Design a Life Worth Living

Design a Life Worth Living

“Every life is a story. Whether it is a story worth telling and talking about, though, is up to you.” - Donald Miller, A Million Miles In A Thousand Years

Every morning, I start my day with a consistent routine of enjoying my bulletproof coffee in my office, and selecting books to read from that inspire, challenge, and motivate me to be a better human being.  Re-reading words again, and inviting them to speak directly to me is one of the greatest gifts I give myself.  The book I randomly selected this morning was Donald Miller’s A Million Miles In A Thousand Years. Often, I journal about the messages that inspire me. This morning, I feel compelled to share the messages that resonated with me so strongly. 

Donald Miller wrote his successful memoir Blue Like Jazz in 2003. He was approached by two movie producers who wanted to make a movie of his memoir.  During the course of their discussions, he realized that the life he was living, wasn’t actually a good story for the big screen.  Many of his days were a forgettable series of routines that wouldn’t make a very compelling movie.  He questioned “whether a person could purposefully plan their life, and then live it with intentionality.”  After attending a writing workshop to learn more about what makes a good story, he was given this definition: “A story is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it.”  

Many of us want better experiences in our lives, but we struggle with the discomfort that it will take - the conflict - to get to the other side.  It’s much easier to maintain our routines, to live in the mundane, to binge watch Netflix, than it is to reset and choose change.  Yet, what if the whole point of our lives is to constantly evolve, and be able to look back at our intentional choices that built a purpose-driven life?  

Here are 5 things you can do today to live a life with more intentionality.

1. Write down the ideals or guidelines for your life. What do you believe in? What are the most important things to you? These guidelines help shape our choices, where we spend our time, and who we choose to allow into our lives.

2. Examine where you spend your time and if it aligns with your guidelines. Everyone of us has 24 hours in each day. Our choice of where we spend our time is within our control. Does where you spend your time align with your life guidelines? If it doesn’t, what does it say about where you’re placing the most importance in your life?

3. Create a vision board or keep a dream list of experiences or goals. Is there a dream that you’ve never made time for? Are there experiences or places you’ve wanted to visit but never have? Fear is usually the culprit that stops many of us from pursuing things that have been on our hearts. Miller says “Fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; it’s also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.” Creating a visual representation of images and words that depict the life experiences that you want is a great way to manifest them. Frame your completed board, place it prominently where you can see it daily. Being able to reflect on the things that you say are important is the quickest path to realizing them.

4. Set boundaries. Where have you made compromises with your time, energy, and money because you felt like you “should” do something? Not setting clear boundaries with ourselves and others leads to resentment. What should you start saying “no” to in order to start saying “yes” to a bigger life? If you haven’t listened to Brene Brown talk about boundaries, I strongly encourage you to do so: Here is a direct link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5U3VcgUzqiI

5. Start today. Our cells in our body regenerate all the time. Some cells regenerate daily, and other like our bones take 10 years. But, we are made new all the time. I find that so exciting! We can choose to do the same with our thoughts and our choices everyday.

 I’ll leave you with a quote from another amazing book, Chase The Lion by Mark Batterson.  “You are one idea, one risk, one decision away from a totally different life.  Of course, it’ll probably be the toughest decision you ever make, the scariest risk you ever take. But if your dream doesn’t scare you, it’s too small.” 

Living yogic principles today

Leveraging an ancient philosophy in today’s modern world.

Practicing the Yamas benefits not only the individual, but also society at large as we choose to be kinder, more forgiving, compassionate, and grateful.

When most people think of yoga they have pre-conceived ideas of what yoga is.  While most are familiar with the physical practice of yoga, yoga poses, or asana, is only one of the eight limbs of yoga.  Yoga is a philosophy that has been around for over 5,000 years, and is just as applicable today as it was when Patanjali wrote about it in the Yoga Sutras.

In Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras, yoga is a philosophy, a tradition, and practice that teaches us how to live a meaningful and purposeful life.  The Eight limbs of yoga, called Ashtanga, require discipline, commitment, practice, and patience in order to realize self-transformation.   

The Yamas are the ethical standards, or outward display of behaviors, and how we live our lives.  For this reason, many compare the Yamas to the Golden Rule:  “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Practicing the Yamas benefits not only the individual, but also society at large as we choose to be kinder, more forgiving, compassionate, and grateful.  

The first Yama is Ahimsa.    Ahimsa asks that we show compassion for all living things by not harming.  This pertains to non-harming and non-judging with our thoughts, words and actions.  I’m sure we can each remember an instance where we were not practicing Ahimsa. Perhaps you recently had road rage, or had negative thoughts about the person in front of you in line at the store who was taking too long.  Did you speak or think unkind thoughts and words to yourself?  Words and thoughts do matter.  Practice some self-love and acceptance today. 

The second Yama is Satya.  Satya means truth and integrity.  Many of us aspire to be honest, truthful, and practice integrity, yet this Yama also asks us to look at the quality of our speech. Do we gossip? Do we omit details or information to persuade others to our point of view?  Do we practice integrity of speech with comments on social media?  With the proliferation of information at our disposal it is important to investigate the sources of information that we are consuming and sharing.  Practice Satya with the lens on Ahimsa at the same time. If the information shared will knowingly hurt the recipient, we may question our desire to share it.  

The third Yama is Asteya.  Asteya means non-stealing.  The most obvious interpretation is to not take someone else’s possessions without their permission.   Discerning between what is permissible and what is beneficial is critical in all of our actions.  If we probe deeper, Asteya is not tied only to material things.  We can steal someone else’s joy, their energy and their time if we are late. 

