What a Rock Star Knows About Building Lasting Connections
Tai Anderson
(YouTube Transcript)
Aneta (00:03)
JJ, welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast.
JJ Birden (00:07)
Hey Aneta, it's good to be on here and I'm just looking forward to our conversation.
Aneta (00:12)
I'm so glad that you are here and thank you for sharing your book with me before the call. It's always helpful to be able to read someone's words before the conversation. So thanks for doing that.
JJ Birden (00:26)
Thank you for taking the time to read it.
I've done a lot of podcast interviews. You might be the first one I've done who's read my book before the interview. So I appreciate that.
Aneta (00:35)
Yeah. Well, there's so much goodness in here and I love the way you structured the book. So before we begin, do you mind just like telling us a little bit of how you laid the book out? Cause I think that that's really helpful and clever in the way you got your message across.
JJ Birden (00:51)
No, absolutely. I think it first started with kind of like the brand messaging. I wanted to have a brand that represented me that was authentic to me. And working with some team members, we came up with the concept of beat the coverage. Because as an NFL wide receiver, that was my job. What's the coverage? And it determined whether I had success or not. And I started thinking about how
everybody faces coverage. Everybody faces something that's in the way of them and their goals or them and their objectives. And so that was kind of how the concept was built. But then I started looking at the steps that allowed me to play nine years in the NFL at five, 10, 157 pounds. And it was that framework. And that's how I came up with the Beat the Coverage Framework, which is designed to help people accomplish goals, overcome challenges. Again,
be able to win in any situation where something's in the way of what they want.
Aneta (01:46)
Yeah, and that's such a relatable lesson for all of us, like for everybody. So I'm glad you explained coverage because if someone's listening and doesn't necessarily follow football, that's really helpful. There were so many beautiful lessons in the book, and one story that stood out to me, and I thought maybe it would be helpful because it shares
how you as a young child, I think, started seeing some of these things early on is you and your brother,
you were raised by your mom who was a welder. And so there was this story where you guys used to take her heavy boots off. Yeah.
JJ Birden (02:19)
Ha ha.
Aneta (02:20)
So tell me a little bit more about being raised by a strong single mom.
JJ Birden (02:25)
Yeah, my mom was a sweetheart. She was a s single parent. She dropped out of high school or junior year, she had to learn the responsibility of hard work very quickly. Because I had an older brother, younger sister. And that's what my mom taught me right away the importance of discipline and hard work and doing the uncomfortable. Why? Because you have responsibilities and she took care of us and
when she became a welder, I think everybody in the neighborhood thought she was crazy, because
Aneta (02:52)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (02:53)
at the time you didn't see female welders at this company called FMC, but she took it on. And I just remember her coming home every day with the attire, the big coat and the big boots. Welders were these big still toe boots. And she'd come home and my brother Tony and I would
Hey, sit down, mom. And one at a time we would yank those boots off because they were hard
Aneta (03:17)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (03:17)
to get off. And my sister Tanya would run a bathwater for her because we appreciated the sacrifice she'd made physically for us. And so we just wanted to pamper her as best as we could when she came home.
Aneta (03:30)
That's so good. what are some of the lessons that your mom taught you just by her hard work and by her determination?
JJ Birden (03:37)
Yeah, I think the biggest thing is that
maybe your situation is not going to be perfect. It's not always going to be easy, but you just find a way to get it done. You find a way to take care of your responsibilities. And I saw my mom do that. My mom wasn't like a very educated person, and she kind of realized that. So there were things she couldn't help me with in as far as academics, but there were so many other things she taught me. And that lesson of hard work, being disciplined, doing what it takes
to accomplish your goals. That was the thing that she instilled in me the most. And ironically, that is one of the things I teach to this day. It's one of the concepts that I believe made me successful as an NFL player as well.
Aneta (04:20)
It's interesting that when I think when I think of NFL players or maybe other people do, they think of these big guys, And you were 133 pounds out of high school, and so you were not over 200 pounds, and so maybe
JJ Birden (04:35)
Mm-hmm.
