Why High Achievers Feel Disconnected From Their Own Lives
Saidie Rodriguez
(YouTube Transcript)
Aneta (00:03): Sadie, welcome to the Live the Width of Your Life podcast.
Saidie (00:08): Hi, thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here with you.
Aneta (00:13): I'm so excited too. I'm excited because I love meeting like-minded people who serve similar audiences. And before we begin, I wanted to read something from your website as an introduction.
Because I think that it's going to resonate with so many people in my audience. And this is just from the homepage. It says, " She who defines herself, where the art of living meets the science of change. For the woman who's done everything right and still feels off. We blend intuitive arts with evidence-based tools so you can come back to yourself and let your life reflect it. I read that, and I said, that's me. That was me. That's every coaching client that I have. So tell me a little bit more about what this means to you about helping women come back to themselves.
Saidie (01:10): Thank you for that entry point. Cause I do think that it captures so many of us. And I think that at least I can only speak from personal experience, but the things that come through you are often for you. And wanting to serve at the highest degree your family, your community, everyone around you, and having this sort of mission, purpose, led, heart-driven view of life, how often do we put ourselves either in the backseat or do we outsource our wisdom, our authenticity, the way that we would love to love, the way that we would love to serve because this thing over here says it's better, or this philosophy has been proven, or this is science-facted, or this is evidence-based, or this is the best way to mitigate the possible risks that life inevitably has for all of us, the pains, the mistakes, the twists and turns, and I think in that sort of pursuit, so often, or at least I found myself wanting to shape shift so that I could do the best for others with the least possible unforeseen outcomes or just serve them over myself.
And I don't think that's wrong or bad; however, I found myself in a place where it was a little too unbalanced. And how do you know to do the best thing for your patient, your client, et cetera, was to be like this person over there who's such a leader and they're so strong, and they seem to have understood what makes for the best conditions or the best team dynamics. And so I'll just be like that person, and I'll put all my little pieces aside that make me over here because surely they're not good enough, or they're not like this person or that person who already has proven that they are like how I want to be. I wanna do good, and I wanna serve, and I wanna, etc.
And so after so many years of sort of eroding at the self, you just get to this point where you kind of wonder: how did I get here? And where am I? And where do I fit in all of this? And this sort of invitation to remember yourself. And that's where I found the limits of sort of the cognitive-emotional tools of coaching, or however else you want to call it. And this sort of invitation to bring my heart back into it, my intuition, my spirit, my oomph, that thing that's inside that you can't really always put a label to, or you can't study, or you can't guarantee, or you can't replicate from person to person, that thing that makes you sparkly and alive and brings your fullness to the table.
And that's where I thought, gosh, I think there could be a different way to blend these two. I don't think it's either-or, but both-and. And inviting science and mechanisms and the how to validate what we know, but also bringing in the sort of the magic and the surrender and the flow and the trust with life and allowing them to dance together and sort of both a structure, but also some flow within the structure and letting that inform each other. So then this is a sort of a roundabout answer.
Aneta (04:06): I love that. It's so beautiful too, because it's very visual and I could feel what you were saying. And it's interesting because as I look at your bio, right? You're a physician, you're a certified coach, you call yourself a soul searcher. And it really is combining that masculine and feminine energy that you were just talking about: the flow and the beauty and the container and the structure. And at what point during your life or during your career did you realize that you didn't just want- it's kind of air quotes.
I didn't just want to say, like, you didn't just want to be a physician, but that you recognized that there was more to life in the way that you can heal people or that you could help people on their paths of transformation, finding themselves, that it was going to require more than maybe just what you learned in medical school.
Saidie (04:54): Yeah, I think there were so many little hints and breadcrumbs along the way. Some of them have stuck with me and informed my next steps. I always remember when I was a new mom, a new second-time mom, and I was in the call room pumping at night, looking at pictures of my baby, but feeling the ache of, like, I wanna be with her, I wanna be nursing her, even if it's two in the morning. And here I am serving someone else's baby, which is not wrong or bad. It's beautiful, and I want to be here.
Aneta (05:18): Sure. Yeah.
Saidie (05:22): But then I also thought, like, what kind of life do both of these babies deserve? Because all of us deserve a rich and full life. I think so much of what you explore is the width and depth of life: is it to sit here, sacrificing your own dreams or desires so someone else gets a chance to live? But what if they have that chance and they never take it? Then neither one of us lives. I remember calling my partner in the middle of the night and just saying, like, I don't care, take the kids to the mountains, to the beach, to Disney World. They were even way too young to know what Disney World was. But in my mind, I'm like, live, go live. Don't let this be in vain. I love you, and I choose to be here with all of my heart.
