I always kind of questioned the church environment we were in. It kind of got me in a lot of trouble as a woman questioning evangelical norms wasn't so popular.
But by my early thirties, I was at a point of it was almost do or die. I've got to change some things. I've got to figure some things out, or I don't even know what life is going to look like. So my now ex-husband and I split.
Spent many years being single doing business cause I was always an entrepreneur. It mattered a whole lot to me that even though we were divorced, my children did not feel that a divorced family felt it was important to me that we were amicable co-parents and that I was with them almost as much as I would have been if we had been together.
And so I always had either jobs or income that was flexible and let me be home with them the weeks they were with me, which was also interesting because not a lot of workplaces are really keen on that. So I've always been an entrepreneur. I've always wanted to work for myself. And yet I didn't know how those two things meshed those two realities of that spiritual life and that entrepreneur hustle to life. So that's kind of the basis of where I started my whole entrepreneur and spiritual journey.
[00:05:53] Aneta: That's so interesting. And I actually didn't know that about you. You started in the church which it's interesting. So I think many of us within our group actually have similar backgrounds when it comes to that. So what were some of the things that you questioned when you talked about questioning some of the things as a woman that may have gotten you into trouble?
[00:06:12] Monica: Well, in the very early days, I remember one of our, I think it was maybe even our first church as a couple that we were a part of. We were close to the youth pastor and I asked one day for some kind of proof from the Bible about why a pastor's authority was just so important. As explained to me, show me where it says that the way we do this is biblical and of course they couldn't because the way we do it is a modern construct, which is, it doesn't make it bad.
So I'm going to be clear. I'm not saying he makes it bad, but it wasn't biblical. But by asking that question, I really upset our friend at the time. Sadly, or maybe not, that did not teach me my lesson. And with every church, I continue to sort of ask that same question, especially when I saw time after time, congregations kind of revere their pastors.
And time after time, those pastors fell from grace. Of course, they did because they were human. But there was also a good bit of anger that I had to work through because, in the middle of my questioning, I was often cast as the troublemaker, but then we would come around a couple of years and the things I questioned were exactly the types of things that would come out like scandal or the whatever.
And so it was like. I mean, I saw this and I was so frustrated because being a woman, and perhaps it's not even being a woman with that particular case like not a lot of people like to be called out. Also, in those spiritual gifts assessments that they will do in evangelical churches, mine was always prophecy.
Let me tell you how confusing it is for a conservative congregation to understand the spiritual gift of prophecy anyway, but then to hand it to a woman where they're used to those spiritual gifts being service and loving like those kinds of things. And then it's like prophecy, leadership, communication, we're all my top ones. And they were like, we don't know what to do with you.
[00:08:10] Aneta: It's so interesting. And knowing you, you are very curious and you ask a lot of great questions. That's just, I think a part of who you are and your nature. How has that curiosity and maybe this gift of prophecy, how has inspired you on your quest or your spiritual journey overall?
[00:08:30] Monica: For many years, I thought there was something wrong with me because I questioned things that nobody else seemed to question. And I was sort of like, why can't I just be happy? What's wrong with me that I can't like everybody else accepting such and such? But then, like I said, over time, as I began to see my questions either start to be picked up by the collective, more and more people, or I would see the results of things that I could kind of like, I wouldn't call it like, I knew such and such person was going to do such and such thing. It's not like that. It's just more I sensed that the energy, I suppose, is not what we're believing it to be.
And so the more often I saw that come to pass, the more I began to really be able to own my understanding of the world while we swung for a bit where I was also very arrogant in that. But I know that it swings back a good bit. But I've really reached a point now where it's okay, as sense. XYZ is how things are and I'm very open to being wrong or I'm very open to learning new things or figuring out what it is.
And I've also in recent years, been able to very much manifest people who appreciate that prophecy gift versus people who are intimidated or afraid of it. So it's a lot easier to work with it when you're in a community that also is appreciative of it.