Aneta (04:35)
you didn't fit that stereotype. What made you believe that you could be in the NFL and that this was something that was going to be a career for you?
JJ Birden (04:45)
Great question. My story's a little unique because I never wanted to play in the NFL. I never really believed I could play in the NFL. I think it was because in high school I was the top wide receiver and college just said you're too small. I have a habit of how do you put it trying to prove people wrong. I have a chip on my shoulder. So
Aneta (05:04)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (05:06)
when I went to Oregon, I went on a track scholarship, but I just wanted to prove the coaches that I could play
division one football. And I begged the coach my second year to let me walk on and let me try out because I knew I had the physical tools, but the coaches were too busy judging me from the outside appearance. And they didn't know what was in my heart. They didn't know what was driving me. And I made the team and next you know, I'm doing pretty well. Both sports at Oregon and I get drafted into the NFL and I'm like,
really?
they want me to play in the NFL and I'm thinking I don't want to play in the NFL, but I was
drafted. So I thought, you know what? They have a rookie camp the next week for rookies. Let's go to the Cleveland Browns rookie camp because they drafted me. Let's check it out. Come back though. Finish school, get ready for nationals. And I had qualified for the nineteen eighty-eight Olympic trials and the long jump. But it was a knee injury. I went to Cleveland, I tore my ACL ligament up. So that
changed the direction of my career. So I went from focusing on track to like, well, I'm hurt. let's just go sit in the NFL for a year and get healthy and see what happens. And I think it was that year, sitting on the bench, rehabbing, one day it just snapped. I mean Aneta was like, I can play in the NFL. It was like my belief changed right away and I said, I can do this.
I just gotta get healthy and understand what it takes to play at that level. So that was when the mindset shift took place. And it was really because of that adversity that got me there.
Aneta (06:42)
I try to put myself in the situation, your situation thinking you're going to the Olympic trials, you're this track star, and suddenly you didn't even necessarily want to pursue football, but is that the reason you injured yourself was because you were playing football.
JJ Birden (07:02)
Yeah, that was the reason. And when I left for the Cleveland Browns minicamp, I remember my head coach, track coach Bill Dillinger telling me, Don't do the drills. Don't do the drills. Just go to the meetings. He goes, You could win Pac-Tens, you could win nationals, you might make the Olympic team. And I go, Bill, don't worry about it. I never get hurt at these things. Well, that was the wrong thing to say.
Aneta (07:24)
Wow.
Do you believe that that was supposed to happen though? Whatever you call that? Or are you the type that says, these are the circumstances, I'm gonna pivot and shift and able to adjust?
JJ Birden (07:36)
Yeah, that third reason.
That has always been my approach. And I've always had this
growth mindset mentality that when something happens like adversity is setback, right away I'm like, why did this happen? What can I learn from it? How can I turn this into an opportunity? And that's what happened with the knee injury. Yeah, I did have my pity party and I remember shedding I remember shedding some tears in the
Aneta (07:58)
Okay. Yeah.
JJ Birden (08:01)
treatment center because all I thought about was my senior track season that I had been building to
Aneta (08:07)
Mm.
JJ Birden (08:07)
was over. But once I got out of that, then it was like, okay
what's the next move? And that is when the focus was get healthy and let's see if we can make this NFL team.
Aneta (08:20)
It's amazing. And how interesting that it was the Cleveland Browns since I live in Cleveland here. So tell me then what shifted when you said, okay, I'm gonna be in NFL, you still were the same size that you were. right? So did you feel like you had to now change who you were, your physique or anything in order to be successful? Or did you think, no, I'm gonna make this work exactly as I am?
JJ Birden (08:44)
Yeah, well first I got the wake-up call. Every NFL player gets the wake-up call, Aneta, because when you go there and you see all the athletes, very talented, everybody was good. And again, it was the mindset shift. It was like, okay, JJ, I cannot control my size. I can't get any bigger, but I
Aneta (09:03)
Right.