And don't forget to live. I'm working here so that these children have one more shot, one more day, but not just any life, like a life. I remember that one so clearly, before I even kind of stumbled onto coaching and stumbled onto this and that, as just like the meaning. Like we have this precious, finite opportunity. What are we gonna do with it? And how much do we just let it go on autopilot, and the fragility of it?
So I think that has been a lot of the foundation that has carried me through: what is this all for? And that sort of internal spiral inside of what, remembering and rediscovering ourselves. But yeah, I think towards earlier, when I was saying that sort of shape-shifting and giving yourself away, kind of at the culmination of a couple of decades of that.
I found myself in a moment of, where am I? And what am I doing? And where is my life in all of this? And that was really the start of discovering the sort of coaching work and then deepening it as the professional development paralleled the personal development, started to parallel the spiritual development, sort of became that invitation to know that, yes, like you're suggesting, there can be so many ways to support.
Life, not just the physiology, the biology, but the life force energy, the life that courses through the 3D life. And that really spoke a lot to me. I think it was a way for me to get catharsis first, and then use it as a simple reminder. I'm not here to teach anyone or tell anyone. I'm just committed to the path. I think a lot like you are, and I find it invigorating and find it as a way to recommit every day, and let's walk together, let's explore together, let's create together, with all that is within you and all of your gifts and me. And let's see how the two of us can make something even better together. Yeah.
Aneta (07:55) Yeah. It's so interesting because your story and what you shared, and mine, and what my clients share, is this universal story of how we try to do it the way society tells us. We try to do it the way maybe our parents or teachers and others have explained, Well, this is what you do, and this is the linear path, like to your point, you had children, and you're working, and you're doing all these beautiful things and amazing things in the world.
And yet you can still feel that disconnection. You could still feel like there's something not right. And I think it takes a lot of courage to actually trust those voices and to trust that intuition because it's not something that we learn. It's remembering, and it's tuning into it. So what was your journey like when you first started feeling, "Wait a second, there's something that's not right here"? Did you hire someone to work with? Did you dive into the books and the podcasts? What was your soul-searching journey like at the beginning?
Saidie (08:59): Yeah. And I would love to know yours too.
Aneta (09:02): Yeah.
Saidie (09:02): So I'ma just be real. There were so many weeks after weeks, months after months, and years after years when the discomfort was just a whisper. And it's easy to just, no, no, put it to the side, no, no, next year, next week, next five-year milestone. And it kept growing loud enough until the moment for me was when the pain outweighed the fear of the unknown. You know what I mean? Like that
Aneta (09:28): I do.
Saidie (09:28): That moment is so real. And it's like there's no other way out except really scary contemplations or really big things with really big consequences for the whole family. So the pain is so big that you know what? This is scary over here, but the pain is too much. I have to just explore. I have to be scared. I have to be willing to be weird, to be othered.
To not fit in, to not feel like I belong, to be lost, to be okay with being lost, to re-question where my self-worth comes from. Where does my contribution come from? What if I spent all of these decades and a quarter of a million dollars going down the wrong path? That's a really scary question to ask.
Aneta (10:11): Yes.
Saidie (10:11): What if I spent a few decades creating this family? What if I spent in the wrong city, in the wrong state, just because I have these other motivators of staying here? What if I only have a few years left to live? So it took me getting to that point. And I don't know that it has to get there if you're
Aneta (10:28): Yeah.
Saidie (10:28): Listening to this. And you are feeling the discomfort, and you are feeling the unsettling. Now, knowing what I know and reframing life this way, that is so much more whole, so much more beautiful, and so much more expansive.
Those were the messages. If I could have sat in that little discomfort back then, that could have. I don't know if it would have, but it could have been an opportunity to go in, recalibrate, have honest discussions, and look at myself and my life with more guidance or whatever. But it took me getting to that point where I thought, this can't go on this way any longer. And honestly, I kind of accidentally stumbled into mindfulness or curiosity, not because I was trying. I didn't even know coaching was a thing. At my most difficult point, I got so detached from myself because I couldn't carry the paralysis, the fear, the anxiety. I didn't want to hurt these patients, being fresh out of training and starting out as faculty. And I felt like such an imposter. I had such low self-worth.
Everything I did was wrong. If a colleague changed something, that was definitely evidence I wasn't doing it right. If a patient outcome wasn't the way I wanted it to be, that confirmed I didn't belong and wasn't supposed to be their person. So everything was like so heavy that the only thing I could do was detach and numb out. And it became like this out-of-body experience.