[00:09:57] Aneta: Yeah. And so how did you find your community?
[00:10:01] Monica: Oh very slowly. I really think it started with my husband. Actually, I've never thought about this before, but I really think it started with him because, before him, My main experience with the community was that I could only be a part of myself and any given community liked different aspects, but not the whole of me.
And so I learned to show up in different communities as a different version of myself. And it's one of those, they weren't false or inauthentic. It just wasn't whole. And so when I met and then married my husband, he's the first person that over time, of course, cause you got to learn. But over time I was just accepted.
He just accepted me for all of who I was, even when he didn't understand. And so with that safety and security, I began to venture out and speak more fully in any situation to who I actually was and not to an environment that I thought they wanted to hear or that kind of thing. So it's been slow, but steady.
And for sure this past year in that mastermind that we are both in, it's been such a beautiful experience of just showing up and not feeling the need to always explain just being who you are and being accepted.
[00:11:19] Aneta: I agree. And actually, that really resonated with me when you said that sometimes we just bring parts of ourselves or just a certain use of the word version.
And it is kind of a version that you feel like might be acceptable here at church or in this social construct or with this group of friends or whatever it is, but it is so important to be able to one, like you said with your husband, for him to accept and to love and to validate all of you. And then it does give you a sense of permission to be able to do that more.
Did you feel like when you started to do that, the groups that you were a part of or communities that you were a part of started to shift? Did you start to have different relationships, I guess, with those communities?
[00:12:01] Monica: 100%. And I think a big part of that was also and I see this a lot in our society as we begin to make changes in a certain area, the first thing that happens is anger. And it feels like anger and rebellion and down with the men, down with the patriarchy and it's coming from anger. And so as I experienced that love and acceptance for my husband, I was able to heal a lot of my own anger.
And so now when I interact with somebody that I normally I would either close some of myself off or I would release it, but it would be with like a bit of fight in me. Like I'm just going to be who I am. Dang it, kind of that energy. And now it's so much easier to go slow and to be gentle and be exactly who I am right here in this moment. And yes. It's impossible to bring all of yourself to any one moment. It just is, but knowing that I can step into relationships and be who I am. And if it doesn't work for them, that's okay. But it's not a, I'm going to be who I am, no matter what you think it's not, the energy is different. It's a lot gentler.
[00:13:12] Aneta: I love that. I love this idea of gentle energy too. Do you feel like maybe that shift was partly due to maturity or just experience, or did you sort of come to that realization through something else?
[00:13:28] Monica: I think it was a lot of all of that. I had someone read a human design chart for me a few months ago and she told me my purpose was to provoke. I was provoked with the heart of helping people grow but for sure. And she was like, between the ages of 33 and 38, that was probably pretty rough for you.
And it like perfectly lined up with some really hard experiences that I had. And she was like, you just provoke by being who you are. You don't have to try like, thanks. But so, yes, I just kind of learned that. When she told me that I really understood, okay, I no longer have to be upset. If what I'm thinking or saying or feeling doesn't align with somebody else.
And a lot of people are like, don't change who you are. Don't change your words to fit other people. I a bit disagree with that. I do try to communicate on a level that I think will help without diluting what I feel to be true as I'm talking. So if I'm in a business setting, that's a strictly business setting. I'm probably not talking about the energetics or the eclipse season but I will still bring in the truths of those things without using the words that'll kind of like shut people down. And I really find a lot more compatibility within all the different worlds than people seem to understand there to be.
[00:14:52] Aneta: Yeah, and I think people are seeking. I find that there are many people from all different walks of life who are curious, who are seeking, and who are on their own path or journey.
And sometimes it's just someone else, as you said, maybe inviting in the conversation or doing it in a way that still feels safe, doesn't feel uncomfortable where they can ask questions like I just find myself in more and more of those conversations. And maybe we change, maybe it's that new people come in with the energy that you're bringing in, but I agree with you. I think that there's definitely a shift. And so I'm curious, ‘cause I never asked you, why did you join the mastermind that we're in.
