What if your FEARS aren’t real?

What if your FEARS aren’t real?

“Your life is the expression of the limit of your thoughts.” - Prem Sadasivananda, Empower Your Life

I’ve been thinking a lot about one of our biggest distractors, something that steals joy from our lives — and that is FEAR!  I re-watched a TED Talk by Tim Ferris on facing our fears and leveraging Stoicism as a philosophy to help us live better lives.  I didn’t know who Tim Ferris was at the time, but his story really inspired me because of the way he approached his fearful thoughts.  

He created a template to list his fears, examine what could happen, identify the mitigation plan to reduce the risk, and then he did another analysis on the upside potential. What could happen, what would he give up if he continued to embrace the status quo?  

Our monkey brain spends a lot of time on worst case scenarios that paralyze us with fear and inaction.   If we could logically examine those fears, have plans in place that reduce the perceived risk, and then push through to visualize the benefits of going through with the plans, then we would be much more likely to do the very things that scare us the most.  

I have learned that facing those things that scare us the most is where we should typically be running towards.  I heard again that we are born with only two fears. The first is the fear of loud noises and the second is the fear of falling.  Seems like two good things to be hard-wired with to protect ourselves from physical harm. The other fears we have are accumulated and learned over time.  Isn’t that incredible?  As a result of our parents, education, friends, media, etc., we learn to be afraid of other things, and are trained to seek comfort instead. 

I did this exercise myself after I watched the TED Talk and it was life-changing.  I have that exercise documented and go back to it often when I am fearful of doing something new.  I can look back and recognize that none of my fears came true, and instead by choosing to take action instead of being paralyzed by my fears, I was able to grow and have amazing experiences instead. 

I do this exercise with all of my coaching clients.  It’s an eye-opener to write down our fears on paper and then to write what we would be giving up on if we chose to stay afraid. 

Here’s how to do this exercise yourself:

1. Write down all of your fears — get everything down on paper

2. Answer “what if the complete opposite of this fear was the truth instead?”  — what would that look like?

3. How could you mitigate the risk or associated with this fear?

4. What would you be giving up on if you choose to stay fearful and not take action?

My hope is that this exercise exposes some illogical thinking and that you do some amazing new things instead!  We have such a limited time here, this world needs what you have to offer. 

Courage to be seen

Courage to be seen

There is power in listening and seeing another human being. And, there is freedom in allowing others to see us.

I just attended one of the best conferences I’ve ever been to.  As someone who has put on many conferences in my career, I say this knowing that these things don’t happen spontaneously.  They happen as a result of thoughtful planning, impeccable execution, great content, and dynamic speakers.  Yet, even these elements don’t always guarantee the results we sometimes hope for.  The Courage to Succeed conference put on by The Federal Reserve Bank of Cleveland and Ratliffe & Taylor had something else - authentic connections, real dialogue, a masterful facilitator who wove the content together, creativity, and a little bit of magic from the 200+ participants in the room. 

The tone was set very early in the morning by the conference organizers when they asked that we “purposefully listen, deliberately engage, share our stories, and celebrate others’ stories of courage.”  We listened intently as Loretta Mester, the President and CEO of the Federal Reserve of Cleveland, humbly shared her own story and challenged us to be the best versions of ourselves, to make others who don’t fit in feel comfortable to contribute, and to surround ourselves with people who are smarter than we are so we can continuously learn and grow.  

We then broke for a table exercise where we were asked to answer “who are you?” Not, where do you work, what is your title, or how many degrees do you hold? So, we didn’t recite the words on our business cards, our resumes, or our LinkedIn profiles. Instead, we shared aspects of our real selves, and we were vulnerable and compassionate, and that built trust.  Our responses required us to drop our masks, take off our armor, and be authentic.  It’s amazing how quickly we can connect to another human being when we strip off all of the protective layers we wear. 

We listened intently to amazing women share from the stage their own stories of courage to be vulnerable, courage to be the only one, courage to declare their desire, courage to stay, and courage to be authentic. Throughout our time together we leveraged our newfound camaraderie and creativity to contribute to poems and pieces of art that will be displayed at the Federal Reserve building as a reminder of the time we spent together.

What I didn’t experience or see at this conference were forced conversations, painful networking, or people on their phones hiding in corners conducting “business”. I saw and experienced genuine connections, and that was so refreshing and energizing.

There is power in listening and seeing another human being.  And, there is freedom in allowing others to see us.  Imagine the impact we could each have in our personal relationships, our work environments, and our communities if we intentionally choose to live our lives this way.