[00:00:00] Lauren: I think a lot of us don't take the time to acknowledge how we're feeling, especially when it's an uncomfortable feeling. Because we don't want to feel it. So we tend to shove down the anger or the sadness or the frustration and distract ourselves with something else, continue to power on, power through. And while that can be helpful in the moment. I think we all know that in time, all that stuff that we've been shoving down is going to get to a point where it's going to come out.
[00:00:27] Aneta: Hey there, it's Aneta. Have you ever looked at your life, the career, the achievements, the success, and you still felt that nagging emptiness like something else is missing? Maybe you've climbed the ladder, you've checked all the boxes that society told you that would bring fulfillment, and yet here you are exhausted, running on autopilot and wondering, is this it?
[00:00:51] That fire, that passion that you had about when you were younger, maybe she's still in there. She's waiting for you to remember who you truly are. And that's why I've created the Live The Width Group Coaching Program. It's a 12-week transformative journey where you'll join me in a circle of powerful women to reclaim your authentic self.
[00:01:10] Together we'll define success on your terms, perfectionism, and design a life that lights. you up from the inside out. And if you're ready to stop living for everyone else and start living your full limitless potential, join me at anetakuzma.com/livethewidth. The next cohort starts on April 16th. I'm going to keep it to a nice, small, intimate group of women join this week and you'll get an additional discount.
[00:01:40] It's time to live, not just the length of your life, but live the width of it too. I hope to see you there.
[00:01:46] We often hear people wishing us a long, happy, and healthy life, but what if the length isn't what matters most? What if instead, it's the breath depth and purpose of each day that matters most? Welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast. My name is Aneta Ardelian Kuzma and join me weekly as I interview guests who made changes in their own lives to live more fully with intention, gratitude, and joy. Be prepared to be inspired by their stories of how they shifted their mindset, took courageous action, and designed the life that they always wanted to live.
[00:02:20] Welcome back to Live The Width Of Your Life podcast. My guest this week is Lauren Fonvielle, she's an integrative energy practitioner specializing in EFT, tapping for stress, anxiety, and trauma. She guides her clients on their journey of self-healing to break through obstacles, physical, mental, and emotional. That is keeping them stuck and holding them back in life for business.
[00:02:42] And she believes that we have all the answers within. Sometimes we just need a little help accessing them. I love talking about EFT and tapping. I loved learning more about how it helps manage and reduce anxiety, alleviates physical pain, how we can incorporate it into our daily routines, and just really how we can use it for overall well-being. I think you'll enjoy this episode. Take a listen.
[00:03:05] Welcome Lauren. Thanks so much for joining me.
[00:03:08] Lauren: Thanks for having me.
[00:03:09] Aneta: I'm so excited for our conversation especially because I know I have so much to learn like others fascinated with EFT and tapping and just curious, how did you get into tapping and how did this become a part of what it is that you do and share with others?
[00:03:28] Lauren: Yeah. So I found my way to this work because of my journey, a healing journey. I was dealing with a lot of anxiety, stress, and overwhelm, and I was looking for holistic ways of managing that. So for me, that started with Going to a yoga class. We had just relocated and changed states and I didn't have any friends or family nearby.
[00:03:55] And I saw that there was this yoga studio. I went in there, there happened to be a flyer about yoga teacher training. And I had been trying to figure out what it was that I wanted to do, that I felt like I needed to do. And when I saw that flyer, it was, just something deep within me was like, that's what you need to do. You got to sign up for that.
[00:04:14] And so I signed up on the spot, which typically is not something I do. I usually, you know, weigh out the pros and cons and all of this. This was also at the same time that my husband was about to deploy. So figuring out the logistics of who was going to watch my kids, and how I was going to make this work, was all kind of playing through my head, but I knew that if I didn't sign up at that moment, it was going to pass me by.
[00:04:36] So then doing that and being at the yoga studio all the time, I was around lots of people that were into a variety of different healing modalities. And so I was introduced to sound healing, and reiki, meditation. At the same time, I also joined a coaching group and that's where I was introduced to EFT.