Aneta (11:53): Yeah.
Saidie (11:53): I don't know if you've ever had that too, where you're just kind of like watching life.
Aneta (11:55): Yes.
Saidie (11:55): And I remember this one moment with this person in front of a crowd, because I didn't know a certain detail, asked me in front of everyone, like, Aren't you embarrassed that you don't know this thing? And my two other colleagues, who were also early in their careers, of course, got offended, got upset, and spoke about it. And I just watched it like it was a movie. I wasn't even in the scene. But I remember being able to hold the question for weeks.
I asked myself on the drive home and on the drive back, am I embarrassed? Okay, wait, if I'm embarrassed, what am I even embarrassed about? And do I want to be embarrassed? And that I didn't even know what I was doing. After a few weeks, I actually came up with an answer, but it was for me. It wasn't for the person who pitched the question. It wasn't because, let's say, they were trying to shame me or anything.
It was because I had space and I didn't know what I was doing. I was just so numb that I could actually observe the question mindfully, consciously, look at it without any of these sort of attached identities, and give myself the choice- not anyone else- what they thought of me, but me the choice to look at that question and answer it for me. Not because I could go back and change what happened a few weeks ago, not because I could change this person's mind about me.
But who did I want to be in that moment? And the answer was that I was embarrassed. But not because this person was trying to shame me, put me down, or make an example of me. It was because I wanted to be the person who knew that level of detail. And that was so mind-blowing to me that I even had a say in my thoughts that chatter that I had all the time of See, you don't belong. See, that's the wrong answer. See, this thing happened because of you.
I could even give that space and question it. And then I could, from this different kind of grounded responding place, have a conversation with it. That felt so liberating to me. Then I told a mentor about it. And then she told me, " Hey, that sounds a lot like this thing called coaching. And I immediately looked it up. I immediately signed up for a course just so I could learn more about it for myself. It wasn't to coach anybody; it wasn't for research, education, or anything. I just wanted to look because I had stumbled upon something I helped with, and I wanted to know more. And that's how it started. Wow, what- how, what did yours look like?
Aneta (14:19): You know, some of the things you've said, I've said exactly verbatim. Like, I remember people said, what did it look like? And it also, for me, started with gentle nudges, a gentle questioning. And I remember trying to quiet those voices because I'm like, this is a distraction; this is taking me off course.
And it was scary to think about. I was probably at least 20 years in corporate at that point and thinking, wait, what am I gonna do? What is my plan B? If I don't do what I do, what am I gonna do? And I'd just gotten my MBA at that point. And there were just a lot of reasons that you can say, " No, I just need to tough it out, or I just need to distance myself from this. So I did things that were distractions. Like going to get my MBA was a distraction, like, maybe if I get this, then I'll feel better. Or when I finished that, as soon as I finished, I thought, I have so much time. I'm going to train for a marathon. I was turning 40 that year, and I thought, well, that seems like a good thing to do.
Saidie (15:17): Absolutely.
Aneta (15:17): And I had young kids at the time. So, I didn't really have free time for anything. But I think I was really scared to, like, quiet down enough to listen to the voices. And then, like you, the day that the fear of staying was more uncomfortable and painful than the unknown was when I actually called a friend. She's the only person I knew who was an executive coach. And I said, I need to figure out what I'm going to do because I can't do it on my own. And if I stay, I'll get sick.
I had a couple of health scares too, which you throw into the mix, to the point of, like, wait a second, this life is so fragile. And am I going to stay here just because I'm too scared to figure out what else I could be doing? So I called her and worked with her for about six months, and, you know, of course, I was reading tons of self-help books, and then podcasts came on the scene. And so listening to everything I could get my hands on, YouTube videos. Then I started creating my plan to leave. And it was about two years in the making.
I waited for the perfect opportunity to play my exit, and yeah, that was like seven and a half years ago. And it's just so interesting how we say the same things. It's almost like this universal waking up in the middle of the night going, Is this it? Is this what I worked so hard for?
Saidie (16:35): Right. Yeah.
Aneta (16:38): Or, the fear, the same three to five fears that we all have when I do fear exercises with clients. And I've never regretted for a second deciding to leave and choose a more authentic path for myself because it's opened up not only has it made my life so much richer, but it's also given me an opportunity to meet so many other amazing women that have done the same, or I can help on their journey, and men too. Men go through this as well. They have other fears and identity challenges, I think. But it's just incredible that the stories are very similar.
Saidie (17:16): Right.
Aneta (17:16): The words we use are very similar.