JJ Birden (09:03)
can control my mindset, my work ethic, and how I prepare. And I'm going to outwork everyone.
So it was taking that mindset approach because one thing I recognized right away is that when talent meets talent, talent's not enough. Are you willing to do something extra? Are you willing to do something more? And that was me willing to do extra activities or studying or, action steps, the reps to give me a chance for success. And I think that mindset shift really helped because Aneta, when I walked into first training camp,
Everybody looked at me and we were like, okay, this guy's not making the team. And I could feel that energy, but I just didn't buy into it because I believed I could do it. It was just learning how to play at that level. Cause there is a learning curve. Learning how to play and then maximizing my skill set.
Aneta (09:56)
Yeah. You said in the book I think that talent is just the baseline. if everyone is talented, how will you differentiate yourself? Yes
JJ Birden (10:04)
Yes,
that is such an important point. And I looked at that and I thought, JJ what can you do extra? And one of the things I did was when I signed with the Kansas City Chiefs, which was my third year, wide receivers will typically play one position. And there's four positions sometimes for wide receivers. They'll learn the one position.
I went in there with the thought process. If I learn all four of the wide receiver positions, I could get more opportunities to play because guys get hurt. They could move me around. And I thought that was my competitive advantage because I got to play a lot because I knew all four of the positions. And it was hard. I made a sacrifice. I had to study a lot more, but it paid off in the end.
Aneta (10:48)
so we learn from coaches. We learn from really great coaches. We also learn from coaches that aren't that great. And you don't have to name names. But what are some of the lessons that you learned from some of your coaches? Things to do, things not to do that were really helpful in first your career and now life and what you teach as well.
JJ Birden (11:09)
I
think the first thing I learned was the importance of having a mentor in general. I can remember early on in high school that my uncle was probably one of my biggest supporters in my athletic career. And after one particular game, I had like four touchdowns in like the first half. And he comes up to me afterwards and he goes, Nephew, you're gonna play in the NFL someday. And I'm like, What?
I'm like, you're crazy, uncle. I'm not gonna play in the NFL. He's goes, no, you're gonna play one day. And he said, I believe in you so much. Promise me your first NFL ball. And I'm thinking my uncle's crazy. I'm
Aneta (11:43)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (11:43)
17 years old. I'm like, he's nuts. Okay, whatever. You can have my first NFL touchdown. So fast forward to let's see, October 21st, 1990. I'm with the Chiefs playing in the Seattle Kingdom, three hours from Portland. So my uncle's in the stands.
I score my first touchdown. And afterwards, I gave him my ball. And here was the lesson. I said, Uncle, how did you know I was going to play in the NFL? He said, Nephew, I knew you had the ability. He said, but you didn't believe in yourself. So I needed to pour belief into you until you got your belief level to a point where it could take you the rest of the way. And that really just instilled in me the importance of having mentors, having people that believe in you, that can pour into you, that can teach you.
Because we're all on this journey and there's nothing like being mentored or coached by somebody who's already walked the lane that you're trying to get on. And my uncle was a really good athlete growing up. So I think the belief system that you get from a mentor, I think is very valuable part of your journey.
Aneta (12:46)
Wow, I love that lesson. And it's something that's so important for all of us, I think, with the people that are close to us, whether it's a family member, a loved one, or maybe, like you said, a teacher or a coach is sometimes we don't believe in ourselves. We don't see it. And you just need that one person sometimes
JJ Birden (13:04)
Yeah.
Aneta (13:04)
to pour into you to just allow you to feel that it's possible. Maybe it's possible, even just maybe.
JJ Birden (13:09)
Yeah. Yeah.
I agree. I think after that I made sure at every phase, high school, college, NFL
I always gravitated towards a mentor, someone who could teach me, someone who could pour that belief into me. Even as a speaker, when I became a speaker, I hired a coach, Dr. Will Moreland. Hey, how do I become a speaker? And he played a role in the growth of my career as a professional speaker. And so I just always encourage people that no matter how successful you've been, no matter how life has thrown curveballs your way, just
always have a mentor, always have someone who's a listening ear, a brain to pick, because that's a competitive advantage if you're willing to be coachable and teachable from someone who's already been there.