[00:15:29] Monica: So I was going through the Pause Facilitator Training, which is a certified breathwork training. When she kind of did the first call for participants I really felt like. This was going to be a great opportunity to build my business from the energy. I wanted to build it from day one.
So I knew I didn't want to hustle. I knew I didn't want to feel scarcity or anxiety, or I wanted to build it from overflow and from abundance, not from fear and scarcity. And so the mastermind just seemed like such a perfect way to be in the energy of people who felt the same way.
[00:16:10] Aneta: Yeah, my experience was similar too. I waited until I graduated from the Pause facilitator training. I was like, okay, I'm going to do one program at a time. We were in there together, which is great, but it's just so nice in a smaller container and group to be able to connect to people on a completely different level.
And so let's talk a little bit about this idea, because sometimes maybe people this will resonate with them, but maybe they don't have the language for it. So in my past experience, you worked in real estate and still do, and I worked in banking. And so two very hustle-driven environments, very masculine-driven energy.
So let's talk a little bit about what you were just saying about creating business from a brand new space and creating business in a way that feels more balanced or aligned. So what does that look like for you or feel like? How would you describe what you're seeking to do with your business?
[00:17:03] Monica: That's such a great question. And yes, in real estate for any listeners who have maybe been around the industry, it highly values hunger and hustle. And it comes from this place of being hungry for success. And some people really thrive in that. I never have, when I have that sense of scarcity and hunger, I'm at my worst as a business builder.
Whereas in real estate, the minute my business tipped from that tipping point of go, go, go to go, go, go, but see a lot of money come in along the way, the minute it tipped into seeing that success, I was a hundred percent better at everything. I was better at my job. I was better at consulting with clients.
I was better as a mom. I was better as a wife. Like I was better. Coming from abundance, then coming from scarcity. And so as I moved into building Unleashed, it wasn't called Unleashed at the time, but I really felt the same way if I wanted to build this slowly. I want to build this intentionally.
I had a friend tell me as I was kind of pitching unleashed to him. He was like, this is amazing. And this is it. Like, this is your founder's story. You're living your founder story right now. And most of us only get one or two opportunities to do that. And that really landed with me of that's right. There's going to be some that I'm on some stage talking about the big early days of Unleashed. And I don't want to talk about the desperation.
And then there has been that. I want to be very clear with the listeners, just because you say you want to build from abundance does not mean that every day feels abundant. It does not. We just went through it. One of the worst cash crunches of our marriage. It's been really difficult. So I'm not talking necessarily about external circumstances. I'm talking about the way the energy feels within. And so even in the middle of that difficult trip, like factually scarce, if you looked in the bank during that difficult time, I still sought to figure out what abundance felt like in the moment we were in.
And so it's not pretending that I'm already at some other point. At least it wasn't for me at that moment. It wasn't the time for vision. In that moment it was the time to really squeeze everything out of that moment that I could squeeze out of it and we did that. My husband and I both really settled into a very challenging time.
It was literally minute by minute, let's breathe again, let's release the tension in our bellies again. All the stories that are coming up. So that's what I mean when I say building from abundance, that created an abundance for us, even though the finances didn't resolve themselves right away.
The richness in our relationship, the richness in our ability to understand the life we were living right then. How often do we pay attention to what our life means in that moment, I'm not overthinking, but maybe like feeling every bit of it. And that's really what I thought about as I wanted to launch a new company I don't want to forget what it feels like to be new.
And I want to savor it and not rush through it, not feel like I just need it to get to a certain point before it feels better.
[00:20:15] Aneta: Oh, There's so much goodness that you just shared there. And thank you for sharing that too, because there are so many of us that have gone through those feelings or people that are going through it right now.