Saidie (17:19): Yeah.
Aneta (17:20): And the timing is interesting. I'm not sure where you are in your stage of life and with children and all that. But for me, it was important that my kids were at an age where I wasn't going to introduce a lot of risk into their lives, their schedule, our finances, and all of that.
Saidie (17:37): Yes.
Aneta (17:38): And some of that always comes into play. But yeah, that was my experience. The more I learned and the more I got into coaching, the more I fell in love with it. And I was like, no, this is what I want to help other people do. And nothing is wasted, right? I'm sure you look at all your experiences and think none of it is wasted because it's all become part of our journey. And then we can help other people on their journeys, too.
Saidie (18:00): Yes, Absolutely. I love that phrase. I say it too. Nothing is wasted unless you allow it to go to waste. Yeah,
Aneta (18:07): Yeah.
Saidie (18:07): Yeah. And I think your point about the people we love, and us holding on, just to make sure everyone else is okay. This is such a hard thing to trust in. But I try to continue to challenge myself that one person's most aligned path, like if the universe is so self-organizing, like benevolent and loving. Yeah.
Aneta (18:30): Yeah.
Saidie (18:31): How could it not be that you, Aneta, realigning yourself, or myself realigning myself, to our passions, to experience that we came here to experience? How could that not also support and allow for other pieces to fall into place? Even though, yes, it's gonna have growing pains.
Yes, it's gonna be painful. It doesn't mean it's gonna be easy, flowy, unicorns, and rainbows. And sometimes I think we see the friction it causes other people, and then we judge it. Like, no, that can't be right, or I'm being selfish, or it's a zero-sum game, and I'm winning, and you're losing. But I think it's such a beautiful contemplation to wonder what if, because no, what if is so close to what if. Yes, yes.
Aneta (19:14): What if? Yeah. I love doing that exercise because our brain so often wants to solve for future potential problems.
Saidie (19:23): Yes.
Aneta (19:24): That is like writing fiction, right? It is not real.
Saidie (19:26): Yes. Right.
Aneta (19:29): And yet that keeps us stuck. It keeps us from going forward. And yet the what-if, dreaming, envisioning, and building such excitement and joy. And it becomes, I always say, it's like a magnet that pulls you forward. It's not
Saidie (19:42): Yeah.
Aneta (19:43): Like the stick that's gonna keep you down, but it's like this magnet that just brings you forward because you can't help but want to try. You can't help but want to move in that direction to take the next aligned step. And I love that you use the word autopilot. It's so easy to get stuck on autopilot, especially if we start to get a little bit of comfort. And that's dangerous. Like when there's
Saidie (20:08): Yeah. Yeah.
Aneta (20:11): Discomfort, I think, sometimes causes us to move. But when we get comfortable, it can cause us to stagnate. It can cause us to just kind of sit back a little bit. So, at any stage of your own journey or with your clients, do you notice what the sweet spot is between discomfort and still being complacent?
Saidie (20:33): Yeah, that's so interesting. I'm gonna bring it back to a slightly different angle and just like bring us back to choice because let's say, for example, there is a season in your life where other things are really unstable, and you want to choose, for a beat, for a breath, for s a quarter, for a year. I have all these; I'm in the sandwich generation. These other unexpected things have happened. And I need this place over here to be a little less volatile.
Aneta (21:03): Yeah.
Saidie (21:03): But I think the difference, what you're saying though, is the autopilotness of it. I think as long as we can stay awake and check in with ourselves, then it can look however it needs to look. As long as it comes from our awake, intentional choice, I love this growth-season friction. I'm terrified and excited at the same time, or I love the safety net I have provided, and I need a moment to recover and rest so my energy can be reallocated. But yeah, I think that's like a practice.
I remember a lot at the beginning when I was learning about mindfulness. I thought it was like something that you did, like you had to go and meditate, or like you had to go and block your thoughts, which I was terrible at. I remember doing exercises like feeling your feet as you walk and they strike the ground, or feeling the soap on your body. And I thought they were the most ridiculous things.
Like, why does feeling the soap suds on my skin not help my life at all? Why am I doing this? Then, after a few weeks of doing it, I realized it was just practicing a way of living. So when I'm sitting at the dinner table, trying to stay present, connected, awake, and aware of what's happening in front of me with the kids, a thought comes in from the day about what's gonna happen tomorrow, or what I should have said.