[00:04:58] And it had a profound impact on me. I was very skeptical when I first was told about this practice of tapping on myself, but when I did it and I felt a significant difference, I thought, okay, I don't understand what's going on here, but it's helping me to feel better and I want to learn more.
[00:05:17] And so I just continued to study it and went on to get certified so that I could share it with others.
[00:05:24] Aneta: There are so many stories like this where I hear people say, I went to a class and I saw a flyer and I did this and it suddenly leads to something else. What did it feel like? Was it an inner knowing or a nudge or a guide or this is how I found breath work by the way? What was it in that moment where you're like, I'm curious about this, maybe I should pursue this.
[00:05:45] Lauren: Yeah, well, I think for me, it was a physical sensation. So when I get stressed and overwhelmed, I think like a lot of people, I feel that physically in my body. As for me, I have a lot of tension in my neck, my shoulders, and my jaw. I have TMJ. So my TMJ was flaring up pretty badly at that point.
[00:06:05] And when I had my first one-on-one session for tapping, we focused on the physical pain that I was experiencing. Through that session, it became abundantly clear that I was holding on to anger and frustration in my jaw, and I was able to release that and felt a significant difference in my pain level.
[00:06:27] and That was enough for me because I was trying all sorts of things to try and mitigate that pain. And this helped me. And I was just as surprised as probably people are who are listening to this, but it worked and that was really what got me hooked.
[00:06:43] Aneta: Yeah I carry tension in my jaw, and my neck, and my shoulders as well. And it's interesting just when you pay attention, you're aware of it. So tell us how EFT works. What is the science behind tapping and maybe even describing it a little bit more for those that aren't familiar with what it looks like.
[00:07:05] Lauren: Yeah, so EFT stands for emotional freedom technique, and it also is referred to as tapping, and it is this practice of gently tapping on certain points of the body while simultaneously acknowledging the emotions that you're feeling. So we're tapping and we're talking now, the points that we are tapping on are the end points of the meridians.
[00:07:30] The meridians are how energy moves through the body. If you're familiar with acupuncture when you go to an acupuncturist, they take the little needles and put them in at certain points, and they are also putting those needles in at the endpoints of the meridians.
[00:07:44] So, instead of little needles, we're applying acupressure to some of those same points. with this added component of acknowledging how you are feeling in the moment. And that is the really powerful part. Selecting words that describe how you are feeling that resonate with you. I think a lot of us don't take the time to really acknowledge how we're feeling, especially when it's an uncomfortable feeling.
[00:08:10] Because we don't want to feel it. So we tend to shove down the anger or the sadness or the frustration and distract ourselves with something else, continue to power on, power through. And while that can be helpful in the moment. I think we all know that in time, all that stuff that we've been shoving down is going to get to a point where it's going to come out.
[00:08:30] And sometimes that comes out emotionally. Sometimes that comes out physically. And so really the practice of tapping just allows you to gently sit with and hold space for yourself and, and feel the feelings so that you don't have to feel that explosion of them from all the suppressing of them.
[00:08:48] Aneta: And does it matter where you're tapping with what you're saying? Or you're constantly doing all the different points? Does it matter where you start the tapping?
[00:08:59] Lauren: Yeah, so you typically start on the pinky side of the hand, either hand doesn't matter. Sometimes people switch back and forth and you start by doing what's called a setup statement. So something like, even though I'm feeling really stressed and overwhelmed. I love and accept myself. And then you would say that three times tapping on the side of the hand, and then you would move to the top of the head and you use short phrases, reminder phrases, they're called.
[00:09:25] I feel all this anxiety, whatever it is that you're feeling, all of this anxiety, the start of the eyebrows, sides of the eyes, under the eyes, under the nose, onto the chin crease, the collarbone, under the arm side of the body, and then the back of the hand between the pinky and the ring finger. So those are all the main points of the protocol.