And it's like pain, any pain, right? Like, you just sometimes have to allow yourself to experience it, to feel it, to go through it, because resisting it is not going to make it better. Resisting is going to make it worse for my experience. So you talked a little bit about breathwork. Were there other things that you did you and your husband in order to allow yourself not to savor it savor sometimes makes it seem like it's a good feeling where it's positive, but in order to allow yourself to be present without maybe judgment to what you're experiencing.
[00:21:01] Monica: Yeah. That's such a great question. I think the biggest thing, and this was a big growth point for him, especially it was for me practically because I had to practice it, but I was able to share this with him was like, when the feelings got overwhelming, the fear, the anxiety, the sadness, the shame, the self-judgment.
The answer wasn't to put a positive spin on it to pretend that they weren't there or to shove them down. It was literally to feel them. So I feel like this is a nuance that we're not quite teaching just yet because there's a level at which you have to doubt your doubts and have that little fear or that little younger version of you come alongside and they don't get to drive the bus.
I teach that all the time. But then there are moments where the two-year-old needs to throw her tantrum. She needs to get it out. And so learning to discern when we needed to feel what we were feeling and let it go.
Because I'm sure you've experienced this too, Aneta. Like, we are so afraid of that anxiety. But if we really turn and just look it in the face, it typically lasts 90 seconds. Maybe five minutes at the most that the actual pain of the emotion last and then we're able to let it go and it doesn't have to drive the bus. You can't wallow. I'm not talking about that, but you do have to find that place where you just truly experience that emotion in order to release it through your body. And that all sounded so woo-woo to me. 18 months ago. And now I'm like, that's just daily practice now.
[00:22:40] Aneta: I love that. I remember when I first started my business, there were so many doubts, once you make the decision, which sometimes is the hardest part is deciding to do it, but then you're like, okay, now how do I keep myself from not going back to the fears that prevented me from starting for many years.
And so for me, it's journaling. So I write a lot and it was really helpful for me to apply some analytical, critical thinking, actually to feel it and acknowledge what was coming up, but also to ask myself a lot of questions like, well, is this really true or what would be the worst thing that could happen?
And it really helped to diffuse some of those emotions, like being able to do it. And now I go back and I look at some of those fears that I had And I'm like, none of those things really happened. None of them came true because in the end, you have a career, you have a history, you have all these experiences.
Most of us here, are blessed that we would be able to do whatever we needed to do. As the money starts to grow in the new business. I'm so proud of you that you did not say, okay, well, I'm going to stop. I'm going to give up because that's not in your nature. So tell us a little bit about Unleashed and, I want to hear in your own words, how you would describe your company, what your mission is, what you're looking to do in this world.
[00:24:04] Monica: Yeah. And it's so beautiful how Unleashed has grown. So the concept for Unleashed came to my awareness, and I'll never forget, that it was Mother's Day weekend. I was at my mother's house. We had just come back from a retreat actually with our mastermind. I think this was right before you joined Aneta. So it just kind of fell into my awareness, like how I wanted Unleashed to feel. And so I thought at the time, great, I've got it, now let's go. Oh, sweet girl, no, that's just not how it was going to work.
And my fire energy just wants to go all the time. That hustle comes naturally to me. And so instead of the vision for unleashed is in, and now I can create this massive business and everything's going to be amazing forever.
No, instead my entire life had to fall apart. And within six weeks of me having the aha of what unleashed was, that is exactly what happened. Things that should have been no no-brainer, of course, these are going to work, didn't work for us over and over and over again. And we couldn't figure out how to save ourselves.
And so we both just reached a point of surrender. And I think surrender and giving up are two very different things. And it's important to note that. But we reached a point of like, yes, I am passionate about Unleashed. And that is not my only job on earth. My actual mission on earth is, and this is getting into the mission at least, but my actual mission here is to live a life of joy and abundance and enable others to do the same.