Then it's like the same as that practice of, like, okay, yeah, remember how the soap feels on your skin. Same practice as in the shower, but now it's with someone that I love, and I want to stay present with them. Or take that wherever it is. But that's kind of where it clicked into place. Like, being on autopilot versus being awake is just something we can do throughout the day, every day. It's not something I have to go do. It is a way that I am. It is a way of being,
I think it's just an ongoing practice, and in each season we can continue to invite ourselves to reflect. Do you have different thoughts or experiences?
Aneta (22:56): No, I love that you brought it back to mindfulness because, first of all, it's something that I went very deep on before I left my job and also afterward, like studying it to be able to help others with mindfulness practices. And it is so hard, and it is one of those things most of us struggle with because we have been rewarded for multitasking, pushing through, running faster, accomplishing, checking things off.
And it's counterintuitive in our modern society to say, no, we're gonna slow down, and we're going to notice the taste of the berry that you're eating or your water as you're drinking it and the soap suds and all those things. But it is a practice, and it requires so much practice, like daily
Going back to your word of choice, it's like an intention and a choice. And it does permeate then every other area of life. And it does, I think, help to notice: am I operating on autopilot, or am I awake? And I'm with you; we can choose to slow things down if we need to.
And many people are carrying a lot of burdens. They have a lot of responsibility between parents and children, partners, and everyday struggles and challenges. And not everything has to be going 100 miles an hour. There are certain things that we can intentionally choose to slow down. And I still think that that's part of life; that's the beauty of life. It's part of
I think the joy. I was just having this thought this morning, actually, in the shower. I think, like, just saying, what would the month of August, the rest of it, or September look like?
Saidie (24:39): Everything.
Aneta (24:39): Like, if I really could design it, how many days a week, how many clients do I need to take a day every week and just focus on myself? Like, a real self-care day. And I think just asking ourselves those questions is really helpful. So when I know I'm operating optimally in all areas of life, I'll know I'm not skimping on my devotion practices. They're still a first priority in the morning. And when I do that, then I can check in with myself. Then I can make aligned choices.
If I skip any of them because I feel like I need to move on to something else or take a client call earlier than maybe what would feel good, it will show up. I'll notice it in my health, maybe in my eating choices, whether I'm working out. And then it all trickles down. It trickles out because the way we feel, especially when we hold space for others, impacts our clients. It impacts how we show up. So it's really important to make sure we're doing all those things for ourselves first, so we can keep holding space for others and pour into our loved ones. So yeah, I'm with you. And I think it's the devotion and the discipline at the same time. And I'll know that when one is off; I usually look at the other and see where this is stemming from.
Saidie (26:01): Yeah, yeah. And I think what you said is so important too. I don't think we give ourselves choice enough. Like we choose to do something, and like both of us, a decade or two later, we've redecided. Wow. Or we chose a partnership. And then, how often do we really actively choose it every single day? And I remember one of the few things that really rocked me was that simple exercise: do you want to do this again today? At first, I couldn't even hold the question. I'm like, no, no one can see that in my mind. I feel so ashamed of asking myself that question.
And then the longer I could just push myself to hold it five seconds longer, 10 seconds longer, and then explore, okay, if you didn't, like, if no one knew, and you don't have to, just because you're asking a question doesn't mean you have to choose not to renew two clients or not to launch this new thing. You can still.
But just take a minute: what would you do instead? And allowing myself to, like, hmm, okay, well, I guess I could; I don't know, could I work for this? Could I do that? And then what would the lifestyle be- not in fantasy land, but really, what would that look like? What would it feel like? What would my day look like? Accepting all the good and bad in both, not over-romanticizing it, but allowing myself to detach for a second and explore as you did in the shower.
Nine times out of 10, I come back to exactly what I chose in the first place, but this time with a full yes: I want to do this. I allowed myself to walk away in my mind's eye for 30 seconds, for a minute, for five minutes. You know what? Even with all the good and the quote-unquote bad, I want this.
I renew my yes, my choice, my agency, my passion, my fire, and my radical acceptance of what is. Yes, the days that are tiring, but also the days that are so fulfilling. So I think that is so simple, and it's so easy to overlook because, of course, yes, I'm gonna pick up my kids. Of course, yes, I'm gonna return to this job or this partnership or whatever. But to really, really ask yourself, what would it look like to walk away? don't know that people do that ever.
Aneta (28:05): Yeah, and just revisit. So I wrote a vision statement back in 2016, I think, when I first started the work. And I've updated it over time, just to check in, and I read it often enough. And I used to read it almost every day when I first started my business, as that magnet.
