Focus on what you can control - your perspective and mindset matter!

Focus on what you can control!

There were circumstances that we could not control, and the story is incomplete without sharing how we approached what was within our control. And, that made all of the difference.

Perspective and mindset are so important. This weekend I was so grateful for my regular meditation, gratitude, and mindfulness practice. It helped me get through a crazy trip with unexpected challenges. 

My college friends and I flew to Florida for our annual trip.  Every October or November we travel somewhere warm for 3-4 days to connect, relax, re-set, and enjoy each other’s company.  Every year we’ve been blessed with beautiful weather, great accommodations, and what we wanted and expected - until now. 

This year, we’ve decided this trip was memorable because much of it was the opposite of what we expected. 

• My flight in on Thursday was rough and bumpy as we headed into a storm going into Tampa airport, then back out of the storm heading back north when we were told we couldn’t land.  My flight was then diverted to Orlando to wait until Tampa airport was re-opened after the hurricane warning was lifted.

• My friends from Chicago were diverted to Ft. Myers airport, further into the storm, and had to de-plane for several hours.  Needless to say when we arrived we were all hungry, exhausted, and disappointed at losing an entire day.  

• Friday we were excited to start our day. We started with a brisk walk on the beach eating sand that was flying into our faces the entire time.  We were looking forward to sitting by the pool, but the pool was closed due to 45 miles per/hour winds.  We walked from hotel to hotel trying to buy day passes for any pool that happened to be open with no luck.

• When our hotel pool was finally open, we found a 30 feet square of sunshine and moved 5 chairs to that area hoping to warm up.  The rains started in less than 2 hours and we were inside for the rest of the afternoon.

These were all circumstances that we could not control, and the story is incomplete without sharing what we focused on that was within our control.  And, that made all of the difference.

• Thursday night we went to our hotel restaurant and had a delicious meal, sampled great foods, kept the cocktails coming, and laughed for hours.  We toasted with some champagne to our 30+ year friendship, and kept the conversations going in our suite until we were ready for bed.

• Friday when the rain kept us inside, we huddled together and watched TV, ate snacks, and got ready for dinner.  We celebrated our friend Lisa’s 50th birthday by opening gifts in our room, gifting her with a tiara and sash to wear, and walking in the rain to dinner.  At dinner we shared food, talked about our bucket lists, next chapters, and where we wanted to vacation next year.  

• Saturday turned out to be a sunny day where we went for a long walk exploring the island, ate a leisurely breakfast, sat by the pool, enjoyed some beach time, and walked to a local restaurant to watch the OSU game.  That night we stayed up late and laughed about the inconveniences of the past few days.  

• I left last on Sunday, which is never as fun as being the first to arrive.  My direct flight turned into a travel day of 11 hours for me.  Instead of getting worked up, or complaining, I meditated, read, ate by myself, journaled, reflected on my trip, watched a TV show on my phone, and accepted my circumstances as they were.  

The most vivid memories are those that are sometimes challenging, not according to our plan, and that sometimes make us crazy.  Of all of our trips, this will be the most memorable, not because of where we ate, or places we visited, but because together we dealt with every challenge with laughter, optimism, and gratitude.  

Yes, and ...

Yes, and …

We don’t need to be, or do, only one thing. We can build a whole life doing all/many of the things that are interesting to us.

I’ve noticed that many of us think that life decisions need to be binary. We have placed handcuffs on ourselves and then agonize trying to make the “right” decision. Yet, you have full permission to try something new.  You may either love it or decide that it’s not for you. Either result is a win. 

The area where this is prevalent is around our careers. In our minds, we have to either stay in our current roles or quit and do something different. Or, we have to work for someone else or start our own business. Or, we stay here, and we can go there on some imaginary future date. So, who made up these rules? 

I love to remind my coaching clients that we don’t need to be, or do, only one thing. We can build a whole life doing all/many exciting things. The first step is to follow the energy and passion. 

If there’s an idea that you’ve been thinking about, take the first step and explore that option. Then, do the research, and then take action. 

• If you want to teach a course while you’re still working full time, contact a local university.

• If you’d like to work at Starbucks because you love coffee and miss talking to people, fill out an application.

• If you want to open an Etsy shop and sell things you create, do that.