And sometimes I get so wrapped up in enabling others to do the same that I forget that I'm not actually doing it myself first and it's always me first and then turning around and helping whoever is there to help. But I'm the leader. It's me first. So Unleashed today is a spiritual development company.
My vision is a lot of content. So I'm launching a podcast. I'm not sure when this episode will come out, but my podcast Be Unleashed is launching on January 5th, 2024. And now I've said it publicly, it's done. Like that's happening.
[00:26:12] Aneta: This will come out before so this will be an accountability
[00:26:16] Monica: All hold me accountable. And it's going to be a lot like this where I'm having really deep conversations with amazing people about whatever is coming up for them. And I'm working on a book, a TEDx talk, like all those kinds of things. I really envision, retreats, spaces where people can begin to explore what it means to be unleashed in whatever way that means for them.
So for me, I was very tied to my identity as an achiever. Whether I was in my early days and in church leadership, and then recently in real estate, I was defined by what I did to bring money into our household. And that was what I was leashed to. So that's not everybody's leashing, but it was mine.
And what I had to do was unleash that. I had to let that go so that I could just be the person that I came here to be regardless of how money flows in and out of our home. That's irrelevant at this point. We will be taken care of. It will always be beautiful even if it's not always my first choice.
I say that, but it's even hard to say because even the things that have happened to us now that we're through them, I'm like, no, this is perfect. This is exactly what we wanted exactly what we needed.
So yeah, Unleashed is really about inspiring people to face those shadows and know that you're okay. You're going to be held. And once you're through that, the person you are going to unleash on the world. So you see, I can use this in so many ways. The person you're going to unleash on the world is going to be so powerful. You're not even going to recognize who you are anymore in the best possible way.
[00:27:57] Aneta: I am here for it. I can see that for you. I mean, it's already done like, it absolutely is who I know you to be, and isn't it interesting how sometimes the things that happen for us allow us to actually be the perfect messenger to be the perfect steward of the mission and all of the things that you have worked through this year are only going to make you stronger.
To be able to help other people also go through their experiences. Well, I'm so excited. I can't wait to hear the podcast and to read the book and all those things. So where did you come up with the word did Unleash just come to you as a download, did it just land? Because I love it.
[00:28:43] Monica: It did, it just landed and I tried to avoid it for a little bit. I tried to come up with a million other things, mainly because I didn't want my ego too involved. So it's funny, I got my ego involved in order to avoid getting my ego involved. In the naming, because Unleashed it just fell in, but then I was almost afraid that it wasn't the intuitive nudge.
So I did a lot of brainstorming. I had a lot of conversations with friends. I did a whole lot before I finally landed on it and it just wouldn't let me go. It just would not leave my awareness. Even my husband, if he sees the word unleashed somewhere resonates with it just as much as I do, which is really fun.
[00:29:25] Aneta: I love you've got unleashed. Sam's got, can't be contained. I've got living the width yeah.
[00:29:31] Monica: Funny story that happened the same weekend. She put a note in our Voxer channel about her podcast, which is now out. So we can talk about it freely. But you knew the name Mother's Day weekend was going to be, can't be contained. And she had the whole vision for it. And that was just Saturday that morning I had woken up with the vision for Unleashed.
I wasn't ready to talk about it in our big group. So I sent her a private message, like what is happening that we're on the same wavelength because this is what fell in for me today. And it was like, so aligned. And even when can't be contained came out, my husband was like, wow, that's a lot like Unleashed. I was like, they came the same weekend. It's completely separate but came the same weekend. So I'm excited to see how they dance together over the years.
[00:30:19] Aneta: Yeah. I mean, it's just this expansion. It's this expansion of energy that can't be contained. And that leads me back to something you said earlier about how you drew so much of your own identity or your worth to what you were doing, to how much money you're bringing in, et cetera. And it's so interesting. I always think about how we change the way we ask questions, and how we change the dialogue and conversations that we have at the youngest of ages with children.