And it was like weekly, and then you start living it, and maybe I wasn't checking in as often, and then yesterday morning it was a Sunday, and I was having my coffee, and I brought my laptop out, and I was like, I want to read this again and just to see, like, does this still resonate? Is this still aligned with the life I want to live? Is there anything that's changed, any new learnings where maybe I adjust it? And, like, most of it was still exactly on track.
And I caught myself reading something that was present in the moment. At the time, I was sitting under a pergola my husband and I built. And the vines I was just noticing how they're almost like 75% covered. And I had just watered the plants that morning. It was such a peaceful time. It was like six in the morning; the sun was just starting to come out.
And what I read in my vision statement was this dream I had: we had this pergola with the vines, and I was drinking a morning cup of coffee, looking at all the beds with the flowers and the trees in our backyard, and listening to the birds. So I was reading the vision statement about a moment I was experiencing then.
And it actually really made me cry because it just brought me back to, like, don't forget that sometimes what we are experiencing and living right now was just a vision, was just a dream, was just a goal, was an inkling of an idea. And so, coming back to presence and mindfulness, it's like learning to always recognize and appreciate that it didn't exist when I first wrote it. And now, being able to experience that whenever I want is a gift. But we do need to be present, be grateful, remember, and then look at anything else on that list and ask, if this is here, why can't the other stuff be here too? Right. And what am I doing to keep focusing on that dream if it's still relevant, resonates, and aligns? So it was just one of those interesting moments that I had, and it was really beautiful. Yeah.
Saidie (30:31): That's gorgeous, gorgeous. And it's exactly like you said: today is what yesterday dreamed of. They would have given anything to be in our shoes, have that cup of coffee. And for us, it's like, what are we doing tomorrow? I've had this coffee ten times. What a gorgeous reminder.
Yeah. Did you write, like, a life vision statement or have a board or anything where you were imagining the life you wanted to build for yourself or the career that you wanted to build?
Saidie (31:00): I mean, maybe like a pseudo. I wrote this sort of love letter last year in a coffee shop. And that was the one I kept frequenting about just sort of being our fullest selves and dedicating myself to this sort of our wholeness, to living life as art, to creating for the sake of creating, just unattached from outcomes and just for the experience of it. And yeah, that is my most recent sort of manifesto I'm living by.
Aneta (31:31): I love that. And how often do you read it?
Saidie (31:35): I just came upon the one-year anniversary in May of twenty twenty six. So I like even made a whole podcast episode about it. I recommitted to it. I repinned it to the top of my posts. But after I first wrote it, it was sort of like you; it's sort of quite frequent. And I have a parallel experience where it's like I had a vision of where I wanted to be. I knew where I was, so I had directionality. And every day in the practice of, like, we were talking about meditation, is not something you do; it's something you are.
So that sort of same thing. How can I approach this conversation in the hallway as a beautiful piece of art, even if it's not on display for anyone else but me? How can I see this conversation with you as adding to this gallery now? And so the more I sort of lived into that identity and started seeing it all around me, I became the living manifesto, my heart, my spirit, my way of looking at the world.
Not to say we don't need to re-anchor and recommit and re, as you're saying, we are evolving, just like the beautiful plants behind you. But I kind of have a similar experience where you become a living extension of it. yeah.
Aneta (32:41): As I was sitting under the pergola and just in that really simple moment, but just surrounded by such beauty, I just felt abundant, like I just felt this overflow from my heart of just appreciation and gratitude for the moment. What are the things that, maybe when you think of gratitude or abundance, what are the things in your life that you just are so grateful for?
Saidie (33:05): Yeah, it's probably quite similar to yours. It's really the simplest things. And I too had a health scare in that same year that I committed to living from art, which I think also amplified the energy of Wow, if this was my last cup of coffee, how would I really taste this? It doesn't have to be that I'm sitting in Paris with a gorgeous latte art. It's like, my gosh, what is it that we want
Paris, or is it that we want what we think Paris is gonna make us feel, which is romance and beauty. Like, yes, we should go if that's what we want to do. And also, how can we find that to be accessible within or around us? Or put on some French music in the middle of my coffee, watch the sun streaming in through the window, and light a candle. And I can play with its energy and frequency. I can touch it.
And I can hold the dreamer. I think there's so much beauty in that dreamer state and like keeping her or him or them alive as this like a way of romancing life. I think even to find beauty in the pain, beauty in the tears. Just a few days ago, my kids were giving me feedback.
On how to be a better mom, or all the ways that I have opportunities to be better. And I was like sobbing on the floor. And for a brief moment, I could sort of observe myself and think, gosh, how beautiful that you care that much about what they think, even though this is causing you to have your inner critic and pain in the moment. You ache; you long for these children to feel this fullness of love. So yeah, it doesn't have to be fancy, although when it is, it's fun. It doesn't have to be any kind of way.