[00:09:45] You don't have to tap on a particular point for a particular issue. Like if you're dealing with anxiety, you tap here. No, it's not like that. You just go through all of the points regardless of whatever the issue is that you're dealing with.
[00:09:57] Aneta: That's awesome. And how long typically do people tap? Is there a length of time where you seem to get maximum benefits?
[00:10:05] Lauren: Yeah. It really depends. Ideally, you have enough time to tap so what we do is we tend to rate it on a scale of zero to 10 with the intensity of whatever it is that you're feeling. So if you're feeling, you know, really anxious and you say that you're at a seven, hopefully you have enough time to tap and you can get that number down to a more manageable number.
[00:10:23] I will say the more often you tap, the more likely that you're going to implement it in those moments of Stress and overwhelm when you really need it, you know, because this can be used both proactively just on a day to day basis as part of your self care and then it can be used reactively in those moments where you're feeling really triggered and we're really anxious and overwhelmed.
[00:10:44] So, ideally, 10 minutes a day is what I would say, but there's no hard and fast rule. You don't have to tap every day, but it helps.
[00:10:54] Aneta: So if you're working with clients, do you recommend that they just incorporate it as part of their daily routine anyway? And if they're not feeling maybe negative emotions or pain, physical pain, can you tap just acknowledging all the positive things that you're feeling? Like say you're doing it as an extension of your meditation or, morning walk or something else. Like, what does it look like if you're not feeling negative I guess if I had to choose a word.
[00:11:20] Lauren: Right. So if you're not feeling bad, that's amazing. And you can definitely use it when you're feeling positive, right? As long as whatever it is, you're saying feels true to you, that's the key. You can just tap on the points. And that can be really uplifting and feel really good to tap on the points and say, maybe positive affirmations or just reaffirm how you're feeling.
[00:11:40] The idea with tapping is if you are feeling emotion intensely that you allow yourself to feel that, and then it's with the intention that we'll slowly move that needle towards the better thought or feeling, or the more comfortable thought or feeling but knowing that you might not go in one session from feeling really angry to feeling, I don't know, really carefree and happy. But maybe you can move that needle a little bit and find that better thought or feeling that feels true to you. And that's what it's really about.
[00:12:14] Aneta: I love it. And so how can tapping be used? I know for emotional issues for stress, also for physical pain. So how does it work for each of those?
[00:12:26] Lauren: Yeah. So it meets you where you are. So when I work with a client, we have a conversation about what's been going on. And we put words to how they're feeling. So we talk about it. My job is as the practitioner is to really reflect back to you, the things that you're saying. And as we do that, things start to happen in that mind body connection.
[00:12:49] for example, let's say you're feeling really stressed out about a project that you're working on. And we start saying, I'm feeling really stressed out and overwhelmed all of this pressure, whatever it is that you're feeling. And then you have, what to you feels like an unrelated thought.
[00:13:04] And maybe it's a memory of something that happened in your past. And then our logical mind wants to make sense of that. And it's like, that has nothing to do with why I'm feeling stressed. I'm stressed because of this project. However, when these thoughts that start to come up from our subconscious, even if it doesn't make logical sense right away, there is some sort of connection with why that's coming up.
[00:13:26] And so we begin to explore that. And that often leads down a path that you never really expected and it can really help you to find relief. And when we're working on more physical issues, it's again, tuning into the sensations that you're experiencing, getting really specific where you're feeling it in your body, how would you describe that physical sensation and then using those words, even though I have this burning pain in my right shoulder blade, that's just how I'm feeling right now.
[00:13:57] This burning pain, this burning pain in my shoulder blade and then noticing, okay, sometimes what happens with physical pain is it's like moving now, I feel it more in the middle of my back. We can follow it, or we call it chasing the pain when that happens and the pain moves to another area in every case that I have worked with. There's an emotional component that's related to it.
[00:14:19] So even when there's a reason for the physical pain, let's say you were in a car accident and something happened to your shoulder, and now you're dealing with physical pain in your shoulder. There is still going to be an emotional component that contributes to that physical pain. So tapping can help regardless of how the pain started.