Aneta (13:55)
Absolutely. One of the other lessons that you talked about was every day is game day. So tell me more about what that meant at the time and how you think about that today.
JJ Birden (14:06)
Well,
that was introduced to me when I had my NFL wake up call. I was literally in training camp, Cleveland Browns, my first training camp doing practice wearing pads. And I remember I was going against a guy and you might remember his name, Hanford Dixon.
Aneta (14:22)
yeah,
yeah.
JJ Birden (14:23)
Hanford
Dixon, a very famous Cleveland Brown. And I remember going against him and he's older and I'm younger and I'm the speed guy and I'm thinking I'm going to run by him. And he grabs me by my shoulder pads, he throws me on the ground. And I literally look up at him and I go, dang, man, it's just practice. Hanford turns around, he squats down, he gets in my face. He says, Rookie in the NFL every day is game day. And if you don't learn how to play at this level, the NFL will stand for not for long.
So that concept, what he taught me was, and it wasn't just about football, it was about life. Every day you bring your best. No matter what's happened around, you bring your best because when you give your best, you do your best, something positive always comes out of it. And so that's the approach I try to take as a speaker, as a husband, as a father. How can I be better than I was the day before? And I think if people took that approach, I think they would really
position themselves better to be able to accomplish the goals that are important to them.
Aneta (15:25)
That made me think of the other story that I loved where you were, I don't remember it was raining and you were catching and you didn't make any catches, and you were like,
I'm gonna be cut, this isn't gonna go well, but you weren't. And why weren't you cut? Even though you weren't making any catches that day.
JJ Birden (15:42)
Yeah, that was a fun story to share because I've actually never shared that. When I wrote this new book, I had like what I call a book, a story bank of all these stories I could teach from. And that was the one I couldn't wait to put in there. Because like you said, I had been
called in by the Dallas Cowboys. They brought me in for a workout because they wanted to sign me and they brought like five other wide receivers and one quarterback. And that day was raining. It was pouring down rain. And for a wide receiver whose job is to catch the football, it's kind of hard to catch the ball with your hands in the rain. So we had this workout for 30 to 40 minutes. I probably ran 15 routes. I did not catch a single pass because
the quarterback was all over the place. The wind and the rain was pushing the ball. And when it was over, we're all thinking, like, hey, nobody's getting signed by the Cowboys today. But when the player director walked into the room, he goes, Hey guys, sorry about the weather. Couldn't do anything about it. There's a car waiting for you to take you to the airport. And we stand up and he goes, JJ, you stay here. And I'm looking around, and all the players are like, What? And when they left, I said, Hey,
You
guys want to sign me? And he goes, yeah, we already know you can catch the ball. He said, but I like your approach. You didn't allow the elements to affect your performance. You lined up, you ran hard. And that's what impressed me. And so it was such an important lesson for me that you can't always control the circumstances around you because you can control how you show up, how you execute, and just how you try to do your best.
Aneta (17:18)
Yeah. I love that story and I like the way you wove your stories in. You're a really great storyteller because it's not just like this happened and here's a lesson, but it's something that you can weave in and really understand in our own lives. Like what is within our control? What is not within our control? Do you choose to show up anyway at your best, even if you know you can't perform at your best. And I guess on
JJ Birden (17:41)
Right.
Aneta (17:41)
that day it worked out.
JJ Birden (17:44)
Yeah. And I appreciate you saying that because I spent a lot of time carefully selecting the personal stories, but also making sure it was relatable to the reader that there was always an action step and that they could take away. And I had the best compliment from someone recently, this older woman, she's like, I don't even like football, but she said, Your book wasn't really about football.
Aneta (18:04)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (18:06)
She says, I can relate to all the lessons. And when she said that, I was like, mission accomplished, because that was really the goal. Football was what I did for 17 years. It was part of my life. But I thought, how can I still take those personal experiences and relate it to the readers and help them?