I think it's just the truth, the connection, the realness, the presence of the miracle that is in this breath, that's in this conversation, that's in the water, that's in anything that we choose to see it in. To me, that's what I live for: gratitude and beauty combined, and for anything. Yeah.
Aneta (35:00): I love that. So beautiful. And I think that the more days that I'm here on this earth, the more that I discover that is absolutely true and that there is such beauty in the most mundane moments. And when
Saidie (35:11): Yeah. You can get to that point, and you acknowledge it, and you see it; you can live abundantly and feel rich every moment because it's not about what we are marketed. It is the things that bring us joy, and that really make us smile. How do you go ahead?
Saidie (35:28): Yeah. And then well, I just gonna say the beautiful, like how generous is the universe that when you can do that, it overflows. There's so much breath; I can't breathe it all in. So because I am taking this breath in with fullness and ease, I can trust that you are too, and that the listeners are too, and even beyond that, that we're all doing it in synchronicity. In communion with the plants that then exchange with us in service. It's not selfish, then, to take the biggest, deepest breath and give it back to the environment. And it's this just reciprocalness that I think sometimes, how we were saying, what if is on the very edge of what if. To me, I've had a similar struggle with abundance and scarcity.
Like one moment, what if it's all taken away? Or what if, because I have fullness, you don't? And really contemplating what we're saying, even beyond, like, because I can find abundance and simplicity, there's so much more for everyone else that if I do want to take a beautiful trip or have this incredible experience, I can trust that, in the same way, the universe is circulating all of it for us. I can trust that this doesn't take away from anyone else, that I can still give.
That I can still contribute, and I can receive as much as I give. And that's the sort of current next level that I'm personally working on: receiving in different ways without having to earn it or be transactional or tit-for-tat, or yeah, like believe that I'm still a good mom, even when my children give me the feedback, yeah.
Aneta (37:00): Yeah, let it be easy. I say that to myself a lot when I find myself trying to grasp or hold on and just, like, let it be easy. And I'm in this personal state of releasing and purging, and it just happened this way my brain works. It was like a random Saturday last week, and I was just cleaning, and I was like, I just looked around everywhere. I was like, what if I decided today is the day I clean every object I touch? I was like, does this bring me joy? Does this still bring me joy? Does this have a place here? Could somebody else love this and really be appreciative? And I did, went through every room on our first floor and did that and was like, what would feel good here?
And over time, you just let things go. I was like, I want more updated Pictures of my family- I love these ones of the kids when they were small, but they're not like, let's celebrate the most recent memories we've had and what would feel good? It would feel great to have fresh flowers from the outside; right now they're in bloom. So it was just making small things like that, and then choosing to release them. I let go of so many books. I used to hold on to books. Then there was no more space to bring in and welcome new things. And so I was like, what else am I doing in my life where I'm holding on to something that actually isn't really mine anymore? And it's like it would feel so good to just release it.
Saidie (38:20): I love that.
Aneta (38:21): And so anytime I do that, it just creates space. And I think we do that with physical objects, but we could do it with old stories, thoughts that we've told ourselves, identities that no longer fit. And it's good to do an inventory of all those things and say, " What's not mine anymore? What doesn't serve me? How can I bless and release it, let it go, acknowledge what role it played in my life, and now create more space? And that feels really good.
Saidie (38:48): Yeah. It does feel good. And I love how you make it so practical. It's like in the everyday three-D objects, but then so naturally like, what about this thought or that thought? And so easy to do. Yeah.
Aneta (38:58): Yeah. And I think sometimes the conversation we were having about the abundance and scarcity, because it's so easy to justify holding on to certain things. Because we think that we need it. It might serve us. But I think that we need to step into new identities and really focus on who we are becoming,
Who are we remembering that we really are? So much of that is shedding. I didn't actually have to buy a lot of things to bring joy in. I was able to move some things around. I was able to clear and create space, which actually felt good. It reminded me that it's time to do that with other things too. The things we can't necessarily observe aren't physical, but they are definitely more emotional. And so that's a nice thing to do often as well. I'm like, I think I need to be more intentional with maybe putting that on the calendar instead of just waiting for the desire to pop up. Maybe it is a quarterly check-in with myself. Maybe it's a monthly check-in, and I ask myself certain questions. So I'm just playing around with some of those things.