• If you love to cook and may be interested in exploring it as a career later in life, sign up for a cooking class.

• If you want to sign-up for yoga teacher training while working full-time at a bank, do that.

That last example was me. I signed up for yoga teacher training two years before leaving my job and starting my own business. Why? I wasn’t sure at the time. All I knew was that I wanted to follow my desire to learn more. I had a hunch that the dots would connect in the future somehow. And, they have. 

Here are a few other reminders:

• You have permission to try new things.

• There is no perfect time to try something new.

• Trying something and deciding you don’t like it isn’t a failure; it’s information.

• We all have 24 hours in the day, and if it’s essential, you’ll make time for it.

• We don’t have to have it all figured out to take action. Just start.

What’s the worst that can happen?

• You may meet some cool new people you wouldn’t ordinarily meet.

• You may find a newfound zest for life.

• You may increase your skills.

• You may find a passion that you want to explore further.

• You may find yourself proud that you took a chance on something new.

Remember, tomorrow is not promised, but we do have today. 

The other side of FEAR is FREEDOM

The other side of FEAR is FREEDOM

“Everything you’ve always wanted is on the other side of fear.” - Jack Canfield

There it is, FEAR.  I wonder how many dreams were squashed before they ever had a chance to happen because of fear.  Fear is a short word, but so highly charged. Each of us have things that we are scared to do. And, overcoming the fear is often where we find freedom, joy, adventure, confidence, and unexpected surprises.  

I lived much of my life afraid in some ways. I followed rules and expectations at school, with my parents, within my ethnic community, and at work. I lived within my comfort zone.

Ironically, I was less fearful in trying new things.  One of the best times of my life was backpacking throughout Europe right after college with my friend Anne.  It was back in 1994 so there were no cell phones, no email, no access to our parents’ credit cards, and no set itinerary.  We had our unlimited Euro Train pass for 30 days, some American Express traveler’s checks, a very heavy backpack filled with our essentials for 30 days, our Rick Steves European travel book, our Birkenstocks, more denim than should ever be worn at the same time (see photo), and a heart full of adventure and naïveté. 

I think our naiveness helped us to have the time of our lives, because we weren’t afraid. We traveled where we wanted to, stuck to an unreasonably low budget, relied on our instincts and intuition to keep us out of real trouble, and figured things out each day.  As a result, we have stories and memories that are vivid, funny, and filled with adventure that would never have happened if we stayed within our comfort zones.  I am still shocked that our parents allowed us to go.

As I look back on my life, the best stories are usually the ones where something didn’t go as planned, where there was a conflict or an unexpected turn of events.  Yet, those are the stories we remember, the ones we tell, the memories that are vivid, and the ones that stand out in a series of other routine or mundane days. 

I am part of the Scare Your Soul community that inspires people to participate in small acts of courage in their lives that lead to transformational changes. This week’s challenge is to choose one obstacle you will conquer in 2021.  For me, I’ve been working over the past two years on getting over my fear of being fully seen.  That means writing content and sharing it regularly.  It is creating videos where I am speaking directly to others.  It means finally writing a book, and creating group online programs that have been on my heart for some time.  It is being more vulnerable in what I share, with the hope that it inspires others to take action and to be more courageous in their own lives.

One of my favorite bible verses that I have carved into wood sits in my office “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” - 2 Timothy 1:7. I look at it everyday as a reminder that we were created to be powerful, loving, and wise.  

We learned fear over time through external circumstances or outside influences that were trying to protect us. In certain circumstances fear has kept us safe from real harm, but it can also be limiting and keep us from experiencing life fully. I don’t know about you, but I am ready to live more fully, and to do things before the fear goes away. It may never go away, and I’m ready to do things scared anyway.

Who is ready to go on this journey with me? Here are some things you can do today:

• Join the Scare Your Soul community and sign up for this challenge.

• Make a list of areas of your life where you have been holding back or where fear has limited you from showing up BIG and journal on what you notice.

• Leave a comment below on what you will be doing scared in 2021.

• Take small, daily steps in ways that challenge you to live outside your comfort zone.

The best moments are where we overcame fear, or lived past our comfort zones, or didn’t know any better until we got to the other side.  That’s where freedom lies, where adventure begins, and where life is lived. Here’s to living more courageously!