Aneta (18:21)
Yeah, absolutely. Who do you want to read this book? And when you thought about like who you were writing it for, I know we always think about maybe a person or a group of people, but I do think your book is universal. But did you have someone in mind when you were writing it?
JJ Birden (18:37)
Good question. When I sat down with the publisher and they asked me that question, I said, Well, I really want it to be for everyone. And they said, Well, we want to target an audience. So initially I was writing it really for business professionals, for leaders, for executives. But as I continued to write, I was like, this book is really for everybody, because we all face coverage, whether we're a parent, we're a coach, we are a kid, we're an executive.
So it's really for everyone, even though it initially was for business professionals. And that's really been the beauty of it is that I wanted to relate to anyone because we all, we're humans. We all face adversity. We all face setbacks. We all face challenges. And sometimes we don't know what to do. And if I could just show and teach ones, no matter what the challenge is, you can overcome it.
Here's what you gotta do. Here's what worked for me. And here's what I think could work for you. I know that's a little cliche, but I think it's for everyone. I really do.
Aneta (19:38)
I think so too. And I think that I had another guest on that I recorded a podcast with who was a rock star and also used his experience in the storytelling to create this beautiful message.
And I think that's what we're supposed to do. I have a phrase I like to say with clients that nothing is wasted unless we choose to not carry those lessons forward. So I do think that is something that can be shared with others. You also share some personal stories in here. One is that your childhood, I guess your name, you go by JJ
JJ Birden (20:10)
Mm-hmm.
Aneta (20:11)
now, but when you were a kid, you didn't necessarily
love your name. Do you mind sharing a little bit more about that and how you've been able to reconcile with your name?
JJ Birden (20:22)
Yeah, absolutely. It was third grade. the kids were teasing me in school and they were like, What does JJ stand for? And I said, I don't know. And they would go, it's Jojo or John John. You just don't want to tell us. And I didn't
Aneta (20:36)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (20:37)
even know. So I went home and I asked my mom, I said, Hey mom, everyone's asked me what JJ stands for. She says, What does your stand for? She said, That's not your name. And I go, What? She goes, This is your name. And she writes out
L-A-Capital J O U R D A I N Lajourdain. And I was like, what is that? She said, that's your name. Sit here at the table until you can spell it. And Aneta, I'm sitting there, little third grader, and I'm hating my name. I'm spelling, I hate this name. I hate this name. And
Aneta (21:08)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (21:09)
You go to school the first day of class, they got the attendance. I would literally watch the teacher's mouth, knowing when they got the Lejourdain, I'm gonna quickly tell them that it's JJ. And I'd say it's JJ. But as I got older, I started to recognize that this was a very unique name. My stepfather, who named me, he found the name in a French book in the dictionary. It was Le Jordan, I think, which means the garden, and he changed the spelling.
And I started to appreciate it because it was a unique name I wasn't able to change my name because everybody knew me as JJ, I made
Aneta (21:44)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (21:44)
sure my firstborn was named La Jourdain Junior because I wanted him to have more respect and cherish the name better than I did. But yeah, I love the name now,
Aneta (21:55)
Yeah.
Isn't that interesting? I think as kids, sometimes we can't appreciate the names and we don't want to be different. And so, JJ probably was a lot easier and there was a little bit of a mystery of what does it stand for? But
JJ Birden (22:08)
Yeah.
Aneta (22:08)
then your mom was like, you want to know? Here's your full name.
JJ Birden (22:11)
Yeah. And I literally said, what is that? That's your name. But you know one thing,
Aneta, though, I wish that they had just name well, my older brother is the one who made up JJ. He could not pronounce my first name. My middle initials J, so he started calling me JJ. And that's how it took off. But I wish my mom had not let that happen.
Because I wish I had been known as La Jourdain. And even when I got to the NFL, I thought about changing the name in the play, not the playbook, but the media guide and everywhere and the PR. I remember the PR department. Bob Mori says, Everybody knows you as JJ. You sure you want to make that change? He goes, I would recommend you don't, but it's up to you. And I thought, okay, we'll just leave it at JJ.