Saidie (40:01): I love that. And I think when I hear you say it too, I think, then why don't we do it? It's like so scary to have space. Like we need to feel held and contained. Our sense of self, or our self-construct, gives us an anchor point and identity. And it takes a lot of self-trust, I think, to be able to have that space around. Yeah.
Aneta (40:22): Yeah. No, it's so true. Sadie, tell everyone how clients work with you. What are the different ways? I know you have some groups; you have private containers, but I'm super curious to hear more.
Saidie (40:35): Yes. Definitely have private containers, just one-on-one, and that's curated to whatever you need. Bespoke offerings for groups if it's like a workshop or a talk. And then the group containers have been a beautiful, interesting journey as I take this artist journey, allowing life to speak to me and whatever feels most alive. So I'm letting it be guided by that. So there's one that's like the foundational tools of everything that I kind of learned at the beginning of my process that helped me remember my power, my purpose, and, like, the activation of creation.
And currently working on one that's more about our voice and speaking. And do we relate to ourselves to speak up and to hold ourselves through the fear of judgment, and what could we be losing by speaking? And who are we to speak this message? The purpose in the message and then the impact beyond it. Whether I change that person's mind or not, or change the situation or not, how can I believe in something even greater just by planting the seeds? So yeah, I imagine my journey will continue to unfold with different containers and paths through which to explore yourself. But those are two current ways. That I'm enjoying working with people.
Aneta (41:57): It's so wonderful. And I know you have a YouTube presence. You also have a podcast. Can you tell us a little bit more about the podcast? How long have you been doing it?
Saidie (42:06): Yes, it's just come upon a year, and the end of July of twenty twenty six. It's been a year. Its namesake is after Soul Shine, and then it's the art of becoming, sort of this pursuit of identity, change, and purpose and being your most authentic, fullest self, and it's a broad range of topics, all from intuition and spirituality to, like, just evidence-based tools and everything in between, storytelling, guests, which I'm so excited and happy to have Aneta on. Yeah, so it's a beautiful place I use to contemplate, and I want people to find insight, inspiration, education, or whatever they need in that moment for their most authentic, radiant self.
Aneta (42:52): So good. I wish you continued success with all of that. And I'm sure I know you that it will continue to evolve because you're listening.
Saidie (43:01): I know.
Aneta (43:01): I mean, and as I think we're in the middle of it, more is revealed. And Sadie, I do want to ask you what it means to you to live the width of your life.
Saidie (43:11): Even just that word width evokes so much. And I'm sure for every guest, I bet you could compile a whole episode just with that one answer. That would be fascinating.
Aneta (43:19): Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Saidie (43:22): Yeah. I think when I hear of width, it evokes something different in me than depth. Width to me evokes curiosity, exploration, the edges. Just that sort of sense of adventure that there is this breadth that maybe I can't even ever continue to find the boundaries of. And if I go right up to the edge, it moves. And it sort of has this kind of living connotation. So I think in that essence, living the width of your life is really approaching life with that playful curiosity of rediscovering yourself, your heart, your loved ones, your life in every moment with that sort of openness- how wide could this go and allowing it to unfold with that sort of surrender and beauty and trust that we've been talking about this hour.
Aneta (44:09): Hmm, such a beautiful response, Sadie. And I know you live your life this way and you help your clients to do the same. Thank you so much for our conversation.
Saidie (44:19): Thank you so much. I have a small gift to give them. If that's okay, I can drop it in.
Aneta (44:23): My goodness. Yes, of course. We'll include it in the show notes along with all the details of where they can find you.
Saidie (44:30): Okay, perfect. Do you want me to just type it to you or tell it to you? Okay, okay. It's a it's
Aneta (44:32): Yeah, tell us what it is. Tell us what the gift is. I'm curious.
Saidie (44:37): It's just a little 10-minute activation for self-trust. It's kind of looking at all the different parts of you as a symphony and then listening to them and embracing them. It's www.soulshine.global forward slash podcast gift, all one word dot com.
Aneta (44:56): Okay. Perfect. We'll include that. And then, if people want to find you as an entry point and learn more, we'll include all the links, of course. But what is the best place? Like, is it your Instagram, your website? Where would you direct them first?
Saidie (45:12): I mostly hang out on Instagram, but if they wanna start with that gift, then they'll be sort of in the world, and they can get a little taste and go from there.
Aneta (45:21): I love it. Thank you, Sadie, and I look forward to our next conversation.
Saidie (45:23): Thank you so much for all that you do for this beautiful space that you've created. May it be repaid to you, just like the plants behind you thriving and growing. Thank you for supporting so many people.
Aneta (45:39): Thank you, Sadie. That means a lot.