[00:14:39] Aneta: Amazing. So how has it made a shift in your personal life? What have you noticed is the biggest changes since you started tapping?
[00:14:48] Lauren: For me, it was my anxiety and stress would get so high and then I would find myself snapping at the kids just feeling really irritated all of the time and through the process of tapping there's just so much more awareness of when I'm doing that and knowing, okay, I have a tool that I can use to help bring me back down.
[00:15:09] My kids notice it too. Sometimes I've got a preteen and a teenager and they'd be like, mom, do you need to go tap? I'm like, you know what? Actually, I think I do. Yeah.
[00:15:20] Aneta: I love when they call us out, right? They turn it.
[00:15:23] Lauren: But yeah, no, it's helped me. It's really been a wonderful practice for grounding for me. And I also use it as part of my daily practice, I like to do it before meditating. I find that it helps me to kind of clear some of the monkey mind and all the thoughts going on so that I can sink into a meditation more easily. It's also something that I use when I'm stressed out and feel that anxiety start to rise in my body.
[00:15:48] Aneta: I love it. I would love for my listeners to kind of experience this and maybe to practice along. Is there one that we could do right now? Just for a short amount of time. Maybe that would be helpful guiding them to try it.
[00:16:03] Lauren: So why don't we do something that's like relevant for you right now? Are you dealing with any sort of like physical pain or anxiety or stress or what do you got going on?
[00:16:13] Aneta: I always feel like tightness in my jaw. So I was traveling in the car driving to New York with my family and it was fun, but I definitely know that when I'm tight or constricted in the car, I tense up and I think it's my jaw, my shoulders, my neck, and so there's probably some residual from that. As I come back. So that would be helpful, maybe just to explore what might be going on there.
[00:16:41] Lauren: Awesome. Okay. So I will tap and try to reflect back to some of the things that you said. You can tap on the same. I always say it's kind of like adult. simon says you tap where I tap and then, and then repeat after me. And then as we move through, if you start to notice anything you just let me know and then I'll ask questions at the end of each round.
[00:17:02] Aneta: Okay.
[00:17:03] Lauren: Okay, so even though I feel this tightness in my jaw.
[00:17:08] Aneta: Even though I feel this tightness in my jaw.
[00:17:11] Lauren: Right here, right now, I'm acknowledging it.
[00:17:13] Aneta: Right here, right now, I am acknowledging it.
[00:17:17] Lauren: Even though I feel this tightness in my jaw,
[00:17:20] Aneta: Even though I feel this tightness in my jaw.
[00:17:24] Lauren: And I think it's related to being in the car for so long,
[00:17:27] Aneta: And I think it's related to being in the car for so long.
[00:17:31] Lauren: I love and accept myself.
[00:17:33] Aneta: I love and accept myself.
[00:17:35] Lauren: Even though I have this tightness in my jaw.
[00:17:38] Aneta: Even though I have this tightness in my jaw.
[00:17:40] Lauren: And it makes me feel, what emotion does it bring up for you?
[00:17:45] Aneta: And it makes me feel, constricted.
[00:17:52] Lauren: Constricted. I love and accept myself.
[00:17:55] Aneta: I love and accept myself.
[00:17:56] Lauren: Then we'll move to the top of the head. This constriction in my jaw.
[00:18:03] Aneta: This constriction in my jaw.
[00:18:07] Lauren: To the eyebrows. I feel this tightness in my jaw.
[00:18:10] Aneta: I feel this tightness in my jaw.
[00:18:13] Lauren: Sides of the eyes. I feel this tightness and constriction
[00:18:18] Aneta: I feel this tightness and constriction.
[00:18:22] Lauren: Under the eyes. All of this tightness and constriction.
[00:18:26] Aneta: All of this tightness and constriction.
[00:18:30] Lauren: Under the nose. I feel all of this tightness and constriction in my jaw.
[00:18:35] Aneta: I feel all this tightness and constriction in my jaw.
[00:18:39] Lauren: Onto the chin crease. All of this tightness and constriction in my jaw.