Aneta (23:00)
Yeah. Yeah.
Isn't that interesting? Does anyone call you by your full first name?
JJ Birden (23:06)
Yes, yes, there are people who do because on all my legal documents it's La Jourdain. And I have one quick story is Dick Enberg, who was a very famous commentator on the NFL for many, many years. And the night before a game, the commentators will meet with some of the top players on an NFL team
to learn little tidbits, little things they can share during the broadcast. And he goes, Hey, I read your first name as is La Jordan. I go, it's LaJordan. He goes, Can I call you that on the air? And I go, yeah. So Dick Inberg would say, hey, La Jordan, Jay Burden with the catch. He was the only commentator that did that, but I loved it when he did it.
Aneta (23:49)
my God. It's like a nice personal connection. It's something really different.
JJ Birden (23:52)
Yeah, absolutely.
Aneta (23:53)
That's so beautiful. what stories haven't I asked you about that you want to share that you think that the guests would love to hear?
JJ Birden (24:02)
I think the biggest one that I shared, which I have never shared, was finding my biological father, finding my dad. I really had to think whether or not I wanted to share that. And I asked him for permission too, because I wanted to share it because as we've already talked about, single parent mom, I didn't find out who my dad was until in my twenties, but I didn't really know until I was 42.
So he took a blood test. But I shared that again to help people understand one thing because I met so many people who have reasons or excuses why they didn't accomplish this or why they didn't accomplish that. I didn't have a dad around, or I was raised in this environment, or we had this. and I was trying to teach them again, your circumstances does not
determine your future. I didn't have a dad around. I wasn't raised with a father. I finally found him. And yes, I went through a period of time where I was very angry. I was upset because I missed out on that part of my childhood. Because I went through a period of time where I had an identity crisis. I didn't know who my dad was. And my older brother and younger sister did. But I shared that story to help people understand again, one,
you can control your future. Don't allow those circumstances to be the reason why you haven't accomplished your goal. But at the same time, I had to let the pain go. I had to forgive. And that's the other thing because I think sometimes forgiveness can be someone's obstacle. And I had to let that go. And I finally forgave my dad. I have a great relationship with him. And so if I could help people to be able to do the same, I think
there's growth in that. And that was huge growth for me. And it was really tough for me to share that story, but I thought someone could probably benefit from it.
Aneta (25:54)
No, I'm glad you did and I'm glad that you offered up for us to be able to talk about it. What has that reconciliation, what has that taught you? What has that giving you back?
JJ Birden (26:04)
man, it's taught me the major lesson is that you take advantage of what you have, meaning that my dad is eighty-two now. It was 2000, so let's say he was 75 was when we finally look kind of reconciled. And I realized that I could not do anything about the time I missed with him, but I could control what happens moving forward. And I've made sure to just
cherish that relationship and we're like buddies now. And I think that is the lesson is like control what you can control, focus on what you can control, don't focus on what you can't control. And I think a lot of us at times get caught up in the different things that are really out of our control. I can't control what happened between my mom and dad, and all I can't control that.
But I can control what I do moving forward. And that's the thing I have embraced. And that's why, like I said, we have a great relationship. I mean, there is a part of me that's sometimes like, man, he is so cool. I wish he could have
Aneta (26:59)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (26:59)
raised, he's such a cool dad. But I'm enjoying the time with him now.
Aneta (27:03)
Yeah. And we're all different people. So who's to say what it would have been like younger? We romanticize what could have been, but
JJ Birden (27:10)
Yeah.
Aneta (27:11)
it's so nice to be able to be so fully present and grateful for the relationship now.
JJ Birden (27:16)
Yeah. Yeah, it really is. And I think that's the power of having a mate, a partner. My wife, Raina, we've been married for 36 years, but she was really key to me kind of having that mindset shift. And in 2015, her dad died. And I had a great relationship with her dad, Fred. And as I was having my little pity party about my dad, she goes, Wow, I'd give anything to see my dad today. And your dad
Aneta (27:41)
Yeah, I guess.