Because even going back super far, it's like, what were your grades like? What did you get? How many sports are you doing? What activities are you involved in? What school are you going to? What are you going to study? It's always like these standard questions that have been programmed in us.
And somehow the answer or the response is going to get a that's amazing. Or, Oh, like there's a judgment from sometimes strangers that don't even know you based on how you answer these questions. I don't know how to change it, but it feels like it's something that we need to start. In the education system parenting at the youngest of ages.
And one of the things I shared is that sometimes I ask people, what are you passionate about? Or tell me something about you that's not on your resume or your LinkedIn profile. Like, I just want to know more about the person, but we're not used to sharing in that way.
So I don't know if you've had any thoughts about what can we do as each of us to be able to change some of this.
[00:31:49] Monica: That is such a great question. I have certainly stopped asking a new person. So what do you do? Right. And that's such an easy thing for an adult to say. It's not like there's no judgment if that's how you enter like it's a good starting point.
But I like to ask things. More like, what do you love to do? What's interesting to you right now? If you read any good books lately, you've seen a good movie. It's like things that are just not so focused on your identity. But even as you said I was thinking about my boys cause I have three boys, one is 17 about to graduate high school, and two are about to be 16 this month.
And they're so varied. And my oldest has been a musician since he came out of the womb. He started playing the violin at three and a half. He's played cello for the last seven years. Like music was always what he was going to do. Until he decided it wasn't, and now he's looking at like exercise science.
He wants to be a trainer for a sports team, like a college athletic sports team, kind of thing. And to him, it's like this makes sense and I can do music also. He is already thinking both ends which I find so beautiful. And it was so easy for us to just be like, of course, you can do that.
You're not defined by music just cause that's what you've done your whole life. Of course, you can do something else. And remember it's something I say to him all the time. Like, don't make this choice because you think you can't. Do music, or you think you're not good enough, or you think you make this choice because it's what feels good to you. And like it feels good in your system not because you're afraid. And he assures me it's not because he's afraid, but
[00:33:28] Aneta: That's so exciting. And it's such a great time for them at this age to start questioning some of these things. And it's hard at the same time. I remember it's difficult at that age when the brain is not fully developed to start making some choices that at the time, I remember it feeling like it was, I'm making these choices for the rest of my life.
I better choose wisely now. And, and you and I both know you can change. What you want to do at any point you can shift, you can pivot, you can grow and develop, and all these things. So maybe removing some of that pressure on kids as they're heading off to school is something that we can all help with or participate in.
But as you look back on the last year and some of the choices decisions and things that experience that you had what were some of the top lessons? Like things that you're like, okay, I know that this was a lesson for me and I'm grateful for it, even though it was super painful as I was going through it.
[00:34:29] Monica: The certainly divorcing my identity from how I bring money into our family was maybe the biggest one. That was led by some experience we had in our mastermind where we talked about the North Star, remember that conversation? And so when we got off of that call, I was thinking, well, what is my North star?
And my intuition was like love, which felt cliche to me. I felt like that was too easy. That's too much. But it kept sitting with me. And then that same human design reading. The woman was saying, well, you're not driven by money as certainly felt driven by money at the time. So I was like, well, she goes, yeah, it feels like that now.
Cause you're stressed, but you as a human, that's not your driving force. And I was like, well, what is, it feels like I should know, but here we are. And she's like, you're driving forces to love. And I really sat with that because I was, how in the world do you make decisions in a 3d life? Where you have to provide for yourself and others, especially, I mean, I have three kids.
How do you make decisions based on love and still have your needs met? That didn't make sense, my practical brain couldn't grab onto that because I've spent the last 15 years making decisions that were going to take care of my kids, not decisions that I necessarily, I will say, I believe it was built.
It was motivated by love. It was love for them that caused me to make decisions that prioritized money. But that nuance is a little kinky. It's not quite as clean as I would like it to be. And moving forward, they're almost adults. They need me to be a stable influence over the next 10, 15 years, but increasingly they're going to need less and less of that financial backing, I guess, financial provision.