[00:18:45] Aneta: All of this tightness and constriction in my jaw.
[00:18:47] Lauren: The collarbone. My jaw feels tight and constricted.
[00:18:52] Aneta: My jaw feels tight and constricted.
[00:18:56] Lauren: And under the arm. My jaw feels tight and constricted.
[00:19:00] Aneta: My jaw feels tight and constricted.
[00:19:02] Lauren: And on the back of the hand, between the pinky and the ring finger. My jaw feels tight and constricted
[00:19:08] Aneta: My jaw feels tight and constricted.
[00:19:10] Lauren: And then pause there and take a nice deep breath in and let it go. Well, I should have had you rated on a scale of one to 10 with how intense it was. But do you notice any physical difference? I mean, I know that was only just one round, but do you notice any difference?
[00:19:28] Aneta: Yeah. I actually do, I feel very relaxed and it actually feels very soothing to tap gently, like the touch feels really good. And then also just acknowledging what I'm feeling. But I also felt like, and you probably saw me, like I just started like stretching my jaw. I was opening it up. I was creating a little bit more space.
[00:19:51] So there was something there that with the acknowledgement and then it just brought a level of awareness physically. And I just started making some movements. So I felt actually like I was, relaxing.
[00:20:06] Lauren: Yeah. Good. Yeah. So then from there we could tap and say, I'm feeling a little bit more spacious, or using some of the words that you said, or sometimes a question I might ask would be like if that constriction or tension in your jaw could talk, what do you think it would say?
[00:20:25] And then we use the answers to those questions to come up with phrases and continue to tap on the points. And the process really helps you to begin to connect the dots of what's going on. And peel back the layers to really get to the root of why you're feeling the tension.
[00:20:40] Aneta: It's so interesting. It actually seems to have traveled to my shoulder because it is the left side that is a little bit tighter, and now I was like, Oh, I think it may have just traveled a little bit down to the shoulder. And I feel like stretching a little bit.
[00:20:58] Lauren: You want to do another round?
[00:21:00] Aneta: No, I think is good. I'm going to do it afterwards.
[00:21:03] Like I want to go through and then just really create the space. But thank you for showing us because I think that if people are listening and if they're not watching that it was helpful for them to just kind of hear how they could go through and acknowledge, and without judgment and then kind of keep moving through.
[00:21:22] I love that. And I've tapped before, and I think that it's one of these things where I'm like, I really want to make this more proactive. I do it a lot when I feel tightness, especially in my chest. I always feel inclined to just gently tap there, like a soothing thing to do and acknowledgement.
[00:21:41] But it would be nice to maybe do it just more often and just make it a regular part of my practice. So you said you do it before meditation, is this something people can do before they go to sleep? If maybe they have racing thoughts or if they're anxious, I know a lot of people struggle with sleep. Any words of advice for people that maybe could use it to get a better night's sleep?
[00:22:01] Lauren: Yeah, absolutely. The best time to tap is whenever you make the time to tap. Before your meditation practice, then you're going to do it. Or if it makes more sense for you to do it for a few minutes before bed. Whenever really works best for your schedule, but I think doing it before bed can be really helpful because sometimes there's things that happen in our day that we don't even realize are bothering us as much as they are bothering us.
[00:22:25] So you can simply tap, we call it tap and talk. And so you can just tap and pretend as if you're calling a friend and telling them about your day and just tap and say how you're feeling. Like, I can't believe that guy cut me off. Who does he think he is? Or my boss came and said that why would they say that to me?
[00:22:43] That made me feel X, Y, and Z. Right. And just tap and talk about however you're feeling. And oftentimes that can bring up things that you're like, wow. Yeah. I'm really feeling that more than I realized that I did. And again, it can create some space so that when you are. Going to sleep, all those thoughts aren't whizzing around in your mind and keeping you up. And I mean an added benefit of tapping in general is better sleep. So that's always a bonus
[00:23:07] Aneta: And when we are tapping the ends of the meridian points, like you said, are we releasing like energy that may be trapped there? What is happening physically too while we're doing that?