JJ Birden (27:41)
is still alive. And those were the words
that flip that switch and that's she's right, I gotta do better.
Aneta (27:49)
Yeah. One of the other stories you talk about is assuming guardianship of your nieces and nephews. How old were you when you got that call?
JJ Birden (27:59)
Let's
see, that was 2007. So I was probably it was sometime after my NFL career. So I was like maybe 34 or 35, I think, at the time. Or actually it might have been 44, but it was 2007 that I got the call. And that was just an a unexpected call. And being the uncle
and it was really just about checking on my five nieces and nephews in Tulsa, Oklahoma, because there were some issues going on with my sister, my brother-in-law. Things weren't great. And when the oldest nephew calls you and says, Uncle, can you come out here and check on us? You're gonna go out there and check on your family. And that's all I was planning to do. But when I got to Tulsa, I found out the situation was a lot worse
than I could imagine. And next thing you know, I find myself rounding up my nieces and nephews and trying to find my sister, which led to me being in a courthouse and eventually the judge saying, Hey, we're gonna place your five nieces and nephews in five separate foster homes. You're the next of kin. So what would you like to do?
And that, yeah, I mean,
what do you do when you're in a situation where you gotta make a split-second decision that will drastically impact so many lives all at once? And I did what any smart husband would do. I was like, Judge, can I call my wife first, And
Aneta (29:22)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (29:23)
so I know better now. Call your wife first. But my wife is pretty amazing. I went out in the hall and I called her and I said, Hey babe, I will not bring the children home if it's gonna negatively affect our family. And Raina was like
Could just sleep at night knowing we could made a difference. And that this
Aneta (29:40)
That that line
was so impactful when I read that and I thought,
JJ Birden (29:44)
Yeah.
Aneta (29:45)
that's powerful.
JJ Birden (29:47)
Yeah, it was like, wow. I mean, who does that? Who takes on five extra children that don't belong to you? But my wife, yeah, let's do it. And we did it. And it wasn't easy. It was hard, it was expensive. But Rain and I, we showed up every day. School drop
Aneta (30:03)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (30:04)
offs, homework, discipline, paying bills. And it's like the work, it's never glamorous.
But it's always worth it. And now all eight of the children are out of the house and doing well.
Aneta (30:17)
That's amazing. Wow. I mean, how fortunate that that young keep seven? Was your nephew seven? I would
JJ Birden (30:24)
My nephew,
when he called me, he was sixteen. So he was the oldest. The youngest was six. So they're all and the rest are in between.
Aneta (30:28)
sixteen. The oldest. Okay. Yeah.
Yeah. For him to know, hey, I think we need some help here. I mean, that took a lot of courage for him to do as well.
JJ Birden (30:38)
Yeah, it really did. And the thing that's was interesting is Justin, who was my nephew, he was really more concerned about the other four. He really was. And I figured that out later because when he lived with us, one thing is they had been out of school for a while. So the goal was to get him back in school and
Aneta (30:59)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (30:59)
have him graduate, because he was not headed that way. But once he graduated,
he went back to Tulsa. He wanted to go back. But the other four did not. But it just made me think about how as a big brother he was so concerned with his brothers and sisters. He wanted to make sure they were taken care of. And I have to plot him of that. I mean, I wish he would have stayed here, but hey, he looked out for them and it was the
Aneta (31:23)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (31:24)
right thing to do. Because I tell you, Aneta, when I look at the five now, right now,
two of the girls are married. They have their own children. They have their own family. The youngest
Aneta (31:32)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.
JJ Birden (31:34)
girl's getting married. One of my nephews is not married yet, but the life they have now, they probably would not have had it had not we were capable of making that decision. And doing what we did. So
Aneta (31:49)
Yeah, it's amazing.
JJ Birden (31:51)
yeah, and people have asked me, I said, you know what?