The fourth Yama is Brahmacharya.  Brahmacharya has been described most often relating to abstinence and sexual behaviors, yet the definition is broader.  When I went through yoga teacher training my teachers referred to Brahmacharya as “sense control”.   I like to think of this as being aware of our own energy, acting with self-dignity, and choosing wisely how to expend our energies.  Do our choices lead towards positive emotions, self-transformation, and elevation of spirit?  Or, do they cause us distress, depletion, and move us further away from our positive transformation?  Containing our energies, and choosing self-respect should lift us up, and bring us further on our journey.

The firth Yama is Aparigraha.  Aparigraha means to not hoard, to release attachments to material things, and to stop the insanity of acquiring more.  It means to stop clinging to possessions, relationships, and choices that no longer serve us, and prevent new blessings to come into our lives.  Aparigraha may be the hardest Yama for many in our society.  Sometimes it’s described as greed or coveting, yet Aparigraha is also the attachment to old thoughts, patterns and behaviors, too.  Focusing on building a daily gratitude practice shifts our thinking to appreciating what we have today, in this moment, and recognizing that it is enough. 

Practical ways to practice the Yamas now:

1. Ahimsa: Write positive affirmations for one minute in your journal as part of your morning routine. Practice, self-care, choose to be kind to yourself and others.

2. Satya: Examine your social media and news sources. Are they beneficial? How does what we read or look at impact what we share or put out into the world. Choose honesty, kindness and integrity.

3. Asteya: Plan your day and choose to be on time for all meetings or appointments, and end them early, if possible, to give time back. Return items that you’ve borrowed to their owner with a thank you note.

4. Brahmacharya: Journal on how you expend your energy. Do your choices elevate you and positively contribute to your best self, or do they cause angst and deplete you? Choose to make positive changes to contain your precious energies for those that lift you up!

5. Aparigraha: Start a daily gratitude practice. Write in a journal for one minute as many things that you are grateful for as part of your morning routine. Practice gratitude before each meal acknowledging what came to pass for you to be able to consume your meal. End each day journaling or reflecting silently as you fall asleep on the blessings you experienced this day. Look around your home and donate clothes, books, household items – anything you haven’t used or no longer need. Examine your limiting beliefs or your need to be right.

Cleaning out that which no longer serves us makes room for new blessings.  Practicing the Yamas is critical on your self-transformation path and will prepare us for the other limbs.

Hope, Renewal and Growth

I love Spring - it’s a season of hope, renewal and growth. The snow has thawed and melted, the grass is green, the flowers are budding, and the animals and humans are outside again. The potential for change in our environment and ourselves is exhilarating.  Yet, if we don’t pay attention, the changes seem to happen overnight, and we can miss them.  

Last year, in my need to bring more balance back to my life, and perform a bit of self-care, I’d started practicing yoga and meditation daily.  I have been practicing yoga for over 20 years, but inconsistently, and focusing more on it as exercise rather than medicine for my life.  Yoga is a practice in self-reflection. Meeting ourselves on the mat means learning to breathe through all of the thoughts, emotions and memories that arise when we move through our poses. The urge to run away can be very strong, but the only way to get to the other side is to completely surrender and breathe.

The Yamas and Niyamas are two limbs of yoga on the path towards self-reflection, and a guide for our life’s journey.  While studying the history and philosophy of yoga in my teacher training, I started to notice areas of my life where I was not practicing love, where I was grasping, where I wasn’t content, or where I was overly rigid.  I recognized when I was ruled by the ego and not the Spirit.

Running so fast, and for so long, allowed me (required me) to keep my mind, body and spirit separate. I had somehow disassociated from the core of who I was as a whole.  Yoga and meditation became the mirror that reflected my life back to me.  And, it wasn’t the soft lighting mirror - it was the other one that you’re scared to look at because its bright light magnifies every line and every blemish. Once you look, you can’t un-see what you saw. It was time to slow down and make some changes in my life.

My yoga instructors have taught me that the pose itself is not the goal; it’s the movement between the poses that matter more.  Injuries happen often moving from pose to pose when we’re not paying attention, rushing or pushing through despite pain.  Focusing on the breath, on proper alignment, being present in the movement and releasing the ego are critical in yoga.  I’ve come to realize how important these things are in life, too.

I know slowing down is not easy.  It forces us to deal with things that are unresolved. By making small adjustments, we can de-program ourselves from old patterns, thoughts and attitudes.  The changes won’t happen overnight, but they will come. 

Here are a few small changes you can implement:

1. Starting a daily meditation, affirmation and gratitude practice allows you to quiet the mind, practice being kinder to yourself, and recognize your blessings.

2. Schedule time on your calendar for alone time to take a walk, read, take a bath, enjoy a glass of wine, journal - whatever your version of a guiltless pleasure is.

3. Begin to de-clutter your home, closets, and drawers, and make room for new beginnings and changes.

4. Simplify your life to create room for things that bring you true joy.

5. Focus less on the destination and more on the journey. 

Revel in stillness and your breath.  Instead of racing from one destination to the next,  choose to live more fully in the space between the moments.

I am not “cured” of my controlling and high-intensity tendencies, but I am more self-aware and have the desire to change. Instead of beating myself up with unkind words or thoughts about my short-comings, I am practicing self-love and care. By finally slowing down, I feel peace, love and joy. And, you can, too.

Namaste

 “When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better, too.”

― Paulo Coelho, The Alchemist