And so, okay, well then what does that mean to make decisions based on love? And that's completely changed how I think about everything. Take a career, take a job, take anything that's coming my way, and not filter it through how it's going to provide for my family first but filter it through. Does it spread love in the world?
Is it something I love doing? Will it create more love within me that I can share with others, all of those things, and then will it do these things, you know that's amazing. That's really been the biggest lesson. Certainly a painful one, but the biggest.
[00:36:53] Aneta: So many of us have money stories. I mean, some version of it. And for many of us, the way we provide especially for men, I think, but for women as well, the way we provide for our families is tied to the way that we display love. And if we believe in that, or if that was modeled for us, when you can no longer do that at that level It does make us question whether we're doing everything we need to do.
So it's like a double stress on top of the original stress. So now that you've gone through this and you're at the other side and you're stronger and you're building your business, your empire Unleashed, tell me how can folks work with you. What are some of the things that you're excited to share in terms of programming or services or ways that folks can work with you?
[00:37:35] Monica: That's awesome. If you're in the Nashville area, I will be doing some live breathwork events at a new location called The Healing Society. So if you're in the middle Tennessee area, you can find me on Instagram and I'll be promoting those. So you'll know when those are coming up. We have one coming up in a couple of weeks and then we'll do some scheduling for next year.
The podcast of course is coming out January 5th, 2024. And then beyond that, I'm looking at a group coaching container starting in the second quarter of 2024. And so that'll look like a lot of this conversation it's going to be really like let's show up as who we are and then work together to achieve the goals that you're going for. So that's still in development, but that will be coming down the pike as well.
[00:38:23] Aneta: So excited. Please give us all the links to share and we'll put them in the show notes. And I ask everyone on the podcast what it means to them to live the width of their life.
[00:38:33] Monica: Yeah. This past weekend, just on the spur of the moment. I might shed a tear about this. Spur of the moment. We were invited to join my in-laws, my mother, and my father-in-law for their 50th wedding anniversary trip for part of it. We joined them at a condo down on the beach. And then 1 of my husband's brothers who, when I first came into the family, were estranged from the family for had been for a couple of years was for a couple of years longer.
And then his recently. Mended fences and kind of came back into the family, but because of life, we haven't spent a lot of time with them. And they were there as well with their six-year-old and seven-month-old baby. And I put my phone away and I sat in a room with these people I didn't know very well.
And we told stories and we argued about whether or not you should bunt during baseball games. New silly things like that. We took the six-year-old sand crab hunting and in that moment, nothing mattered more than being present in that moment I was in, and there are moments when we have to plan.
There are moments when we have to multitask, even now, as we've been on this, I've been getting phone calls, of course, I have. There are moments when we have to do more than one thing, but for every moment we don't have to. Letting ourselves really dig into the moment that we're living.
It's just the best gift we can give ourselves because we're not guaranteed another moment. And like I was saying, even founding a company, is not an easy thing. Living every bit of that experience, because I may never do it again. This might be, certainly, if I do it again, it'll be from a different place than I'm doing it right now. So yeah, to me, that's what living the width is. It's like the best you can, literally juicing every second for what it's worth.
[00:40:25] Aneta: Juicing it all. Thank you, Monica. I'm so grateful that you came on today and shared so much of your story. I know that there are other people who are going through similar experiences and I'm going to include all the notes for you, on how folks can work with you.
I want to thank you for the great work that you are doing in the world and for being my friend. So thank you for joining me today.
[00:40:48] Monica: Thank you so much, Aneta. It has been such a pleasure.
[00:40:51] Aneta: Thank you for listening to today's episode. If today's conversation inspired you to dream again, break out of your comfort zones, or reflect on what it means to you to live more fully, then please follow this podcast because every week you'll hear more stories from people just like you who took imperfect action towards their goals, created more joy and are living.