Our why was stronger than the obstacle. We wanted to keep the five together. We wanted to make an impact. And I think we impact their lives, but I also think they impacted our lives as well, especially our children. And I think it made our children more appreciative of what they have once they saw the life that their cousins were living in. So I think it really impacted all of us.
Aneta (32:16)
Yeah, it's amazing. Thank you for sharing that story. And it's so nice to know that they're doing well and that also you can look back at that time and know you made the right decision.
JJ Birden (32:25)
Yeah, we did. It wasn't easy. I always tell everyone it was not easy.
Aneta (32:27)
Right. Yeah.
JJ Birden (32:30)
Watching my wife go from cooking for a family of five to cooking for a family of ten and watching her triple up recipes and everything. And I always love to reflect on the parent teacher conferences.
How we
Aneta (32:44)
Yeah.
JJ Birden (32:44)
would literally need to put a game plan together. Okay, you're gonna go here, you're going there, you're going there, but that's what it took.
Aneta (32:52)
Yeah. I mean I have two and I remember having to split up to do conferences and sports and all those things. And when you've got a bigger family it's nearly impossible to figure out how to divide yourself to get everyone. Yeah.
JJ Birden (33:03)
Yeah, I know.
Aneta (33:07)
Well, you've shared so many beautiful stories in your book. And I think that the nice thing is that it can really apply to not just people in business, but also in all aspects of life.
So if folks are interested in buying the book, in hiring you to speak and learning more of the ways that they could work with you, what's the best way for them to connect with you?
JJ Birden (33:29)
The
best way would be my website, JJbirden.com. That's the hub. If anybody wants to hire me as a speaker, you want to order my book. If you want to go directly to the site of the book, to Amazon, just go to beathecoverage.com. And I'm all over social media. So I always encourage people, hey, reach out, say hello. And if there's something I shared that resonates with you, I'd love to hear what that was.
Aneta (33:54)
Absolutely. And tell me what did you learn about yourself as you were writing this book? Because we always learn so much during the process of writing. So what did you learn about yourself?
JJ Birden (34:06)
I learned the value of experience. And what I mean is that I wrote my first book 11 years ago when I launched my speaking business. When opportunity knocks, Here Fire Ways to Take Advantage. I had no idea what I was doing. I just wrote it, self-published. It helped launch my career. But as I became more experienced as a speaker, as a teacher, and I did more in trainings and now up to almost 200 keynotes.
I couldn't wait to write a second book because I had learned so much. And I felt I could pour the experience now into this next book. What I've learned as a speaker, what I've learned as a teacher, what I've learned how to tell a story and really teach from it. So I think that was the lesson because in football it works the same way. My rookie year was a lot different than my ninth year. It was because of experience. And the same with writing this book. I just felt that this book
really shows the growth I've had as a teacher, as a speaker, as a trainer. And that's why again, I think that people will find a lot of value in it. So that's what I learned. Nothing like getting to do something a second time, but this time being more qualified and more prepared to do it.
Aneta (35:19)
Absolutely. Well, and I'm so glad you did. And my final question for you, JJ, is what does it mean to you to live the width of your life?
JJ Birden (35:29)
Live
the width of your life. I think for me, I've always tried to be someone who could be the example, someone who talks the talk and walk the walk. I'm all about setting the example because I want people to look at me and say, hey, that guy, he did it right. He did it the right way.
Nice person, treated everybody with respect, made good decisions, hard worker. I want to be that person that sets the example because I had so many bad examples growing up, but I had some good examples. And those good examples really impacted me. So I hope that to me, living with them is just really setting a good example for other people and helping them
achieve their goals and maybe if my example serves some kind of a role in that, hey, that's exciting to me.
Aneta (36:16)
That's wonderful. Well, I wish you continued success. It was so nice to be able to get to know you better and encourage everyone to grab a copy of this book.
JJ Birden (36:26)
Yeah, and thank you too, Aneta. I appreciate the opportunity to share and keep up the good work.
Aneta (36:31)
Thank you so much.