[00:23:17] Lauren: Yeah, so the energy moves through the meridians and sometimes it can get stuck so that action of tapping on those points really does help to get an energy moving and moving through the body and instead of being stagnant, and I know that when I was first introduced to that, that was a hard concept for me, because the energy of course is something that we feel, it's not something that we see.
[00:23:38] And so saying that sometimes people are what are you talking about? Stuck energy, but it's true. Sometimes you just, like how you were saying, you just naturally will sometimes tap on the chest and we do these things.
[00:23:50] A lot of us do these things or the sides of the eyes is a common one, you're feeling stressed out and overwhelmed. You come in, you massage the temples, the sides of the eyes, and we do these things because our bodies are so wise and our bodies know what we need to do to help get that energy moving.
[00:24:06] Even when we don't really realize what it is that we're doing, but yeah, exactly right we're moving energy.
[00:24:12] Aneta: So good. So tell me Lauren, how do people work with you? What are some of the ways that folks can work with you?
[00:24:18] Lauren: Yeah. So I work with people one on one both virtually and in person. I am physically located in Delaware But like I said, I also have virtual one on one sessions, the majority of them are so it's not something that you have to be in person to do.
[00:24:34] And then I also have virtual small groups that I work with. I do primarily work with entrepreneurs. So a lot of female entrepreneurs who are struggling with limiting beliefs that are keeping them stuck either in their business or in their personal life, thoughts like I'm not good enough, or fear of being seen, fear of putting yourself out there.
[00:24:58] And we come together either one on one or in a group space to really acknowledge those feelings. And again, peel back those layers to get to the root of why you feel that way. And oftentimes these beliefs that we've held on to are from our childhood and experiences that we have had from years and years ago. Sometimes we're well aware of the things that are impacting us, but sometimes we're not. Something from so long ago that doesn't even seem relevant really is playing a big part in why you feel the way that you're feeling.
[00:25:29] And then I also have tons of YouTube videos out there for people who aren't ready to work one on one or in the group setting, lots of free resources out there as well.
[00:25:39] Aneta: That's wonderful. So if folks were interested in curious about services, is there something that you can share that would be helpful, like a great place for them to start?
[00:25:51] Lauren: Yeah, so if you're curious about learning more, perhaps about the science or what's actually happening with that mind body connection, I have a free masterclass on my website that you can access by visiting mindshiftwithlauren.com/masterclass.
[00:26:08] And then I also offer a free what I call tapping circle. We typically meet the first Thursday of the month on zoom. And this is a great way if you're curious about tapping to experience in a group setting, there's lots of community support of other entrepreneurs who have likely experienced or in the past or are currently experiencing the same things that you're going through.
[00:26:34] So it's a great community and, people get to know me and I get to know them. And then from there, if you want more, great. And if not, you can just continue to come to that free group. And so you can sign up for that by visiting mindshiftwithlauren.com/tap-into-success.
[00:26:52] Aneta: Oh, wonderful. Thank you so much for being so generous with that. I think that's a wonderful way for folks to be able to experience something. And there's a question I ask everyone on my podcast, which is what does it mean to you to live the width of your life?
[00:27:06] Lauren: I love that question. First of all. To live the width of my life. I think for me, it's really all about being present and hooking into my heart center and that sense of gratitude on a daily basis. And even on the days where things are really tough. I like to remind myself that it's the dark days that make the bright days that much brighter.
[00:27:31] Aneta: So beautiful. Thank you so much, Lauren. It was such a pleasure to get to know you better and I wish you continued success.
[00:27:38] Lauren: Yes. Thank you for having me. This is a great conversation.
[00:27:41] Aneta: Thank you for listening to today's episode. If today's conversation inspired you to dream again, break out of your comfort zones or reflect on what it means to you to live more fully, then please follow this podcast because every week you'll hear more stories from people just like you who took imperfect action towards their goals, created more joy and are living the life that they always dreamt of living.